[didilosemymindordidifindit]

[didilosemymindordidifindit]

SEX IS FREE, DON'T RAPE

Konji na bastard. The guy needs reorientation. He want to fuck but doesn't know how to go about it. I can relate to his predicament even though I had way more self control than him. We are animals, we like to fuck just like dog and other animals but unlike other animals when all you have to do is chase after the female and hump, humanity has made it more complex than that. They have put a price tag on the pussy. If you don't have money, you can't fuck. Sounds like a prostitute? But I can assure you she's not. She is a normal girl, a member of the church and mosque. She works in the office or has a shop. But before you can have the chance to fuck her, you must pay her like a prostitute. And it's not a one time payment, it's a continuous subscription payment or else your subscription will expire and she will move on to someone else. "Stop it! I am not a prostitute, I don't collect money from men to sleep with me". Really? But you always claim it's the man's job to fix his girl's hair, buy clothes for her. Take care of her. "Of course, a man should take care of his woman". Why can't she take care of herself? "Bros, you are stingy oh". It is not a matter of stinginess. It is the woman that was created to be the helper of man but the world has turned upside down that now it's the man that is the helper. Don't get me wrong, am not saying the man shouldn't take care of a woman. Of course, he should. But this one they have turned taking care of woman to be the ticket to the gate of the pussy is the one heaven is against. They have monetised the free gift of God. They have commercialise the holy union of the penis and vagina. May God have mercy on you people. That is why we have men like Quadri Azeez who are too willing to snatch the pussy and run when they are not able to afford to buy it. Thats why we have 'aunties' molesting little boys just because no customer came to buy their pussy and there are cobwebs on top and they need to dust it.

There is a need for change in the land. Stop demonising, monetising and commercialise the free gift of God.

Allow us to fuck for free.

Sex should be free.

[didilosemymindordidifindit]

PRIMARY 5 STUDENTS WRITE LETTERS TO BUHARI CONCERNING KIDNAPPING AND BANDITRY

I told the pupils in my class to write a letter to Buhari over the kidnapping in the country.

What this kids wrote almost brought tears to my eyes.

[didilosemymindordidifindit]

[didilosemymindordidifindit]

WICKED TEACHERS

I am presently a primary 5 teacher at a school in Kaduna. It is my best job ever. I pray with the kids so much that they are happy but sometimes they see me as wicked. This reminds me of Severus Snape, Harry Potter most wicked teacher or so we thought. He tormented Harry Potter and even killed Dumbledore. But the thing we didn't know was that all this man was doing was out of love that he is nicest person. Some times we misunderstand discipline for wickedness and strictness for hate.

I want to use this opportunity to thank all my 'wicked' teachers, for you all made me the great man I am today.

[didilosemymindordidifindit]

OSHOMOSHI IS THE KING OF IGARRA

"Then came there two women, that were harlots, unto the king, and stood before him. And the one woman said, O my lord, I and this woman dwell in one house; and I was delivered of a child with her in the house. And it came to pass the third day after that I was delivered, that this woman was delivered also: and we were together; there was no stranger with us in the house, save we two in the house. And this woman's child died in the night; because she overlaid it. And she arose at midnight, and took my son from beside me, while thine handmaid slept, and laid it in her bosom, and laid her dead child in my bosom. And when I rose in the morning to give my child suck, behold, it was dead: but when I had considered it in the morning, behold, it was not my son, which I did bear. And the other woman said, Nay; but the living is my son, and the dead is thy son. And this said, No; but the dead is thy son, and the living is my son. Thus they spake before the king. Then said the king, The one saith, This is my son that liveth, and thy son is the dead: and the other saith, Nay; but thy son is the dead, and my son is the living. And the king said, Bring me a sword. And they brought a sword before the king. And the king said, Divide the living child in two, and give half to the one, and half to the other. Then spake the woman whose the living child was unto the king, for her bowels yearned upon her son, and she said, O my lord, give her the living child, and in no wise slay it. But the other said, Let it be neither mine nor thine, but divide it.Then the king answered and said, Give her the living child, and in no wise slay it: she is the mother thereof."

