Ritta @decaf-artisan - Tumblr Blog

katco-cereal

Thank you, /r/ProgrammerHumor, I love you endlessly.

Redditors competing to make the worst volume sliders possible...

hometoursandotherstuff

capybara

Guinea big.

as a knitter, you start to notice how rare it is for characters in tv shows and movies to knit correctly. from worst to best, it ranges from:

- laughably incorrect, just flinging yarn around

- knitting the most basic scarf incredibly slowly because the actor Learned How To Do It For The Role

- old lady actresses casually knitting an intricate lace pattern while doing a monologue

- gromit from wallace and gromit

justangrymacaroni

1. that’s a garter stitch, which you can clearly see despite it being made of clay

2. they took the time to animate a modified continental style of knitting, including showing how his working yarn is wrapped around his pinky, and that he’s flicking with his index on his right hand

3. he only has four fingers and yet this is better than the vast majority of knitting on tv

nikrei

I keep seeing people use this image as a reaction to people's original posts:

Which I think is really incorrect, because with an original post they haven't come up to ur window, u've come up to their window.

So I made this, as a more accurate reaction for original posts:

slaygentford

wait i thought cleopatra seduced antony at cilicia not humiliated him?????? did hollywood lie

hahaha fuck

i love this story

so

first you have to know that antony and cleopatra had known each other at this point for like…. shit almost 15 years? and had had a correspondence on and off throughout that time. they’d known each other through her exile, through his campaigns, through her first child, through his (failed) interim consulship. it’s conjectural to say they were on good terms but… i don’t know why they wouldn’t be.

so when antony found out that cleopatra had funded cassius and brutus during the civil war? he was like, what the fuck. what theFUCK! (yells out window) OCTAVIAN DID YOU HEAR THIS! WHAT THE FUCK!

so antony issues a summons: cleopatra is to come to him so she can Explain Her Self. to this cleopatra replies: what the fuck did you just say to me?

(and you might be like, wait, why is that an issue? and i’ll tell you why, it’s because cleopatra, despite essentially being a (very tenuous) client king to rome at this point, vulnerable to invasion and just barely out of the woods re her connection with caesar, was a macedonian through and through: from language to looks to, you guessed it, ego. and she was fucking. insulted. HOW DARE HE! she probably yelled to charmian. I AM BLOOD! OF! PTOLEMY! NOBODY SUMMONS ME! charmian: i understand that your majesty can you please eat your dinner now)

antony summons her twice more. finally cleopatra, personification of the upside down smile emoji, says, okay! i’ll come. see you soon!! (:

now. cleopatra knew two things:

One: that she was richer than antony, and antony wouldn’t be able to afford a reciprocal feast if she went all out, which would be hugely embarrassing for him

and Two: that a lot of people liked to say antony was a dumb hoe, impressed only by material goods and lavishness, and that he didn’t like when people said this.

so naturally cleopatra proceeds to sail up the river to tarsus in an huge fuck-off ship, plus her entire waitstaff, 12 dining tables, a feast that was lavish beyond belief, entertainment, probably some peacocks or whatever, all decked out in pearls and jewels.

antony: wtf! why are you being so mean rn!cleopatra: mocking baby voice: why are you being so mean rn??? (normal voice) FUCK you

antony didn’t ask her why she had supported cassius ever again. and that was the beginning of the most famous love affair in history

beewulf

no offense but if i exit out of a program that program should close. none of that running in the background shit.

soratayuya

If you kill something it had better be dead

confusedcuttlefish

batsandboba

TikTok - Make Your Day

(SOUND IS CRUCIAL) this video is has murdered me dead the music the editing the way information is slowly revealed about the two of them the plot twist the breaking bad images. WILLIAM WILLIAM WILLIAM. all over minecraft parkour someone help im seizing

sometiktoksarevalid

omnybus

The bar was so low it was practically a tripping hazard in Hell, yet here you are, limbo dancing with the devil

travesty-majesty

OP this is such a raw line what the fuck

multipleanxieties

@theshitpostcalligrapher

theshitpostcalligrapher

o ya i've done this one

en-chi-la-da

monster proodle doodles

gothicspork

Three dads wishing their daughter good luck at her Catholic school final exams.

toothwormfactory

gdscript

Hey can someone help me go back and time and ask who's fucking bright idea was it to stick all the bass and other low register instruments completely on the right fucking side of the theater with zero compensation on the other? RIP to the people on the left side I guess, fucking ridiculous here please enjoy my proposed solution

FUCK YEAH WAY BETTER

bumblequinn

hey that's pretty cool. what's with the turrets

grimeclown

Put an egg in your ramen. Put scallions in your ramen. Put chili oil in your ramen. Put kewpie Mayo in your ramen. But nori in your ramen. Put tofu in your ramen. Put miso paste in your ramen. Put mushrooms in your ramen.

grimeclown

Do NOT reply or comment except to add good things to put in ramen. That’s what this post is for.

biteybeast

put fish sauce in it!! chopped garlic!! sriracha! vegetable tempura! pork belly! sprouts!

lets-tmnt-topside

// I love cooking comics best. And this one has ingredients so cheap I made a point to save it to my harddrive. It was originally drawn by Lucie Bryon here on Tumblr.

shiisiln

If you're extremely low spoons like me, you can used canned or frozen veggies, and some supermarkets sell pre-cooked chicken

Throw it all in the pot and fry it with butter to make it taste better, then throw in your water and noodles until it looks good

not-so-secret-nerd

If you don't have the energy but have a spice rack, powdered garlic, onion, ginger. Measure with your heart. Add one egg yoke. Dash of regular soy sauce. Siracha, again measure with your heart. Don't have that? Chili flakes or anything with a mild spice. Mix. Set aside. Heat water. Bring to a boil. Add ramen packet + ramen noodles. Cook till soft. Add one ladle of your broth to your yoke + spice mix. Mix that. Add noodles + additional broth. Add extra dash of soy sauce. Eat and be content.

gothiccharmschool

Speaking as someone who is frequently busy AND low-energy, let me tell you some of my ramen hacks!

Prepackaged broth.

Canned chicken or any leftover meat you may have. Add it in the last few minutes of cooking.

I endorse the frozen veggies! Also add those in the last few minutes of cooking.

Add some miso paste and a pat of butter. mmmm, richer broth.

Finally, because I have a lot of days where I have no energy AND barely time for lunch: THE MICROWAVE. Put your broth and noodles in a bowl, microwave it for 2 minutes. Pull apart the noodles (which will still be firm but not a brick) to make a little nest to crack an egg into. Add any other protein and your frozen veggies, then microwave it for another 2 minutes. THE BOWL WILL BE VERY HOT WHEN YOU TAKE IT OUT OF THE MICROWAVE, BE CAREFUL. But look at that! Fast, delicious, nutritious ramen!