DelliKay

A blog mainly about me, my rare conditions and my journey into the world of gaming Youtube/Twitch.

[amazingbrendanfraser]

[asplashofsims]

Animal Crossing Legacy challenge for TS4!

by @asplashofsims ​

Are you ready to move to Sulani with nothing but a tent and start your new life?  Then this is the challenge for you! An Animal Crossing Legacy challenge with 8 generations based on the different villager types! 

► Global Rules

Start with a young adult sim with the life span set to normal (You can base them of Animal Crossing Characters!)

Move into a desired lot in Sulani and set your Simoleons to zero with the cheat:  Money 0.

Complete all the aspirations and collections that are set for the generation and are based of the type characteristics!

Build your house by paying of your loans to Tom Nook.

How you handle romance, kids and choosing a heir is up to you!

► Rules and goals for every generation (Under the cut)

Keep reading

[lybeuh]

Sims 4 Legacy Challenge

a challenge by @chellplays (revisited by @lybeuh)

This is a twelve generation challenge for all of the marriage candidates from concernedape’s stardew valley.

Usual rules apply, meaning no cheats that give you an unfair advantage. Your sims do not have to look or be named after the characters in each generation. do whatever you like!

Generation 1: Abigail:

 You were raised with humble upbringings. Your dad ran a general store, while your mom was best at complaining about your “alternative lifestyle.” You left home looking to start a life free of rules and parents, and with 20 000 simoleons in your pocket, you settled down in a new city.

traits: music lover, adventurous, geek . aspiration: the curator. career: tech guru, esport gamer branch

goals:

⦁ max out the rock climbing skill ⦁ reach at least level 5 of the video game skill. ⦁ reach at least level 5 in any musical instrument. ⦁ complete the frog collection. ⦁ climb the top of the mountain in Mt. Komorebi ⦁ have one “quirky” trait, appearance-wise (e.g. unnatural hair color). ⦁ have two best friends, and marry one of them. ⦁ own a cat named david jr. ⦁ have at least two children.

Generation 2: Emily:

 You’re just working at the bar to make ends meet… but your real passion is tailoring. You make your clothes from scratch.

traits: cheerful, vegetarian, good. aspiration: freelance botanist. career: barista.

goals:

⦁ max out the knitting skill. ⦁ complete the knitted clothes colection. ⦁ must live in the same house as your sibling. ⦁ make a best friend with a sim who lives in another city/world. ⦁ grow your own garden. you like your meals organic. ⦁ decorate your house with clothing racks. you love fashion. ⦁ develop max affinity with another sim in both the green and pink bars, have two or more children with them, then “ask just to be friends.” ⦁ never marry.

Generation 3: Sam:

 You are an outgoing, friendly sim who is brimming with youthful energy. You play guitar and drums, and want to start a band as soon as you have enough songs together. However, you do have a habit of starting ambitious projects and not finishing them.

traits: music lover, outgoing, ambitious. aspiration: musical genius. career: entertainer, musician branch.

goals:

⦁ have a job as a part-time retail employee as a teen. ⦁ reach level 10 of the entertainer career. ⦁ max out the guitar skill. ⦁ reach at least level 5 in the video game skill. ⦁ must not be the youngest child. live with your younger sibling(s) until they are old enough to move out. have a good relationship with them. ⦁ have a strained relationship with your father (if not applicable, with any one parent). ⦁ become best friends with two other entertainers. ⦁ be married twice, and have one child with each spouse.

Generation 4: Sebastian:

 You are a rebellious loner who lives in your parents’ basement. You tend to get deeply absorbed in computer games, comic books, and sci-fi novels, and will sometimes spend great lengths of time pursuing these hobbies alone in your room. You can be a bit unfriendly to people you don’t know.

traits: loner, geek, bookworm. aspiration: computer whiz. career: freelance programmer.

goals:

⦁ reach the top of the freelance programmer career. ⦁ reach level 5 of the keyboard (piano) skill. ⦁ reach level 5 of the video gaming skill. ⦁ max out the programming skill. ⦁ have a negative relationship with your half-sibling and step-parent. ⦁ live in the basement of your parents’ house. ⦁ only have one child, with whom you have a strained relationship. ⦁ eventually let your relationship with your spouse deteriorate and subsequently get a divorce.

Generation 5: Penny:

 You live with your mom in a little trailer. while your mom is out carousing at the bar, you quietly tends to your chores in the dim, stuffy room you are forced to call home. you are shy and modest, without any grand ambitions for life other than settling in and starting a family. You likes to cook (although your skills are questionable) and read books from the local library.

traits: family-oriented, bookworm, neat. aspiration: big happy family career: none.

goals:

⦁ live with your mother (if not applicable, any one parent), with whom you have a negative relationship. ⦁ you must cook for your parent and clean the house every day. ⦁ live in a trailer-esque house. you are by no means wealthy. ⦁ reach level 5 of the cooking skill. ⦁ both you and your parent may not have jobs ⦁ marry the first person you fall in love with. ⦁ your spouse is the only one who may bring in any income, while you are a stay at home mom. ⦁ own a luxury pool at some point in your life.

