I'm sick and have nothing to do, so I rewatched the new dance moms and wrote down all the quotes that made me laugh, so here you go
“You just take out the trash”-Glo “Your trash”-Random mom 1 “Did you just call her trash”-Random mom 2 “No I take out her trash”-Random mom 1
“I’m not a big cleaner”-Ashlan
“It just doesn’t meet my standards”-Ashlan (about her mom’s makeup)
“I thought that we were doing a t shirt dance because medium is above small and lower than a large”-Leilah
“This is the life, I got cheez its and I get to sit around”-Leilah
“I’m at the point where I need some coffee” *sips from coffee cup*-Ashlan “Is that coffee Ashlan?”-producer “No it’s cherry coke”-Ashlan
“If her foot’s broken-"-Glo “I danced on a broken foot for a month”-Kaeli “Good for you”-Glo
“We all know that Glo lives in Audrey’s basement but it’s this weird unspoken rule that we’re not allowed to talk about it”-Corinne
“You’ll start the dance together in a nylon sack”-Glo
“The only one living rent free is Glo, in Tammi’s basement"-Lisa
“What was the lesson this week?”-Glo “Um, to serve”-Bellatrix
“Miss Glo kept yapping about eight people. It could be six but she’s gonna complain about that. Then it’s gonna be five, she’ll complain about that. And she’ll be like ‘ahh I just want my team back’”-Leilah
“The group dance is about birdies. My favorite birdie is fat baby chickens. Bak Baaak”-Mina
“My mom said that if I cry on stage, which I did cry on stage, we can go back to the outlet mall and get another bear just like that and I’m gonna name him candy candy candy sweet’s brother”-Mina
“A brain break for me is when I just sit on the couch and I don’t think about anything else and don’t talk to anyone”-Ashlan (same girl)
“Bellatrix there was a myth about the Amazon warriors that when they were young, they would either strap off their right breast or they would cut it off completely so that they were more accurate with their bow and arrow”-Glo
“Of course Ashlan’s getting a solo with a beauty pageant because she’s a beauty dude. And she doesn’t have that much brain cells. She has a little more beauty than-“-Mina “Come on Mina!”-Min “What? She has brain cells too! But she has a little more beauty.”-Mina
“They took her while she was sleeping”-Lisa “They should’ve just locked the doors”-Ashlan
“God would be very concerned about you gyrating in church”-Glo
“Miss Glo said that I have to be in love with Lily, so what I have to do is picture her as my dog because I love my dog so much, even though my dog can’t dance”-Ashlan
“It’s not my fault that Lily and Smiley look like lesbian twins”- Domenica
“So, karma’s a bitch. Talking shit about my kid”-Roxce “*singing* Karma’s a—“-Bellatrix “Don’t do that!”-Roxce “It’s just like Jojo Siwa!”-Bellatrix
“Dumb bitch!”-Tammi “You dumb bitch!”-Jing “Good one, repeat me”-Tammi “Jing and Tammi are both dumb bitches”-Min
“With that in mind moms, I want you to go over to the table. I want you to grab a Sharpie. I want you to go to one of the bodybags, and I want you to write your kid’s name on it.”-Glo
Ashlan 6; Glo 5; Mina 4; Leilah 3; Bellatrix 2; Corinne 1; Domenica 1; Lisa 1; Min 1; Rando 1