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romaâ
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trying on a metaphor
Monterey Bay Aquarium
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@demisexualmeansnormal
an unfortunate announcement
I'm sorry, but I cannot be running this blog anymore for a number of reasons.
1) It's not been that great for my mental health. There's only been a couple of stressful things about it, all of which have passed. But between everything else in my life and the couple experiences I had, I haven't had an amazing experience with this blog since. Not bad, but not good.
2) I'll be going on a religious mission in less than a year and will be unable to be on tumblr during that time.
3) It's a lot harder to do this while living with five people that I'm not out to and having a considerable less amount of privacy I had compared to before (sharing a room with a roommate, people being home often in the living room, etc).
So because of those reasons, I don't think I'll really be on here any longer. That said, I don't want to delete this blog. A lot of cool stuff is up here. I'd be more interested in adding someone to here to run things.
I might start things up later when I'm done with my mission and have a better living situation, but that'll be in a while, but I still refrain from deleting because of that as well.
DM me if you're interested in being the mod here.
Sorry and thanks for understanding.
đ¤Łđ¤Ł I guess "demi culture is... LITERALLY BEING A XIAN NLOG!!!"
This is fucking sick.
What, the LDS wasn't "persecuted" enough for Sister Demi Culture, she's got to pretend to be a "queer" Mormon, as well??
Yeah, fuck this shit. My gay arse has been with enough ex-Mormon gays to know that the LDS cult LITERALLY has tweaked their Anti-LGBT "conversion" to induce sex-repulsion and repress people to believing that they're "asexual" âliterally one of the MOST OPPRESSIVE Xian sects in existence LITERALLY PREFERS ASEXUALS TO LGBTQ PEOPLE, and yet you dumbfucks still like to pretend y'all are oppressed! Fuck you all.
Is Demisexual culture is being attracted to a character in a movie/series⌠but not the actor that plays them⌠because they are a different person and you donât know them?
I think so! Demisexual culture!
Also DeMiSeXuaLs: "I need a DEEP EMOTIONAL CONNECTION to someone who I ACTUALLY KNOW! I don't just get crushes on celebs, like you DING-DANGED DIRTY ALLOS!! I'm not like everyone else!!!
Bore da! Sut mae'ch diwrnod wedi bod, fy'n pobl rhyfedd?
Good morning! How's your day been, my strange people?
Why am I here? What is my purpose? Chances are, if you found this blog, you probably follow some of the relevant tags, and you might already be feeling offended. What the hell, you might be thinking, this is no more a cult than being trans! You must be a TERF!
First off, trust me, I'm a trans man. I'm a gay trans man. I'm well aware of TERF ideology, and I'm about as anti-TERF as a guy like myself can be. I'm in my early 40s, and I came of age when Kate Bornstein âwho's been out as a bisexual non-binary trans woman since about 1991â was a staple on the pro-trans side of the talk show circuit in the 1990s. I've got some strong and nuanced opinions about the trans and non-binary community: While I do think the WPATH is there for a good reason, I also accept that people are going to do whatever. I'm all for affirming gender variant teens, but I also know that, as someone who masked his own dysphoria from overwhelming parents, there's always going to be the possibility that some gender non-conforming kid or another will feel like they have to swing their pendulum hard in the other direction to make their parents happy âbut also, either way, that's more about the parents than the trans community. (As an aside, yes, I know that the Right-Wing hyperbole around the Younger case has been thoroughly de-bunked.) Needless to say, I'm not a TERF, I find their ideology deplorable, and frankly, they're also a cult, and if you want to know more about how they do, in fact, operate as a cult, another YouTuber broke that down pretty thoroughly, and as of the time I'm writing this, isn't even finished on that subject!
Secondly, in spite of regularly seeing accusations from the on-line asexual community, I have yet to see literally ANY evidence that TERF's have a significant "anti-asexual" sentiment amongst their ranks. No, vague claims of such from the on-line asexual community is not evidence of anything more than the willingness to believe something is true, simply because someone else from the on-line asexual community said that it is. In fact, let's use this as this blog's first example of how the on-line asexual community engages in the cult goals of Thought Control and Emotional Control, traits outlined by the BITE Model of cult identification, and put it in the category of a Level 1 Cult, alongside Q-Anon followers, and even TERF's, as outlined by the Cult Gradient.
