Alisa U Zemlji Chuda
almost home
KIROKAZE
trying on a metaphor
blake kathryn
祝日 / Permanent Vacation
JBB: An Artblog!
we're not kids anymore.
AnasAbdin
Cosmic Funnies
One Nice Bug Per Day
h
dirt enthusiast
Jules of Nature
TVSTRANGERTHINGS
No title available
Janaina Medeiros
NASA
⁂
Discoholic 🪩
seen from Canada
seen from United States
seen from Iraq
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from Italy
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from United Kingdom
seen from United Arab Emirates
seen from Türkiye
seen from Germany
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from United Kingdom
@delightfully-derranged
I've moved!
for anyone that’s still following this account - I've moved to a new url.
I lost access to this account for a long time, and then when I finally got it back I found a lot of my favourite blogs missing, so I've decided to start from scratch and see where I end up - feel free to tag along for the journey!
ILU all
I want to apologise to
- Britney for making fun of her when she had her breakdown
- Monica Lewinski for judging her when she was a 22year old temp sexually assaulted by the most powerful man in the world
- Ke$ha for ever thinking she was trashy when all she wanted to do was make party music
- Kristen Stewart for ever thinking she was dumb when she’s actually one of the coolest people ever
- Megan Fox for ever thinking she was just a slut when actually she was an actress being harassed by her employer.
- Hating all the women who made a career out of having a hot body. Being is shape is hard, beauty is a weapon and auto promotion is hard work.
- All the Mary-Sues, who exist because young girls everywhere want to be part of a story they love so much
- All the female characters I ever snobbed because they got in the way of my ship.
- Hating the color pink during my teenage years, when it’s actually a lovely color and what I resented was society’s pressure to perform femininity.
I’m really fascinated/haunted by this notion that a rural town could pop out of existence and it would probably take weeks for anyone to notice, and in the end the first people to show up might be from a utility coming to shut off power for unpaid bills. Do you think society at large would recognize that everyone from a town of 100 people vanished, or would a network of individuals with no other connections simply think that their one friend or relation wasn’t returning calls? Would motorists passing through Kettleman City on the 5 notice that it wasn’t there? Or would they assume that they missed the signs for the exit and ride right through to Coalinga? Could a big town disappear? How long would it take for people to notice Fresno was missing? Bakersfield? If all flights into Las Vegas got cancelled, if the highway exits disappeared, would people assume it never existed? Would it fade from public memory? Would people choose to forget it? Would people silently accept that their friends and loved ones who lived there were never coming home?
It was getting crowded in Heaven one day, so Saint Peter decided for one day to only accept people who could make him laugh.
A man came walking up to the pearly gates and Saint Peter said to him:
“Alright bud, you’re only getting in today if you can make me laugh, so why don’t you tell me about how you died”
The man looked at Saint Peter and said
“Oh man it was awful, I was absolutely SURE my wife was having an affair, so I left work early and came home to catch her in the act! When I got home, sure as shit there she was naked in bed! I looked all over the apartment but I couldn’t find the guy anywhere so I went out onto the balcony, we live on the 25th floor, and there he was! Hanging over the edge by his fingertips! I ran inside, grabbed a hammer, and started smacking his hands and fingers with it! He finally let go and fell down 25 stories but he landed in some bushes, so I ran inside and grabbed the refrigerator and heaved it over the balcony down on top of him, crushing him and killing him! But the strain and exertion from picking up the refrigerator gave me a heart attack and I died.”
Saint Peter let out a faint chuckle, and since it was a crime of passion, he decided to let this poor soul in.
Another man came walking up to the pearly gates and Saint Peter told this man the same thing, that in order to get in he had to make St. Peter laugh. The second guy told him about how he died.
“Well St. Peter, it was awful, I was doing aerobics on the balcony of my 26th story apartment when a flock of birds came out of nowhere and startled me! I fell over the railing but managed to grab the balcony of the apartment below me. All of a sudden, some maniac came outside and started hitting my hands with a hammer until I let go! Luckily, I landed in some bushes but then this guy dropped a freaking refrigerator on me!”
