Why I think I ‘might’ have ADHD: A young woman’s perspective
Hello Tumblr, I’d like to share my experiences with some issues I’ve been having as a young adult. *Disclaimer:* I’m not sure if I am ADHD or not, so don’t judge if you do yourself, this is about me.
The odd thing growing up is that in third grade and lower I remember having B’s and C’s. School seemed easy, but I was struggling with it for one reason or another. I remember being inattentive, not having any friends and reading was a slight struggle for me.
I recall my grandmother telling my mother and I that I had ADD, but my mom shrugged it off because the classic symptoms had only been descriptions for hyper little boys. I must of flew under the radar.
What’s weird is that after the first half of third grade, I started getting an entire B average with an A sprinkled in. I was on the Honor roll. I must of developed a coping mechanism to learn to sponge information. I could usually auditorily remember mostly what the teacher said later on tests. I went from mid-level (three to four) grades on the Florida FCAT (Standardize testing for schools in Florida) to straight 5′s on reading, writing, and math. Was I not ADHD after all? Or was I finding ways around it, and through sheer intelligence, bullshitting (faking it till I made it), and trying hard I made it through these big tests squeaky clean?
I was still not able to make but a couple of friends after third grade. I can count how many friends I had on one hand. Was this a product of my selective focus, or my destructive self criticism? Do children who don’t suffer from ADHD or Asperger (high functioning autism) have a decent circle of friends?
The main point of this article is, I think I may have ADD. I am incredibly messy, and the only reason I can pay bills on time is, I live with my parents and they have a specific weekday twice a month when my bills are due, not any ‘date’ for specific bills. My internet subscriptions are all on auto draft. There hasn’t exactly been anyway to prove if I’m ADD through ‘remembering’ bills or not. I’ve also never been late for work, save once or twice due to an emergency (like the few times I’ve left a light on and drained the car battery and had to wait for a ride to take me to work via my parents). I specifically latch on to times and if my days off get changed, but schedules are usually pretty standard at work. I know that my food handler’s permit expires in march, and my class two license needs to renewed in June. I chock this up to what I call ‘focused responsibility.’ This could prove against the ADD factor.
The thing is, with everything besides priorities, I get distracted. My room is a mess, my laundry isn’t done. I occasionally forget to take the trash to the curb unless I figure out it’s Thursday or Friday morning. I’ve almost forgotten to get the bills to my parents a couple of times. I can’t focus on any one thing either. I start so many projects, movies, games, tv shows, anime, books and can almost never finish them!
I’ve only ever finished two video games to date; Crash Bandicoot Twin Sanity, and Alice: Madness Returns. The amount of tv shows I could actually finish is similar. I have only completed five or six tv shows ever. I have seen Ugly Betty, Dexter, Outsourced (has only one season), 13 Reasons why (only one short 8 episode season), Weeds (watched the whole show with my parents) and Arrested Development. With books, I’ve read ‘maybe’ 100 and they had to be really really good for me to finish. I’d drop books as quick as I picked them up. I’ve only read two or three series. Some series I own but haven’t completed yet. The only series i’ve read straight through were Harry Potter and A Series of Unfortunate Events. I don’t have major dyslexia, but my reading speed is only average if I try really hard. Regarding anime, i’ve seen and completed a lot. This counters my problem with the rest, but anime is usually really short, or just so good/ addicting I can’t stop watching. Overall, I can’t ‘finish’ things. That is a very ‘adhd’ problem to have. Being disorganized is one of them as well.
I refused to go to college for multiple reason, but I’ll share the main. I wanted to be free from the constriction of it all! F** if I could tolerate the bullsh*t that is going to school for four to six more years! I’m wild and free! No more! I don’t regret not going. Not even a little. I’ve been working hard and learning useful skills on the job. My biggest problem at my job is I can’t always focus when there is too much going on! I also can’t find things i’m supposed to retrieve and if i’m distracted, I can’t figure out what I was doing. I would sometimes walk in the wrong direction or plated food up with the wrong starches (switch them).
It’s been rough. Really rough. Arguably, I can’t figure out if this is ADD or just my being forgetful or lazy. I have innate talent to lazor focus, memorize and I can double down and work fast when needed. I could be considered ‘high functioning.’
What do you think?
- Thanks, Dakota Brown.
