Helter Skelter Through My Mind

[ilyasmole]

*shane and ilya hugging, very early relationship days, prob at the cottage*

shane: squeeze me

ilya: what

shane: just. squeeze me. really tight.

ilya: *squeezes*

shane: tighter than that, come on

ilya: *squeezing a little harder* better?

shane: no. like. seriously, use all your strength.

ilya: i could hurt you, no?

shane: you won't, i promise. please just. tighter.

ilya: *squeezes shane as tight as he possibly can, grimacing a bit as he does it*

shane, groaning: thank fuck. do you have any idea how long i've waited to have someone strong enough to do this for me who isn't my dad

[ladyelainehilfur]

real paramedic x golden retriever firefighter AU energy with this

[hudconera]

this is like a renaissance painting

[gaynehollander]

Shane has always been a big napper. When he was young, school really tired him out. So many different people around him for such an extended period of time, expectations of certain behaviour, having to socialise, having to pay attention, having to answer questions, the constant hum of fluorescent lights overhead. He came home exhausted and in need of a nap more often than not. There were also the panics. Sometimes they were big, sometimes they were small, but they usually left him feeling wrung out and he didn't really function well until he'd had a nap after one. Becoming a professional hockey player hasn't changed this, if anything it's made it a useful skill. A little post-practice nap is sometimes just the thing he needs and a pre-game nap can make all the difference to his play. With the constant travelling and endless timezone changes, napping becomes a necessity.

Ilya, however, never quite got the hang of it. He knows a lot of his teammates nap whenever and wherever, falling asleep before games in hotel rooms or resting up on the road, snores filling the team bus or plane, but Ilya can't quite get there. It's probably a remnant from childhood, from not feeling safe enough to let his guard down like that. He can't even imagine what the reaction would have been if his father had come home to find him asleep on the couch. He was certainly quick enough to accuse him of laziness without Ilya handing over additional ammunition for free.

But Ilya loves holding Shane when he naps. He loves how quickly his body grows lax, loves the gradual shift in the depth of his breaths, loves the warmth of his body pressed against him, loves his sleepy little sounds and scrunched little face when he wakes up, loves that Shane trusts him enough to be that vulnerable around him. Shane doesn't really know that Ilya doesn't nap, not with how often Ilya's the one to suggest one, not with the way Ilya makes sure to feign coming out of sleep as soon as he feels Shane shift in his arms in that particular way that suggests he's waking up. He doesn't want to risk Shane feeling like Ilya's doing him a favour with holding him through his naps, doesn't know whether he can admit how much he loves their naps even though they never include Ilya falling asleep. He likes the way things are. He doesn't want to risk it changing.

Eventually it does change though. Not because Shane discovers Ilya's secret of never actually falling asleep but because, a few years into their marriage, Ilya start... actually falling asleep. He never plans to. He loves getting to spend that time resting with Shane while staying alert enough to catalogue his every sleep-muddled sigh, his every shift. He just feels so warm, so full of love, so incredibly safe that one day he just... drifts off. After that it keeps happening. He has Shane in his arms, he's enjoying his breathing, he's loving this moment, he doesn't want to lose consciousness, he wants to stay in it, but his eyelids are drooping. He lets them shut, just for a minute, but then he wakes up to Shane's smiling face, his eyes soft and sleep-warm, his hands gentle as they cradle Ilya's face and run through his curls, and he can't be mad at himself for having missed out on those precious moments if this is what he gets to wake up to. Time is no longer a limited resource. Safety is no longer conditional on remaining alert. He has the rest of his life to enjoy this, to let himself be lulled to sleep by Shane's breathing and waking up to his soft touches. He can let his eyes drift shut and trust that Shane will still be there when he wakes.

[gaynehollander]

Shane getting mad that Ilya swallowed the first time they blew each other because “this guy was determined to one-up him at every turn” makes me giggle and kick my feet. My competative boy was goaded into letting the slut ways take over.

[lavenderprose]