Saint Peter chuckled again, let the second man into heaven, and decided he could really start to enjoy his job. A third man came walking up to the pearly gates.
Saint Peter gave his speech to this third man and then told him:
“Tell me about the day you died”
“Oh man Saint Peter you’re never gonna believe this! Alright so picture this…I’m butt naked hiding in a refrigerator…”
girls dont want boyfriends, girls want fancy ceremonial daggers to wear strapped to their thighs for style and intimidation
White-Throated Magpie-Jay, native to Central America (x x x x)
@candle-jacked fancy corvids!!
Let’s just appreciate Rick O’Connell for a moment
A man that was actually loyal and was so in love with his wife
A man who was almost always done with everyone’s shit
Literally everyone
Truly a man after my heart
Current mood
Cards Against Humanity is hiring new writers and folks…………….. I’ve waited my entire life for this
Hire this person
Okay, I have a life hack for you.
Last week, I got attacked by the most painful and persistent hiccups of my life at work. My co-worker heard me hiccuping and said, absently, “Got the hiccups?” and I said miserably, “Yeah.” And she said, “Prove it.”
And I glared at her, because why the fuck should I prove anything to her? And I waited for the next hiccup, which would prove that she was a dick and that I was, indeed, suffering from hiccups. And… that hiccup never came. And she smirked and said, “My daughter calls me whenever she has hiccups and when I ask her to prove it, she never can.”
And that was weird. But later that night, I got hiccups AGAIN, so I said to my boyfriend, “I HAVE HICCUPS.” and he said “Yeah, you do.” And I said, “No, ask me to prove it.” And he gave me a look like I was a crazy person, and I hiccuped again and insisted he ask me to prove it and he did and BAM. I couldn’t do it!
And a few days LATER, I got the hiccups WHILE DRIVING ALONE, and I said, out loud, “DUDE, I have the hiccups.” And then, in another voice, “PROVE IT.” And bam. Couldn’t do it.
The moral of the story? Apparently hiccups are little shits who refuse to perform on command.
There you go. Hiccup cure. I can’t promise it’ll work for everyone, but so far, it’s worked for me like six times.
You’re welcome.
I saw this post two years ago and it saved my life (i have hiccups a LOT, and it used to last for ages and get genuinely painful), so I just want to 1) spread this tip again, 2) testify that it even works through text chat for me. I can have a friend type to me “Prove it.” and bam, gone.
“Oh, you got hiccups? Give you ten bucks if you can do it again…” is what ETD does. No one ever ends up with the $10.
“Humanoid” can be a vague term when looking at alien/creature cause sometimes it refers to anything that’s upright and loosely has the body plan of a human, and other times people mean literally just a normal ass human with things added on
as long as it has a sensory organ or two and some limbs, it’s humanoid enough as far as I’m concerned.
Behold a man
the bare minimum is that humanoids must be bipedal
Behold a man: part 2
And they can’t have feathers
BEHOLD A MAN
Man we really are doomed to repeat history aren’t we?
When my parrot wants pets off someone he’ll go up to them, say hello, and lower his head to expose his neck. Recently, however, he’s been doing this to a pitch black crevice behind the couch, even trying to cajole the darkness with kissy noises and getting sad when the void won’t pet him. How do I explain that dark chasms are not friends?
There’s a ghost in there
a damn rude one, too. PET THE BIRD.
Saw this on Essence Magazine’s Snapchat and thought it would be helpful💕
Yeah seriously, sex education never told me any of this in school. Little me was panicked seeing the dark coloured bits and i had no clue that’s just the normal colour blood goes when its clotted or dried.
life in pink - kate nash
wish I could let my brain decide to stop the pain I keep heart-shaped glasses close to me for when it rains
Where has this been all my life?
It think the tardis just broke down…..
