First love and future husbands pt.1
James Potter had always considered himself a fairly normal guy. Well, as normal as the son of a millionaire with a perfect future could be. In short, life was good.
Until he appeared in his life.
Regulus Black. The younger brother of his best friend Sirius. James's personal catastrophe in the form of a seven-year-old child with big gray eyes and an unhealthy obsession with planning their future wedding.
It all started on that cursed day when James was nine and Sirius was eleven. He was playing soccer with Sirius, Remus, and Peter in the backyard of the Black mansion. Their house was so huge that the backyard looked more like a small park, with a perfectly manicured lawn, a fountain in the center, and enough space for them to kick the ball without fear of breaking anything expensive.
"James, catch!" Sirius shouted, passing him the ball.
James ran forward, ready to receive the pass, when he suddenly heard a thin voice:
Everyone turned and saw Regulus standing by the French doors leading into the house. He was dressed in a white shirt and dark shorts, his black hair neatly combed, and he was holding some kind of book in his hands.
"Reg, we already talked about this," Sirius sighed. "You're too small for..."
But Regulus was no longer listening to his brother. His gaze was fixed on James, and James noticed how the boy's cheeks turned red, as if he had just run a marathon. Regulus stood there, eyes wide, staring at James as if he were something incredible.
"Wow," he mumbled, and then suddenly blurted out: "You're beautiful!"
Remus giggled. Peter nearly choked on water from his bottle. And James? He just stood there with his mouth open, not knowing what to say to a seven-year-old child who had just called him beautiful.
"Thank you?" James replied uncertainly.
"Reg, go back into the house. We're playing soccer, and you don't understand it."
But Regulus seemed not to hear. He slowly approached James, still blushing, and extended his small palm.
"My name is Regulus Arcturus Black," he announced solemnly. "And yours?"
"James Potter," he replied, shaking the tiny hand and being surprised at how sweaty it was.
"Potter," Regulus repeated, and James swore he saw hearts in his eyes. "Beautiful name. It will suit me when we get married."
The ball fell from James's hands.
"When we get married," Regulus repeated with such confidence, as if he were discussing the weather. "I'll be Regulus Potter. It sounds beautiful, don't you think?"
Sirius let out a groan that sounded as if his soul was leaving his body.
"Reg, you can't just tell people you're going to marry them! Especially my friends!"
"Why not?" Regulus was genuinely surprised. "Mom always says you need to know what you want and go for it. And I want James."
James felt his face burn up. Remus was now openly laughing, and Peter was photographing what was happening on his phone.
"Peter, put the phone away!" James hissed.
"No way!" he giggled. "This is gold!"
Meanwhile, Regulus continued to look at James with his big gray eyes, and James swore they were literally glowing with happiness.
"Do you agree to be my husband, James?" Regulus asked with such innocence that James nearly fell over.
"I... um..." James looked at Sirius for help, but he just shrugged with an expression of "figure it out yourself." "Regulus, you understand that I'm only nine years old?"
"And I'm seven!" he replied joyfully. "That means we have plenty of time to prepare for the wedding!"
And with those words, James's personal catastrophe began.
From that day on, Regulus followed him everywhere. As soon as James appeared at the Black house, Regulus immediately materialized nearby, like a little ghost in expensive clothes. He told James about what their wedding would be like (huge and expensive), how many children they would have (four, two boys and two girls), and how he had already chosen engagement rings (platinum with diamonds).
"Sirius," James begged his best friend after a particularly intense lecture from Regulus about why their honeymoon should be in Paris. "Do something about your brother!"
"What can I do?" Sirius spread his hands helplessly. "He's a child! And moreover, a very stubborn child."
"He's planning our family tree!" James groaned.
"Really?" Sirius looked impressed. "He really approaches planning very thoroughly."
But Sirius was already giggling.
"It's a little funny. Did you see how he practiced signing 'Regulus Potter' in his notebook yesterday?"
James groaned and banged his head on the table.
And Regulus only got worse. By age eight, he started bringing James handmade cards with hearts and their names circled together. By nine, he learned to bake heart-shaped cookies (with the cook's help, of course) and brought them to James every time he came to visit.
"I baked them especially for you," Regulus would say, offering a box with a pink ribbon. "These are cookies for future husbands."
"Regulus, there's no such thing as cookies for future husbands," James would reply wearily.
"Now there are!" the boy would declare joyfully. "I invented them!"
By age ten, Regulus began planning their dates. He made entire lists of places they could go when James "finally agreed to date him officially." These lists included restaurants, movie theaters, museums, and even a planetarium.
"I think we should start with something romantic," he would seriously explain to James, showing another list. "Maybe a picnic in the park? Or a candlelit dinner?"
"Regulus, you're ten years old!" James exclaimed. "You don't even know what a date is!"
"I do!" he protested. "I've seen it in movies!"
And then there was the incident with the veil.
James was fourteen, Regulus was twelve, and James naively thought that the boy's obsession was finally passing. Regulus had started talking less about their wedding and spending more time reading. James began to relax.