1 Kings 3:16-27

This is a popular story in the Bible but as I read it recently it looked like a perfect allegory of what is going in Igarra: the power tussle for the throne of Paramount ruler. Different clans all laying claim with their own point why it is their birth right to seat on the throne. Various of the clans have built and furnished palaces, designed crown and created a well detailed royal retinue to keep with their act of rulership. This tussle though isn't an all out civil war, there is spiritual and emotional war in play. You ask an average Igarra person which clan he or she is and he or she is so quick to respond with the royal xxxxxx family. There is a need to lay claim to royalty. And The people are permanently divided in a my clan Vs your clan stance in practically every issue that arises. This has kept Igarra in perpetual stagnation. If you ask me as a son of Igarra who the king of Igarra is, I will say nobody. Why? Because I can't be ruled by selfish, egotistical megalomaniacs who will hold on to power even at the expense of the peace and progress of land and people he governs.

Like the result of King Solomon's experiment, the man who is the real king of Igarra is the one who is willing to risk losing or even sacrificing his throne for the sake of the peace and progress of the land. For as long as the eight or so rulers of Igarra stand firm that Igarra rather burn than for it to move forward, I do not recognize or reverence to any of them. They are not my king. For until they wake up and do what is right, Oshomoshi is the king of Igarra.

[didilosemymindordidifindit]

I DON'T HAVE A DATE OF BIRTH

My daddy was born in Igarra, Akoko Edo, Edo state, Nigeria, at a time when it was still a village, to parents who never saw the four walls of a classroom. So he didn't have a date of birth because people at that time didn't have the knowledge of the Gregorian calendar. They measured days by markets that fell(congregated) on those days(Ofu(market) this, Ofu that).

When my dad by sheer determination was able to go to school with the help and encouragement of his elder brother who was an headmaster or a senior teacher, a dilemma arose. During his registration into the school, he was asked his date of birth. He didn't have a date of birth, he must have replied truthfully. The teacher must have laughed at the foolishness of the young boy. "How can you say you don't have a date of birth, everybody has a date of birth" he or she must have said, thinking "this boy is so stupid oh, are we going to be able to educate this one? "The irony was that he or she was the foolish one who didn't know that the Gregorian calendar wasn't widespread at the time of my father's birth. Tired of my father's 'stupidity', the teacher looked critically at my father, scanned his face, calibrated his height and maybe counted his teeth (maybe not); literally performed a visual carbon dating of my father and guessed his age. So the teacher gave my father his date of birth which he started using.

Just like everything in life which you are not used to, my dad soon forgot the date of birth the teacher gave him and over the years it changed from one month to another depending on who asked. My mum always used to tease him because he always got jealous whenever any of his children or wife were 'marking' their birthdays because we never marked his. Anytime we wished our mum happy birthday, he would be like, "Okay, so it's only your mum you know abi". We will be looking at him like, "Oga Ade, when we no know which day be your birthday nko". If we tell him to tell us his date of birth so we can mark his birthday, he will give us a date. The next day, ask him what is his date of birth, he will give you a different day from the one he gave you yesterday. So, we didn't bother to remember his birthday but we tried to not rub our birthdays on his face too much.

I smiled sadly when I saw the date of birth in his obituary poster. Nobody knew his birthday but everybody knew the day he died, June 30th 2016.

As I grow older I am jealous of my father, wishing that I too didn't know my date of birth.

Age is a limiting tag.

It is like the ticking clock of a time bomb.

Even though we count it as a form of accomplishment, it is just a countdown leading to point when the person will just drop dead.

It has no purpose but to categorise, divide people into groups and separate them.

It forces people to rush to accomplish things they are not ready or able to do. Women check their menopausal clock to decide when to get married so they can have kids instead of doing it because of love and companionship.

It makes people not eligible to perform certain tasks. Either you are too young to do something or you are too old to do it. It doesn't matter whether you want to do it. Job restrictions, retirement ages etc

For God sake! Why can't you guys just give people a break and let them do what they want, when they want.

Well! You can call it being fake deep but I know the pressure age has on me and the people around me to do what we don't want to do atleast at that time. Eventhough I have a date of birth but I refuse to be linked or controlled by it. I am an adult and that's it. I don't want to act or be any age. I want to just live my life to the fullest doing what I want till the day I have to move on to the next realm.

Though my date of birth is in my various documents, I have taken them down from all my social media and my mind entirely. Maybe by so doing some day, I might just forget the date of birth, So I can be like father and Jesus who both don't have date of birth.

Wait! Don't tell me you believe Jesus was born on Christmas day!

Hahahaha!

