Everyday I wake up and choose murder over suicide ugh kill me

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@deadgirlvibin
Everyday I wake up and choose murder over suicide ugh kill me
researching authors who are alive and not very mainstream is like i am stalking them on instagram. i am stalking them on twitter. i am stalking their facebook page. i am ransacking youtube for interviews. i am stalking their agents. i am stalking the one (1) other researcher who has worked on this poet. i am doing all the things which for a dead author would be called research but for a living one feels like stalking.
i forgot this existed and coming back to it is like coming back home after a long vacation and everything feels calm and safe and the smell of unuse hanging in the air... feels like home. that's it. that's the post.
I did the being edgy and self-deprecating thing, it gets old. I wanna be soft and lovely and easily impressed. I wanna appreciate all the little things that make me happy the same way I’ve dwelled on every single thing that upsets me.
Four Meters of Perfection
Michelangelo’s David at the School of Belle Arti Museum in Florence, Italy
How do I write a Mafia story? Because I’m genuinely lost when it comes to research. I can’t find the information I’m looking for about the way it works and the positions! All I’m getting are famous mafias and guys with jersey accents. If it’s to much work for you, please don’t bother. I was just curious.
Hi :)
I do not have the time to really research it more than on a basis level, but when I was younger I had a phase where I loved to read non-fiction books about the mafia and so I’ll try to get you some information I remember.
How to write the Mafia
What is the mafia?
Plot twist: there is no the mafia anymore
it used to be exclusively about a criminal secret society in Sicily
other mafias are usually called by their region or country of origin (Japanese Mafia, Russian Mafia, etc.)
but they call themselves by their own terms (Cosa Nostra, Yakuza, etc.)
mafia describes a highly organized criminal network, often with international connections to other criminal networks and their own chapters in a lot of different countries
to go from a simple gang to a mafia, they have to be very powerful in their region and resourceful
they managed to infiltrate the political system in their region and became an economic player that shouldn’t be underestimated
the characteristics of most mafias are: a boss that stands over everyone, an initiation ritual before someone becomes part of the mafia, probably for life, a code of honor that says that members have to be silence when they get captured, and protection racket as their main form of criminal business
often the protection they pressure business owners into paying them for, is from themselves and they guarantee that they won’t attack the business or the owner’s family
this often happens in places where the police do not have the upper hand or cannot be trusted either
other types of criminal activities they are involved in: human trafficking, prostitution, gambling, loan sharking, drug-trafficking, fraud
How to write it?
decide on a specific mafia and become familiar with their hierarchies, their special rituals, their main business, their code of honor, what happens if they break it, etc.
if you want to have more creative freedom with your writing, establish your own mafia or create a new chapter to an existing one
but keep in mind that they need the characteristics from above
Characters
decide on who is the boss and how involved he still is (it’s mostly a boy’s club)
pick your main characters and decide on their position in the organization
what is their role, in what part are they involved?
who are the other members they mostly interact with?
do they have a lot of people they have to answer to?
how did they get into the group?
what are their motives?
how do they feel about the crimes they commit?
do their beliefs and morals still align with those of the group?
do they try to have a life outside of the group?
to give your life to a criminal network that functions as a family does not make life easy and you should show the highs and lows of being a professional criminal
think about the side characters
family plays an important part in the mafia, so make sure to include these people and show the dynamics between them
it’s important to give your characters their own personalities and individuality, so they become three-dimensional characters and not gangster clichés
Research
when it comes to writing a real, existing organization research is really important
do your research on the specific mafia you decide on, their rituals, businesses, modus operandi, etc.
all the groups have some things in common with each other, some form of organization, but they differ a lot in the way they operate and what they focus on
a story about criminals practically needs law enforcement
research the laws of the country your story takes place in, a lot of countries have their own laws for organized crimes, often just the affiliation with a criminal organization is a crime
for how it works exactly and the different positions inside the organization, I would take a look at Google Scholar, there are a lot of free books and articles that talk about those things in depth (you can just put in the specific mafia you’re searching for and some catchwords and you can even decide the period of time it was published to not use outdated info)
It’s not that in-depth, but I hope it still helps a little :)
- Jana
Sleeping early, attempt 1.
It's 10:20pm and I believe this is a reasonable hour to fall asleep.
Wait, my crush just texted, I should text her back, right?
Update: nope I'm staying up till 3 again what even is a healthy sleep schedule anymore
Starting this year with love. And hope. That's it. Whatever comes my way, no matter how massive or how painful, I'll have people with me. The same people who suffered through what I did. The same ones stuck in the storm with me. And with love and hope, whatever this year throws at me, it can be a little bit easier, knowing there's someone, there's always someone, holding my hand.
Every time I go back to all the things wrong in my life, how people just tolerate me, how I'm nothing at all to people, I have to remind myself that it's my fight against me. So... What's the lesson here? Letting yourself burn is intoxicating. But you have to claw yourself out of the fire. Not because you'd die if you don't, but because you'd find yourself if you did.
Middle of the month check.
I think one day at a time made December a little more productive than usual.
You are. Epilogue 03
Just keeping that story going!
#pascalcampion
Another day, another challenge.
It's okay if you don't think your mornings are productive
It's okay if you're tired because the night was harsh
It's okay if you need more than one cup of tea to properly function during online classes.
So, how to not let a tired morning ruin your day?
Get on your feet. No matter how shitty it feels.
You can do this.
Too tired to brush for three whole minutes? Do it for thirty seconds.
Opening windows feel like too much of a hassle? Keep your plant baby in the window which needs sunlight and fresh air and while you're doing it for them, let the fresh air hit you right in the face.
In no particular order, you can stretch, or lie around, or read a book, and it's still going to be okay.
You have made it to another new day. And that's what matters.
Some days your day doesn't start until four in the evening. Some days all you wanna do is lie under a blanket and not move at all. Some days you crave all the pasta and sweets you could fit in your stomach. And that's okay. Listen to your body. Maybe it's trying to tell you something. Or maybe it just really needs the break.
Ya girl tried to talk and here's how it went: Never aGAIN IN THE HISTORY OF TALKING WILL I EVER TALK TO HUMANS EVER
English is well and good but annotating books in my language feels so good ^^
It's like the feeling of home and in a weird way Bengali classics would always be perfect to me.
Kinda stressed but hey that's kind of the point. I have no idea what I'm doing but it's fun to try.
If you're ever bored, here's a list of Studio Ghibli films you can watch for free.
Castle In The Sky (1986) Grave of the Fireflies (1988) My Neighbor Totoro (1988) Kiki’s Delivery Service (1989) Only Yesterday (1991) Porco Rosso (1992) Pom Poko (1994) Whisper of the Heart (1995) Princess Mononoke (1997) My Neighbors the Yamadas (1999) Spirited Away (2001) The Cat Returns (2002) Howl’s Moving Castle (2004) Tales from Earthsea (2006) Ponyo On A Cliff From The Sea (2008) The Secret World of Arrietty/The Borrower Arrietty (2010) From Up on Poppy Hill (2011)
If any of the links stop working, please let me know so I can fix it.
For Castle In The Sky, wait for the free user button to be clickable and it will send you to the video.
how do I not share this, though (HIGHLY RECOMMENDING HOWL’S MOVING CASTLE IT’S MY FAVORITE)
Nausicaä of the Valley of the Wind (1984) The Tale of the Princess Kaguya (2013) The Wind Rises (2013)
These are so good if you need something to calm you down on a bad day or after panics :)