A Void I Scream Into

aaaaaaaaaaaa

[devinepunishment]

I recently got in some trouble for making someone cry with too much eye contact, which to be frank, I find ridiculous- anyone could have seen that poke coming, it was their own fault for not blocking or dodging it...

[devinepunishment]

Don't know why people are always so happy when a baby gets delivered-

Like, I'm pretty sure that's an organ they're meant to have??

[jungwildeandfree]

so this guy right he makes ancient egyptian themed furry costumes. he makes all kinds but mostly he specializes in Horus heads. it's his passion really. he loves to make the beautiful falcon head of the Sun God. anyway so he's at a con one day and he sees this whole bunch of people in middle kingdom dress with these indistinguishable animal heads. he's like. oh man these folks could really use a new source, i can hardly tell what animal those are! so he goes over and he says "hey guys! i see you are into ancient egyptian mythological themed furry costumes--if any of you are interested in being the radiant Son of Ra, I am the BEST in the business!"

and the group of people look at each other, then at him. awkward. finally one of them says: "uh. no thanks. we're all Set."

[s-cullayy]

[thatlittleegyptologist]

This has been sent to me four times today, so I'm condemning OP to be judged by the 42 and fall into Nuun.

[datundit]

I think every laugh will make OP’s heart a bit lighter.

@thatlittleegyptologist

Judge OP’s heart

I laughed, I lighten his heart.

His heart shall be heavier for this.

Voting ended onMar 1

[sunbentshadows]

[0v9]

A truthberry might make you tell the truth... But a lieberry? A lieberry will loan you books

[konoko]

[thysannia]

[devinepunishment]

One day, a man breaks his toe- just as he stands up and starts limping to go get it looked at though, his neighbour walks past with their cattle dog, and suddenly the pain stops. They go to the doctor's anyway and get an X-ray, but it looks as though the break had healed weeks ago.

The next day the man falls off a ladder and breaks his are. This time, before he can even register what happens, his neighbour passes him, again walking their dog, and the pain disappears and their arm is completely fine. Now- once may be a coincidence, but twice? He figures his neighbour has some kind of magic.

The next again day, the man gets ran over by the neighbour.

"Shit- I left my dog at home" they say

"Forget the dog, look what you did to me- can't you just fix me up like you've done the last couple of days?" He replies, halfway delirious from the pain

"What? Me? No no I didn't do anything- it was my dog, they're a heeler"

[devinepunishment]

I sort melons by wether or not I can marry them secretly

On one shelf I put all the melons that can elope, and on the other...

[hoofpeet]

Must suck ass to be like. a lawyer or something in the pokemon world. They haven't made any cool lawyer pokemon yet

[eternal-fractal]

Ho oh

[dkpsyhog]

I think we have different definitions of ‘lawyer’ but sure

[eternal-fractal]

Why wouldn't ho oh be a lawyer? They're a Phoenix, wright?

[dkpsyhog]

In the kindest way possible, fuck you

[nyaa]

horse with a dvd player on its back 2006-03-21

[nyaa]

wild

[nerveblot]

sorry I have some kind of brain disease

I suspect this was meant as a visual pun because this server is rated for 733 watts, almost exactly one metric horsepower

[duckdotcom]

why don't you agitate the contents of a barrel full of cream for a while then reach your hand inside and maybe you'll feel butter

[duckdotcom]

[terminusverge]

This is a crème de la crème joke.

[cloud9-77]

Been getting into Lino printing recently! This is a print of a previous drawing I’ve done - my character Chet!

I did a few prints but I honestly like this one the best, with the slightly patchy ink in the middle and a few stray background lines - feels authentic - what’s the point of perfection?

[sunflowerbutch]

🥚

crack egg directly into hot pan, scramble while cooking

crack egg directly into cold pan, stir/scramble, then cook

crack egg into bowl, whisk or stir, THEN pour into pan and cook

other

results

Voting ended onMar 31, 2024

[coughloop]

[leopardmask-ao3]

Or you use a plastic/silicon spatula?? Or a silicon whisk?? go to literally any dollar store they have shitty plastic/silicon kitchen utensils you can scramble eggs with without scratching up your pans

[great-and-small]

Now that’s what I call

[great-and-small]

@rpepperpotshipssciencebros please forgive me for this one

[devinepunishment]

Give a lady fire, and she'll be warm for a day

Set a lady on fire, and she'll be warm for the rest of her life

Make a portrait of a lady on fire, and you'll have an excellent French film

[where-all-the-time-went]

a cough that makes the mucus go further down

call that shit counterproductive

[devinepunishment]

I have this excellent little device that allows me to borrow herbs from my future self

I call it my thyme machine

[devinepunishment]

Where does a barber's compass point?

To the barber's pole

[devinepunishment]

Why can't wall mirrors become better people?

They struggle with self-reflection