[didilosemymindordidifindit]

PLEASE, READ A BOOK

I can't count the number of people who have told me they don't read books. Most of these people are young people in their twenties and thirties. They say it the same way I would say I don't eat dog meat, like it's an option. Like its a thing of pride. Like reading is something for 'jobless' people. Like reading is a luxury. Sorry to say, it's one of the most ignorant mentalities ever. Don't think am saying this because I wrote a book. Information is power. Some times I tell myself, how I wish I knew what I know now some years ago. Knowledge will decide who you are, how you act and where you are going and how fast you get there. Like don't you have questions about life, marriage, success, death, relationship etc ? Don't you know there are books with insights that answer your questions? Let say you don't have these questions.Let say you don't care how your life is going or you are satisfied & okay with the way the world is.You have a job,a handwork or a business that fends for you.Don't you want to know about the field? The history and latest about it. It doesn't matter what you are into;hairdressing,tailor,barber,mechanic,driver etc,there is a book about it. Don't you want to know more and become more? The sad fact is most of these people are graduates.It's ironic that a country like Nigeria which has a very high number of graduates has one of the lowest numbers of readers.Not just that they don't read, they fear reading, they hate reading. That is why our society is where it is. We have ignorant people in important positions, we celebrate mediocrity, incompetence is the norm. It might seem like an exaggeration but it isn't, just by reading more we can change our lives, our country and the world. If you have more information, you won't act the way you do, you won't be friends or in relationship with the person you are with, you won't remain in that job, you won't live a meaningless life. Get over that "I don't read a book" mentality and save yourself. Just as you have a series you are following, always have a book on the side of your bed, you are following.You don't have to finish it in a week. Take your time. It is better to be a slow reader than to be a no-reader. Lately, I have discovered that I am a slow reader. I am not really slow, I am a easily distracted reader. I have been reading a book IBERIA for more than 4months. Asides that the book being so descriptive about a couple of boring topics but it has a way of popping up with gems along the way. So, I keep this book by my bedside, it's cover torn and it's pages dogeared due to mal-handling.

Reading teaches discipline, concentration, imagination, meditation etc. And it leads to moments of inspiration.It is the cheapest and safest way of travelling. No visa, no passport, no accidents, no plane crash and you can visit any parts of the world. And for just a couple of change. Money for recharge card. Books are literally the cheapest yet most valuable commodity in the market. I remember when I used to pass Ikeja Along and use N1000 to buy 5 huge books that I struggled with the weight home. But yet you hardly get to see a crowd in front of this book sellers but check out the okrika seller, you see a stampede, men and women falling over each other to buy what to cover and beautify their ignorant head and body. Instead of spending so much to look smart. Why not spend little to be smart? I know I am practically wasting my time and data sharing this because some of you will still never open a book except you have an exam. And thank God you have escaped school. But hope you know life is a school and we never stop learning until we leave this world. I have always being interested in books and knowing things. I am interested in forming a circle of friends who love reading and knowledge. I want to surround myself with people I can learn new things from. By the way, asides from writing books, I might just add selling books by other authors too to LIGHTBULB BOOK's repertoire.

Feel free to ask me for book recommendations and feel free to share with me books that you read and you enjoyed. There is a chance I might read and enjoy them too. Knowledge increases when shared.

I hope here is start a new chapter of reading in your life.

Cheers.

[didilosemymindordidifindit]

I RATHER BE CALLED A DEVIL THAN TO BE CALLED A CHRISTIAN

For some time I used to be happy that people in my office and street called me "Pastor", I thought it was a testament to my good deeds and piety. Until I grew up to understand that it just a word of ridicule and degredation. It is the same way I feel about the word "Christians" that is used to describe 'followers' of Christ. We all know the origin of the name, it was giving to Christians by unbelievers in Antioch. This name that so called followers of Christs have adopted and carry on their head, just like the way people use to call me Pastor, was not given to the followers of Christs because they appreciated the work they were doing, it was given as a form of ridicule and insult. It just means, Jesus freaks, Jesus wanna-bes, Jesus Knock offs, Jesus China made, Jesus CopyCats etc. It is not a good name. Jesus clearly stated the type of names the people of the world will call his followers and it is not Christian. That means if people don't call you that name, that means you are not his follower. What was the names? Jesus said they would call his followers Devils and worst names than that. Why then should we be happy or even adopt names like that from people? Because your mere existence as a follower of christ is a threat to the evil in the world. Its like expecting a deer to have a good nickname for a lion or a virus to have a good word for an antivirus. You can't have a good word to say for somebody that is a threat to your life. You will always have something bad to say about that person. Society never have good words to say to people who are threats to their evil way of life. I have looked throughout history, the people who were labelled has bad, evil, demons are people who have stood against the evil ways of society. And the people they call good names are those who follow in their footsteps.

