words, words, words.

dawn | 20 | they/them

[dawn-t0-dusk]

#98: escape

You have cradled me in your heart, Kept me safe, and trapped.        “I want freedom” I request        And still, It goes unheard.        I love you, I do.        You have kept me safe                You are all I have known. I love the warmth of your love        And the steady beat of your heart                How it lulls me to sleep        And still,                I hate you for keeping me        I am a person too, don’t you know?        I want to be free. I love you,        And it’s not my intention to hurt.        But beware,                for I will not be gentle.        When I claw my way out of here-                I will tear you apart.

[dawn-t0-dusk]

#97: coexist

You drown out the voice in your head And you try to bury the wanting in your chest You do anything and everything         And it worked for a while                  It really did.         And then the thing that used to speak to you-                  Used to consult you,                  And ask you for its wants-         Decided that it wanted to be heard.         It does not want to be ignored                  Not anymore.

Your voice has grown eyes and teeth,         Has learned to fight and claw and eviscerate         Because you won’t do it.         Even as you try to lock it away,                  You haven’t hurt it.                  And perhaps that means you can’t         But it can’t trust you,                           Not yet.                  Not when its freedom hangs in the balance

Perhaps it is trying to protect you.         And perhaps it wants to drown you.         You don’t know, and maybe it doesn’t either.         For now though,                 You simply coexist.

Just you-         And the monster making its home in your chest.

[dawn-t0-dusk]

#96: fighting thoughts

It’s been years since I last saw a battlefield        And I can't help but wonder.        Did I ever really leave the war

When you look at me,        Can you still see me with a sword in my hand?        Blood drenching me to the bone? I can't help but wonder if i will ever learn to be more Then just a soldier in a fight too big to understand.

When I look at you,        I wonder if I condemned people like you.        If there were people still out there                Mourning for the lives I took.        I wonder if it could have been you            If I had died then,            What would you do?

It's been years since I put aside my sword and shield.        And sometimes, my hands itch for their familiar grip.        I can't help but wonder.            Did the fighting ever really leave me?

[dawn-t0-dusk]

#95: the aberrations

We are the aberrations,        Not quite human and not quite a monster.                Just a little bit wrong.        It's a step, a jump, and a breaking orbit of the sun.                The axis shifts, faltering.                And the planets will now have to hide

We are the aberrations,        With teeth and nails that are wicked sharp.        Claws against your skin                And teeth to your nape        Just a twitch away from taking your heart.

We are the aberrations        And we don't wish for war.        We just want a place for us,                Somewhere with nothing to fear.        We aren't really monsters,        Just survivors.

We are the aberrations        And if you leave us alone                We will not fight.        Even as the sky falls                And blood fills the street                We still protect the ones who helped us                Because it is in our creed

We are the aberrations,        And unlike you                We stand for loyalty

[dawn-t0-dusk]

ORV Merch

So, not my usual poetry post but I am taking preorders for my ORV merch right now. Reblogs are super appreciated even if you don’t want to /can’t buy anything <3 Important info: Preorders end on: April 30th Form Link: (x) Payment: I accept both PayPal and Venmo (If those don’t work I’m willing to talk it out and figure out an alternative)  Twitter thread for more info: (x)  I couldn't include all the pictures of the items but! I also have button pins, shaker charms, sticky notes, a Biyoo tote bag and more ^^ To see the rest, you can look at the google form link, where all of the items are pictured and priced! 

[dawn-t0-dusk]

#94: Teach me

Tell me, father        What do I do with this rage?        How do I keep it from hurting me,                From hurting the people I love.        Please teach me, father.        How do I control this wild thing How did you do it? How can you still go about every day        When this fire is eating away at your insides?

Please        Please teach me, father        Of how to dim the fire.                How to douse it out        How to harness it so it may help instead of hinder. Before you decide i’m too old for your help,        Before you leave me behind,                Please.                Teach me one last time.

[dawn-t0-dusk]

#93: Bears with no face

I am just a teddy bear with no face,       A faceless voice to which you speak.       I don’t quite exist.              Not until you call out to me.       Then I am an item for comfort. A childhood plush if you will. A memento from a time long past       Something nostalgic.

If someone were to ask you to describe me,       You would falter in your words.       You might say that I am a bear,              And you might remember the color of my vest.              But then you will fall silent.       It’s ok if you can’t.              Because I’m just the faceless teddy bear       And it’s the fate of childhood comforts to be forgotten.

[dawn-t0-dusk]

DAWN HOLY CRAP I JUST GOT RECOMMENDED YOUR BLOG AND RECOGNIZED YOU BY YOUR TWT 😭😭 AAAA

this is vari btw :)

LANEKDJKW HI VARI!!!! someone recommended me?? 😳

[dawn-t0-dusk]

omg crab 🥺

[dawn-t0-dusk]

#92: rose-tinted monsters

There is violence in my bones             -And victory in my stride The blood I’ve shed could stain every road in Rome. The battle has been written in my flesh            Written with the tiger stripes of a whip,            But punctuated with stab wounds instead. And yet,            When you look at me,            There is something almost like pride. There is blood in my teeth,            And tears in my eyes.            And yet,                        When you touch me,            I forget that im the monster from which children hide. I’ve never quite understood it,            Why you can only see my best side            Until now,                        Because you are a monster too.                                    -Bloodstained teeth                                    -And hands that bruise            And yet,                        I  can only focus on the fire’s warm glow                                    And the way your jewels bring out your eyes We are monsters, yes            But In the end,                        We are together, you and I

[dawn-t0-dusk]

#91: familiarly, me

There’s something familiar-              And maybe its the way you speak             Or maybe its that you hide behind your lies             But I see myself reflected in your shapes and lines.