First off, as the on-line asexual community loves to point out, "just cos someone on the Internet thinks 'demisexual is just normal human sexuality' (or similar) doesn't mean that it is!" so wouldn't it then stand to reason that just cos another person in the "ace spectrum" community says a thing is true, that wouldn't necessarily mean that it IS true? Unfortunately, for the aces, so many people involved in that community are eager to accept that anything another ace says, thus necessarily IS true, especially if it supports the idea that those who identify as somehow "asexual" are being uniquely oppressed. It's considered a textbook cult belief, that the group is being actively persecuted, without any clear evidence of the alleged persecution, or at least if the perceived persecution is not unique to the group âfor instance, the Waco compound was not singled out for their bizarre religious beliefs, but they piqued the interest of the federal government due to legal infractions that applied to literally everyone. In spite of the fact that no-one can point to anything on TERF blogs and Facebook groups that would single out asexuals, nonetheless, this belief persists within the on-line asexual community.
Furthermore, the idea that a significant number of TERF's necessarily would put forth anti-asexual sentiments is literally nonsense. TERF ideology rests on the notion that trans women are "predatory men who want to symbolically and even literally rape women," and as an afterthought, that trans men are "poor women who've been taught to hate themselves by the patriarchy." TERF ideology was first formally outlined in Janice Raymond's book, The Transsexual Empire, first published in 1979. Some followers of TERFism completely miss the bizarre satirical angle of The S.C.U.M. Manifesto, by the notable schizoaffective-disordered Valerie Solanas, and claim that pamphlet to be a part of their legacy, as well âbut here's the funny thing: The S.C.U.M. Manifesto is very easily arguable as a part of asexual community history!
Siggy, author of the blog, The Asexual Agenda, wrote a multi-piece series on "Asexuality and Early Radical Feminism," which I really do recommend everyone read all parts of! For starters, it debunks the popular (in the asexual community) notion that a cerain 1969 photograph was necessarily linking "asexuals" with what would come to be known as the LGBTQ community (of course, looking at the fact that the poster behind the people, in the photo, also listed "straight" should be enough for people to debunk that cockamamie claim, but here we are...) More importantly, Siggy's series does a thorough deep-dive into the links between an asexual identity and radical feminism.
Now, if you're on Tumblr, you're probably kind of young, which is fine. I was once young, myself. I have a lot of young friends (and also a long distance situation with a young man about twelve years my senior [yes, senior], so zip it with any cries of moral panic). What I want to point out, though, is that if you're young, or just inexperienced, you are probably less likely to be familiar with the fact that there are two schools of thought that lay claim to the title of Radical Feminism, and I'm a firm believer in separation of TERFism or the "gender critical" cult from Radical Feminism.
TERFism is something I, at least once referred to as the Daly-Raymond or Daly-Raymond-Budapest School, after Mary Daly, her protĂŠgĂŠ, Janice Raymond, and Dianic witch Zsuzsana Budapest. I mentioned Raymond earlier, and her 1979 book. What I didn't mention, until just now, is that her book was originally her doctoral thesis and was overseen by her then-professor, Mary Daly. Daly is often regarded as a pagan author, and was at one time regarded fairly highly in the pagan community, but even by the 1970s, other professionals in her field of women's studies and anthropology, were finding issues with her own ideas, as she relied heavily upon Murrayism. Zsuzsana Budapest is another pagan figure, and is best known as the one who founded the primary lineage of Dianic Witchcraft, practiced today. Budapest's Witchcraft is heavily reliant on not only Murrayism, but also the works of Mary Daly, especially Gyn-Ecology, which is just as much of a foundational work of Dianic Witchcraft as Charles Godfrey Leyland's Aradia: Gospel of the Witches (which is... a relatively modern mythology, formed from a composite of sources). The Daly-Raymond-Budapest school of "radical feminism" essentialises the experience of womanhood on the same principles womanhood is seen in "radical traditionalism," being that a woman's identity is defined as one's ability to give birth, and this somehow informs everything that happens to women.
The other group laying claim to the moniker of "radical feminism" is the Firestone-Dworkin-MacKinnon school. Shulamith Firestone (who was also diagnosed as being on the schizoaffective spectrum) is the author of The Dialectic of Sex, wherein she proposed a possible future wherein widespread practice of artificial wombs, thus removing the necessity of "biological sex" to the process of human reproduction, and thus assurance of a true equality of the sexes. Andrea Dworkin, a contemporary of Firestone's, built from the underlying thesis of Firestone's book, and went on to write that the notion of only two discrete biological sexes is outdated (something that has, recently, been confirmed by science, but seemed pseudo-scientific when she wrote it in 1971!) and that all trans people deserve access to gender-affirming medical care as a basic public service. Catherine MacKinnon, a friend and philosophical protĂŠgĂŠ of Dworkin's, has since become one of the most outspoken and eloquent advocates for trans women within a radical feminist framework. Needless to say, the position of the Firestone-Dworkin-MacKinnon school of radical feminist thought couldn't be any more different from the Daly-Raymond-Budapest school, especially when concerning the topic of trans people.