So, am I saying that because the people of the world gave the 'followers' of Christ a good name, does that mean they are following in the footstep of the world? You are absolutely right. Christians are practically harmless to the people of the world. They don't get persecuted anymore. They are even appreciated in society. We need them to help lead prayer before every events, we need pastors and bishops to swear in our politicians, we need Christians in the society. They are the friends of society. That is why with the more Christians, Muslims and the other religious people who claim they know God and follow his commandment, we have in the world, the more sins and evil we have in the world. Christians are now accepted in society. And not just accepted, they have become an integral part of society; they are now society. If you are a 'christian' and people don't hate you in your street, your office, your family etc, then you are not a Christian. That means your life is favourable to evil going on in society. Your existence alone should make people feel guilty, whenever you appear, they should go "this yeye person don come again" and not "hey! See pastor don come oh". It's a pity that a country that has a pastor as the Vice President can still be in this state. He is even the one in charge of sharing N5,000 to market women and making promises/ proclamation of achievement that have not been reached. He is a disgrace to Christianity and his church. Or is he? I don't think he is. Maybe he is the perfect image of what a Christian is. Cos that is how billions of Christians around the world are. We are a seemless part of the society yet society is falling apart. We are supposed to be light of the world yet there is so much darkness in the world, we are supposed to be the salt of the earth yet the world is tasteless.

I stopped going to church because I got angry. How can we have Christians in the world and the world will be so wicked and evil like this. God forbid. While some people have to told me not to judge but go to church just for my God, I still say no. I can't be equally yoked with unbelievers. Yes! Christians are unbelievers. They don't follow the teachings of Christs. Isn't that the definition of an unbeliever? How can they claim to be believers when they play an integral part in making the world hell? Look at every strata of society, there are Christians there. Check where there are corruption, killing, theft etc all in the name of surviving and earning a living, there are Christians there. When Jesus said the harlots will make it to heaven before the Pharisee (who are the christians of his day) he knew what he was saying. Its high time we wake up and open our eyes and realise what we are doing. These habitual programmed act of going to church regularly, doing morning devotion, following a set of rules, paying your tithe and offering etc makes you a Christian but doesn't make you a follower of Christ. I just hope at the end you will not be crying "Father, father!" and Jesus will say I know you not. To know if we have followers of Christ, I shouldn't have to look into the church, I need to look into society. When I see people standing for what is right, when I see love and kindness among one another, when I see persecution left and right, then I can say we have followers of Christ. Until then I will continue to enjoy the beautiful names like Possessed, Madman, Devilish, Lazy, Dull, Bad market etc people call me because I refuse to go to church or conform to the godly box society wants to put me in. I rather be call those than to be called a christian.

PS: you can replace the word 'Christian' with 'muslim' or 'buddist' or any other religion in the world and this post will still be 100% correct.

[didilosemymindordidifindit]

A CHILD IS BORN

INT. HEAVEN. AFTERNOON

GOD, ANGEL GABRIEL and ANGEL MICHAEL are at the office.

GOD: Oya! Log in the next child that we will be sending to the world.

ANGEL GABRIEL: Okay, sir. (Clicks on the computer) 'have done that, sir. what should be the username of the child?

GOD: Itopa Ozi Suru.

ANGEL MICHAEL: Wow! That's an interesting name, boss.

GOD: Oh! thank you. I know, that's why I chose it.

ANGEL GABRIEL: What talents do you want me to give the child?

GOD: Music, writing, sketching...infact give him all the talents in the the creativity folder.

ANGEL GABRIEL: On top of only one person?

ANGEL MICHAEL: The thing shock you too?

GOD: Yes, let him have it all. He will need them cos to whom much is given, much is expected.

ANGEL GABRIEL: You have a point, sir. I have already put UNITED STATES OF AMERICA as his destination. Or should I make it the United Kingdom or France?

GOD: Remove it and put NIGERIA.

*Cue in explosive sound*

*Cue in a male voice screaming "FUNKE! AYE MI TE MI BAMI"*

*Cue in Patience Jonathan voice screaming "CHAI!"*

*Cue in Chiwatel Agu speaking gibberish*

ANGEL GABRIEL: Sir, what did you just say?

GOD: Gabe, you heard me loud and clear. Do what I said.

ANGEL GABRIEL: Nigeria! Really? How can you give somebody all these talents and then send them to Nigeria?! How?!!

GOD: Gabriel, are you questioning my authority?!!

(ANGEL MICHAEL is touching ANGEL GABRIEL with his leg so he can shut up but ANGEL GABRIEL is so angry he doesn't notice)

ANGEL GABRIEL: I am not questioning your authority; Never have, never will. I know you are all knowing and all powerful but what you are telling me to do is to take a flower and plant it in a desert.