James entered the Black house to pick up Sirius for soccer practice when suddenly something white and airy covered his head. He panicked, started waving his arms, trying to free himself, and heard familiar laughter.
"Surprise!" came Regulus's voice.
James pulled off what turned out to be a wedding veil from his head and stared at Regulus, who was standing next to a huge mirror frame.
"What the hell are you doing?" James breathed.
"Trying the veil on you!" Regulus replied joyfully. "I want to see how you'll look on our wedding day!"
"Regulus!" James was horrified. "Why should I be wearing a veil? Usually brides wear them!"
"I know," he nodded. "But you're so beautiful that I thought... maybe you'd want to be the bride?"
James felt his eye twitch.
"I. Will. Not. Be. The. Bride!"
"Okay, okay," Regulus quickly agreed. "Then I'll be the bride. But I still want to see how you look in a veil. For... research purposes."
"What research purposes?!"
"To know which veil will match your eyes," he explained seriously. "You have very beautiful eyes, James. Brown, like chocolate."
James stood there, holding a wedding veil in his hands, and realized that his life had finally gone completely off the rails.
"Where did you even get this veil?" he asked weakly.
"I ordered it online," Regulus replied proudly. "With mom's credit card. She hasn't noticed yet."
My God. A twelve-year-old child was ordering wedding accessories online. Using his mother's credit card. For their non-existent wedding.
"Regulus," James tried to speak calmly. "We're not going to get married."
"Not yet," he corrected. "But someday we will. I'm patient."
"No! We are NEVER going to get married!"
"Why are you so stubborn?" he complained. "We're perfect for each other!"
"How can you know that? You're twelve years old!"
"I did our zodiac compatibility," Regulus replied seriously. "And I took an online compatibility test on our behalf. We match 98%!"
James covered his face with his hands. Regulus was taking compatibility tests.
"What's all this noise?" came Sirius's voice as he descended the stairs.
"Your brother is trying wedding veils on me!" James shouted.
"Again?" Sirius sighed, appearing in the hall. "Reg, we talked about this: no wedding fittings without advance notice."
"Again?!" James screamed. "YOU KNEW ABOUT THIS?"
"Well..." Sirius looked guilty. "Maybe?"
"Look, he's harmless!" James's best friend defended himself. "And besides, he spent a lot of money on this veil. At least look at how it fits you."
James stared at him as if he had just suggested jumping off the roof.
"I will not try on a wedding veil!"
"But it really suits you!" Regulus chimed in. "I specifically chose it to match your eyes!"
"I have brown eyes! The veil is white! How can it match my eyes?!"
"It's cream-white," Regulus corrected. "That's completely different. And it has gold embroidery that brings out the golden sparkles in your eyes."
James looked at the veil in his hands. Indeed, it had thin gold embroidery along the edges.
"It's horrible," James finally said.
"Reg..." he began, but the boy suddenly snatched the veil from his hands.
"It doesn't matter!" Regulus said quickly. "Forget about it. I'll just... I'll go to my room."
And he ran upstairs, leaving James standing in the hall with the feeling that he had just kicked a puppy.
"Great," Sirius said. "Now he'll sulk for a whole week."
"Sirius," James said wearily. "Your brother seriously needs professional help."
"Come on," Sirius waved his hand. "It's just a childhood crush. He'll grow out of it."
And then, when James turned sixteen, something happened that changed everything.
His father received a job offer in Italy. Not just a job opportunity to open a European branch of his company. This meant moving for several years, at least until I finished my education.
"This is a great opportunity for you, James," Fleamont said at dinner. "You'll learn Italian, get international experience, enter one of the best universities in Europe."
"But all my friends are here," James weakly objected.
"You'll make new friends and you can communicate with the guys over the internet," his mother replied. "And besides, don't you want to take a little... break from some aspects of your life here? We're not moving forever, son."
James knew she meant Regulus. Everyone knew about Regulus.
And honestly... part of him really did want a break. And Italy had always attracted James more than other countries. He didn't want to miss such an opportunity.
"Alright," he agreed. "Let's try it."
After a week of saying goodbye to friends and long walks with Sirius, James was finally packing his things in his room when he heard a knock on the window. He turned and saw Regulus sitting on a tree branch next to his window. His face was wet with tears.
James froze, holding a half-folded t-shirt in his hands. Regulus was sitting on the thick branch of an old oak tree that grew right by his bedroom window, crying so quietly that it was only visible by the trembling of his thin shoulders.
"Regulus?" James quickly approached the window and opened it. "What are you doing here? And how did you even get up there?"
The boy looked up at him with tear-stained gray eyes. At fourteen, Regulus was still thin and short, but the childish roundness of his cheeks had disappeared, leaving behind sharp cheekbones and too-large eyes in a pale face. He looked very young and very lonely on that branch.
"I... I know how to climb trees," he sniffled. "Sirius taught me when I was eight."
"Okay, that explains the 'how,'" James said, extending his hand. "Now come here before you fall and break your neck."
