[dex188]

Failing in university as much as i failed in school only now it feels worse because i chose this degree while i could still somewhat blame the system in school

And still i'm surrounded by people saying they did terrible on a test but their worst grade is still better than my best even though i'm really trying

[neenarchive]

me: you literally have a disorder. this is symptoms

me: no perhaps my soul is rotten

[kiisuuumii]

Dorothea Lasky, from "Misunderstood," in Thunderbird

[dex188]

Adhd fucked me once again and i literally can't focus on anything and start projects until it's already too late to even do a decent job

Said farewell to doing a good job years ago...

But this really sucks

[stealthboy]

ex friends are like. last time i remembered you i got so angry i almost crashed my car. i still think about your laugh whenever i see one of your favorite scenes on the show we used to watch together. you made me cry 3 years after we last spoke. i think of you on your birthday. you are a part of some of the best memories i have of my life. i hate you.

[dex188]

Often i talk to people make plans with them spend time with them even though they don't have to. And i leave and wonder if they hate me if i did something wrong if i pissed them off or misunderstood something. And i hate myself for letting people get close and for spending time with them. But somehow i can't stop spending time with people. Why is that so hard why do i always mess up and why do i always worry about all the things that could go wrong

[vwoolfsblog]

Slow friendship break ups are so hard because, like, I remember us being at each other's houses, and listening to one another talk about trauma, we laughed and cried together for the shitshow that teenagehood is. And now you're slightly older, and so am I, and you're talking to the people we hated in class, and we live in different countries and I can't even say anything about the people you're talking to because I'm not close enough to you anymore to tell you what I feel about it. You send an awkward 'how are you' text once in a while and every time my heart drops and I respond casually and the conversation fades. And I wish I could hold you and shake you and force our souls together again but then I take a look at your soul and it's made out of something entirely different to me and I just painfully shrug and let go of your hands and stand in a corner observing

[dex188]

Nearly having a panic attack in a museum sure as hell is fun

[389]

sorry for being intense about everything, it’ll happen again

[dex188]

To my best friend

The one thing that lasted long after our friendship ended

Is the fear, the anxiety and potentially the trauma

That ran through the years of friendship

Like a red thread

Until you cut it

And left me wondering

If i'm at fault

If it should hurt the way it does

Or if make it all about me

But where ever i look now

I see the red thread

It's all that remained

While i feel lost

[dex188]

Just told my parents how it would really suck if I fail my exam because they would kick me out of university and they didn't give a damn. Noone said anything they just ignored it and went on with their conversation.

The people form university care more about it or at least pretend to. Even the ones i'm not friends with

They don't see that my mental health is at it's worst either.

[cryptotheism]

I'm an Absentee Atheist. I think a god made the world, but it was an action so insignificant to the higher will that it is not aware we exist, rendering existence effectively godless.

[cryptotheism]

I'm a Mutual Exclusivity Polytheist. I believe the world is woven by several demiurges at once, all of whom are entirely unaware of each other's existence.

[cryptotheism]

I'm a Deferential Semantic Atheist. I believe in a god in the sense that I believe in gravity; as an observed phenomenon that I do not understand, but am confident that other people with more time on their hands can prove the existence of.

[cryptotheism]

I'm an Autogenesis Absentee Deist. I believe that God is instantiated like a mind into the divine clockwork of the material physics of the universe. I am not a Pantheist, as I believe that this mind designed and consciously instantiated itself into the world through some unknown method, however this is annoying to explain at parties so I generally don't talk about it much.

[cryptotheism]

I'm an Antirationalist Manichean. I think God built the world, but the Devil built causality, thus any train of thought that follows logically is incorrect, and the result of trickery.

[cryptotheism]

I'm a radical Hindu-Gnostic Monotheist. I think Brahman should make up it's mind and knock all this "emanation" shit off and squeeze back into a monad.

[cryptotheism]

I'm a Chaos Agnostic. I believe the universe exists in a constantly changing spectrum of divinity from "Was Made By a Present God" to "There is no god" and it changes every 24 hours or so.

[cryptotheism]

I'm an extremely localized animist. Only my dog has a spirit.

[grimeclown]

Op is actually an interfaith spiritualist and channeling each of these deceased in turn

[cryptotheism]

[dex188]

Went to the cardiologist it's giving mental breakdown and gender dysphoria

[prbblyaghst]

It’s getting so much worse and not a single person is noticing 

[dex188]

That's how it always is

Last time everyone only saw how people around me were struggling but never me

[t-ess-e]

It's getting bad in my head again, and my heart feels like a haunted house but this time I don't know why

[thoughtkick]

“The truth is that monsters are real, and ghosts are real, too. They live inside us, and sometimes they win.”

— Stephen King

[lestatfag]

STAY SAFE!! [ID: the Gilbert Baker pride flag with the words “Happy pride to all those who are unable to celebrate openly and safely. You are loved and seen!” in all-caps black text over it. /end ID]