GOD: Gabriel! Gabriel!! Gabriel!!! How many times did I call you? Is like you have started growing wings. You want to tow in the path of Lucifer abi? You want cause another mutiny so this time you will carry the rest of my staff.

(The hullabaloo has attracted various angels from various departments and they are peeping into the office to have an idea what is going on)

ANGEL GABRIEL: Sir, you know I will never do that. But sir, try and reason with me.

GOD: Are you insinuating that am not reasonable?

ANGEL GABRIEL: I never and I never insinuate that, sir. God forbid! What am saying is lets put this child in a place it can shine. Even your son said that it is not good to light a candle and put it under a bushel. Nigeria is worst than a bushel; Nigeria is bullshit!!! And you know it, sir.

GOD: Gabriel, relax. I understand your concern, it is coming from a place of love. But let me ask you a question. Which place needs light the most? A dark place or a place of light?

ANGEL GABRIEL: A dark place.

GOD: Who needs a doctor? The healthy or the sick?

ANGEL GABRIEL: The sick.

GOD: So, you see. The bullshit as you call Nigeria is the perfect place for Itopa Ozi Suru. This child is built to help make the country and the world a better place. Yes, it will be challenging for him but he has me, you and the host of heaven to help him out. We got him, so relax.

ANGEL GABRIEL: Okay, sir. I trust you (clicks away on the computer)

ANGEL MICHAEL: (Timidly) Excuse me, sir. You know have been quiet since. I know everything will be fine but sir, don't you think we should ehn...we should ehn....

GOD: Should what? Talk now!!!

ANGEL MICHAEL: Sorry, sir... Don't you think we should allow this child be mentored by the devil for some few time so he can learn how to do yahooyahoo(fraud) to make money to push his talent and dreams?

*Cue in explosion sound*

*Cue in a woman screaming "WHAT!"*

GOD: If you don't get out of my sight ehn...See his head like the map of Nigeria.

*Cue Akumalaga laughter*

*Cue in Aye Le O by Tope Alabi*

(THE END)

[didilosemymindordidifindit]

IF ONLY BUHARI'S PARENTS HAD ALLOWED HIM TO FOLLOW HIS DREAM, NIGERIA WILL NOT BE IN THE STATE IT IS IN.

You see why everyday I beg parents to allow their children to study or be what they want to be and not force them to not be one thing or the other but you guys never listen.

"I want my child to be a doctor"

"I want my child to be a lawyer"

"I want my child to be an engineer" etc etc.

This is the rubbish that caused the wahala we are now in. People are being killed on a per second billing, we are all on an hunger diet but yet the presidency is nonchalant. If not for the fact that the price of rope has also gone up, the number of suicides would have been off the charts.

All this because of the ignorance of Buhari's parent. They are in their graves rotting and we are here suffering their misdeeds. I would have love to rain curses on them but what's the point.

You see a child, always waking up before the crack of dawn. Without brushing his teeth, he would go to check on the cows at the backyard. Give them water and fresh grass. This child has been doing this from adolescence till his teenage years. Finally, it's time to decide what this child will do with his life, you open your mouth waaa,

"I want my son to be a General in the army"

The child begged you with heaven and earth to see his passion that he has shown over the years for cows and cattle rearing that maybe he should be a vetinarian or an agriculturist but no you insist that he must be a General in the army.After years of shouting and beating, the boy capitulates and joins the army.

Fast forward decades later, by a stroke of magic, our boy grows up and becomes the Head Of State of the Federal Republic of Nigeria in 1985; A very bloody tenure. people eye see wheeeen! God in his infinite mercies decides to remove the boy(now a man) from the seat.

Fast forward again to 2014, people start shouting "Goodluck Jonathan is too sluggish", "Goodluck Jonathan is too slow". How won't he be sluggish? How won't he be slow? When baba has 'down-ed' five litres of Ogogoro before preciding over FEC meetings. You see him on TV, his eye will now be like a flag on half mast. His eye like that of Eugenia Abu of NTA News fame. People kept complaining "He's too soft" like married women at night.

Some even went further to say, "We need somebody with iron hand".

Kai!!! This mouth get power!!!

Yanga dey sleep, trouble go wake am.

People were eating at least two square meals even if there was no meat, instead of thanking God, they said they wanted iron hand.

Price of fuel was N67, Good luck wanted to remove subsidy, they screamed against it. Wole Soyinka with his canopy of hair, Buhari and the rest protested against it and the 'sluggish' man came to an agreement without the shedding of a single drop of blood.