To be clear. Shane's whole thing about Ilya being a Sex God is because of the limerence. Ilya is nineteen and he can get a rhythm going and that's about it. He was throwing shit at the wall when he hit that 'Get on your knees' in Nashville but only he knows that because Shane's brain turned OFF. Ilya said "Let's do a little experiment here" and the results were "Oh my god oh my god oh my god." Shane came hands free because he was that obsessed with the idea of Ilya Rozanov being inside him. Ilya said "Do you like that do you like that" because he's nineteen and he needs the validation and Shane was like "YES YES YES I LIKE IT OH MY GOD YOU'RE SO DEEP YOU'RE SO GOOD" and objectively. It was okay. Ilya fully did not know where to put his hands a couple of times. He forgot about Shane's dick. Luckily, Shane is God's special angel who can come from the idea of Ilya's cockhead being in proximity to his prostate a few times. Mind over matter, says Shane Hollander's dick. And then Ilya said "Oh God Hollander" because it was also, objectively, one of the hottest things that had ever happened to HIM, Ilya Rozanov. Shane sits on that step afterwards plotting about how he's gonna get this over and over and over again for the rest of his life and he has no idea that there are women in Boston who have Ilya listed in their contacts as "Hockey Guy 6/10". Shane Hollander cannot fathom a world in which Ilya Rozanov doesn't lay the maddest pipe this side of Lake Michigan. "Ilya Rozanov is a some kind of nineteen year old sex God" No Shane honey he was just designed in a lab to score goals and make you cum and he's done scoring goals for the night.

[handsywoman]

welcome to Pound Town population: Shane Hollander

[rainbow-femme]

They move in together full time and Ilya notices that Anya acts differently with Shane than she does with him, more quiet and less playful, and he worries that means she doesn’t like Shane or is jealous, so he hires a dog trainer to come over and see if there’s anything they need to do to help

After a while of talking about how Anya acts the trainer says there’s nothing to worry about, Anya likes Shane just fine, it’s just that she sees him as the boss and is acting accordingly

And Ilya is like. But. I’m the one who adopted her? And raised her before Shane got here?? And the trainer is just like yeah well she sees you more like an equal. And Ilya is like WAIT she thinks Shane is in charge of both of us?? And the trainer is just like well do you interact in a way that would make her think that?

Ilya’s life flashes before his eyes as he thinks of all the times Shane has come over with a snack for Ilya and a treat for Anya, or all the times Shane has announced they’re all going for an after dinner walk, or pets Ilya’s hair and tells him he did a good job at practice, or the fact that he uses the same warning tone with Anya when she misbehaves as he does with Ilya when he’s causing problems on purpose

Shane comes home to Ilya with his face in his hands going oh god I’m not Anya’s dad I’m her brother and she thinks we’re both your pets. And Shane just goes. What.

[darkenedprongs]

That is the funniest shit ever.

[russianblush]

#ilya baby get behind me

[russianblush]

HEY HELLO JUST GIVE ME THE GUN INSTEAD

(sorry @joyousmistake these tags killed me)

[tinylilhollander]

One time, Shane and Ilya are in a hotel in a major city and their room faces a huge billboard of one of Shane's steamier ad campaigns. He's either shirtless or wearing a wet t-shirt so thin he might as well not be wearing one. Like truly the hottest and sluttiest he's ever looked in one of these campaigns. Ilya doesn't draw the curtains. The windows are tinted and the lights in their suite are dimmed so they feel fairly confident no one can see in. Instead, he makes sure Shane's facing the billboard as he fucks him, one hand holding a fistful of his hair, keeping Shane's head in place so that he can't look away from it.

"My supermodel. See how fucking beautiful you look here. You are hockey and sex. Everyone in this city sees this billboard and wants to fuck you. But only I can. Only I get to fuck the sexy billboard man."

He keeps Shane this way for ages, not touching him, bringing him right to the edge, only to stop and talk about another part of Shane's photo he likes like he's talking about a work of art in a gallery. Then he goes right back to fucking him.

When he finally wraps a hand around Shane's cock and tells him that it's okay to let go, that he's done so well and that Ilya wants to see him come for him now, Shane comes so hard he almost blacks out.

For the rest of the time that campaign is running, Shane can't see any of the photos of videos from it without getting hard.

[wannabetonthat]

I absolutely love this but i NEED to tell you about the funny what if I thought about

It is peak situationship era, Ilya is in some away game and not against Montreal, Boston has booked him the room and he's sharing it with Marlow or something

And Ilya normally would like it, think it's funny, send Hollander a picture of the window with some chirp, get a bit worked up about it when he's alone... But he's not alone, and Cliff thinks this is HILARIOUS

So Cliff takes pictures of this window and this huge billboard, and you can see a bit of the room, the bed, they're actually nice pictures

And he starts to talk about it at the group chat "hey, any of you lucky fellas also have a room facing North? 😏" and no, no one does so what is Cliff on about?

So Cliff sends the picture to the groupchat and it explodes, all sort of comments, they're acting like pigs, shooting the shit, the saner and less dirty ones being things like "didn't know it was that type of hotel" "I think that room must have cost extra" "I bet the sheets get changed much more often in that side of the hotel", and, because they're not in Montreal "do you think Hollander's fans know?"