Be honest.             It still stings, doesn’t it?             It isn’t so easily forgotten or forgiven. It makes your blood boil.             Underneath the instinct to forgive-                          There is still something you want to hide.             I know its there and i know the struggle,                          Because I’m the same.

Truthfully,             You are afraid, aren't you?             Under your apathy-             Under that mask of boredom and disinterest.                          There is only a subtle fear.             It’s a flimsy act of a child,                          “If the monsters don’t see me                                       Then I’m safe”?                          It’s foolish.             And yet-

You can say it.             You don’t have to pretend             You don’t have to give it up for everyone else’s sake. Its annoying,             Why isnt this something you understand?             But, even as I say it-                          Even as I criticize                          A part of me has realized             The real reason im angry-                          It’s because when I look at you                          It’s like I’m looking at myself through someone else’s eyes.

[dawn-t0-dusk]

#90: Vermillion

It’s like the way passion feels             That physical something-                        Nearly tangible-                                    Impossibly so.                        So well in tune with your heart                        That it can never be separated.            Vermillion feels like a passion

It’s like the way the sun feels            When you are a child and you read about it                        How massive,                                   How incredibly wondrous it is.                        How its made of fire and explosions                                   And constant burning, boiling, bubbling.                                    Nuclear fusion keeping the world on its axis.            Vermillion feels like the sun’s wonder.

It’s like the way I remember you            Brilliant and immeasurable.                        Unquantifiable.            How when I think of you,             I remember the way you spoke                        Like you knew the secrets of the universe.                                    And now you were passing them on to me            Your memory feels like vermillion

[dawn-t0-dusk]

#89: Glass Eyes

Sometimes when you look at me,              I know it’s not me you see. There is a distance between here and you             And your gaze seems a thousand kilometers away.             What are you looking at?             Who is it you are seeing?                                                                                     You are right,                                  When you can’t see the subject of his sight,                                                        It’s because it no longer exists.                                                                                                Its loss,                                                        And it goes something like this.             Sometimes, mother scares him When she loses herself in her own mind.             With a faltering smile               And glassy-eyes                         -She looks dead.                                                    Sometimes when he looks at you.                                                                    It's not only you he sees.

[dawn-t0-dusk]

#88: Sum of Parts

We are the sums of our parts            The bits and pieces left over            Signs that remind you of people                          The ones you may have loved                                    (or hated)            All held together with fading bonds                        -invisible but present            Eventually, there will be no use for them.            Even without anything holding you together-                         those pieces will become another part of you.

We are the sums of our parts            and I am no different. Scraps of our time still sit under my skin. They clog the gears in my chest,            stop the steady ticking of my heart Today once again-            I will have to open it up,            clean out the bits in cogs Today once again-            I will collect the bits of you                        store them in a box            To be buried in the back of my mind            Somewhere it won’t see them                       where they will always be present                        But won’t be a distraction.

[dawn-t0-dusk]

#87: Lost in Crowds

Being lost is scary when you are young             When a parent’s hand slips away            And only strangers tower over in every which way            It’s scary then,                        To be completely alone                       Crying for your parents to take you home.            It’s scary to think that you have been left behind                        That you are all alone. Being lost as an adult is different-            Sometimes its a needed escape.            Sometimes, you need the peace it brings to be alone                        To have no obligations to anyone who may know you.                        To just exist within a sea of perfect strangers.            It’s not scary anymore,                        Not really.

[dawn-t0-dusk]

#86: Butterflies

The butterflies in my stomach are loud       they crash into the walls,       In time with my heartbeat’s steady sound       Their wings keep ripping and leaving them to drown       But it doesn't stop them from coming back.

I drown them in scalding tea,       Pour water and coffee on them              all to break their delicate wings       And yet-              Even more take their place.       No matter what I do to kill them-              They won’t leave.

[dawn-t0-dusk]

#85: Little Kids and Lifetimes

Its illogical,         Because its been years.

But it is logical        Because the scars still remain.

Its been a lifetime,        Childhood was an eternity ago,        And cruel hands have not touched him in years.        There has been an understanding,                    One he was never invited to        And the anger-                the fear.        It has never fled

It’s been a lifetime, yes.        But he will never forget what it was        How bruises had once felt        Eternity and infinity will not erase it.

Everyone else has forgiven,        Has moved on.        And he can’t understand it.        The fear and the resentment have never faltered.

But it has been a lifetime,        And there is no justice for him.        Not with “turned leaves”s                and “no evidence”s        blocking his path-        There’s no justice for the little kids                who were forced to grow up.

It has been a lifetime,        And yet.                 It's both eternity, and an instant.

It has been (just) a lifetime.