(illustration by Harold Speakman)
art blog(derogatory)
$LAYYYTER

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Aqua Utopia|海の底で記憶を紡ぐ

titsay
ojovivo
we're not kids anymore.
Jules of Nature
Sade Olutola

if i look back, i am lost

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Origami Around

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todays bird
Mike Driver
taylor price

roma★
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@darkanachronism
(illustration by Harold Speakman)
This is what the average YouTube thumbnail looks like now
spent too long on this
take it.
THIS IS A FREE DOWNLOADABLE PDF OF THE BOOK BTW you don’t have to pay for it!!
since the link about is fucking dead, i took the liberty to provide a better one. You’ll need to copy and paste the passphrase, though >> kitten-mutual-refinance
Literally begging people to engage with media in a way that isn’t “strip layered characters into a one-size-fits-all babie personality that’s basically just the phrase ‘appley juice :3’ as a personality”
I don’t know how many times I have to say this but if you smooth away at every rough edge that makes a well written character interesting you’re always going to end up with the same smooth sphere. And if you’re only comfortable playing around with that sphere then either you never liked the original all that much or you should probably have a long think about how you consume with media and why this is the only way you seem able to do so
all the rights that come with marriage you should be able to have without marriage btw. you should be able to designate a person who can visit you in the hospital regardless of your relationship to that person.
I love it whe. Writers just confirm my thoughts in i servers. I'm so good at reading between the lines and understanding characters. I'm so smart and sexy.
"lock in" is probably one of the most important phrases to enter the public lexicon in the 2020s
A New Astarion's Lead Writer Stephen Rooney Interview!!!
Huge thanks to @tamraspizz and the Russian Baldur's Herald community for such great work and for taking this incredible interview!
The whole video is super interesting, but I really wanted to highlight what I think are the most important takeaways:
Rusty-Arrow: Astarion's story stands out in the climax of his arc. It affects not only him, but also his partner, if you decide to romance him. If he ascends, then for the romance to continue, the player must also make a choice and become a spawn. Do you think Ascended Astarion cannot continue the relationship with the player character without turning them into a spawn?
Stephen Rooney: Ascended Astarion is very difficult because he has fundamentally made, if Astarion chooses to ascend, he has made the selfish choice, he has made kind of the very evil choice, and he has decided to continue a lot of the darker themes that are in kind of his backstory and in his own story. And so I think it is difficult to imagine having still a very healthy and equal relationship on that path. I do not love that path myself. If I was playing the game, I would not choose that. But when I was writing that, I was thinking a lot about partners in toxic relationships and in bad relationships and how the power is very rarely balanced. And I think that is why you end up with an imbalance in that relationship, where Astarion needs to be in charge and you need to be somewhere down here.
"There's no thought crimes and no thought heroisms" is honestly such a good piece of life advice.
You could be having the most fucked up problematic thoughts 24/7 but if you treat people with kindness, the good you do is the only thing that matters. But if you have only the purest thoughts and all the correct beliefs, it doesn't matter one bit if you spend most of your time being an asshole to people.
From time to time I see people claiming that even before his enslavement, Astarion was a corrupt, morally bankrupt magistrate, and the Ascension just gives him the freedom to stop pretending. The alternative spin on this idea goes: "If Ascended Astarion is an abuser, then Spawn Astarion is one too. He just lacks the power to show it. You can't fix an abuser in a couple of months; anything else is just a fairytale."
This take is often passed off as mature or realistic, but actually, it completely misses the core themes of Astarion's story: his fight for freedom and personal agency while dealing with trauma, mistrust, and fear.
At the start of the game, we meet Astarion right after he's been pulled out of an awful environment defined by violence, fear, and forced obedience, leaving his moral compass heavily distorted.
The game doesn't frame his Act 1 manipulation as the actions of an irredeemable villain. Instead, the narrative makes it clear: these are survival responses, not proof that he's innately malicious or cruel.
At first, his craving for control is reactive. He grabs onto any tool he can find, from devouring tadpoles to seeking control over the cult, but shows no calculated, long-term strategy right up until the Ritual comes into the picture. When you're used to being used, you learn to use others first, as a preemptive strike. He's not acting from a position of power; he's desperately trying to carve out any sense of safety. Trying to paint this behavior as proof of his "abusive nature" completely ignores just how deeply rooted it is in fear and survival.
After being kidnapped by the mind flayers, Astarion finds himself in a reality where the rules he's known for centuries no longer apply. For the first time in two hundred years, mistakes aren't punished with pain, and vulnerability isn't weaponized against him. So, he tests the Player's trust and waits for the inevitable betrayal. He meets kindness with cynicism. He repeatedly falls back on manipulation because it’s the only working tool in his arsenal. But, crucially, he begins to question these instincts instead of treating them as an absolute given.