TERFism is basically the Daly-Raymond-Budapest school of "radical traditional womanhood" with the paganism removed. TERFism is thus less about the individual experiences of women (and men) and how gender was constructed as a means of social control, and more about a Right-Wing fatalism that insists on a pre-determined role being the presumed nature of all women, and the inverse and opposite role determining the nature of men.
Given that TERFism thus posits the notion that inside all men, which they believe trans women are, is a barely-contained sexual deviant, and thus trans women (again, according to TERFism) are hoping for a way to have an "in" to sexually abuse (cis) women. This certainly seems to take a tip from the anti-sex sentiment within the paragraphs of The SCUM Manifesto, along with taking the most superficial, at best, and overall bad-faith reads of Andrea Dworkin used to mischaracterise her work as "anti-sex, believing that all heterosexual sex is rape" (she never actually said that; what she did say was that heterosexual sex, within the context of pornography and other forms of sex work, is inherently violent, and that this has a ripple effect on society). It's not at all uncommon for outspoken TERF's to mischaracturise Dworkin, for their own purposes, and dipshits like (noted fake goth) Cathy Brennan and Sheila Jeffries are noted as being highly, and quite willful in their ignorance of Dworkin's pro-trans stance, instead preferring to twist a poor-faith read of her works critical of pornography and sex-work as "anti-sex," so as to distort her anti-porn thesis into something oddly against trans women.
Needless to say, the way that TERFism cherry-picks anti-porn ideas, and reads them as being (somehow) fundamentally both anti-man and anti-sex, certainly gives Absolute Zero reason to believe that TERFism has a significant thread that's at all "anti-asexual." If you understand what both Radical Feminism (the Firestone-Dworkin-MacKinnon school), and TERFism (the Daly-Raymond-Budapest school) actually are, and what each group stands for and hopes to see in society, the very idea that "TERF's also hate asexuals" is complete nonsense! It's an idea that can be traced to the "asexual spectrum" community on Tumblr, with no real origin from outside of that community âas in, it can't be traced to TERF blogs or fora, it can only be traced to the on-line asexual community, itself, in a bizarre attempt to make anti-trans oppression somehow also linked to any critique âeven the most good-faith and not only valid, but sound critiques of the on-line asexual community.
This blatant eagerness to not only spread misinformation, but also to appropriate the oppression experienced by another group is an established cult tactic. This lie, in particular, hopes to manipulate the emotions and thoughts of the audience, make sure not too many (though ideally zero) questions are asked about the claim being made, lest one be accused, or at least thought of being not only "anti-asexual" but also, by extension or association, to be "anti-trans."
While I can accept that maybe a handful of individual TERF's may have voiced anti-asexual sentiments, that sentiment is not at all a part of either TERFism, or actual Radical Feminism. If anything, the twisted reads that TERFism takes from Radical Feminist writers, is very favourable to the 1960s/'70s definition of human asexuality as "one who abstains from sex as a radical political act." That fact is just clear, when you read some of the more Bizarro Logic tweets and blogs from prominent Internet TERF's âthey really seem to be sympathetic to those who don't want sex, especially those who are women.
Ergo, TERFism, in general, doesn't hate asexuals. Most TERF's simply don't care about the on-line asexual community, it's irrelevant to them. Further, a significant faction within TERF on-line spaces are advocates for asexuals who are functionally identical to the 1960s Radical Feminist definition of asexuality (being one who both a- identifies as asexual, and b- abstains from having sex with others). Anyone who claims that TERFism is somehow also "anti-asexual" is just lying. Maybe they aren't even aware that they're lying, because they never once questioned that claim, but are instead, uncritically repeating it. Regardless of whether or not they're aware of the lie, the goal is the same: To manipulate someone in the audience from asking critical questions about the cultish nature of the on-line asexual community.
ItâŚkind of is, when it comes to the community (edited 4/17/14 at 6pm; 4/29/14 at 1am).
For now, Iâm using the term PoC (people of color) as a shorthand, understanding that it refers to people in white-majority cultures and canât describe white-minority cultures, for ease of writing, but also because I will largely discuss diaspora.