Regulus carefully moved from the branch to the windowsill, and James helped him climb into the room. As soon as the boy's feet touched the floor, he started crying again this time louder and more uncontrollably.
"Hey, hey," James was confused. He had never been good at dealing with crying people, and a crying Regulus was an especially difficult task. "What happened?"
"You're leaving!" Regulus sobbed, wiping his nose with the sleeve of his expensive sweater. "Sirius said you're moving to Italy, and I'll never see you again!"
James felt a strange pain in his chest. He was used to Regulus's constant attention, used to his ridiculous wedding plans and handmade cards. Of course, it was all annoying, but seeing Regulus so upset was... unexpectedly painful.
"Reg..." he began, but the boy interrupted him.
"I know you think I'm just a stupid kid with a stupid crush," Regulus said, his voice trembling. "Everyone thinks so. Even Sirius. But it's not like that! I... I really..."
He couldn't finish the sentence because he started crying again. James stood nearby, not knowing what to do. Part of him wanted to say something soothing, but another part thought that maybe separation would indeed help Regulus "grow out of" this obsession.
But looking at the tears on the boy's face, at how he hugged himself with his arms as if trying to keep from falling apart, James realized he couldn't just stand and watch.
"Come here," he said quietly and opened his arms.
Regulus immediately rushed to him, hugging James so tightly as if he was afraid he would disappear. He was surprisingly fragile in James's embrace. James felt his t-shirt becoming wet with tears.
"Listen to me," James said, carefully stroking Regulus's back. "What you're feeling... it's normal, understand? But you're only fourteen years old."
"Almost fifteen," Regulus mumbled into his shoulder.
"Okay, almost fifteen," James agreed with a slight smile. "But it's not about age, Reg. It's about the fact that you don't know who you really are yet. I mean... do you really know?"
Regulus pulled back to look at him. His eyes were red from tears, but curiosity appeared in them.
James carefully led him to the bed, and they sat down next to each other. Regulus was still holding onto the sleeve of his t-shirt, as if afraid to let go.
"I mean... when I was your age, I thought I wanted to become a professional soccer player," James said. "I was absolutely sure of it. I dreamed of playing for Arsenal, imagined myself at Emirates Stadium. And now? I don't even remember when I last played soccer for fun."
"But that's different," Regulus protested. "That's a career. And what I feel for you..."
"Reg," James took his hands. They were cold and slightly trembling. "Do you know what it means to fall in love? Real love?"
"Of course I know. It's when you want to be with someone always, when you think about them constantly, when..."
"It's when you know the person," James interrupted him. "Really know them. Know what irritates them, what makes them happy, how they look in the morning when they just woke up. Know their flaws and still love them. Know what they dream about, what they're afraid of..."
Regulus listened in silence.
"Reg, do you know what I'm afraid of?" James asked.
"No, not spiders. I'm afraid of disappointing people who believe in me. I'm afraid I'll never find what I really want to do in life. I'm afraid I'll spend my whole life pretending I know what I'm doing."
Regulus's eyes widened in surprise.
"Really. And I also hate olives, can't stand horror movies, and sometimes I lie awake at night worrying that I'm not a good enough friend to Sirius."
Regulus looked at him as if seeing him for the first time.
"See?" James said gently. "You're not in love with me. You're in love with the idea of me. With the picture you drew for yourself."
"But..." Regulus looked confused. "But I really... When I look at you, I have..."
"Butterflies in your stomach?" James finished. "Heart racing? Sweaty palms?"
"That's attraction, Reg. And that's normal too. But it's not love. Not the kind of love you build relationships on."
For a while they sat in silence. Regulus looked at his hands, and James watched the play of light and shadow on his face. Strangely, only now did he notice how much Regulus had changed over the past few years. The boy no longer looked like a child playing at adult relationships. He looked like a teenager trying to figure out complicated feelings.
"So you never liked me?" Regulus asked quietly. "Not even a little?"
James sighed. This was the question he had feared most.
"Reg... I like you. You're smart, loyal, you have a kind heart. But not the way you want. And you know what? That's good."
"How is that good?" Regulus looked offended.
"Because you'll find someone better. Someone who will be your age, who will share your interests, who will look at you the same way you look at them. Someone who will really know you and love you for who you are."
"How do you know?" Regulus asked, and despair sounded in his voice. "What if no one will ever love me?"
James's heart clenched. He realized that behind all these years of wedding planning and childish declarations of love was hiding a frightened boy who was afraid of being alone.
"Reg, look at me," James said, lifting his chin. "You're fourteen years old. You have your whole life ahead of you. You'll meet so many people, experience so many adventures... Believe me, when you're twenty, you'll laugh remembering how you planned our wedding."
"I don't want to laugh about it," Regulus said stubbornly. "It was important to me."
"I know," James nodded. "And I don't want you to think these feelings were wrong or stupid. They were real for you at that age. But people grow, Reg. They change. And what we felt at fourteen rarely stays with us for life."
The next day, all close friends and family saw James off at the airport. For James, this might not have been a tragedy, but for fourteen-year-old Regulus, it was the end of the world.
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