And Ilya is already trying to keep it together after watching his straight teammates all slobber over a giant half naked Shane Hollander, sure it's all jokes, but some of them really went into detail, some locked in and pointed out specific drops of moisture amplifyed by %10.000. Some of them are making plans to go to Cliff and Ilya's room later to see it in person, for what?? But he keeps it togheter, scowls and just ignores it, even if the team is trying to bring him into their jokes "Something tells me Roz won't be able to sleep"

But Ilya is keeping it together, that is until Cliff says "Oh, Hollander fans MUST know"

And Cliff tweets the picture of the hotel room and it's window, in all his glory, taken with his very expensive phone with amazing camera, and captions it "For all of you sick fucks out there, if you're going to Buffalo, you might want to stay at the North facing side of the Wyatt hotel... It's got a view"

Ilya ends up destroying Buffalo that night, and he doesn't enjoy a tiny, tiny bit. Especially when he finally goes to leave the hotel and he sees a couple guys wearing Hollander jerseys checking in at reception.

[parcai]

i need david to find out about ilya’s piece of shit abusive father & horrific childhood in unrivaled so bad it makes me unwell. i can’t even quite place why, except that yuna/ilya is the more obvious axis people talk about & david/shane, for good reason. shane was a sensitive kid, and even as an adult he’s easier to wound than ilya, with his quirks and particularities and softer upbringing, so david hollander, the gentle, observant, patient half of the hollander parents, is the most nurturing figure to be with him

and ilya is brash and sharp and off-putting sometimes, the same way yuna is (including to shane) so they get lumped together in this shared understanding of being Difficult People With Histories. which is true. but something about david, sweet teddy bear, soft-spoken, earnest david, knowing about ilya’s upbringing and being quietly, incandescently angry about it…

i need someone to be angry for ilya, not just sad or pitying. i need it to be someone who would never feel like that otherwise. i need it to deepen how good of an adoptive father david is to him—how he’s healing not just trauma but an entire warped understanding of what a father even is, for a grown-up kid who never, ever deserved any of that hell. david hollander is where shane gets his boring from, & ilya has never before received so much stability, steady love and affection, warmth, and boring in his life.

[blacksheepcolorfulskin]

After they’re together a while, Shane is lovingly giving David shit about bolting after catching him with Ilya. “I still can’t believe you did that, dad! You nearly gave me a heart attack!” Ilya gives Shane a look and says, “Ok hypocrite, don’t make me tell them about tuna melt. Like father, like son.”

Now Shane has his head down on the table as Ilya dramatically regales David and Yuna with the tale. “And next thing you know he’s all over the news with She Who Shall Not Be Named.” “Oh my god Ilya, you love Rose!!” “Betrayed! Heartbroken! With fridge full of the most boring soda in the world!” And now they’re having a pinching battle as David laughs and Yuna tells them if they spill wine on the rug, they’re buying her a new one.

[angusbeefiestick]

After retiring from the Treasury Board of Canada David Hollander starts a youtube channel of just teaching people stuff “their dad should have taught them” or showing his random house projects and baking adventures. This would open the floodgates to people thirsting after the Hollander parents more.

He gets into live-streaming a little but only for charities, like how many dog houses/cat trees he can build for a local shelter as a subathon. He would gather a niche but decent following but he doesn’t really mentions his famous sons, sure he gets some comments that point it out but it doesn’t ever really break containment.

Until someone tweets:

“so who was gonna tell me Dog House Dilf DavidBuildsIt is David Hollander father of Hockey Legend Shane Hollander and father-in-law to other Hockey Legend Ilya Rozanov ”

[sinmonger]

Heated Rivalry Week 2026 | Day 7: Free Choice | The (Good) Dads of Heated Rivalry

[my-2nd-account]

It's so important to me that everyone who meets Ilya feels safe around him. Shane at age 19 trusting him with his body and his sexuality and his reputation therefore his whole career. Svetlana who left home and could've gone anywhere but chose to move to Boston because guess who also lives there. Every person he's ever hooked up with because that's 100+ of people trusting him and saying yes. Yuna and David who spent less than an hour around him (Ilyushka not Rozanov) and accepted him as Shane's boyfriend even though they've spent the last decade hating him on Shane's behalf. Jackie trusting him with her kids after only meeting him once. Harris's family inviting him over so many times. His neighbors' kids making it a habit to wish him good luck before games. Troy coming out to him when it's his first time saying it out loud. Luca asking him for advice because he's finding it hard to "meet people". Coach Wiebe coming out to him and telling him about the guy he was in love with.

He's the safe space he needed growing up. He's the comfort person he wished for when he felt like he had no one. He's the familiar warm presence who has so much love to give to make up for all the love that was taken away from him.

[thesedarkcafedays]

So being boring is... is genetic.

[Spoilers from The Long Game below]

from x.

[namunii]

Baby Shane with his parents 🐞❤️