First, letâs discuss the issue of terminology and identity. âAsexualâ is a difficult term for PoC to use. We are made hypersexual (e.g. stereotypes of Black women as very sexual) and asexual (e.g. Asian men being treated as alien, sexually dysfunctional; the Mammy trope). The term âasexualâ is often actually used in these contexts. Even when it isnât, to attach âasexualâ to our identity means navigating a really complex, terrible issue where PoC bodies are regulated and controlled because of racist views of our âasexuality.â Sterilization programs that target minority women are realities in the US and other nations with racial minorities, while the simultaneous âaging upâ of Black children and assumed asexuality means they are treated as sexually passive, and so often are targeted in sexual crimes. This sort of âde-sexingâ has been a form to control PoC/especially Black womenâs agency since slavery.
Siggy writes (1):Â
âStereotypically, Asian women are hypersexualized and Asian men are desexualized. Each of these come with their own set of issues for asexuals. Asian asexual women might be disbelieved because they conflict with the stereotype. Asian asexual men might be assumed to conform to the stereotype completely, even if the stereotype is actually very different from asexuality in real life. Also, sometimes people say Asian men are stereotypically asexual, which is bad because itâs using the word "asexualâ as a pejorative.â
With regards to the challenges Black women face, voltafiish writes (2):
"While asexuality has not had such a long history, the majority of its representation in the media has been overwhelmingly white. Asexuality is seen as a âwhite thingâ too! For asexuality in black people (especially black women) from the outside looking in can be broken down into a few categories:
A) Asexuality functions as a white supremacist stereotype. This means asexual black person is not actually asexual, but simply a desexualized black person (like the mammy, for example) or they are simply suppressing their âtrue sexualityâ in light of other racial stereotypes (like the jezebel). Of course, these are dependent on an inaccurate definition on what asexuality is but contrary to a lot of activism, a lot of people are still fixed on using this definition. Because people do not know what asexuality is, their first assumption is one that equates behaviour and attraction.
B) Asexuality cannot possibly BE a thing because black people MUST be sexual by ânature.â This is due to the myth and stereotyping and labeling of black people as hypersexual. If we operate on the definition on asexuality being about not having sex/being sexual and operate within the realms of white supremacy, black asexual people cannot exist. I remember looking up research concerning blackness and asexuality and came across someone make the very same statement: âBlack people cannot be asexual because they are hypersexual.â
C) Asexuality (and any other sexuality for that fact) is not possible for black people because all black people are heterosexual. Cue compulsory heterosexuality.â
As you can see, not only does the concept raise issues for PoC self-identifying, but for those who identify as asexual but must, again, navigate larger issues.
GradientLair writes (3):
âIf I tell anyone that I am 34 years old and Iâve been celibate for a little more than 8 years now, they look at my Black skin and female body and the judgment starts. Because I am a Black woman, I am automatically typed as heterosexual but âdeviantâ (as ânormalâ heterosexuality is reserved for Whites in a White supremacist society) and âhypersexualâ (based on the long history of specifically anti-Black misogyny used to justify the rape, exploitation, lynching and dehumanization of Black womenâs bodies and lives). Any sexuality that I ascribe to that is not heterosexual and hypersexual is deemed as me sidestepping the ânorm.â However, this White supremacist lie is not the norm or even remotely explains the complexity of sexuality for any people, especially Black people because of our history.â
I recommend if you are unfamiliar with some of the issues she discusses, to click through and then explore her embedded hyperlinks. Meanwhile, queerlibido/Alok Vaid-Menon discusses issues of intersection with respect to the South Asian male identity (4):
âAs a queer South Asian I donât feel comfortable ascribing the identity of âasexualâ to my body. Part of the ways in which brown men have been oppressed in the Western world is by de-emasculating them and de-sexualizing them (check out David Engâs book Racial Castration). What then would it mean for me to identify as an âasexual?â What would this agency look like in a climate of white supremacy? Can I ever authentically express âmyâ (a)sexuality or am I always rehearsing colonial logics? The dilemma of this brown queer body is its inability to see itself through its own eyes. The mirror becomes a site it which we view what white people have always told us about ourselves. Regardless or not of the status of my libido, Iâm not sure I will ever feel comfortable identifying as asexual because it seems like I am betraying my people. I am invested in South Asians and all other Asian Americans being able to reclaim, re-affirm, and be recognized for their sexual selves. I am invested in brown boys and brown gurlz being able to get what they desire. I am invested in the radical potential of brown (queer) love in a society where so many of us grow up hating our bodies and bending our knees for white men. I want to be part of this struggle. Sometimes I get angry at myself for not being able to eliminate the distance, not being able to join in solidarity. To fuck and be fucked, to publically claim and own my sexuality. I understand that there is something (as Celine Shimizu reminds us in her book Straightjacket Sexualities) radical about Asian American masculinities being displaced from patriarchal masculinities rooted in hyper-sexuality and hyper-masculinity and the reclamation of âeffeminateâ and âasexualâ representations of our bodies as a political refusal of the very logics which have rendered those bodies numb.
