[shisasan]

From February 16 to 17, 1913 Letters to Felice by Franz Kafka First published : 1973

[digitalvirghoe]

when the world is quiet at 3am, my mind sounds like the busiest & biggest city in the world.

[digitalvirghoe]

i think there’s something beautiful in truly being heard and recognized. like damn… you really get what i’m talking about?

[feelingsoftheday]

Lord, remove any laziness from my body. Push me to my fullest potential.

[digitalvirghoe]

i have trust issues because people who said they would NEVER, usually always DID.

[digitalvirghoe]

but if i did that to you, somehow i would be the one that's wrong.

[digitalvirghoe]

I'm trying my best, even then it doesn't feel like enough.

[digitalvirghoe]

i wish focusing on the positive was as easy as focusing on the negative.

[digitalvirghoe]

it's crazy you did that to me, when I would have NEVER even thought to do it to you.

[digitalvirghoe]

everything works out in my favor, and that's just how it is.

[digitalvirghoe]

I'll jump off the empire state building before I ever let someone make me feel bad for being disrespected again.

[digitalvirghoe]

[digitalvirghoe]

[digitalvirghoe]

it's you. its always you.

[digitalvirghoe]

It may be bad right now and as cliche as it sounds, it will get better. It has to. Why?

If we never had the ability to feel sadness or despair, we wouldn't know what happiness is or what it feels like. To feel one, you must feel the other and I think that's one of the many beautiful things that this life has to offer, despite it's trials and tribulations.

[digitalvirghoe]

A Year after an Ectopic Pregnancy

-sigh

it's officially been a year since I found out I was having an ectopic pregnancy. I remember the joy that filled me when the doctors came in and said "congratulations, you're pregnant", it was instant tears of happiness.

Only for that happiness to be destroyed in a quarter of a second. They came back in after the ultra sound, and they said they couldn't see anything. I immediately knew. "is it ectopic?" I questioned.

"yes."

So then my treatment had started, and though the zygote hadn't even been a creation for that long, I was already attached. Just because I knew I was pregnant, I was already attached to this clump of cells that wasn't going to grow into anything more. I'd hoped and wished and prayed that it would somehow travel down my fallopian tube and implant safely, but deep down I knew that wasn't the case. Not long after beginning treatment, I begin to miscarry. It was smooth, not very painful physically, but emotional wise is a whole different ballgame.

I was being ripped apart. However, I still carried on with life as if I wasn't affected. I still maintained my role in peoples lives as their support, their shoulder to cry on, and their outlet for anger. However I had none. Now I'm here a year later and it still hurts the same. I still year and long to have that baby who would've been 3 months on right now, in my arms. I grieved today, harder than I ever had this whole year. I'm excited to eventually get my rainbow at the end of the storm.

Someday

[digitalvirghoe]

Black Sheep

Oh child.

Look at the way you carry yourself and

everything you hold within.

You've made it so far and you never even thought

you'd see this day.

I'm so proud of you.

Please know that even if you only did your best to survive today,

you are still doing more than enough.

I understand the pain hurts and feels almost

too much to bare.

Just know you have my hand through it all and

you will never have to

walk alone.

-- A.E Poetry --