Yet the clamour for "iron hand" grew louder.

Children were in school studying, no problem. Yes! ASUU striked once in a while(With the way ASUU strikes, If we swear-in our leaders with them holding ASUU membership book and saying the words "if I do not do what I promised in my manifesto,may ASUU strike me dead", they will keep to their words.) unlike now when there is something wrong if ASUU are not on strike. Yet people kept clamouring for iron hand.

Tinubu with his lust for power, went to our boy (who is now a grand father) who was happily rearing his immortal cows; finally living his childhood dream, and convinced him to run for president, that this time he will win because of the support of the south.

I don't know what he used to convince him; Promise of giving him the whole of southern Nigeria for his cows? We will never know but we can only guess because our 'boy' for one reason or the other, left the love of his life and became the president of Nigeria. Or so we thought. For us, we thought this was a new dawn in democracy not knowing it was a DemoCowCy; it's new variant which is the government by the people, of the people, for the cows.

Nigeria should be given an award by PETA(People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals) as the most animal loving nation in the world. We are so in love with animals, we are willing to kill thousands just for the life of one.

Farms are destroyed, farmers are killed, we face food shortage, hunger and the threat of a tribalism fuelled civil war but the government doesn't care. For as long as the cows have fresh farm produce to eat, we can all die.

At the moment, human life is way below in the food chain.

All this because Buhari's parent refused to allow him follow his dream. Thunder ehn!!!!!!

[didilosemymindordidifindit]

BACHELOR ANONYMOUS

When a stupidly funny Adam Sandler comedy meets a bloody Quentin Tarantino action flick is what you get when you read #BachelorAnonymous 1 & 2 by Jerry Chiemeke & co.

You have never read something as crazy as this; certainly not from this part of the world. Nollywood is sleeping on a gem. And it's ironic that it's free to read. I foresee #BachelorAnonymous the franchise getting a cult like following in the nearest future. We need a trilogy and maybe all in book format. The Tonto Dike torture technique killed me. Kudos to the team.

It is absolutely free, I don't have the link. Just Google it.

[didilosemymindordidifindit]

"My friend, come! let's play" it said in it's hissy dialect.

But my body ran faster than my mind could recollect.

Why was I running? I asked myself

What type of stupid question is that? Another 'I' replied myself

It is a snake for God sakes!!!!!

Dummy, nobody said it was an earthworm

So, what if it is a snake!

But snakes are venomous!

Not all snakes are venomous.

Would you have me wait do a test with my blood to find out?

If it was that easy to get poisoned by a snake, mankind would be extinct.

For God sakes, you are way faster and stronger than a snake.

Even so, if the snake wanted to kill you, it would have done that easily.

It has more stealth than us clumsy humans.

If you saw a snake then it didn't mean to kill you.

It wanted you to see it or it let it guard down.

Are you sure?

I'm sure, stop running you fool before you fall, injure yourself and then blame it on the snake.

I turn back and look, there is nothing chasing me.

The snake must have gone it's way as it obviously was before I started running like a fool.

I can imagine the snake going into it's hole with a smile on his face, being welcomed by its children.

"Something very funny happened to me, on my way home today..", it will say in that same hissy dialect.

- Itopa Ozi Suru

[didilosemymindordidifindit]

A MAN, HIS WIFE & THEIR CHILDREN, IS NOT A FAMILY

When I mention the word family, what comes to your mind? Exactly! A man, his wife, their son and daughter. But is that what being a family entails? We see it in adverts, in movies, in books, in music videos etc; that is the image we are showed a family looks like. It is the standard.

Everybody wants to have a family and when they say that, they normally mean getting married, having kids and living together. But like every standard society has sold to us, it is a big lie. A man, his wife and his children, are not a family. At least should not be a standard; a one shoe fits all model for all families because we are all different and thrive in different settings.

Who says a family has to a man, his wife and children? Who says an old woman, her daughter and her daughter's daughter, which was a teenage pregnancy, all living together isn't a family? Who says a man, his wife, their children and their deadbeat uncle who sleeps on the couch, isn't a family? Who says a bunch of friends sharing the same one room appartment isn't a family? Who says a girl living with her boyfriend and her dad, isn't a family? Who says a bunch of old men & women living in an old people's home, isn't a family? Who says a bunch of kids who grew up together in the orphanage, isn't a family? Who says a group of childhood friends, who have known each other since birth and grew up together in the same neighborhood, isn't a family? Who says a group of students who have been classmates from primary one till SS3, isn't a family?