âŚ
So when I read this piece about how folks involved with the asexuality community feel as if they are post-race Iâm pretty well, flabbergasted. Asexuality has always been a carefully crafted strategy to subjugate Asian masculinities. Asexuality has everything to do with race. Which goes to say that what if the very act of articulating a public asexual identity is rooted in white privilege? Essential understandings of being âbornâ âasexualâ and loving my âasexualâ self will never make sense to me. In a world that continually erases Asian (male assigned) sexualities I was coerced into asexuality. It is something I have and will continue to struggle with. My asexuality is a site of racial trauma. I want that sadness, that loss, that anxiety to be a part of asexuality politics. I donât want to be proud or affirmed â I want to have a serious conversation about how all of our desires are mediated by racism and how violent that is. My pleasures â or lack thereof â are not transcendental and celebratory, they are contradictory, confused, and hurt.â
They cite an interview on AsexualAgenda (5), excerpted here:
âOften, white asexuals and those who do not identify themselves use these threads to make statements that, 1) AVEN is a safe, diverse environment, 2) AVEN is a race neutral place and asexuals are color-blind, or 3) race is anarchronistic, un-important or itself âracist.â All three of these tendencies work to minimize the significance of race, to obscure âwhiteâ as a race by claiming neutrality, and to dismiss user interests or lived/digital experiences.â
So now we arrive at issues within the community and how it treats PoC and the diversity of the ability for aces to identify as such. A good place to start is the âcruxâ of the community - AVEN - where we can see, in often popular threads, blatant racism.
A thread discussing World Pride 2013 and whether PoC aces should have a separate space:
AVEN forum search for keyword âracismâ (6):
The AVEN thread âAVEN has traumatized meâ (TW for sexual assault/rape/victim blaming) also brings up how often AVEN members come across racism in the forums and are unable to report it (7). The AVEN thread âAsexual People of Colorâ has many a post on the grievances aces of color face with their identities and on AVEN (8).
As we can see, there is an issue with racism, talking over PoC, and treating racism as a nonexistent issue, or else race itself as a nonfactor in asexuality and sexuality in general. But these issues are not limited to AVEN, which many identify as a generally problematic space and have thus abandoned for spaces like Tumblr. Here, and in similar spaces, the racism has been more subtle, and it is where I see the sweeping issue of racism in our representation, dialogues, and activism.
The faces of the asexual movement - and by âasexual movement,â I use a term and definition as employed by David Jay and his followers - have been exceedingly white. A simple example:
How popular was this image? Has it changed at all? Siggy writes again, two years ago (10):
âAnd yet, the publicly visible asexuals are disproportionately white. An asexual who was Asian asked me the other day if there were any non-white asexuals I knew of, and was clearly disappointed when I could only think of a few. This is both indicative of, and a contributor to greater asexual invisibility within API and other non-white groups.
And here I am, contributing to the problem even further. I decided it was less worthwhile to present asexuality to an API audience than to a "generalâ (but probably predominantly White) audience. I was further tipping the already imbalanced scales. If all asexual activists did the same, it would become a major problem a decade down the road.â
Because, really, letâs look at who goes on talk shows, interviews with newspapers and magazines, and gets photographed. Who do we see associated with articles on asexuality, like HuffPostâs series?:
Some must wonder now if itâs that whiteness and white culture allows for greater visibility when it comes to queer identities. But is this true? What about the history of queer Black artists (musicians, visual artists, dancers, writers) and their precedence of very public activism? Because I say that the lack of brown and black faces in the public, representing us, cannot be completely chalked up to cultural differences. When I look at canonically asexual characters (orâŚattempted asexual characters), I see white faces - in fiction, where writers look at our community and try to create fictional characters, or else ace writers create these fictional characters. Sirens, House, Huge, Ignition Zero, Girls with Slingshots, Quicksilver all have canonically (or attempted) asexual characters that are white, and even articles/essays that seek to analyze the media where we find these characters will not bring up the race question a single time (11). These data can only reflect the community and the visible, un-erased members of the community - because not all of these authors are outsiders.
