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Lint Roller? I Barely Know Her
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occasionally subtle

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@theartofmadeline

Jar Jar Binks Fan Club
Not today Justin
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@defnotcatgrass
that look of awe the first time shane watches ilya come just makes me think abt how fascinated and enamored i think shane is by ilyas cock in those early days. he can't believe that he, him, shane hollander, can make somebody's cock do that. he loves watching ilya get hard, he loves that it's him who does that to ilya. and ilya is equally turned on by shane's interest in his cock, in the way he genuinely seems to get a real kick out of watching it grow from completely soft to hard and dripping. shane just rests his head on ilya's thigh and stares at it, brow furrowed with concentration and desire, and his watchful gaze makes ilya feel CRAZY in the best way, it doesn't take him long to get hard without even being touched. and shane just watches with that hypnotized look in his big brown eyes and eventually reaches over to pet ilya's cock lightly with two fingers, and it jumps under his touch and leaks a thick string of precum. and shane just murmurs "that's so fucking hot" before enveloping the fat tip in his mouth
that look of awe the first time shane watches ilya come just makes me think abt how fascinated and enamored i think shane is by ilyas cock in those early days. he can't believe that he, him, shane hollander, can make somebody's cock do that. he loves watching ilya get hard, he loves that it's him who does that to ilya. and ilya is equally turned on by shane's interest in his cock, in the way he genuinely seems to get a real kick out of watching it grow from completely soft to hard and dripping. shane just rests his head on ilya's thigh and stares at it, brow furrowed with concentration and desire, and his watchful gaze makes ilya feel CRAZY in the best way, it doesn't take him long to get hard without even being touched. and shane just watches with that hypnotized look in his big brown eyes and eventually reaches over to pet ilya's cock lightly with two fingers, and it jumps under his touch and leaks a thick string of precum. and shane just murmurs "that's so fucking hot" before enveloping the fat tip in his mouth
that look of awe the first time shane watches ilya come just makes me think abt how fascinated and enamored i think shane is by ilyas cock in those early days. he can't believe that he, him, shane hollander, can make somebody's cock do that. he loves watching ilya get hard, he loves that it's him who does that to ilya. and ilya is equally turned on by shane's interest in his cock, in the way he genuinely seems to get a real kick out of watching it grow from completely soft to hard and dripping. shane just rests his head on ilya's thigh and stares at it, brow furrowed with concentration and desire, and his watchful gaze makes ilya feel CRAZY in the best way, it doesn't take him long to get hard without even being touched. and shane just watches with that hypnotized look in his big brown eyes and eventually reaches over to pet ilya's cock lightly with two fingers, and it jumps under his touch and leaks a thick string of precum. and shane just murmurs "that's so fucking hot" before enveloping the fat tip in his mouth
once I snorted a fat line of nuance and everything started depending. watch out
i just looove the image of ilya sliding into shane’s hole and then immediately stopping all movement when he bottoms out. he closes his eyes and takes a couple of deeps breaths and shane is looking back at him like 😠 why’d you stop??? come on baby i neeeeed you (whiny) meanwhile ilya is fighting for his life & also to not blow his load right there and then like please….just give me a second….
this happens at least once a week years into their marriage btw
should I do a sex pollen part 2 to my toxic batman fic............
an idea for a college au where it’s shane’s freshman year and it’s the first time he’s drunk as hell and he’s trying to enter his room and his keys is not working at all and he’s mumbling and grumbling and trying to open the door and nothing is working and suddenly the door swings open and there’s a man that shane’s has never seen before and he looks mad “what the fuck are you doing in my door” he asks “your door? this is my room” shane’s says “no, this is my room” “no, it’s my room” shane’s replies slurring the words and then they go back and forth. the guys notice he’s drunk and kinda accepts he’s not going anywhere with this conversation so he just pulls shane inside, takes his shoes and jeans and put shane to sleep with him in his bed. next morning shane’s wakes up with the worst headache he ever felt in his entire life an arm draped across his stomach and panics looking at his side and seeing a literal angel laying besides him. he bolts from the bed finds his clothes and everything else and leaves the room. later he realizes he’s in a different floor. after that he just tries do pretend that this never happened. next class he gets there early, like always, and who shows up and sit right next to him? the guy from the other day “not very nice of you to ditch me like that after i took such good care of you, yes?” and shane’s face is bright red from embarrassment and mumble an apology but he wants nothing to do with the guy anymore but now he has an assignment with him and now they have to spend weeks together and there’s no way to run anymore. he’s stuck with ilya rozanov who seems to be enjoying every single minute of shane’s despair
I do think that Shane gets a Russian language tutor. He sees that Ilya is always having to think, speak, and translate in his second language. And he knows that Ilya is fluent by this point, but if he's serious about forever with Ilya (which he is) he wants Ilya to be able to communicate with his boyfriend in his native language. He also saw how much his grandparents struggled with learning English as adults and how much more expressive and talkative they were when they spoke Japanese at home together.
So he gets a tutor. He meticulously researches her (she's from Moscow, so he'll learn from someone with Ilya's same accent). She's signed to more NDAs than he can count. She has 10 years of experience, she's certified to teach English and Russian, and she has 4.8 stars on MyTutor.
Shane pays her a frankly concerning amount of money to make house calls. Twice weekly, unless he's on the road, she arrives at his apartment to teach him foundational Russian. She gives him workbooks, Russia cartoon recommendation, podcasts for beginners, etc. He tells her he's learning because his boyfriend is Russian and she outlines a course that focuses on domestic language first (as opposed to travel or business). She even teaches him what she calls a 'culture course' with lessons on Russian music, food, and various traditions.