Generation 6: Harvey:

 You’re a little old for a bachelor, but you have a kind heart and a respected position in the community. You live in a small apartment, but spend most of your time working. There’s a sense of sadness about you.

traits: genius, foodie, good. aspiration: successful lineage. career: doctor.

goals:

⦁ never date throughout your teens or young adulthood. focus on your career instead. get married only as an adult. ⦁ reach the top of the doctor career. ⦁ you love planes and decorate your house with plane related items ⦁ own a coffee machine. drink coffee as much as possible. ⦁ go jogging at least three times a week. ⦁ set up a reading garden in your backyard. ⦁ live in an apartment until you marry ⦁ have at least two children. having spent most of your life single, you want to have a comfortably sized family asap.

Generation 7: Haley:

 Being wealthy and popular throughout high school has made you a little conceited and self-centered. You have a tendency to judge people for superficial reasons. But is it too late for you to discover a deeper meaning to life? Is there a fun, open-minded young person hidden within that shell?

traits: materialistic, snob, outgoing. aspiration: fabulously wealthy. career: none (only get one after you are married).

goals:

⦁ become enemies with your one of your sibling as a teenager. ⦁ max out the photography skill. ⦁ you may only get a career after you are married, and you must follow the same career path as your spouse. they opened your mind and inspired you to have interests beyond shopping. ⦁ earn at least three points in charisma, so you may donate to online charities after you are married. ⦁ bake a cake for every birthday that comes around. ⦁ grow a flower garden. ⦁ become friends with your sibling(s) again after you are married.

Generation 8: Elliot:

You live alone in a cabin. You are a writer who dreams of one day writing a magnificent novel. You are a sentimental “romantic” with a tendency to go off onto flowery, poetic tangents. When you can afford it, you enjoy a strong beverage at the bar.

traits: romantic, bookworm, loner. aspiration: bestselling author. career: writer, author branch.

goals:

⦁ reach the top of the author career. ⦁ live in a cabin-esque house near the beach ⦁ max out the writing skill. ⦁ reach level 5 of the piano skill. ⦁ reach level 5 of the cooking skill. ⦁ own a small garden. ⦁ specialize in romance books and poetry. later, you may also specialize in sci fi or mystery novels. ⦁ write love emails to your love interest at least once a week. ⦁ go to a bar at least once a week

Generation 9: Leah:

 You love to spend time outside, foraging for a wild meal or simply enjoying the gifts of the season. You’re a talented artist with a large portfolio of work… Yet you’re too nervous to display it to the public.

traits: art lover, loves outdoors, foodie. aspiration: painter extraordinaire. career: none (painter, later on).

goals:

⦁ max out the painting skill, and paint at least 5 masterpieces. ⦁ date only one person in your young adulthood and have a child with them, but never marry. your partner is unsupportive of your artistic lifestyle and encourages you to “get a real job.” whether you choose to get a traditional career, that is not as a painter, is up to you. ⦁ eventually marry the love of your life as an adult: someone who is supportive of your art. if you did choose a career, quit and take up a career as a painter. ⦁ have at least one child with your new spouse. ⦁ harvest wild fruits, vegetables, etc. on weekends. ⦁ grow an excellent apple tree. ⦁ attend a flea market and sell your art.

Generation 10: Maru:

 You acquired a passion for creating gadgets at a young age. When you aren’t in your room, fiddling with tools and machinery, you sometime do odd jobs at the local hospital.

traits: ambitious, outgoing, geek. aspiration: nerd brain. career: astronaut, space ranger branch.

goals:

⦁ reach level 10 of the athlete career track. ⦁ max out the handiness skill. ⦁ max out the logic skill. ⦁ have a negative relationship with your half-sibling. ⦁ upgrade at least five objects. ⦁ own a rocket ship. ⦁ your sim’s partner must be friends with your father (if not applicable, with either parent) before you can become engaged. ⦁ eventually, your relationship with your spouse becomes strained and you break up. you die as soon as your eldest child is a young adult.

Generation 11: Alex:

 You love sports. You are quite arrogant and brag to everyone that you are going to be a professional athlete. Is your cockiness just a facade to mask your crushing self-doubt? Are you using your sports dream to fill the void left by the disappearance of your parents?

traits: bro, active, dog lover. aspiration: bodybuilder. career: athlete, professional athlete branch.

goals:

⦁ reach level 10 of the athlete career track. ⦁ max out the athletic skill. ⦁ become enemies with your father, but have had a very close relationship with your mother. ⦁ begin dating in your teens and go on at least three dates with three different people. ⦁ do not marry until you are in the later stages of young adulthood. you’re marrying your soulmate, someone who stuck with you despite your arrogance. ⦁ own a dog named dusty.

Generation 12: Shane:

 You are often rude and unhappy, and suffer from depression and alcohol dependence. However, your attitude starts to change towards your spouse. After work you frequently spend your evenings at the bar. If you could reset your life maybe you’d start a chicken farm. Only free-range eggs of course.

traits: lazy, gloomy, cat lover. aspiration: friend of the animal. career: retail employee.

goals:

⦁ go to the bar after work every day. ⦁ get pizza delivered at least once a week ⦁ only get married as an adult. ⦁ after marriage, quit your job as a retail employee and choose a different career path. you’ve been encouraged by your spouse to give up alcohol. ⦁ after marriage, start a small garden. ⦁ have a maximum of two children. ⦁ max out the pet trainig skill ⦁ adopt a cat named charlie. ⦁ adopt one dog and train them all tricks

[grebcomics]

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[sketchesinstillness]

[dellikay]

The Arnold Chiari blogs: How my condition affects me today.

