Be Gay Do Crime!

I’m B, this is my own archive of stuff I like or laugh at. Ok bye bye :)

[synfullewrecche]

logging onto woundblr and seeing all the pain on my gashboard

[synfullewrecche]

spike! regouge!

[chungledown-bimothy]

i genuinely don't think there's much, if anything, hotter than someone clearly having a blast doing something they're really good at. doesn't really matter what it is. the combo of competence and joy is absolutely lethal to me

[haughtyraban]

“there’s an ai tool for that” okay ?? there’s probably an ed sheeran song for it too who gives a fuck

[phantomrose96]

God gives his hardest battles to his strongest soldiers and I'm dodging the draft

[phantomrose96]

hang on I gotta look something up.

[i-suggest-vore]

DW I know that one from heart if you need an explanation

[phantomrose96]

Thanks tumblr user i-suggest-vore. I can always count on you for theological literacy wait is there a different reason you like this story

[asteroidtroglodyte]

Me, tears streaming down my face, sobbing, as I stare at the stars: it’s just so beautiful

The medieval peasant I went back in time to give a bag of Doritos to, concerned: what terrible and powerful sorcerers they must have in your age, to be able to veil the vault of heaven itself from view, as you say

Me, sniffling: I didn’t realize, I can’t, it’s so much, I, I… are the chips good, at least?

Medieval peasant, trying to make me feel better: they’re… magical, strange traveler

[going2hell4everythingbutbeingbi]

things to say after fucking up egregiously

pack it up boys we've made a social blunder

let's run that again

one more time normal style

I'm going to become a statistic

further proof god is out to get me

it's because I tore my acl senior year

I couldn't do it for religious reasons

my ex took my talent in the divorce

good thing nobody saw that (said directly to someone who definitely saw it)

[teamrocketing]

thinking about my optometrist who was treating my eye infection and said “if it hurts, you can rinse your eye with boiled water. look at me - look at me. i want you to understand that i mean water that has been boiled and has since cooled down. not boiling water. do you understand?” like i’m so grateful for this man ensuring that I wouldn’t destroy my eyes by pouring boiling water in it, because it is an adequate assessment of my intelligence

[weaselle]

this is a man who has experienced The Public

[qcharlie]

i think being able to identify and deconstruct an irrational feeling should make it go away. i literally solved your riddle puzzle master can u let me OUT the damn TORTURE LABYRINTH

[sharkgirldick]

So what makes a butcher knife more butch than other knives?

[nature-nerd-sarah]

The knife itself isn't necessarily butch. It's named that because it's wielded by a butcher, who is more butch than the other food shop owners

[sharkgirldick]

Hmm, I see.

What, then, makes the butcher more butch than other food shop owners?

[dragongirlbunny]

the knife

[academicblorbo]

That's what ancient Greek philosophy is like

[mamoru]

yes I DO live under a rock and her name is the Moon and she is always smiling but she teaches me nothing

[valtsv]

in my mind palace smoking a mind cigarette to calm down

[valtsv]

does anyone have a mind lighter

[deceasedcardinal]

[weepylucifer]

dry humping in its specificity as a term implies the existence of wet humping

[weepylucifer]

not my best work

[visenyaism]

Honestly fuck AI for making me have to go on and on defending the dignity of toil like I’m some kind of protestant

[dogpuppy]

[mono-red-menace]

[notmusa]

u can just??? kidnap the leader of a country?? just grab em?? can someone take ours?

[sometiktoksarevalid]

[deranged-goblin]

This is so genius hahaha