[procrastinatingwriterssociey]

89.

“Doctor, the patient is ready for surgery, if we don’t start now, we’re going to lose him.”

[dildirani]

I look up at the doctor's face. My best friend of 15 years and he's standing there in front of me looking helpless.

"Tina, you should really rest. This much stress isn't good for the baby" he ushers over a nurse to take me back to my room

"Jay, you have to save him. I can’t do this without him"

"Tina, I'll try my best, but this is a really complicated surgery…."

"Jay" I look at him tears pooling in my eyes, pleading "Please, just…please"

"Nurse, please take her back to her room" Jay answers as he reaches to brush away one of the tears that managed to escape. "I'll do my best, he's my friend too you know?"

Jay Sahota was the best neurosurgeon in the country, if he couldn't save him then there was no hope left. Just a few hours ago their life was perfect, enviable even. All it takes is one second, and everything you love, everything you value can just be taken away from you in the blink of an eye

                                           * Earlier that evening *

"Arjun man, I'm fine just let me drive" the man drawled out, now leaning on my husband for support. Arjun took the keys from him.

"Listen bro, this is my sister's wedding and I'll be damned if I let you drive home drunk." he pulled his arm over his shoulder. "Tina will drive you in our car and I'll take your car behind you okay? That way you get home safe and your car is home, cool?"

"Dude, I'm fine. Besides didn't you drink?"

"Bro, my wife is pregnant, I'm not allowed to drink until she is!" Arjun laughs as he nods over to me.

"Don’t worry Paaji, you're on our way home. It's not a big deal at all. Better safe than sorry. Challo" I walk towards our car as my husband loads the obviously very intoxicated man into the car. His eyes shut as soon as he sits on our seats. "Idiot" I mutter to myself. We turn to drive down the road, his house was five minutes away from this hall but exhausted, sober and way too pregnant, I was ready to just go home.

"Okay Tina, see you in 5 minutes"

"Yeah, he still lives off of 10th line right?"

"Yeah, just follow my car"

"Alrighty" I turn on the ignition to my car and start to back out. My husband turn to me, pensive. Like he knows something is coming. I cock my face to the side, my way of asking him what's going on in his mind.

"I love you Teen, you know that right? I really really love you"

"Arjun, babe. I love you too, but right now our son is driving me nuts and I really just wanna go home, so let's go?" He gives it a moment of thought, and backs out his car. I follow behind him

"The Gods are being generous, not red lights. We’re going to be home in no time" I think to myself.

                                       *BOOM, car horns blaring*

I open my eyes from a blink, a blink that might have lasted maybe 2.5 seconds too long. I slam my brakes and time, time seems to stop forever. I hear the car alarms of my husband car blaring off in the distance, my own car swerved and hit a light from the impact and braking. My drunk bade paaji has now woken up from his slumber, 100 times more sober as he evaluates the scene around him.

Three cars.

4 humans.

Our car is starting to smoke up, my bade paaji shakes me awake. "Tina, Tina, come on we have to get out of the car. TINA MOVE GODDAMNIT." he looks around "Oh god, ARJUN. OH GOD, WHAT IS HAPPENING" he is panicking, but I can't hear him. All I hear is the car alarm blaring on our 2016 Honda Civic, all I hear is the metal on metal sound of the two cars from the impact. All I see is darkness, there are no lights, no houses. Just the small street light barely visible through the fog forming around the car. I can't move. I can't feel anything. "TINA, GET UP" he comes around the door and drags me out of the car before he goes to inspect the damage to his own.

I sit there on the side walk, in my blue sari. It’s a unusually warm night even for summer,  but my body is frigid, I'm shivering. I look onto the scene of the intersection. A small red Corvette is laying on the side of the road, barely recognizable under the damage caused by the Ford pick-up, both cars are minutes from bursting into flames. Then everything goes black.

I wake up under fluorescent white light, I start to resist and wake up. "WHERE AM I?!' WHERE IS MY HUSBAND?! WHERE IS HE"

"Ma'am please, relax." the nurse tries to sedate me but it's useless. My body seems to have finally caught up with my mind, I am unstoppable now. For a 29 year old pregnant woman, I am pretty strong. I manage to shake the nurses off me and make a break towards the door when a pair of strong arms stop me. The nurse is at my tail. "Dr. Sahota, we tried to hold her down"

I look up to see my best friend holding me. "Tina, please. You're pregnant, you were in an accident. We need to work you up"

"Jay, I need to see him. Please tell me he's okay. Jay" I am in hysterics. Where is he, why isn't he here in the ER?

