DID that Really Happen?

Everyday life of the newly acknowledged system - Host: Mags, with Maggie, Ann, Jenae, Ardeleen, And mudge&mudgey(the little ones).

[did-that-really-happen]

Just tried to post an AITA to Reddit, anomously and it rejected it. Damn it’s a long story, and I don’t want to leave it all here, so the DID relevant part that I didn’t include…

My partner and I are sexually non-monogamous, however our romantic relationship is monogamous. I think this boundary is becoming a problem Annie within our system.

Preface: I have been in specialist DID therapy for a year and it’s going AMAZING. If you’re in the UK, contact the clinic for dissociative studies, that are amazing and can be accessed via her nhs. So I’ve been seeing better communication, less abrasive switching and generally more ability to talk about my hardships in life with those around me. My alters are now starting to talk a little and are building confidence.

One has a crush, I’m afraid it’s fucking things up. I want to support her but I’m not sure how

[did-that-really-happen]

It’s been a long time since my eating disorder and self harm impulses have been so strong. I am trying very hard to keep myself as healthy as possible but covid has completely disrupted all my routines around eating and excercise.

[linguistanora]

“I can’t fucking do this” - I mutter for the twentieth time as I continue to fucking do it

[did-that-really-happen]

Just did this

[wendsisdrivinthismeatship]

Being chronically ill is like being a phone that can’t charge past, like, 30%. You can do a good chunk of stuff when at 30%, but not as much as you’d like to before it has the go on the charger. You know when you’re charging your phone but you need to do something really quick but the charger cord won’t reach so you just take it off for a second, but it’s only at 10% so it’s constantly giving you the notification to put it back on the charger? That’s what it’s like to get up to do anything be it get a drink, go pee, check on sleeping family, whatever, at night. You are constantly being reminded by your body you need to get back to sleep and soon, but you know that you can do this small task at 10%, because you’ve done it at 3% before when you were absolutely desperate, but it doesn’t make it any less nerve-wracking because if your phone’s over heating or you left the brightness all the way up, or you misread the percentage, that 10% can go right to a power down before you get it back on the charger. People understand “I don’t wanna leave the house yet, my phone’s only at 27%” but don’t quite get “I can’t leave the house yet, my body is only at 10%, if I left now I wouldn’t make it back home safe”

[did-that-really-happen]

Same goes for us traumatised folks, as a person

[did-that-really-happen]

Yeah, welcome to #DID

[dovzkguy]

ptsd related vent art

[did-that-really-happen]

In this dark time of anti-abortion law laws being past, this is the harsh reality those unwanted children face as adults, whether that be low level neglect up to the worst abuses. All survivors feel like this, I can’t imagine the generation that will be anti-abortion survivors and what I mind fuck that is. The only reason you have to live through all that is because some extremist decided you had “ the right to live” with no intent or protection of how you might actually do that. Forget banning abortion, but every man and woman on free birth control and make a simple licence test to have kids. If you need one to drive to save lives, why not to have kids?

[did-that-really-happen]

What I need today

What I need today is something I’ve never had, a parent. One of those parents in movies who just look after their kid and support them. I just need someone to love me, just for a day who doesn’t hold requirements and expectations of me that I know I will probably never achieve and certainly not any time soon.

I have a very sweet and supportive boyfriend who I know loves me very much. But he is his own person with his own needs and desires. I am a traumatised person who is incapable of not desiring, no matter how detrimental to me, to fulfill those. Problem is I constantly come up short which leaves me stuck in perpetual fear of retribution the way I experienced it as an abused child.

I know he would never hurt me but my body doesn’t, it is too conditioned (as are a number of my alters) to do anything other than be afraid. My positive growth and coping mechanisms have taught me to step back and look after myself; however, o am then neglecting my partners needs physically or emotionally. Even communicating this is often impossible.

There’s a reason so much of my growth happened when I was single. Uncomplicated connection, a friend I knew is only see at recovery groups because they were as housebound as me, my cat who’s only need was to be fed and sit next to me. A phone I could turn off without worrying anyone .

Right now a large part of me knows I’m not supposed to be in a relationship. That’s not him, that’s me. I love him, he’s the best man I’ve ever known and that fact is dragging me down.

I wish I had a parent like the movies to take me out today and make me feel normal.

[did-that-really-happen]

Monday November 5th my family and I commemorate the life of my father David Talbot Gardiner whom we lost suddenly last Thursday.

He will be remembered by his wife of nearly 50 years, their children, grandchildren, great grandchild and numerous others who came to call him family.

It is comforting to know so many hearts are richer for having known his kindness, love and generosity.

Never again will I sit on the stand to keep you awake; make you a tomato sandwich and a glass of roses lime; listen to your beautiful descriptions of your childhood in Chile; or ping your baces because you hated belts. I will never have another sugared almond from your pocket; help you search another microfiche film; or laugh at you shaking your cubby cheeks.