I also want to talk about how aces of color are cordoned off when it comes to dialogue. This is an especially subtle aspect of the community that I have noticed for a few years - where writers who discuss the intersection of race and asexuality are largely written off by the community as irrelevant to net community politics. For example, GradientLairâs posts almost never make the rounds of the tags or forums, except for black aces, as if white aces and non-Black aces of color have nothing to learn from an asexual Black womanâs important perspective on sexual politics.
There are two effects I observe from this habit. First, aces of color feel pushed out because their voices are not heard, or else they face racism as evidenced above in AVEN. Second, what is established is whiteness as the norm - PoC voices are, even if not actively, made an "other,â or a âniche,â and if these posts do make the rounds, they are not discussed, but tagged lazily with âintersectionalityâ or âboostâ to be passed along for followers of color. PoC are made to feel like we are a separate cause and the nuances of our identities have no effect on the asexual community, where âasexual communityâ is thus equated with âwhite asexual voices.â
An example of this harm is the recent backlash against sex positivity rhetoric among the ace community. There is no harm in such dialogue, but what I find especially interesting is how aces, including prominent asexual activists who often represent the community publicly, have taken credit for spear-heading the critique of the sex-positive movement. As Iâve cited above, Black women in the West have traditionally been targeted sexually because of their race and as an effect of slavery - Womanism, therefore, has traditionally involved critical analysis of compulsory heterosexuality for decades. I recently began to compile a list of sources by mostly Womanists because of this strange trend among white aces (12). This type of irresponsibility and co-opting is exceptionally harmful to Black women and Black aces, who already face massive erasure, and furthermore it is distressing that leaders in the community propagate these attitudes in a largely white community.
In sum:
the community ignores or dismisses race as a factor in sexuality
blatant racism occurs in the community
aces of color do not get any visibility in the media
the issues aces of color face at the intersection of many identities are deemed irrelevant to the âbroaderâ community, and so the community is equated with whiteness, and co-opting of QWoC dialogue occurs on a large scale
I want to wrap this response up here, because I think this information is sufficient enough to convince those willing to learn that racism is very much rampant in the asexual community, and that aces of color find it difficult to find a space in it as it exists currently. This post is not for those who refuse to teach themselves. You are the problem, not just those who merely donât know whatâs happening around them because of their privilege. I urge those of you in this latter group to recognize your privilege, end this Othering of PoC, challenge the presumed ânormalityâ of the whiteness in our spaces, and magnify the voices of people of color around you. It is not tokenizing to stop erasing, and itâs not an attack on you to notice, let alone speak up.
Remember: being an ally is not about posting a political alignment on Facebook or any social equivalent. It means knowing that you will not be attacked for speaking up about a certain issue (ergo, you have privilege), and employing that power to protect and defend those of us who are vulnerable. Because we are vulnerable. I have personally received hate/abuse for even mentioning race in this space and offline spaces, and have been building up the courage for four years to discuss these issues on such a public blog, so please understand that I am not exaggerating.Â
70% of anti-LGBTQ murder victims are PoC (13). 87% of hate murder victims in 2011 were QPoC (14). TPoC statistics reveal even more - and make sure to go through this whole study (15):
This isnât fun and games, or petty complaints on a website. This is survival.Â
Sources:
http://skepticsplay.blogspot.com/2011/05/forecasting-issues-of-race.html
http://ace-muslim.tumblr.com/post/66431409049/im-supposed-to-be-working-on-an-art-history-paper-rn
This is a great essay on being Black and asexual that I personally learned a lot from:Â http://thingsthatmakeyouacey.tumblr.com/post/66431633676/im-supposed-to-be-working-on-an-art-history-paper-rn
http://www.gradientlair.com/post/61224262021/heterosexuality-compulsory-uniform-black-women
http://queerlibido.tumblr.com/post/74181237292/whats-r-ace-got-to-do-with-it-white-privilege ;Â http://www.thestate.ae/whats-race-got-to-do-with-it-white-privilege-asexuality/
http://asexualagenda.wordpress.com/2013/03/10/interview-with-ianna-hawkins-owen/
http://www.asexuality.org/en/index.php?app=core&module=search&do=search&andor_type=&sid=01af01fc2a34562772e26f8092174d5c&search_app_filters[forums][sortKey]=date&search_app_filters[forums][sortKey]=date&search_term=racism&search_app=forums&st=0