In my final ACM blog, I’ll talk about how my condition affects me today & what it is like to live with a Chiari Malformation. The first thing to remember is that ACM can affect every single organ and process in the human body. This is largely because the cerebellum & the brainstem are compressed in ACM and they control the nervous system & motor skills. Also, seeing as I was born with a malformation (left undiscovered until I was 18), it’ll have affected my body’s creation & subsequent ability to cope with growth & age, so I will not have evolved in the same way as someone with a Chiari Malformation. Most of the ways that I am affected by ACM today are “invisible”, as in they are internalised, so I consider myself very lucky for this fact. I know that this is not always the case with ACM, especially those who also have hydrocephalus (again, like me) so I count my blessings that more often than not, people can’t tell there is anything physically wrong with me unless I tell them about it. The only outward signs of my condition are very subtle and are centred around my mobility. I do have a slightly unusual gait when I walk & I can be clumsy/not pick my feet up enough when walking at times, but this has always been the case, so I don’t know any different. I can get self conscious about this, especially if I’m having a day where I feel ‘under the weather’, but I always counter it by thinking ‘if someone has an issue with how I am moving, all they have to do is ask and I’ll tell them why that is’. I have nothing to be ashamed about with my condition, after all. Additionally, my overall balance is not too great (never has been) and stairs are not my friends. I try and avoid stairs if I can, especially out in public, but if I have to use them, I have to make sure I can access a support (like a handrail) to help me up or down them. It is physically impossible for me to navigate them without.  Another symptom I have is sudden bouts of dizziness...these days, it seems to happen more so when I move from a sitting position to standing. More than half the time, I experience about five seconds where I feel lightheaded, my vision can be compromised and I have to steady myself on something nearby. It happens very quickly and disappears just as quickly too, but it is unpleasant and disorienting. Along with this, my coordination can be slightly off centre too. Again, this has always been the case, even from being a very small child, so I don’t know how to be any different.  I do believe that as I get older, my symptoms will increase in number and severity and I have read research that backs up my line of thinking, but I am prepared. Especially after turning 30, a lot more happened in a short amount of time and has resulted in some of the conditions that I find myself living with now. Some may have been down to circumstances, but I believe the vast majority of them are down to ACM and how my body compensates for it & tries to handle the handicap as I get older.  Arnold Chiari Malformation can be incredibly destructive, both to the body and mind, but there is a whole spectrum of ways in which it can present itself and an important thing to do when living with such a condition is to accept your limits, but do your very best *within* them. I can’t exercise as much as I would like to and there are certain kinds of exercise I can’t undertake because of the brain surgery I had as well as disproportionate weakness in certain parts of my body (my knees being a big problem), but I can still exercise with planning and caution. I’ve learned to monitor how I’m feeling & whether I can exercise - even just for five minutes - without leaving myself too tired to do other things the next day. It involves taking a lot of baby steps towards the end goal and often, an infuriating amount of restarts to the attempt, but I get there. 

[dellikay]