When he reaches for Ascension after defeating Cazador, it isn't presented as a calculated or emotionally detached choice. It's a trauma response, triggered by peak stress and being face-to-face with his abuser.
His brain defaults to the one survival logic it's ever known: "Become a monster so you never have to be the victim again." That's why, without outside support (that dice roll), he's simply incapable of breaking the cycle on his own. Not because he's "evil" (Astarion isn't good or innocent, and he's fully capable of cruelty and harm) but because right then, he is deeply traumatized and terrified for his life.
This distinction becomes especially clear in how he formulates his own identity:
Spawn Path:
"I can be better than him."
This is a forward-looking statement that implies change.
Ascension Path:
"I'm better than he was. Stronger… I'm who I always wanted to be."
Here, "better" only means "stronger." He doesn't transcend his trauma; he fixes it in place as the foundation of his identity.
Even his official Origin description frames his motivation not as a thirst for power, but as a desperate bid for safety:
The key word here is not power, but liberty. Power is presented as a means to an end, a shield built out of survival instinct. And the developers themselves confirm this:
Lead writer Adam Smith: "So with Astarion, his evil ending is actually him...much of what he does is out of fear. And as a player, you can say to him, "You're right to be afraid." And that sends him to a really horrible place, and that I think is really powerful."
IGN Interview, 2023
The choice is framed through fear, not as the exposure of some immutable inner evil nature.
Some point to gameplay mechanics, arguing that since persuading Astarion to step back requires a Persuasion check, it proves his "true" desire is Ascension, and the player is just forcing him to change his mind. But this is a complete misunderstanding of how trauma works under extreme stress. In that moment, Astarion is clearly not thinking rationally. He is standing over the freshly defeated Cazador, surrounded by direct triggers of his two-century nightmare, overwhelmed by fear, rage, and the intoxicating proximity of absolute power.
Narrator: "You can see the fear in his eyes, but also the hunger. The thick smell of blood in the air and promise of power being so close is intoxicating to him. All he can see is the power of ritual, and the freedom that power brings. The freedom to do anything - to be anything."
The Persuasion roll isn't about crushing his agency; it's an attempt to cut through the blinding noise of his panic and pull him back to reality. It's what it takes to ground someone in the middle of a panic attack, helping him look past that instant fight-or-flight reflex (Become the monster), giving him a moment to catch his breath and make a conscious choice. If you don’t step in, he defaults back into the cycle of abuse—not because he dreams of being Cazador, but because fear has completely locked him out of seeing any alternative.
Ascended Astarion is not just "Astarion with power." To say that "Ascension doesn't turn him into something twisted, but simply reveals who he always was" ignores the very nature of what takes place. As Raphael himself explains to Astarion, the ritual is an ancient, diabolical transaction:
"As you know already, your precious skin is home to one part of a contract between the archdevil Mephistopheles, and your former master, Cazador Szarr. In full, the contract states that Cazador will be granted knowledge of an infernal ritual so vile it has never been performed. The Rite of Profane Ascension. It promises to be a marvellous ceremony. Very elaborate, incredibly ancient, and very diabolical. If he completes the rite, he will become a new kind of being - the Vampire Ascendant. All the strengths of his vampire form will be amplified, and alongside them he will enjoy the luxuries of the living. The arousals and appetites of man will return to him, and unlike Astarion, he will have no need of a parasite to protect him from the sun. But the ritual has its price, as all worthwhile things do. Lord Cazador will need to sacrifice a number of souls, including all of his vampire spawn, if he is to ascend. Imagine how he felt, then, when one of those precious spawn simply disappeared into thin air. The only missing ingredient is Astarion. You are the final piece he requires to complete the ritual - your scars bind you to it. Your soul will set off a very wave of death, bringing Cazador his twisted life."
Part of the fandom loves to hyper-fixate on the romantic elements of this bargain: the fact that Astarion can finally walk in the sun, feel his heart beat, and enjoy human appetites again. But framing the Black Mass as a wholesome act of self-actualization completely white-washes the horror of the scene. You cannot build a healthy identity on the literal slaughter of 7,000 souls.
The ritual doesn't "let Astarion be himself," it forces him to actively perpetrate an act of ultimate cruelty, transforming his trauma into a weapon. The human luxuries he regains are bought with mass murder, permanently cementing and amplifying a worldview built entirely on domination and fear.
Appealing to his "true nature" derived from his past as a magistrate overlooks how profoundly his identity was reshaped by two centuries of abuse and enslavement. Astarion literally doesn't even remember the color of his own eyes; his past has been erased by 200 years of slavery.
Granted, defenders of the "inherently corrupt" theory often point to the official Baldur's Gate 3 Artbook, which states: "Two hundred years ago, Astarion was a corrupt elite of Baldur's Gate with a taste for power and a hunger for eternal life."