http://www.asexuality.org/en/topic/95406-aven-has-traumatized-me/
http://www.asexuality.org/en/topic/78085-asexual-people-of-color/
http://skepticsplay.blogspot.com/2012/04/dilemma-on-asexuality-and-race.html
http://asexualagenda.wordpress.com/2013/07/19/confirmed-asexual-characters-in-fiction/
My masterpost of sex-critical writings by WoC/Black women, many of which discuss the issue of being simultaneously made hypersexual and âasexualâ:Â http://thingsthatmakeyouacey.tumblr.com/post/82269213656/if-you-dont-believe-me
http://colorlines.com/archives/2011/07/70_percent_of_anti-lgbt_murder_victims_are_people_of_color.html
http://www.queerty.com/study-lgbt-murder-rate-at-all-time-high-but-hate-violence-on-wane-20120531/
http://www.thetaskforce.org/downloads/reports/reports/ntds_full.pdf
LGBT people: share an experience that is based on persecution of our sexuality and gender expression, have formed spaces to openly express our sexuality and our relationship with gender as safely as possible (even though we still sometimes get killed for it when in those spaces)
Acey-beans: we should center LGBT spaces around REAL shared experiences outside of heteronormativity! Like cake! UwU
If you donât like something, go make your own thing. But donât change my thing. Real gay people have created places where you CAN be flirty and sexy and downright promiscuous because you canât do that other places. Then they come in and chance that so we have to go make a new space. Then theyâll just come ruin that. If you donât like what the lgbt community does and youâre not a lesbian, a gay man, a bisexual, or a trans person youre opinions mean nothing. Go make your own space.
LGBT people: share an experience that is based on persecution of our sexuality and gender expression, have formed spaces to openly express our sexuality and our relationship with gender as safely as possible (even though we still sometimes get killed for it when in those spaces)
Acey-beans: we should center LGBT spaces around REAL shared experiences outside of heteronormativity! Like cake! UwU
Fucking GLAAD: Hey can we be more discrete with our lan-
Exclus: OH SO YOU WANT ME TO STOP BEING GAY? DO YOU WANT ME TO BE ERASED? YOU WANT ACES TO TAKE OVER? IâLL HAVE YOU KNOW MY TWO GRANDFATHERS DIED AT STONEWALL FOR ME TO ALIENATE ASEXUALS AT ANY GIVEN OPPORTUNITY. GOOD DAY, SIR. I SAID GOOD DAY!
Just admit that youâre a homophobe.
If you donât want LGBT people to have spaces where we can actually safely express our sexuality, but instead cater to people whose identity is based on a disconnect from the sexual experience, then youâre a homophobe, plain and simple.
You goobers literally NEVER make these demands of the average cis-het. No, you be these demands of LGBT people.
You are toxic. You are bullies. You are homophobes.
*raises hand* I would like if everyone could keep it in their pants unless they are in privacy or at a club⌠Thatâs just kind of how I feel as a modest human being who would like to walk down the street and see kind gestures of love rather than two people engaging in foreplay on the sidewalk. People of all sexualities should be able to show affection or sexuality, but at the right time please.
Where the fuck are you going where there's "foreplay on the sidewalk"? That's pure hyperbole and a total dodge.
Even the Leather floats at Pride parades are never any less scantily clad than billboards for stripper clubs on the freeway -- but Poor Pweshuss Smol Ace Beans would rather bully LGBT orgs to "de-sexualise LGBTOMFGWTFBBQ spaces," rather than cis-het society, which is homophobia, pure and simple.
If they actually cared about what they perceived as an overall oversaturation of sexuality in society, they'd join forces with feminist groups, but they don't, cos they're misogynistic, in addition to homophobic.
Okay but this would be so much better if the hands were reaching for each other but not touching.
OK, I literally laughed out loud.
[Handwritten in red and purple:Â âitâs time for you to grow tf up and learn about how slur reclamation worksâ]
This is an example of hate.
ok im just gonna quickly mention that an cishet ace tried to convince me i was aroace just to get me into the community so believe it or not cishet aces are dicks too!!!!!!! i should mention it was cuz i had trauma from an abusive relationship!!!!Â
stop trying to be fucking oppressed you arentÂ
also about the slur reclaimation thing, lol yall cant say q*eer plus ppl are uncomfrotable by the word q*eer!! stop being disrespectful!! yall dont know how it works!!! i see aces saying fag and the d slur!!!!!!!! so shut up!!
[Handwritte in pink and purple:Â âIf aroaces actually felt like addressing the root problems of a society that pushes the idea that everyone wants a relationship/family and that sex isnât owed to anyone instead of insisting theyâre the only ones who face these issues caused by rape culture and mysoginy then MAYBE we would get somewhere in worthwhile discussionsâ]
This is an example of hate.Â
Wow, I got certified! Credit me next time you take my post! đ
It's just facts, though.