The Arnold Chiari blogs: The hospital stay & recuperation

All in all, my stay at Queens Medical Centre in Nottingham lasted for ten days. During that time, so much happened that it would take me many days to write about it all, so I’ll just pick out the most important parts of my stay. Got to the hospital and was checked in early evening. I’d just missed dinner, but they managed to find a meal for me. However, as soon as I was in my room (a small observation room off the main ward), I burst into tears and basically didn’t stop for the entire night. I could barely eat due to crying so hard. I was absolutely petrified. I had to sign permission forms basically saying that if I died, I would acknowledge that the hospital had done all that they could to preserve my life and that my family wouldn’t press charges and stuff like that...truly terrifying stuff for an 18 year old to have to read & consent to...When my parents had to leave, I cried even harder again. My surgery was scheduled for very early morning (5am or thereabouts)...I didn’t sleep the entire night, cried a load more and just watched the clock constantly. Whilst I was waiting to go into the operating theatre, I have honestly never been so scared in my life before or since. My whole body was quaking with fear, I was crying (still) and all around me were people with brain conditions needing surgery. Some were unconscious, some were sat up with metal nodes protruding from their shaved heads...I felt like I was in some kind of horror movie and that I would end up like one of them. The constant cloying smell of disinfectant made me hyperventilate & the clinical whiteness everywhere was unsettling. https://mayfieldclinic.com/pe-chiari-surgery.htm The decompression surgery took about two hours & after being put under, the next thing I remember is someone calling my name far, far away, in the distance. Suddenly, the world appeared around me again all at once: colours were blindingly bright, noises were near-deafening & the trolley I was on was being pushed through double doors into the recovery suite. I couldn’t breathe & started gasping for air so I had an oxygen mask put on me. Once they had stabilised me, apparently, I was very funny whilst doped up on morphine. I vaguely remember some of it - I was babbling at a million miles an hour, I kept thanking everyone because I was so grateful to be alive, having been convinced that I was going to die on the operating table or something like that and I kept making everyone laugh because I was just so joyous and hyper. After an hour or two, I was taken back up to the ward & put in the observation room again. I was allowed to give myself morphine as I saw fit to manage the pain. However, this had to be stopped at one point because my breathing had become too slow & shallow so I was put on tramadol instead. Regrettably, I suffered an allergic reaction to it & was in absolute agony & panic for hours on end until it had left my system. In the end, less than three days after major brain surgery, I was on Paracetamol to manage the pain. A few days later, my brain surgeon came to visit me on the ward. He was still concerned that the pressure on my brain was too high from the hydrocephalus I was also suffering from, so wanted to do a lumbar puncture to gauge the pressure still there. If it was still too high, he wanted to place a shunt in my brain, to drain the excess fluid from my head into my stomach. This, of course, absolutely terrified me all over again because I thought I’d been through the most difficult part and was home free, basically. So, I agreed to the lumbar puncture and had it that afternoon. Unfortunately, during the procedure, the person performing it hit a nerve in my spinal cord & I have suffered with back pain/problems ever since. However, I figured that it was a small price to pay for basically having my life saved. After I had had time to recover, I was taken down for an MRI to look at how things were progressing too. Results came back and I was borderline on the brain fluid front. Levels and pressure were still too high for my surgeon’s liking, but when he saw how distressed I was and how traumatising the whole experience was proving to be for me, he decided to send me home instead, on the proviso that I would contact him the very second that I had any problems or worries about my brain. ------- I can’t remember how long recuperation at home took, but I remember that for the first month at least, I was horizontal most of the time, my neck cracked loudly every time I lifted my head and I kept being paranoid that everything was going to fall out of the back of my head. Lol. I do know that during that time, I managed to complete Final Fantasy 9 and Space Channel 5 2 for the first time. :) I was very frightened that after the worst of the pain from the operation had disappeared, the headaches would return as they were prior to being in hospital. I had to more or less teach myself how to walk again and learn how to regulate my balance. As my surgeon explained it to me, basically, all of the nerves in my body had been reset and I needed to use them and test them out to activate them again. Before I even got into hospital, the surgeon had underlined to me that he couldn’t promise a miracle and that the best outcome I should be looking at would be to be the exact same as I was before surgery, but that I wouldn’t get any worse. However, I exceeded expectations...I improved significantly afterwards...the headaches disappeared, my balance improved and I was able to gain weight again. Of course, I do have some deficits that have not improved since the surgery, but I will detail these in my final Chiari Blog post. However, from the outside, 95% of the time, you would not be able to tell there was something wrong inside of me & for that, I am eternally grateful. Alongside the suffering that my brain and body were going through internally from the ACM, the stigma that was directed at me due how I was prior to surgery was incredibly upsetting and at times, I felt like a leper that people crossed over to the other side of the street to avoid. To have my dignity restored to me and to give me the ability to present myself how I wished to be seen again was something I never thought would be possible to recover.

[dellikay]