This is a far cry from the radically dark alpha-concept mentioned in a 2020 interview, where he was depicted as a disgraced nobleman who literally fed prisoners to a vampire clan. A draft that was completely abandoned. But even when it comes to the artbook's milder description, fandom attempts to use it to paint Astarion as inherently "evil" fall short when confronted with what the creators themselves have said.
In fact, back in 2022, lead writer Stephen Rooney explicitly explained how his backstory functioned during development:
"He absolutely had a backstory, and he did from the very, very start. At the risk of being cheesy, like, you can't write a story where you tell where someone is going unless you know where they've been. So he has to have had that past to inform the person that he is now. The backstory kind of changes as the character changes. So the original backstory that we had for him is not necessarily still the valid backstory that I have in my head. We always try to be very, very aware of: this is where Astarion started when he was alive, this is what happened when he died and he was brought back, and then this was his experience as a vampire right up until the point where he's grabbed by the mind flayers and you meet him. So, you need to have that whole story so you can write a character that makes sense. Otherwise, his personality is going to be missing depth, essentially. If he's just all about biting necks and avoiding the sun or whatever else, he's not going to be an interesting character. He's going to feel like a cookie-cutter vampire. No yeah, we try to be very mindful of backstories."
Interview with Astarion's writer Stephen Rooney, Down by the River Mar 27, 2023 (Description: Writer behind Astarion, Stephen Rooney, fields questions posed to him by the Down By The River community. Watch to see what we learn as we probe the mind behind the vampire, and find out what he thinks of our fanatacism. The original interview was in early October 2022.)
The artbook captures production-era lore notes, but the final game established a stricter boundary. When Astarion's lead writer, Stephen Rooney, was directly asked on social media whether the "corrupt magistrate" backstory remains canon, he gently but clearly deferred to the game's actual script over external text, replying: "As for Astarion's canon backstory as a magistrate, all I can say is that that's what's in the game."
From this, we can draw a cautious but entirely logical conclusion: while the artbook hints at his pre-vampire lifestyle, the writers deliberately left any explicit details of his "corruption" outside the margins of the actual narrative. The developers consciously deprived us (and Astarion himself) of an unambiguous, villainous background in the final release. The only concrete trace of his past remaining in the game is a vague memory of how he, as a judge, passed a certain sentence, after which a band of Gur cornered and beat him within an inch of his life.
The narrative deliberately avoids disclosing the details: we do not know if this sentence was an act of corruption or, conversely, a lawful ruling that prompted retaliation from criminals. The game leaves this in a gray area, refusing to paint Astarion as either an innocent martyr or a definitive villain. Astarion does not have an explicitly "sinful" past in the release version that predetermines his cruelty. What we are given instead is a character fractured by trauma.
Therefore, his identity is something he is building in the present moment. On the Spawn path, he builds it on a foundation of healing and freedom; on the Ascension path, he builds it on fear and the internalization of his tormentor's worldview. This is not the "real" Astarion. This is the version of him that ultimately accepted Cazador's philosophy: that safety can only exist through domination and fear.
If Ascension were simply Astarion "becoming who he truly is," then his entire character arc collapses into fatalism, flattening a deeply complex story into just another boring, one-dimensional villain trope.
My previous posts:
Ascended Astarion as the "True Self" Is a Misreading of Neil Newbon's Words
Why Spawn Astarion Represents Freedom and Joy, According to Neil Newbon, and Why Ascended and Spawn Are Not the Same Character, but Different Realities Shaped by the Player
yall ever miss your own energy?? like damn wtf happened to me??
daily role play deinfluencing
people are not supposed to be online all the time, breaks are okay
changing communication does not mean anyone hates you
it's perfectly normal to not have icons or graphics in role play
not everyone has to have a theme
just because someone else writes the character it doesn't mean that you can't
having a google docs, carrd, canva etc. is not the norm
you don't need to use any specific language, write as you want
just because something is popular in a community it doesn't make it canon
you can write a character perfectly fine without about pages
just because someone doesn't like the way you write something they don't hate you
you do not need to consume the newest media to be "on top"
... and that is the tip of the ice berg in regards to role playing. there are a lot of standards/expectations set throughout role play and they come and go as they see fit. in these times, it's important to remind yourself that there are so many things that are in fact normal.
on the one hand encountering a character in fiction that reminds you of some people you have had unpleasant experiences with in real life is extremely regular. on the other hand it is vital to understand when this is colouring your takes on a character rather than actual analysis of the text before you
wearing two cursed amulets to manipulate them into competing with each other for ownership of my soul and unintentionally improving my life in their attempts to seduce me
hiring two duplicitous advisors with opposing agendas to manipulate them into hatefucking each other in front of me while i fujo out about it
it's not a "love triangle" it's a business opportunity with benefits