There will come a soldier

[pharmacommissar]

you dhould be your own person. you are so young and insecure. at this rate you will never be able to find the cup or the scepter

what

[vitariesocks]

just received the best text message I’ve ever had. from my mom

[vitariesocks]

2 pics. no caption

[lavagoth]

[dogthing2]

HAPPY MOMMY HAPPY BABIES

[realest-slenderman]

i do accomodate people with disabilities when they collect my pages btw

[realest-slenderman]

i cant provide adderall for you but i can give you an extended time limit + cryptic hints for collecting my pages

[soupkiddo]

thank you Slenderman! can I wear earplugs? the static is a bit overstimulating

[realest-slenderman]

yes you can 👍

[soupkiddo]

I love you Slenderman. can you kill my boss.

[realest-slenderman]

i love you too and i cant leave my forest but if you send your boss over to me i can probably arrange something

[mysteriouseggsbenedict]

I love Matilda because it's a story about a child who sees injustice around her and gets mad about it and questions why things aren't fair, and instead of the ending being that she learns how the world works and that life isn't fair, she catapults one of the adults who abused her out of a building with her mind

[myfairynuffstuff]

Erika Toliusis (b.1969) - Pacific Angel. 2022. Oil with palette knife on canvas.

[bramblepatch]

Grace explaining sheepishly to Eridian linguists that the reason he uses different pronouns for Rocky than for the rest of the population is that he reflexively defaulted to assigning Rocky the same grammatical and social gender that he himself uses, in a way that has historical precedent but in modern English is considered somewhat chauvinistic and backward, and he's not proud of it but also the habit is pretty deeply ingrained now and unless Rocky objects it's probably easier to just keep on as he has been...

and immediately being informed lol. lmao. do not even worry about it. you have no idea what kind of buck wild grammatical constructs Rocky has invented for you. everyone else addresses you as foreigner/scholar. they're somehow managing to refer to you as their sibling, ward, and semidivine culture hero at the same time every time they talk about you.

[dogpuppy]

[pronouncingitwang]

at some point in your life you will be boiling fruit, water, sugar, and lemon juice in a pot to make a syrup or jam. the instructions will tell you to simmer for a certain amt of time. your timer will go off and you will look at the pot and go, "hm, this doesn't look thick enough. maybe i'll let it go for another 10 minutes." this is the devil speaking. it's only so liquid right now because it is at boiling point. it will thicken when it cools down. learn from the follies of my youth and do not let this happen to you

[yokowan]

at some point in your life you will be making a sauce or a stew in which you need to add cornstarch to thicken it. and you will prepare a slurry of starch in cold water and think "this looks like way too little starch to thicken this amount of liquid." this is the devil speaking. cornstarch instantly polymerizes at 95°C and if you add too much it will turn into an impossibly thick goop.

[le-jardin-inculte]

at some point in your life you will be making some sort of cream based dessert that requires gelatin to thicken it. and you will soak some gelatin sheets in water and think "this is too few gelatin sheets for this amount of cream." this is the devil speaking. it will thicken in the fridge and if you add too much you will end up with milk jelly

[shithowdy]

at some point in your life you will be baking cookies. you will take the sheet out after twelve minutes as the recipe instructs and the cookies will still be glistening and soft. "these don't seem cooked enough," you will think to yourself, "i should place them back into the oven until their edges are nice and golden." this is the devil talking. this is how you get dry, overdone cookies. the cookies will continue to bake on the warm sheet for several more minutes and then harden up after sitting on a rack for a while. trust the process. trust the process.

[whitachi]

at some point in your life you will be adding a small pasta to a soup and you will think "that is not enough small pasta." this is the devil talking. the pasta will absorb the stock and expand. this is how you end up with a soup that is a solid mass of soggy ditalini.

[araceil]

At some point in your life you will be adding garlic to a dish and you will think "that is not enough garlic." These are angels speaking. They are correct. Add more garlic.

[the-big-mood]

During a high speed car chase pursuit, the FOX 11 Los Angeles helicopter had an unexpected moment when they spotted a rooster and a chicken casually walking down the sidewalk right in the middle of the pursuit.

[reblogmonstah]

The fact that they were walking 1-3mph

His joy and whimsy at seeing this

His acknowledgement of it not being as interesting as the chase

His little "huh" cuz you know they told him to focus

[cosmonautroger]

jellyfish babies

[froze]

they’re talking to each other omg (‘:

[wizardshark]

This is my favorite video in all of world history I would die for these cats

[wizardshark]

Guys it’s been 6 years and I have an update: I would live for these cats

[sweatervesto]

):

[sweatervesto]

addition

[phossyjaw2]

injecting my annoying hopless birds with potion of shut the fuck up

[benditozorrito]

#straight up filling them like éclairs damn

[cugzarui]

as a chemist i would like to say BWAHAHAHAHAHA

[alexseanchai]

image description at explainXKCD:

explain xkcd is a wiki dedicated to explaining the webcomic xkcd. Go figure.

[flareonfloof]

its a bit easier for astronomers

[nerdynonnativenarnian]

NO! Where’s the non-metals and metaloids?!

[flareonfloof]

are they hydrogen or helium

[nerdynonnativenarnian]

oxygen, carbon, sulfur, xenon, iodine, neon, etc etc.

[flareonfloof]

ooo okay i see the confusion. you're listing off a bunch of metals there

[nerdynonnativenarnian]

…. You’re breaking my chemistry nerd brain. Hhhuuuhhhh???

[flareonfloof]

im an astrophysicist

[nerdynonnativenarnian]

but but, science is science?!

[flareonfloof]

and different fields of science have different conventions and definitions for their unique contexts

[katzeregi]

[chongoblog]

Haters be like

“It’s totally possible to make a path that goes through every door exactly once”

[hexea]

Idk if I did it right

[chongoblog]

sorry!

[c0rpseductor]

it’s true you can’t draw one continuous line that would do the trick. but if the kitty and bunny set out by going through the doors they’re marked beside and each walked the certain way their colored arrows show at the same time their “collective path” as a team would go through each door only once. The moral of the story is actually about friendship , and cooperation, because in this world there are tasks you can’t do on your own.

im just fucking with you i’m pretty sure this has no right answer

[2pacula]

i concocted a solution with a 100% mortality rate

[chongoblog]

Stop being so incredibly funny on my impossible puzzle post

[sharkiethedork]

You can switch the tracks so the trolley will kill one person, or you can allow it to attempt the fruitless crusade of running over each person in the maze only once.

[catgirldick]

all in a days work! *passes out*

[kittybunprincess]

My indecisive butt, walking in and being faced with having to make a decision, immediately leaving

[pixiecatsupreme]

oOoOoooo I’m a ghost!

[kipplekipple]

Fire

[jo3mm]

dude my house

[tahthetrickster]

[sometiktoksarevalid]

[beleester]

>#I love how this gag would be funny at any point since the third century BCE