Arnold Chiari Malformation Blogs: How it all began & getting a diagnosis

This is the first in a series of blogs where I’m going to be writing about my experiences with Arnold Chiari Malformation (ACM, as it will be referred to from here on out), ranging from how my condition suddenly worsened and made it itself known, all the way to present day and how it affects me now. These will all be likely very long posts, but there is a lot of information to share and it is all integral to address, so that people reading this who don’t know much about the condition can understand exactly what the condition entails and how it feels to actually have it. I’ve split the whole ‘story’ into five parts and will be working to get those typed up and released as soon as possible. What I want to start with is how my condition made itself known to me, having laid dormant internally for 15 years of my life and the ordeals I went through to secure a correct diagnosis. It all started on a perfectly normal day - I was playing Simon the Sorcerer 3D (I’m blaming the game for it all because it was bloody awful and broken beyond all belief) on the family computer. I got to a part of the game (among many others) where the game had glitched and I couldn’t progress any further. I accessed a walkthrough online and read how to navigate around the glitch. I then started to feel nauseous. I tried to carry on as normal, but the intensity of the nausea increased rapidly and I had a really massive headache, one of the worst that I had ever experienced up until that point in time. I had to give up on my game and laid down flat on the settee. Before long, I was having major coughing fits and had to run to the toilet to be violently sick. This, of course, made the headache worse, so I ended up making up a bed on the settee and having to stay on there. I was too weak to do anything and I kept having to rush to the toilet at the drop of a hat to be sick over and over again. After a few days, my other symptoms from what we assumed was the flu started to subside but I was still being violently sick multiple times a day and had agonising headaches that lasted all day and all night. I assumed the headaches were an issue because of how often and how forcefully I was being sick multiple times a day. Months passed and I was still the same. I’d been to see my then GP a couple of times since regarding what was happening to me. Because I had been diagnosed with OCD and depression from the age of 11, he immediately assumed that my symptoms were a physical manifestation of my mental illness, so just upped my dosage of whatever I was on at the time and sent me on my way. I was going to college by this time, after I had to leave secondary school due to being bullied to the point of...well, not being in a very good state of mind, I’ll just put it that way. Somehow, I managed to attend classes and go when I should do and even went on a trip to Alton Towers with the group I was in there, all the while getting worse physically, having to excuse myself from lessons suddenly to go and be sick and having headaches so bad that I had to lay my head down on the desk. Walking to and from college (which was literally a ten minute walk from my house) become more perilous as my balance became affected...on one occasion, I was crossing the road and a car was approaching faster than I anticipated. I tried to run the rest of the way over but my legs immediately collapsed from under me and I fell flat onto the road, about six feet in front of the car. Thankfully, the driver had seen what was going to happen and had the foresight to slow right down. However, I couldn’t get myself off the road because I was dizzy and my legs didn’t want to cooperate and no one stopped to help me or to see if I was alright. I walked the rest of the way home in tears. I didn’t know what was going on and was obviously shaken from what had just happened as well as the sheer rejection from the public who just acted like I was invisible even though I was in dire need of help. Sadly, after a few more months of this deterioration, I had to stop going to college because I was too poorly to make it through lessons and the journey to and from college was way too risky. From one end of the day to the other, I laid flat on the settee and was just enveloped in a complete world of pain.  I persisted with my GP, insisting that there was something physically wrong with me, as opposed to it all being ‘in my head’ (ironically) and that the medication he had put me on my own wasn’t doing anything to stop the headaches or the vomiting. He wouldn’t listen to me and even got cross with me at one point and basically told me to stop putting it on to get attention. I felt defeated - I KNEW my own body and I KNEW that there was something very wrong but no one would listen to me. I could see and feel that it was getting worse. My balance became worse still, my weight had plummeted because I couldn’t keep any food in my system, I was still being sick multiple times a day and by the end, just bringing up water because my stomach was empty. I was accused of having an eating disorder and once again, doing this all to myself for attention. My headaches had got so bad that one time, I was laid on the floor in the living room because my head was too painful to stand or even sit up and suddenly my body started to move of its own accord. It was like I was rolling down a hill but I was on a completely flat surface. My body kept trying to roll to the side as if to balance itself if I was on a slope. It was completely out of my control and certainly one of the scariest parts of pre-diagnosis. I phoned for an appointment with my GP again, ready to stand my ground and insist once more that my symptoms were the result of something physical. I was angry, in incredible pain 24/7, weak, scared and I just wanted to be heard. When I went to the doctors, not feeling the most confident, I was told that my GP was off that day and I would be seeing one of the junior doctors instead. This made me feel a tiny glimmer of hope but I repressed it just in case he was of the same mindset as my regular doctor and he also accused me of being an attention seeker. When I was called into his office, I took a seat and I was asked to describe my symptoms. As I told him, the doctor started to look more and more concerned. He did some balance tests on me, which obviously I was incapable of completing and within five minutes, he told me that in no uncertain terms that my symptoms were way too severe to be merely a figment of my imagination and that he agreed that there was something physically wrong with me. He told me he’d book me in for an MRI. Finally. Someone listened. Someone believed me. I cried, partly from relief and elation that I had a chance of being saved from whatever it was that was destroying me from the inside out - and partly from fear because there really, truly was something wrong with me. Something seriously wrong with me, according to the doctor I had just seen. The following few months are a blur to me and I can’t remember any real details about what happened or the order in which things happened. I just remember going to Queen’s Medical Centre in Nottingham multiple times, being prodded and poked and being sent for more scans and then I saw a man who warned me that no matter what a man called Mr White said to me, I should REFUSE to have brain surgery. Under no circumstances should I listen to what he was saying and carry on as I was. He also asked me outright if I thought I had an eating disorder (basically, that I was causing myself to be sick and lose all of this weight - which was getting on for four and a half stones (63lbs) by the point - and made me feel like I had to concede that there was a possibility that could be the case, even though I knew it wasn’t. Of course, being in the sorry state that I was, I couldn’t understand this path of logic and neither could my parents. It turns out the Mr White was one of the leading brain surgeons in the country, specialised in rare brain conditions and would be the one to perform my surgery if I consented. We (as in me and my parents) met him shortly after and well, basically me and Mum fell in love with him. Lol. He was very softly spoken, gentle and kind - completely different to the man we had seen previously. Mr White was the one who told me I had Chiari Malformation Type 2 and what that meant. I was 18 years at the time (bear in mind my symptoms had started when I was 15) so he took his time with me, was very patient because he could see how terrified I was about what he was telling me and told me everything I needed to know and answered any questions I had. He explained why I was experiencing the symptoms I had and how the surgery would at the very least hopefully stop the progression of them getting even worse. He also told me that alongside the ACM, I also had hydrocephalus (water on the brain) and this was putting extra pressure on my brain and squeezing it into an even tighter space. This also meant I had a rare version of a rare condition (as it was known now - the classification of the illness has now been upgraded to ‘uncommon’, which means it’s not as rare as once thought but often misdiagnosed) so any surgery that would be carried out on me was not guaranteed to have the same level of success as if I hadn’t had the hydrocephalus. In fact, my cerebellum (the part of the brain that controls the nervous system, balance and coordination and reactions to external stimuli) had been wedged behind the top few vertebrae of my spine, which was what was causing the disabling headaches. Despite what the other man had advised me to do, I agreed to the surgery. There was no other way I was going to get better. It was scary either way and the decision was completely mine to make. Mr White was extremely concerned as he could see how poorly and fragile I was and was pushing for me to have the surgery before Christmas (I think we went to go and see him at some point in November). However, I was frightened and I just wanted one more Christmas before going through such a huge life event. I wasn’t sure I’d make it out the other side so I wanted just one more big celebration. Even though he wasn’t best happy with me wanting to wait until after Christmas, he agreed but he said he would book me in for as soon as possible afterwards. Basically, time was of the essence, I had a ticking time bomb in my head and it could have detonated at any second. I was too young and too frightened to understand at the time but me choosing to have the surgery a month or so later than was wanted by the surgeon could have cost me my ability to walk entirely or my life if my health had taken another slump.

