hate speech, ofc

kehidupan tasya dengan penuh misuh-misuh

[authenticity2025]

If you don't fight for what you want, don't cry for what you lost. Jan Jansen

[incognito-melancholia]

I'm a master of speaking silently. All my life I've spoken silently and I've lived through entire tragedies in silence.

[chuchaitiu]

It is the greatest of fortune to be treasured by the person you would give the world to.

[remanence-of-love]

[incognito-melancholia]

"How many scars did you justify because you loved the person who was holding the knife?"

[tryingtobe-somebody]

being extremely positive isn't good for you

a few months ago i found myself trying to be in a better mental space, and wanting to stop being so negative and scared of everything so i started being e x t r e m e l y positive towards everything.

i was doing a big mental work to change the way my brain processes things (wich is and was in a negative mode) so i tortured myself into thinking positive and taking any negative thought like it was something dangerous and replacing it with a positive one (i was doing what i read everywhere i had to do with this thoughts). don't do that. or do. for me it didn't work.

having negative thoughts is normal. you can't be 100% positive, it's impossible and if someone is telling you it isn't, they're lying. that was my mistake, when i had a negative thought i was like "i'm doing something wrong" but i wasn't, and i couldn't understand it.

all of this toxic positivity ruined me and make me have even more negative thoughts and be sad again. you have to create a balance between the both of them, you can have negative thoughts and watch, process, and don't give them that much importance but let them live in your head. sure, you can replace it with a positive one but not before you acknolowged it and make sure you let it live, at least, a minute in your head.

i get to a point where i couldn't be sad or angry or in a bad state of mind because i was failing myself and that positivity that i had. whenever i feel a liiiiitle bit sad or any negative emotion i went and distract myself til i didn't feel like that. wrong. very wrong.

when you are getting better after not being in a good place mentally, it's sooo important that you accept your negative emotions, it's normal and doesn't mean that you're getting bad again. quite the opposite. the process is not linear. let yourself be sad, or whatever negative emotion you're feeling, don't repress that because it's going to come out some way or another and when you least expect it and can control it.

don't fall for this toxic positive that says you can't have negative thoughts.

[thelatestkate]

[diaryt]

Is the keyword "buried in my heart" what I need? As the breeze hits my skin, will I be enough for myself, or do I need someone else?"

[diaryt]

gue tau asal trust issue gue darimana. ya tidak lain dan tidak bukan dari DIA. Baru sadar trust issue gue is real ketika gue secara tidak sadar nanya 3x hal yang sama ke temen gue dan disitu temen gue bilang "lo gapercaya bgt ya sama gue, skeptis banget" disitu gue bener2 langsung sadar, selama ini itu gue lakuin karena punya trust issue yang udah lama gue pendem, penghianatan dimasa lalu, momen-momen masa kecil yang gabisa dilupain. masa kecil gue yang harusnya diisi dengan sesuatu yang indah dan simple. tapi disitu gue dituntut lebih dewasa lebih dulu dibanding yang lain. dituntut untuk mengerti keadaan, dituntut untuk bisa poker face at the same time. and guess what?! gue bisa. ternyata gara2 itu selama ini gue punya hal-hal yang bisa dibilang negatif.

gue juga sadar, gue gabisa sedih atau ngeliat kasian ke orang lain. gue gabisa sedih juga dengan peristiwa apapun yang terjadi di hidup gue, karena gue punya sesuatu yang lebih menyedihkan di masa lalu. temen gue bahkan unintentionally said "pantesan loe kalo lagi koas kayak orang kelebihan energi, ternyata loe sendirian ya" disitu pikiran gue bertanya2, emang keliatan banget ya. ternyata gue yang super easy going dan friendly ini kesepian ya guys. tapi itu bukan berarti buruk sih, gue jadi punya benteng kan supaya ga cepet sedih, matiin hati gue biar ga ngerasa sakit lagi. thats all thanks

[diaryt]

harus jadi yang paling kuatttt

[diaryt]

wandering all around the world and ending with you.

[diaryt]

I wonder if u knew me well personally, we could make a good conversation, and started to drink coffee together.

[diaryt]

Live like there's no tomorrow

[diaryt]

Gue tau skrng kenapa gue independent, gabutuh temen, maupun pasangan. Bukan karena gue bisa sendiri kemana-mana dan bukan juga karena gue gabutuh orang lain. Lebih tepatnya gue takut tidak diterima, takut di kecewakan, takut tiba-tiba ada pertengkaran, dan kemudian kehilangan. Makanya lebih baik menjaga jarak dan hati bukan?

Terlalu sering dikecewakan sama semua orang membuat gue memiliki trust issue untuk menjadikan mereka sebagai tempat bersandar. Bahkan keluarga, teman, sahabat sekalipun.

Kadangkala kecewa seperti kertas putih yang diremas dan kusut yang tidak bisa diperbaiki seperti baru. Begitulah kecewa. Membuat gue berpikir dua kali untuk membuka hati.

[diaryt]

Selalu tersenyum dan tertawa. Semakin pilu luka ku, semakin lebar tawaku. Tidak heran ada manusia seperti joker.

[diaryt]

Lelah dengan semua penderitaan hidupku ini. Tapi aku bisa apa, diam.

[diaryt]

Akankah aku terlalu kuat dan melampaui batasku?