How recently has someone given you the when-I-was-your-age speech? You know, the in-my-day-kids-didnât-talk-back-to-their-parents-or-do-drugs-or-get-pregnant-or-fail-classes-or-wear-baggy-pants old person rhetoric. People in each generation seem to look at the next with a sort of disgust for the changing times, changing ways, changing ideals, changing policies, but there remains that stagnant back-in-the-good-olâ-days notion of a more natural, normal time existing decades ago that may never be reached again. Firstly, none of that is true. When we look at recent history, childhood and adolescence have certainly changed, but when the pendulum swings one way, it is sure to swing in the other direction sooner or later. It is an interesting concept, you know, the one that childhood is sacred and adolescence is a time for partying and finding oneself. The modern concept of teenage angst and lack of responsibility is one that emerged relatively recently, in the 1950s.  And children were not always considered angelic beings that could be tainted by the devil in a moments notice. (I saw that weird sex scene in Forrest Gump before I was allowed to see it, and I turned out relatively fine.) Although childhood in American culture has been around a bit longer than the idea of contemporary adolescence, it has not always been this way. As a matter of fact, children used to be considered no different than adults after several years of age. Anyway, the history of childhood is really fascinating and you can go wikipedia it if you feel like you need more information on the topic, but history lessons really arenât my thing. Older generations seem to forget what it was like before they reached the age of fourty. Iâm sure some of this has to do with the fact that their minds donât really work as well anymore, and, also, that they certainly remember only parts of their younger days, and, in some cases, theyâve turned into old, grumpy, assholes. Working in a restaurant that caters to a mostly wealthy population with an average age of 65 may have blurred my vision, to say the least. But Iâve learned quite a few things about being old during my three years in that god forsaken place. And there are a few things everyone should remember when they grow old because BEING OLD IS NO EXCUSE FOR BEING AN ASSHOLE. Letâs start off with remembering not to use the phrases âback in my dayâ and âwhen I was your ageâ because, frankly, no one gives a shit. But we will listen to you because that is the respectful thing to do. Of course, when you were a teenager or when you were slaying bitches in college things were a little different. Sure, guys held doors for ladies and always paid the tab. But then is not now. We feel just fine carrying our air conditioners from the hardware store to the trunk of our cars and then up our five-story walk-ups before installing it in our windows.  We actually feel just fine about doing that. And we really do feel okay with âgoing dutchâ if we want to because we may or may not want to put him in the friend zone or maybe he just got laid off or maybe, just maybe, we feel like treating him for a change. These phrases are very condescending. The best elderly friends one can have are the ones who treat others with respect regardless of their age. Because, here and now, agism isnât cool or a good way to make friends. A second thing to remember is not to complain about changing technology. Iâm hoping Iâll be as technologically savvy as I am today, which means nothing compared to those crazies over at MIT, but Iâd like to be able to keep up with the times, so to speak. I mean, none of us want to parallel the experience of the time my dad asked me how to rewind a DVD because that is just embarrassing. And we also donât want to parallel that jerk who complains about people owning cell phones. Why? Because changing technology is changing lives. And, as explain above, things wonât always stay the same. A subset of not complaining about advancing technology is to remember that, if you donât like it, you do have the choice to live in rural America or a third-world country, or in the Amazon, or just without any technology in your own home. No one can force you to buy that cell phone. And when the machine that attaches to your eye balls and enables you to read other peopleâs minds is on the market, you wonât have to buy that either. Another thing about getting older that we should remember is when someone first offers you their seat on the train, it might initially offend you because it is a sign that people are noticing that youâre getting older, and that is scary, but there is NO REASON TO BE A DICK ABOUT IT. Trust me, giving an attitude instead of saying, âNo, but thank you,â doesnât make you appear any younger or any less decrepit. No, it only makes you look, not only old, but also like a giant dick. And no one I know has said, âMan, that guy was a giant, old dick. What a great guy! Iâd like to buy that guy a cup of coffee!â No one. Lastly, and along the same lines, being older than other people is no excuse for refusing to live in reality because, guess what, everyone is older than someone. This, obviously, does not apply to those suffering from dementia or other mind altering circumstances because they are actually experiencing a different reality than we are. But for those of us who are playing with a relatively full basket of marbles, we have to remember that being old is no reason to be rude to people because age does not equal entitlement. Entitlement is one of the least attractive characters in a person. And when we are older, we are going to want to have friends. So letâs not act entitled ever, but definitely not just because weâve gotten a little older. So, there you go, some wise words of advice from a 23 year-old woman who think she knows everything and with every year that passes will realize how little she knew when she was twenty-three.
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