I will however always remember those and countless other memories; share them with your posterity and to the best of my ability, strive to fill my life with as much love and joy as you have.

Till we eat again Daddy. x

[did-that-really-happen]

[brok3n-and-al0ne]

“You’re not a bad person for the ways you tried to kill your sadness.”

— (via dignitea)

[did-that-really-happen]

I love this x made me feel better today

[did-that-really-happen]

[fangirlinginleatherboots]

apparently this needs to be said but in no situation is it EVER appropriate to come into a religious abuse survivors space and try to justify a day of worship, a practice, or a belief as not bad or harmful.

you have no idea of the true extent of the atrocities that are committed in the names of god, faith, and devotion. 

there is a damn good reason why there is an entire classification of abuse called “religious abuse.”

NEVER ask a religious abuse survivor to view religion in a different light. you cannot expect them to find comfort in or respect for something that has harmed them so extensively.

[did-that-really-happen]

So much truth, it’s chocolate egg day now, and Santa day in December!

[recovering-and-healing]

“REBLOG IF you believe there is a need for a DOMESTIC VIOLENCE OFFENDER’S REGISTER, and that people should have the right to be told about their new partner’s violent, abusive past and their convictions.”

— (via recovering-and-healing)

[did-that-really-happen]

100% yes!

Equally I believe people can work on their issues and change. People should be able to have themselves removed if they complete extensive therapy, anger management, sensitivity training ect. Also they need to make reparations, seek forgiveness and not reoffend for a long period of time.

[snorlax-and-co]

[did-that-really-happen]

Far too true

[did-that-really-happen]

DID needs N.I.C.E Guidelines

I was refused further therapy this werk as there are no NICE guidelines to give a pathway for treatment of DID. This means an NHS trust can choose not to offer treatment and there is no legal recourse to make them offer it.

Another system I know was refused funding for his Pottergate Center referral for the same reason. To add insult to injury he was then discharged from his mental health authority because “there’s nothing more we can offer for DID”.

Neither my NHS trust (Exeter) or Bristol (my friend trust) even consulted a specialist in DID to devise a treatment pathway. When asked neither of them were willing to consult with the nhs clinic for dissociative studies or the pottergate centre. Due to the lack of NICE guidelines, they do not have to. Worst than this, there is no reason for a trust to allocate specialist funding for treatment.

WE ALL NEED ACCESS TO TREATMENT . We need NICE guidelines to force this on our NHS trusts!

I’m asking all UK systems to write their MP and Ask that the need for NICE guidelines be pushed forward.

THANKYOU X

If your a non UK system please reblog to help us here x

[did-that-really-happen]

Is this refusal of treatment?

So I found out on Monday I won’t have anymore therapy after 2 more sessions.

That after meeting to discuss my needs, as there are no N.I.C.E guild lines for DID, the mental health team can simply discontinue therapy and I can “ask to be re - referred”, around a 2 year process.

I asked if anyone dealing with my case has made enquiries as to the appropriate treatment pathway for DID, either with the NHS centre for dissociative studies or the pottergate centre (who take NHS referrals and consult on patients). My care coordinator would not answer the question.

Their solution was to hand me a WRAP (wellness recovery action plan) which in essence is a suicide prevention plan. I was told to use my last 2 sessions to work on that to consolidate my new coping strategies, that a break from therapy would allow me to see how well I cope.

Im angry, I’m scared, I’m alone

I can’t talk to anyone in my life about it because it feels like I’m being told I’m well enough to get on with it, that i should now be able to cope. The people on my life will not read a health care professionals lack of care as dangerous the way I do, I will be seen as the person who refuses to see the truth.

This is how I’ve spent my life being treated, “you should be well, so just shut up”.

I’m sitting here ignoring what little life I have left thinking “how can I made them see I need help” trying desperately lot to think too deeply as a number of alters are already trying bad things.

What the hell should I do?

[did-that-really-happen]

Dissociative intellect

I’m sorry I can’t be the girl that got into Yale anymore. I’m not sure now she existed at all.

I’m sorry I can’t be PhD 9 years later girl, she also went nuts and just didn’t turn up, didn’t even email.

I’m sorry I can’t seem to keep it together, that working a job I loved ending with me helpless in a DNA freezer.

I’m sorry I no longer read any books, my dyslexia coupled with derealisation makes me inept at such.

I’m sorry when I try and talk about my passion for science, I look like an idiot and stand there in silence.

I’m sorry I can’t drive at 31, I’m not allowed you to, I trust letting a 3 year old isn’t okay with you?

I’m most of all sorry that no ones gets that when I say “I feel shitty” what I should have said was “I can’t do this”

Now I’ve said that I’m sorry can we just pretend I’m still me 167 IQ and not stuck here in bed.