[dellikay]

Arnold Chiari Malformation - a brief introduction

So, alongside my streaming channel, I would also like to maintain a blog where I talk about topics which hold interest to me, as well as things that have personal significance to me. A big example of this is Arnold Chiari Malformation. The symptoms of Chiari Malformation are wide ranging & are categorised across 4 different severity levels. However, in recent years, sub (kinda inbetweeny) levels have been discovered & diagnosed in sufferers, such as Chiari 0 and 1.5. However, in this post today, I just want to focus on what a Chiari Malformation is primarily & where my case fell on that severity scale. For a basic description of what a Chiari Malformation is, the NHS has a good page describing Chiari Malformation Type 1. This is the most common type of ACM & also one of the least disabling. https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/chiari-malformation/ My own personal diagnosis of ACM had me categorised as suffering from a Type 2 Chiari Malformation. https://rarediseases.info.nih.gov/diseases/9232/chiari-malformation-type-2#:~:text=Chiari%20malformation%20type%202%20(CM,passing%20of%20the%20spinal%20cord). In addition to the malformation, I also have syringomyelia and mild hydrocephalus. I had major brain surgery in January 2006 to ease the pressure on my brain & to make my skull big enough to house my brain safely. As I’ve said at the beginning of this blog entry, I’ll go into much greater detail about my journey to getting an official diagnosis & what I went through before/during/after the surgery in a later entry. There is a LOT to remember & recount. Lol. As dramatic as the condition sounds, I am very lucky in that 99% of the symptoms that I have to deal with due to ACM are invisible & people are always surprised/shocked when I tell them about it all. I have a very slight unusual gait (that apparently I’ve always had, so I don’t know any different) & stairs aren’t really my best friends but other than that, it’s internal & I look/behave no differently than someone without the malformation. I realise how lucky I am & I’m very grateful that such an all consuming condition has manifested itself in me in the subtle, discreet way that it has (to other people, at least) if I had to have it at all. Anyway, I just wanted to write this short introduction to my future blogs about Chiari Malformation. Through my entries, as well as talking about it in future Twitch streams & holding fundraisers for Chiari related charities, I want to raise awareness for the condition. It is actually thought to be much more common than previously realised, but due to it being misdiagnosed, the numbers are hard to gauge. I have read reports that as many in 1 in 100 people can have an ACM and just be carrying on with their everyday lives, none the wiser. That was pretty astonishing for me to find out, seeing as when I was diagnosed, at that time, it was thought to be as little as 1 in 10,000. There is so much about the condition that is still unknown & every bit of money raised towards research will help people like me to live with their condition as well as help those who are yet to receive the correct diagnosis.  I’ll be happy to answer questions that any one may have - feel free to message me or reply underneath to this post. I’ll try to answer as best I can. :)

[dellikay]

About me

So, I kind of wanted to do a proper introduction about myself & what I’m about on my blog, but I didn’t know where to start. Lol. There’s so many odds & ends & weird facts that I could come out with, so I have decided to fill out one of those About Me quizzes that gets shared around the place & try & get as much of the important stuff on there as possible. ^_^

1. Name ADELE KRISSTINE MELLISH 2. Zodiac Sign ARIES 3. Nicknames ADS, DEL, MIT 4. 3 Things I love HAMSTERS, VIDEO GAMES & BASSY MUSIC 5. 3 Fears CLOWNS, DEAD INSECTS (LONG STORY LOL) & AWKWARD SOCIAL SITUATIONS 6. Last song I listened to ALICE COOPER - I AM MADE OF YOU

7. Your high school GPA WE DON’T GET THOSE IN ENGLAND 8. What you ate today FOOD 9. Number of siblings IT VARIES DEPENDING ON WHO YOU ASK LOL 10. Favorite vacation ORLANDO, FLORIDA - THE BIG THEME PARKS - I NEED TO LIVE IN ONE OF THEM.

11. The reason I started making YouTube videos NOT MAKING YT VIDS YET BUT I DECIDED TO START TWITCH STREAMING TO TRY & HELP MYSELF WITH MY SOCIAL ANXIETY, TO MAKE NEW FRIENDS & TO MAKE A LITTLE EXTRA CASH ON THE SIDE. 12. Dream Vacation GOING BACK TO THE THEME PARKS IN FLORIDA AGAIN. LOL. 13. Something I really want A BOYFRIEND WHO WILL TREAT ME PROPERLY & NOT LEAVE ME SUFFERING FROM PTSD/RELAPSES. THAT WOULD BE NICE. 14. What my significant other likes most about me I DON’T HAVE ONE YET *SIGHS* 15. Meaning behind my channel name. IT’S A MIXTURE OF ONE OF MY NICKNAMES AND JUST THE ‘K’ OF KRISSTINE PUT TOGETHER...