Of all the definitions of a family in the Oxford Dictionary, only one I could manage as the definition of a family. Can you guess which?

a. A group consisting of parents and their children.

b. A group of people related by blood or marriage.

c. The children of a person or couple.

d. All the descendants of a common ancestor.

e. A group of things[people] that are alike in some ways.

f. A group of related plants or animals.

Option (e) is the best option.

A family is a group of things/people that are alike in some ways. In the sense that they have one mind and love each other and the fact that they don't share the same DNA, tribe, religion etc, makes no difference; only the fact that they geniunely love and care about each other. THAT'S A FAMILY!

You don't agree with me? Maybe you will agree with Jesus. As you can see in Matthew 12:46-50, Jesus' mother and brothers came to see him, somebody informed him about their presence and Bros J did not even look at their direction. Instead is turned to his disciples, pointing to them and said "this is my family!". Jesus chose 12 strangers he met in his journey who he spends majority of his time with over a bunch of strangers he is related to by blood.

The person I enjoy talking to on the phone is not related to me.

If you ask me who I love chilling with, someone not related to my family.

My best relationships are with people am not related to.

And me saying this doesn't mean my family are wicked or unlikeable. Not at all. I have the best 'family' in the world. What I'm just saying is that though blood is thicker than water, the spirit is deeper than blood.

In our journey in life, we will come across strangers who we will connect with on a deeper level than people we are related to by blood; and these people are our real family. It's a pity that people under the pressure of society are quick to breakup these families in a bid to create society's definition of family. Women are in a hurry to get married so they can go to their husband's house, start their family and stop hanging out with their friends, so they can 'keep' their home. Same applies with the men to. The moment he's married, guys hangout is out the door. So they create the artificial family of a man, woman and children, all based on the need to settle down and do what is the norm. Not based on connection, just based on obligation. You now have to love this person, not because you want to but because you have to. You now become robotic creatures of habit doing things without any emotional connection.

This is the reality of life in the world. And we ask why people are miserable and why the world is literally hell.

Until we stop building artificial families based on societal definitions and start building wholesome families based on emotional and spiritual connection, we will keep having a world of sadness, pain, hate and suffering; for the family is the building block and basic unit of society.

[didilosemymindordidifindit]

I AM A FUCKING GENIUS!!!!

An old man(a pastor) told me that the reason he doesn't like Mourinho is because he calls himself the 'special one'; that only God should be referred to as the special one. I smiled; only if he knew that the person he was 'complaining to' refer to myself as a God(capital letter and not small, because am God-made & not man-made) maybe he would have an heart attack etc.

Through out history, great men have referred to themselves by hyperbolic exaggerated titles from Muhammad Ali(I am the greatest) to Kanye West(the Walt Disney of Music, the Beethoven, the this, the that: Ye will no kill somebody with laugh).

Though some might erroneously see this as pride, it's not. It is giving your self a target to rise up to. It is a confidence booster. The right name will ginger the hell out of you in challenging situation. It will make you rise up to the occasion. Like when KingKong beats his chest. When he does that, the andrenaline rush pumps into every part of his body and he expands while his Challenger no matter how big it is shrinks into a toy. Don't let your environment or people around you make you look small, look within you and give yourself a special name that will ginger you when you feel fear or small. That is what I do! When my confidence feel threatened, I rise up and i beat my chest, screaming my lungs out, "I AM A FUCKING GENIUS!!!!!!I AM UNSTOPPABLE!!!!"

[didilosemymindordidifindit]

WEAPONISING THE DEATH OF EMAH AJITUEWUN FOR SELFISH INTEREST

The internet was awash with the news of the gruesome murder of one Emah AJITUEWUN Meshe aka Larcomb in Edo state. I couldn't get details of how he died because there was the deafening cry of anda-ism all over the news. Somebody even tagged me and a million other people to a Facebook post of his death, 'gingering' us to do something about it. What do you want us to do? Bring him back to life? Or to further add gunpowder to the anda furnace? For days, I held myself back from addressing this topic because one, I am not much of an expert in the going ins and out of Igarra. Two, I am a small boy, in all ramifications. Before person go tell me, I already know. But there is a saying that a child does not sit down while the Elder leaves home with soap in his ear. I will deserve the curse of Ham if I see my elderly father naked and instead of covering his nakedness, I go out to laugh about it with my brothers.

Emah Ajituewun is dead and gone, may his soul rest in peace and there is nothing any of us can do about it. For someone who has lost his father and sister, I know what am saying. If we burn down Igarra now, Emah will not move an inch.

