I'm definitely not Lord Vader, Supreme Commander of the Imperial Army
(parody/satire account i am not affiliated with the Empire and express no official opinions)
i used to understand summer preferrers i used to see where they were coming from but frankly in 2026 its just an inexcusable position to hold. you think any of this is okay? you sicko?
always funny to remember darth vader is anakin skywalker. the adrenaline junkie chucklefuck who used to dive head first out of speeders and built a pod racer in his yard when he was like six is now upper-middle management for the evil empire. half of his appearances in the original trilogy are Meetings. vader spends like 80% of his time dealing with bureaucratic bullshit. status updates. team meetings. holo-Zooms. budget rundowns. anakin betrayed the jedi and caused the fall of the republic and his punishment is being CC'd on every email forever. and you know what. he would hate that. the punishment fits the criminal
I HC that Sidious put him in upper management specifically to make that hate flow. He looked at Jedi Anakin and thought to himself: what does this guy like? Jumping out of moving vehicles at 30,000 feet? Well, we won’t be doing *gestures at all of Anakin* that. Put this guy in an office.
THE FACT THAT TARKIN IS SO BATSHIT EVEN VADER THINKS HE'S FUCKING CRAZY IS THE FUNNIEST SHIT EVER - "vader had long suspected that grand moff tarkin was insane" LITERALLY SHUT UP
The fact that Vader is the voice of reason here is fucking bananas. How batshit you have to be to have Darth “You know what will solve this problem? Child murder ” Vader go “this guys nuts.”
So I was scrolling through Switter looking at these holovideos of Leia Organa's assassination attempt and something crazy occurred to me. How could she have these quick reflexes? Here's a thought, she's force sensitive!!!!
#RPF SHIPPERS DNI
🐱lesbianwarriorlothcats follow
You all really should stop using Switter, it's still owned by a prominent Pro-empire nepobaby. Go to BlueSpace or Concord or something.
💀mychemistbromance follow
Bro, no one uses BlueSpace, and they scrap your information anyways. Concord doesn't have a good alternative, remember there's no ethical consumption under caempiretalism.
And OP clearly uses social media other than Switter, they're here after all lol
💥bluefire56 follow
This is all very ironic considering Leia Organa, Mon Mothma, and basically every former rebel leader have verified Switter accounts. Isn't that sus.
🌠Starcatcher12 follow
Yeah, dude, I'm sure Leia fucking Organa of all people secretly supports the Empire.
Can yall at least engage with the point of my post? I swear to the force...
🐱lesbianwarriorlothcats follow
you're saying she's force sensitive based on good reflexes, you can't get mad when your theory is this outlandish.
👻maraleialover12 follow
Force sensitivity is a spectrum, it isn't as rare as it was once believed, it wouldn't be that rare. Is not as outlandish as you might think. I think is a fair argument, just like the arguments out there about Luke Skywalker being spautistic. I think some sentients confuse force sensitivity with out right jedi mystical spanime super spayayin Z powers.
Source: I'm (self diagnosed) force sensitive.
Also does anyone recall that theory going around about Leia being the bastard daughter of Kenobi (THE Kenobi) and Breha Organa? Kenobi was force sensitive, so-
🌠Starcatcher12 follow
I SAID RPF PEOPLE DNI, why no one respects basic holonet boundaries anymore? Also wtf, you can't self diagnose force sensitivity.
And why would you ship a rebel leader with one of the kriffing Emperor's guard dogs.
#andwhythekriffyouwouldmakekenobihetero
⚡Jediknitter follow
Dude, not everyone has the resources to get tested. Like do you know how fucking expensive is to go and find Luke Skywalker? He's always exploring some ruins or saving people in the middle of nowhere. Like yeah sure, I'm gonna spend several thousands of credits tracking that bitch just for him to read my mind and take my blood or some cosmic bantha Jedi shit. Honestly can we talk about how problematic this trend is, I have seen all these rich Nepobabies holorecording themselves on ClickClock approaching the dude to ask him if they're FS enough to be Jedi. Have y'all seen his face in those holovids????? Guy's dead inside, I hope he gets fed up and starts exploding everyone's head.
#PleaseCheckYourClassism
🤖droidcreampie follow
Have you seen the one uploaded by MrWookieBeast, where he asked if they could collab for a reality Holoshow game? Skywalker looked scary as kriff. Glowing eyes and everything. He didn't even answer, he turned to his side and started talking to the air in huttesse, lmao, freaky shit.