16. My favorite movie GODS & MONSTERS 17. My favorite song. ALICE COOPER - POISON 18. My favorite band. ALICE COOPER 19. 3 things that upset me. ANIMAL CRUELTY, LIES & INJUSTICE 20. 3 things that make me happy. MUSIC, VIDEO GAMES & THE FEELING OF BEING WANTED.

21. The last movie you saw in the theater OH LORDY, THAT WAS SOME TIME AGO. LOL. I THINK IT WAS DOCTOR STRANGE. 22. Someone I miss. MY GRANDAD. EVERY SINGLE DAY SINCE THE AGE OF 11 WHEN WE LOST HIM. 23. Someone I love. BRENDAN FRASER ^_^ 24. Do I have kids NO. FANK THUCK. DONE ALL THAT RUBBISH ONCE. 25. How many hours of sleep did I get last night? ABOUT 7 HOURS? MAYBE 8?

26. Something you miss from your childhood BEING ABSOLUTELY CARE FREE  27. A book you could read over and over PROBABLY SOMETHING BY STEPHEN KING 28. Something I got in trouble for as a child TALKING WHEN I SHOULDN’T BE 29. 3 Things that annoy me easily. SOUNDS THAT OTHER PEOPLE MAKE, BAD MANNERS & LOUDNESS. 30. My favorite animal. HAMSTER

31. My pets. ONE LITTLE HAMSTER CALLED RUBY. SHE IS ALL I NEED. <3 32. One thing I’ve lied about FEELING OKAY WHEN I’M NOT 33. Something that’s currently worrying me WHAT MY ESA ASSESSMENT LETTER WILL SAY WHEN IT TURNS UP 34. An embarrassing moment SAYING ‘HOLY CRAP’ REALLY LOUDLY WHEN I WAS LUCKY ENOUGH TO SEE BRENDAN FRASER ON STAGE IN THE WEST END WHEN I WAS 13 AND BRENDAN HEARD ME. *FACEPALM* 35. Where I work AT HOME ON MY LAPTOP

36. What my last text message says SOMETHING TO ONE OF THE NEIGHBOURS 37. 3 bad habits I have. PUTTING MYSELLF DOWN, ONLY SEEING MY FLAWS & TRUSTING PEOPLE TOO EASILY 38. My future goals. TO HAVE A SUCCESSFUL TWITCH CHANNEL, TO HAVE A STRONG, SUPPORTIVE PARTNER & TO HAVE A PROPER SIT DOWN CONVERSATION WITH BRENDAN FRASER. *SMILES CHEESILY* 39. My pets. MY BABY RUBY - SHE IS MORE THAN ENOUGH ALL ON HER OWN. LOL. 40. My favorite stores. PRIMARK, WHSMITHS...I’M VERY EASILY AMUSED. LOL.

41. My favorite food. CHOCOLATE...IT IS ALSO MY NEMESIS. 42. What I did yesterday. DID MY FIRST PROPER LIVESTREAM ON MY TWITCH CHANNEL. HOPEFULLY THE FIRST OF MANY. 43. Something I’m talented at. BEING ABLE TO PICK SOMETHING UP QUICKLY & BE ABLE TO ADAPT THE INSTRUCTIONS TO FIGURE SOMETHING ELSE OUT TOO. 44. My idea of a perfect date. DINNER & FLOWING CONVERSATION 45. My celebrity crush. BRENDAN FRASER & ALICE COOPER - CAN’T ASK ME TO CHOOSE ONE. NO. SORRY.

46. Something I’m good at FANGIRLING OVER MY FAVOURITE CELEBS LOL 47. My favorite YouTube channels. ANDREWARCADE, JACKSEPTICEYE, YUB, MARKIPLIER, CALLMEKEVIN, JOHN WOLFE 48. Something I would like to learn BRENDAN FRASER’S PHONE NUMBER HAHA 49. Best way to spend my day off EH...EVERY DAY IS A DAY OFF RIGHT NOW, INNIT? 50. Your favorite cereal LUCKY CHARMS

[tastefullyoffensive]

[dellikay]