She's only a few years older than Shane and he actually finds himself looking forward to her visits. At this point, she's the only person other than his parents that knows he has a boyfriend.
About 4 months in, Shane finally feels comfortable enough to ask about what he'd been very excited about learning.
"You want me to teach you how to talk dirty to your boyfriend?" Ekaterina raised an eyebrow.
"Um," Shane blushed. Was this a little too far? Was this inappropriate to ask of a tutor? "Yes? If - If that's okay, I mean."
A slow smirk spread over her face. "This will be fun. Fun for me, now. Fun for you, later."
"I made a list," Shane admitted. He wasn't going to back out now, he put a lot of thought into his list. He turned to it in his Russian notebook and handed it to her.
She scanned over it indifferently. "You will use all this in one night?"
"Yeah, probably. Is it too much?"
"It is good you have a Russian man," Ekaterina said. "They have good stamina. Mostly, anyway."
And while it was a little embarrassing for Ekaterina to correct his pronunciation of please let me suck your cock, it helped that she seemed just as comfortable with that as there is tea on the stove.
Though, maybe he shouldn't have learned those phrases at the same time, because Ilya will never, for as long as they live, allow him to forget asking, while down on his knees and with excellent pronunciation, please let me suck your tea.
I feel like someone who is more versed in fanfic writing needs to do a hollanov superbat au. Cause wanting to the be the best and to be good and for people to see him as the best/good is very Superman coded (Shane). And brooding guy who lost his parent young and spends his time trying to live up to what they believed he was is very Batman coded (Ilya).
IF SOMEONE HAS WRITTEN THIS TAG ME PLEASE
Connor Storrie behind the scenes of Criminal Minds
2016 Ilya Rozanov searching “muscle bottom” on pornhub while crying. Send post
#myshane was a late talker. Like really late, like almost 5 years old and never spoke once late. Yuna and David were a bit worried about it but it’s not like he didn’t communicate at all, just not with spoken words. He could clearly understand what was going on around him, he nodded or shook his head when he needed to, he pointed at things he wanted or needed, he could already read pretty reliably, he just. Didn’t talk. They made a concerted effort to speak to him like a person, not just baby talk, and in both English and French, in the hopes that he’d understand both languages better, even if he wouldn’t or couldn’t speak them.
They were starting to get concerned about how he’d do when he started kindergarten in the fall, there had been a few late night conversations about if they should find a speech therapist if he was still non-speaking by the time he started school, but one day after they’re driving home from a Centaurs game, Shane suddenly pipes up from his carseat in the back,
“Mama, Daddy, I wanna be a hockey player when I grow up.”
It’s so unexpected that David slams on the brakes and Yuna spills the remains of her ginger ale on her lap. They both whip their heads around to look at the small boy happily kicking his feet in the backseat wearing the jersey that looks more like a tent on him (he’ll go through a growth spurt in a month or two and it’ll fit just fine) who has no idea he just did anything special.
Turns out, he was just waiting until he was sure of his language abilities and found the right thing to say. After that, he happily chatted away in perfect English and perfect French, pointing out cool rocks or asking about interesting things he sees when he runs errands with his parents, or (to Yuna and David’s both horror and delight) chirping players when they watch hockey together, pointing out their weaknesses and mistakes and just generally talking shit, even at 5 years old.
Headcanon that baby Shane has a slight accent when speaking English, and it's for a super unexpected reason.
A few weeks post-partum, Yuna decided that their son should be bilingual. Yuna speaks to Shane in Japanese, and David speaks to him in French. Baby Shane catches on extremely quickly.
It isn’t until baby Shane is enrolled in daycare that the staff notices he has a hard time following directions and making friends.
Yuna and David find it hard to believe. At home, baby Shane is speaking two languages and actively translating between French and Japanese. It’s not until a few weeks later that Yuna comes to the realization.
“David,” she calls from the kitchen after hearing David read Shane a book in French. “Did we ever formally teach this kid English?”
And David is sitting there stunned, because no, no, they did not. Sure, David and Yuna spoke to each other in English, and to their friends and family in English when they visited the house, but they never spoke to Shane in English.
They enroll Shane in an English as a Second Language class (which really should be called English as a third language, in this case). Shane eventually catches up and becomes somewhat fluent in English, but he has this slight hybrid Euro-Asian accent when he speaks it.
Headcanon that baby Shane has a slight accent when speaking English, and it's for a super unexpected reason.
A few weeks post-partum, Yuna decided that their son should be bilingual. Yuna speaks to Shane in Japanese, and David speaks to him in French. Baby Shane catches on extremely quickly.
It isn’t until baby Shane is enrolled in daycare that the staff notices he has a hard time following directions and making friends.
Yuna and David find it hard to believe. At home, baby Shane is speaking two languages and actively translating between French and Japanese. It’s not until a few weeks later that Yuna comes to the realization.
“David,” she calls from the kitchen after hearing David read Shane a book in French. “Did we ever formally teach this kid English?”
And David is sitting there stunned, because no, no, they did not. Sure, David and Yuna spoke to each other in English, and to their friends and family in English when they visited the house, but they never spoke to Shane in English.
They enroll Shane in an English as a Second Language class (which really should be called English as a third language, in this case). Shane eventually catches up and becomes somewhat fluent in English, but he has this slight hybrid Euro-Asian accent when he speaks it.
David jumping to all stars as the moment where Shane and Ilya first hooked up is so funny when you think about it. "You had such great chemistry." Like it's funny enough if he thought they hooked up because of their chemistry on the ice. It's even funnier if he thought they fucked to get that chemistry. He assumes they arrived there as enemies and had sex as some kind of really intense get-along shirt.