Like, this is legit a matter of misogyny, rape culture, and toxic masculinity (which is a byproduct of misogyny). Nothing about that is a concern unique to the asexual experience. It's a matter of the human experience.
Plenty of "allosexual" people don't want to have a family! The child free and VHEMT communities have been around for decades.
Not everyone, including "allos" want sex or a relationship - right now, maybe ever! Why? Plenty of reasons. I literally took about eight years off from dating and sex during early stages of my transitiong, simply because of dysphoria (it's also not uncommon for trans people to just mentally "shut off" our feelings of sexual attraction because of dysphoria -- it's such a common reaction to dysphoria, and has many decades of documentation, I'm even willing to bet that a strong majority of asexual-identifying trans people actually aren't asexual, and they'll discover this at some point in the course of transitioning)
While sex is a relatively complex social interaction (like how various "preferences," including genitals, are informed by social constructs), it literally is not owed to ANYONE! EVER! No, not "especially ace people" -- ANYONE! EVER!
The only reason that I can imagine why there are so many asexual people who believe that these are "unique asexual experience" is some combination of unaddressed misogyny and a case of terminal uniqueness.
["Terminal uniqueness" isn't just common to substance abusers, but it's frankly also a common feeling during adolescence, and most people who feel it as teenagers outgrow it.]
LGBT people: share an experience that is based on persecution of our sexuality and gender expression, have formed spaces to openly express our sexuality and our relationship with gender as safely as possible (even though we still sometimes get killed for it when in those spaces)
Acey-beans: we should center LGBT spaces around REAL shared experiences outside of heteronormativity! Like cake! UwU
Fucking GLAAD: Hey can we be more discrete with our lan-
Exclus: OH SO YOU WANT ME TO STOP BEING GAY? DO YOU WANT ME TO BE ERASED? YOU WANT ACES TO TAKE OVER? IâLL HAVE YOU KNOW MY TWO GRANDFATHERS DIED AT STONEWALL FOR ME TO ALIENATE ASEXUALS AT ANY GIVEN OPPORTUNITY. GOOD DAY, SIR. I SAID GOOD DAY!
Just admit that you're a homophobe.
If you don't want LGBT people to have spaces where we can actually safely express our sexuality, but instead cater to people whose identity is based on a disconnect from the sexual experience, then you're a homophobe, plain and simple.
You goobers literally NEVER make these demands of the average cis-het. No, you be these demands of LGBT people.
You are toxic. You are bullies. You are homophobes.
The Trump administration is planning to make the gender assigned at birth the only valid gender for people and planning on using literal genetics testing to prove it but hey glad Asexual Awareness Week is trending everywhere
i have nothing witty to say to this itâs just sad how no one cares abt trans people
[Handwritte in pink and purple:Â âIf aroaces actually felt like addressing the root problems of a society that pushes the idea that everyone wants a relationship/family and that sex isnât owed to anyone instead of insisting theyâre the only ones who face these issues caused by rape culture and mysoginy then MAYBE we would get somewhere in worthwhile discussionsâ]
This is an example of hate.Â
Wow, I got certified! Credit me next time you take my post! đ
[Handwritte in pink and purple:Â âIf aroaces actually felt like addressing the root problems of a society that pushes the idea that everyone wants a relationship/family and that sex isnât owed to anyone instead of insisting theyâre the only ones who face these issues caused by rape culture and mysoginy then MAYBE we would get somewhere in worthwhile discussionsâ]
This is an example of hate.Â
THIS IS AN EXAMPLE OF FACTS
[Handwritte in pink and purple:Â âIf aroaces actually felt like addressing the root problems of a society that pushes the idea that everyone wants a relationship/family and that sex isnât owed to anyone instead of insisting theyâre the only ones who face these issues caused by rape culture and mysoginy then MAYBE we would get somewhere in worthwhile discussionsâ]
This is an example of hate.Â
how is this even hate? itâs a legitimate complaint
[Handwritte in pink and purple:Â âIf aroaces actually felt like addressing the root problems of a society that pushes the idea that everyone wants a relationship/family and that sex isnât owed to anyone instead of insisting theyâre the only ones who face these issues caused by rape culture and mysoginy then MAYBE we would get somewhere in worthwhile discussionsâ]
This is an example of hate.Â
THIS IS AN EXAMPLE OF FACTS