Social Anxiety & Me

I thought on my main, personal Tumblr, I would write little articles about the different conditions I have and maybe some of the things I am doing to help combat how much control these things have over my life. Thought it might be insightful for people with similar conditions & therapeutic for myself to get it all out onto a computer screen. So, I’ll start with talking about my social anxiety... Social anxiety has been ‘a thing’ for me ever since my early teens. I endured years of bullying from people at school. I worked extra hard and was top in my class for most subjects and I hoped that because of that, the teachers would help me out when I told them about the abuse I was facing from fellow students. Even my parents complained to the school and nothing was done. It was almost as if the teachers were scared of the students themselves. Anyway, this culminated in mild social phobia...When arranging to meet up with my friends, I would suddenly feel like I couldn’t go and I just wouldn’t turn up. I didn’t text anyone to let them know, I just left them hanging. Eventually, I ended up leaving secondary school early and the school paid for me to enrol in the local college instead. I was treated slightly better there and the teachers/staff were much more attentive and caring, but I still faced bullying.  After a life saving surgery (which will be talked about in a separate post) for a condition that I had to leave education altogether for, I did actually grow in confidence. In that one year, I had major brain surgery, started going on train journeys to places by myself just to get out and explore and I had my first proper, real life boyfriend. For a couple of years, things were great and I loved going to conventions and meeting up with friends who shared the same interests as me. I was part of a group and it was brilliant. Then, the dynamic in my long term relationship shifted and that is when things started to go wrong. Certain family members of my ex’s came into the picture rather prominently and they took a disliking to me. To begin with, the hatred wasn’t really noticeable and I just put it down to people having to get used to my presence but very quickly, the nastiness escalated and it turned into full blown bullying.  This abuse lasted for several years and was not helped by the fact that my boyfriend was unwilling to hold the perpetrator to account for their hostile actions towards me. In effect, he himself was allowing the abuse to continue, so in turn, he was abusing me as well. It took a good four or five years, a nervous breakdown & multiple sessions with a counsellor before I understood the toxicity of the situation that I was in. I was told by my counsellor that it was, in fact, domestic emotional abuse that I was experiencing, I didn’t want to give up on my relationship, however, so I stayed in the unhealthy situation and weathered the storm as best as I could. The year after the breakdown and counselling sessions, said person left the family environment and things settled down again, but indelible scars were etched into everything and everyone who had been involved. It was almost as if that person was still there and the resentment that I harboured deep down against my ex for letting me go through such torment floated to the surface. My confidence had been completely shattered. My self esteem was rock bottom. I was frightened to let anyone emotionally close to me because, as far as my brain was concerned, they were going to be nice to my face and stab me in the back, just as that person had done to me for all of those years. My brain was in constant confusion because it was replaying the events from over the years and I didn’t understand why I had been treated the way I had done. I was scared of intimacy. I was scared of people. I was scared of everything. Nowadays, I am slightly better than I was when I was in that unhealthy relationship (that lasted for 12 years and ended in February 2019), but a lot of damage has been done and it will take a while for me to fix it. I still struggle to look people in the eye on the very rare occasion that I do go out of the house, if someone who I am not comfortable with enters the room when I am in the middle of talking I immediately clam up and cannot utter another word, no matter how hard I try, I spiral into a panic attack if someone who I don’t know so much as says ‘hi’ to me...there’s a lot to mend. So, because of the pandemic and the need for people to stay at home to help get rid of the virus, my practicing being around strangers and being comfortable in that kind of environment has been taken away from me. It was beginning to work a little bit and I was excited by the progress I was making, but then COVID happened and here we are today. Lol. I’ve decided to take up blogging/Tweeting/streaming because I see this as an ideal platform for me to try and overcome my social anxiety in a COVID situation and I’m hoping that talking about my experiences and events from my past may also help people that have been in similar situations. I want to help others, as well as share my love of gaming, with a wider online community.

[snorlax-and-co]

[snorlax-and-co]

[holdmyaffectation]

someone: you need to make a decision!

me: *starts crying*

[thesleepyspoonie]

Hey friends. I have been very apprehensive to post about my health issues over the last few months. But I know now that they're not going away so I figured its time to share.

I have a Chiari Malformation in my brain, which I was diagnosed with in 2009 and had operated on in 2010. Essentially the bottom of my brain is sinking out of my skull, creating pressure on both my cerebellum and my spinal cord. Other than frequent headaches & some limitations, I have been largely symptom free since my operation.

The headaches began to get worse at the start of this year, and came with bouts of dizziness and syncope. I also began having issues with my heart and digestive system. In November, the symptoms became unbearable & I ended up admitted to the hospital for testing.

Long story short, after about a month of doctor and hospital visits, we have come to the conclusion that not only has my chiari become symptomatic again, but it has damaged the nerves that control my autonomic nervous system.

I have more testing to be done, but as of right now my physicians have told me that I am not a candidate for a second chiari operation. So there is no treatment or cure.

I am trying to come to terms with the fact that I have a chronic illness & that my very active lifestyle has come to a screeching halt.

I am not sure where my blog goes from here. In a way, I feel like I need an outlet. Though I also am wholly embarrassed by my current state that talking about it openly is difficult.

So. Yeah. Thanks for reading. 💛

[fae-sidhe]

ANXIETY DISORDERS ARE NOT THE SAME AS JUST FEELING ANXIOUS/NERVOUS

Anxiety can cause horrible physical symptoms that make everyday life very difficult

It can make you feel utterly terrified, as though your life is in danger, for no apparent reason

It can give you panic attacks at any time, for any reason, or no reason at all

It makes you feel vulnerable and unsafe almost all the time

It is utterly, completely tormenting to live with

Triggers can be everywhere, anything and caused by anyone at any time

It is not a matter of shyness, cute blushing or butterflies in the stomach

It is a hideous, evil disease that I would not wish on anyone

It can be literal mental and physical torture to live with when it gets bad

PLEASE, PLEASE STOP TRIVIALISING ANXIETY (or any mental illness)