Waking up is horrible. Where the fuck is my baby girl?????! I didn’t I hear her snore all night! I couldn’t hear her precious sighs. I didn’t wake up and take her right out. I didn’t wake up and start on her meds. I just sat here and cried. I don’t know what to do. I miss my baby. 5 1/2 years of me waking up and she is right there. Me having to wake up and take care of her. And now I have nothing to do in the mornings?? I don’t even have to wake up early for work anymore, I was waking up an hour earlier than usual, just to get my baby ready for the day. And now I just wake up and look around. Day 1 is shit and I don’t know what I’m suppose to do. Fuck this. Fuck cancer.
I’m not looking for sorrow and sympathy. I’m looking for strength. I don’t have kids, she was my world.
But I am grateful that at least my baby is comfortable. She looked so so so peaceful when she took her last breath while laying in my arms. I kept reassuring her it’s going to be okay. When I was talking to her and rubbing her down, a tear fell from the inner corner of her eye. It’s okay baby, it’s okay to rest. Mommas here and thank you so much for saving me. And Miss Bella took a few last slow breathes. And drifted peacefully.
🐾 My baby is gone.