I say this so we can all use our brains and know what we are doing all in the name of grieving. Like I normally say, 90% percent of tears cried at a funeral are crocodile tears. Many of you making noise all over the place, didnt give one flying fuck about Emah when he was alive. You did not support his hustle, you did not show him 10% of this love you are now showing him in death.

Why then the hullabaloo?

You people saw an opportunity in Emah's death. An opportunity to push your agenda you have always had even before Emah death. You people weaponised Emah's death for your selfish interest. To continue the disunity in Igarra. Chai! What a shame!!!! You used the corpse of this innocent man as a prop. You people are heartless and senseless! Is this how desperate you have become? To prove your point you are ready to stoop this low? To tear Igarra apart by it's hinges you are willing to use the corpse of a boy. Wow!!!! You are the ones with anda-ism in your bloods. Revolting!!!!! It's not news that sometimes under equality, blacks are sometimes more racist than white, sometimes under feminism, women more sexist than men, now under mourning and a quest for justice, you people have shown that you are the worst anda-ist ever. And I pray God heals your hearts and saves you from the poison of your bile.

That being said, Emah was gruesomely murdered, not by Anda(a clan) but by a group of unscropulous people who will receive their reward in due time in the hands of the almighty whether laws enforcement agencies do their job or not.

Emah Ajituewun Meshe,

You didn't live long but the quality of a life has never been measured by it's length. Even though it appears that your life was snatched from you. Nobody can deny that it is the will God. You are in a better place, a place free from the madness we have seen the past few days in Igarra.

Rest in perfect peace.

[didilosemymindordidifindit]

THE FIRST MAN TO CIRCUMNAVIGATE THE GLOBE by JAMES A. MICHENER

So the discussion went , as it did day after day, but this time there was to be something different. By sheer accident an American professor visiting the tertuila dropped a bombshell by identifying a date as the year in which Magellan circumnavigated the globe.

"What did you say?" Dr Martinez Lopez of Texas snapped.

"I said it was when Magellan circumnavigated the globe"

"Margallanes!" One of the professors cried, using the Spanish version of the great explorer's name. "My God, man are you out of your mind?"

"In 1521. He circumnavigated the globe."

"My dear man! There are no reputable scholar in the world today who thinks Magallanes was the first to circumnavigate the globe."

"I do."

"Apparently. But no one else I've heard of in the last hundred years has had such an idea. Does anyone in this tertuila think for a moment that Margallanes was first around the world?"

With some temerity I raised my hand, and the spanaids turned to look at me with the compassion they would have directed to an idiot. "Have you never heard of Juan Sebastian Elcano[ in English del cano]? They asked.

"No."

"My God! He was the first around the world. And he was Spanish."

"Wait a minute!" the American professor cried."Margellan...."

"My good man" Dr Martinez Lopez said, "King Carlos himself gave Elcano a coat of arms showing a globe inscribed with the with those glorious, Primus circumdedistime(You were the first to circumnavigate me)."

The other spaniads confirmed this but the American was not overawed.

"Merely because a king made an error...."

"Carlos Quintos did not make errors."

And so the debate went on . On succeeding days the spaniads lugged books and citations to the tertuila, including an Italian encyclopedia, proving that whereas Magellan(in Portugese Magalhàes) had started the voyage around the world, he died in the Philippines, leaving it's completion to his Spanish assistant, Juan Sebastian Elcano. The evidence was impressive and I began to think that there was a corner of history about which I was uninformed, but then the American lugged in his evidence which was hard to ignore.

"If in your insularity" he said, "you wish to maintain that a man could circumnavigate the globe only if he started from Spain and ended in Spain, then Elcano is your man. But if going around the globe means going around the globe or effect, proving that the earth was a globe that could be gone around, then Magellan, who had already traveled to from Philippines by eastern route and then had returned to the point by the western route, was the first around."

"My good man" the Spaniads argued, "One day a group of ships set sail from Sanlucar de Barrameda and one of those ships, the Victoria, went in an unbroken journey around the world, and when it had completed it's journey Margellan was not aboard. Juan Sebastian Elcano was. What, in all decency, can you conclude from that?"

The American replied, "Merely that the Victoria was the first ship and Elcano the second man, to circumnavigate the globe"

The debate extended over a full week and by the time it ended, with no satisfactory resolution of the point, everyone participating understood the facts and their implications. No one in the tertuila would admit then that he had changed his mind, but I would suppose that in their subsequent writing and teaching they would at least allude to the position contrary to their own.

- IBERIA, James A. Michener