10 Characteristics of an Ideal guy
10 Characteristics of an Ideal guy
I can vividly remember that day you asked me about my ideal guy.
We were in college. 3rd year college to be exact, in one of the room where we usually have our class. That room was quite memorable. The class was a disarray, everyone's minding their own thing.
I'm sitting in my usual spot. At first row on the left when facing the board or at the right hand of the prof when facing us - well it's actually near the door and actually the safest seat where the teacher barely looks.
I've always like front seats. I don't mind being seen by the teachers because I always mind my own.
The seat beside me was empty, which you later took.
I was taken a back at first because you usually sit at the back or you either spends free time like this playing with the guys. But you were there beside me, pestering me.
At the moment, I even forgot what I was doing - studying maybe. that's what I usually do naman. Or maybe I was reading wattpad at the time - that maybe i forgot, ikaw kasi.
I let you sit there and not even minding you, but you know what. At that moment you sat beside me, my focus was already on you. I might not be looking. but I can feel my heart beating faster because you were beside me.
Maybe you got bored that you asked me something very random.
"What are the 10 things you look for in a guy?"
That was weird. We don't talk about things like those. We were just used to being together that we learn certain things about each other, we're more of a "ah gusto mo pala yan", "ah ayaw mo pala yan", "ah ganyan ka pala". We we're never even serious with each other - so kaya pala.
I don't know if I should answer you seriously or not because you're about to make a joke. (Because I can still also remember the day I thought you were going to confess your feelings to me but ended up pranking me saying "Ako si Gagamboy" I hate you for that. I was hoping you just chickened out and chose plan B - prank me)
I answered you that I don't have any ideals, because I believe that when you get attracted to someone, it just happens and there's no reason or basis to that.
You told me that that was impossible because for sure I have characteristics that I look for in a guy. Well you have a point. There are things that attracts our eyes - which allows us to see a person in a different perspective than other people.
I can't explain that to you. I don't like explaining myself to other people, it felt vulnerable. and besides you might just be joking. I have been waiting for the punch line. But got it to no avail.
You're getting impatient and so you took my notebook (that was actually my planner/ list of to dos for each subject) parted it in the middle looking for blank pages and was about to tear a page when I stopped you.
"What are you doing?"
"I'm getting a paper for you to write on"
"Write on what?" I asked
"the 10 characteristics of your ideal guy" you insisted
"Why the need to write it down? It's simple - mabait, mapagmahal sa pamilya, gentleman/ family man ganon"
"Write it down"
i gave in and wrote it down, very neatly. I even put headings and numbers.
I was halfway my list when you said "No Physical Characteristics?"
I've been thinking about writing only the values that I like in a guy but you kept on insisting that I physically describe the guy that I would like. So i still have 5 more.
"Matangkad"
"Maganda Mata"
"Matangos Ilong"
"Okay na yung ganyan kulay" I said pointing to his arms beside me.
"hmmmm" I pretended to be thinking and imagining the guy that I like
"Don't give too much thought on it, just write what comes first on your mind"
I was on my last characteristics, still looking at him, but he doesn't notice. He was looking away and would just check on me if I'm done already.
"Manly?" I said while writing it down
He smiled seeing me finish that damn list.
"So this is will be your ideal guy" he said while mentioning the list I've made. "So yung kabaligtaran nyan ang makakatuluyan mo" he fucking said, laughing his ass out. Standing up leaving me with my mouth agape.
He's such a jerk. and I was a fool.
And I don't know why I've believed him that second time.
xx
So maybe you were right after all. What was written on that paper would not be my guy. That's why you've never been my guy.
xx
5 years.
I've been writing about your for 5 years now. But all things must come to an end. And this maybe it is.
I hope I can finally learn to not write about you. The past years were hard. Random memories during college would pop into my head like a story prompt. Daydreams were either about the things I should have said and done or about the things I wished you did and did not.
You see I did not want to write that list because I wanted to tell you that it's you that I like. But I was too scared that you'll just tease me or you just won't believed me.
You all thought I had this inter-galactic standard, this ideal guy, when in truth I just like you. I've been attracted with the simple things you do and the way you see life, except for some things tho.
It was hard, pretending that I don't like you. that i don't feel anything towards you. It was so damn hard to repress all the feelings and kilig. I had to do what I need to do - to pretend that I wasn't falling. Damn I've been on the ground, foot first ofcourse.
So yes, 5 years and I'm finally saying good bye.
I'm letting myself go. I'm letting all those random memories and what ifs go.
Thank you for making me realize that maybe I'm capable of being loved back If I just allow myself and other people to do so. To accept the love they offer and not to question anything.
After 5 years, I came to realize that maybe some people are really meant to just share a certain time in their lives together. Parang tayo. That was our time. That was our moment. And I might have missed making the most out of it. I kinda regret. But it's too late. Life must go on.
So I just want you to be happy. Seriously. You deserve to be loved the way you give your love.
So this is me saying good bye and
hanggang dito nila yung paghihintay ko.
Thank you.
Audrey.