👹 Devilsfucker follow
I heard that everyone in Tatooine thinks he killed his aunt and uncle and then fucked off . The case's very popular in True Sprime popholocasts
🧛Spalestatlawyer follow
Luv, he single handely blew up the death star I, killed the Emperor and Darth bloody Vader. How is this of any surprise?🤐
🌞Supernova-chaos follow
Damn, Stewjonian, thinks Luke Skywalker is some psycho, a lawyer AND a Interview with the Force Vampire fan, pick a struggle girl.
🐸 justvib1ng follow
The ableism in this forcedamn thread. Skywalker isn't "scary", he's literally just spautistic and a young man from a less civilized planet.
🤖 droidcreampie follow
His eyes WERE GLOWING. HE'S ALWAYS TALKING TO THE NOTHINGNESS. HE FORCE CHOKES IMPERIALS.
🐸 justvib1ng follow
So? You're pathologizing and sithmonizing psychosis now?
🌋 musta-far-far-away follow
"He's just from a less civilized planet" 💀💀💀💀
For all we know Vader could also be from Tatooine and also have psychosis and be spautistic, does that mean he wasn't scary or-
Also psychosis IS a pathology, wha-
🐸 justvib1ng follow
The fuck is wrong with you to comparing a rebel hero, a queer icon and autistic young man to fucking Darth Vader. Again, sithmonizing neurospadivergent traits.
Good thing Luke doesn't use social holomedia or he would kill himself if he knew people compare him to Vader. (YES, I KNOW ABOUT THAT ONE INTERVIEW, HE WAS CLEARLY DISTRACTED AND LITERALLY RAN AWAY, is just rumors, I have been blocking everyone who brings up that video- LUKE HATES VADER, PERIOD.)
🌸starmood_hol0boards follow
Gotta love the misogyny here. OP literally made a post about Leia Organa and here's everyone talking about poor booboo Skywalker having to talk to tourists and wishing he starts killing sentients and Vader and shit. Y'all are disgusting.
Back to the point, though, I think Leia Organa being FS is hella cool, we do need more FS women representation. She's quite good at reading political opponents and quick to react to danger. She's also done some impressive stunts, I wouldn't be surprised if she's secretly a Jedi, she just doesn't want to brag about it and doesn't feel the need to say it out loud every chance she gets and put on dramatic dark robes, unlike someone else.
⛄ Wampavampas211 follow
Girl, are you aware misogyny is only a problem in some planets? There's many other planets dealing with the opposite fyi. The person you reblogged from is literally from Dathomir, it's really insensitive for them, they were literally raised under the idea of their sole purpose to be to breed with witches and fight their brothers to death just for the right to mate and then be killed.
🤠ye-hawwwt follow
Force, I wish that were me
#breedingkink
🤺Jedishipping-archive follow
Personally I think it's even more sexist to think Leia needs to be force sensitive or a fucking Jedi to be cool
you're erasing her own merits cuz now all her skills and achievements are religion and magic.
🌠Starcatcher12 follow
I SAID RPF SHIPPERS DNI
🐱 lesbianwarriorlothcats follow
RPF shippers killed OP's grandma 😔
🌠 Starcatcher12 follow
They fucking literally did, technically Boba Fett did it, but it was due to RPF shipping.
A group of RPF shippers hired Boba Fett to kill her for getting in between their ship (Sebulba x Tay' Loorr Quickst)
#YES.TAY'LOORR IS GAY AND SHE WAS DATING MY GRANDMA
🦠 Wokewookie follow
I was expecting you to say Darth Vader was a RPF shipper, because he always used to hire Boba Fett
⚡ Jediknitter follow
Tbh he actually wrote fanfiction of Luke Skywalker and him ruling the galaxy, it's easy to find.
And I'm assuming @ justvib1ng is referring to this. Someone asked Skywalker if he has read those and he said he likes to read anything his father writes (???!!!!!!) and then jumped off of a cliff onto a ship and flew off.
criminally unexplored idea in the SW fandom is the fact that Darth Vader, ruler of the galaxy, was in his early twenties for a solid portion of that time and surrounded by old men imperials, which means he probably had to deal with more than one moment of being the intern who doesn't get the reference except that he is not the intern he is Darth Vader and supposed to be very scary and ominous about that
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