"Tina, please calm down we need to make sure the baby is okay." I calm down a little, my hand drifts towards my belly unconsciously. I sit onto the gurney.

"Okay, I'll go. But is he okay?" Jay looks at me for one whole minute. The idea of lying crosses his mind. But then he decides against it, because he knows he can’t lie to me, not even to save his life.

"I don’t know" he motions to the nurses "Please take Dr. Gill up to Dr. Montgomery, she's waiting for her." I lay back on the gurney and pray with all my life that the man I love is still breathing.

[dildirani]

me: *sits down to write*

also me: OUUU shiny thing *does literally anything else* 

[astrowhat-deactivated20190316]

I often wonder how many more scientists we’d have if we congratulated kids for working hard rather than praising them for being smart. We need to get rid of the myth that science is only accessible to an intellectual elite.

[wordsthat-speak]

If you’re dating a writer and they don’t write about you — whether it’s good or bad — then they don’t love you. They just don’t. Writers fall in love with the people we find inspiring.

With the people who stimulate us, compel us, ignite a fire within us. (via plhjambajuice)

[dildirani]

“You’re falling asleep I’ll stop talking” “Mmm, no I’m not please, I’m listening” he says as the words slur together from fatigue. I turn to the clock, its 4 am. We’ve both been up for almost 24 hours “Bubs, seriously. It’s okay, we’re both tired, let’s try to get some shut eye.” I start to shift my weight off his chest so that we can both sleep comfortably. He pulls me in closer and tightens his grip. “No, I can’t sleep” his eyes are half close, sleep begging him to surrender. “I always fall asleep first, it has to be you this time. I need to win.” I laugh and pull in closer. I can feel the rise and fall of his chest, hear the steady beating of his heart. Outside there is a storm brewing. We can hear the winds picking up and the sound of ice pellets hitting the window, it must be -30 degrees outside. But in this room it is warm, and in his arms the outside storm seems like it is miles away. It is safe here. I am safe here. “Okay, no falling asleep then, I guess. I don’t lose mate. We shall see” I can feel the smile spread across his face and the joy light up his sleep ridden eyes -challenge accepted. My own eyes are starting to feel heavy, but I’ll be damned if I let him win this one. “You know what, I know how to stay awake and win.” he says, the mischievousness obvious in his tone “Oh yea?” “Yeah, I’m gonna sing you Hindi songs until you fall asleep” he takes a moment and pauses, I let out a slight giggle because there is no way this 6 foot tall tough boy is going to sing me Hindi gaaney at 5 am. “Tum paas aaye, yun musukare…blah blah blah…kuch kuch hota hai”

ts

[formordor-deactivated20181220]

hi i’m a hopeless romantic with serious trust issues nice to meet you 

[blythebaird]

I am trying to see things in perspective. My dog wants a bite of my peanut butter chocolate chip bagel. I know she cannot have this, because chocolate makes dogs very sick. My dog does not understand this. She pouts and wraps herself around my leg like a scarf and purrs and tries to convince me to give her just a tiny bit. When I do not give in, she eventually gives up and lays in the corner, under the piano, drooping and sad. I hope the universe has my best interest in mind like I have my dog’s. When I want something with my whole being, and the universe withholds it from me, I hope the universe thinks to herself: “Silly girl. She thinks this is what she wants, but she does not understand how it will hurt.

THEORIES ABOUT THE UNIVERSE by Blythe Baird (via blythebrooklyn)

[baawri]

[castielsteenwolf]

woah

[urbanoutcasters]

EVERY BODY NEEDS TO HEAR THIS

[hashtagloveloses]

Everyone needs Laverne cox to come to their house and spit truth in front of the mirror

[marauders4evr]

Have you ever thought about how Harry wasted a huge opportunity when he dropped the Resurrection Stone in the Forbidden Forest?

Okay just imagine if he had kept it.

He dies, comes back, defeats Voldemort…

Only now there are over one-hundred people who have died in just The Battle of Hogwarts alone. Not to mention all of those names that were read on the radio throughout the year. (And everyone else who died before then.)

So the Golden Trio gets this idea…

They quickly spread the word and pretty soon, Harry sets up a room in Hogwarts with nothing in it but a desk and a chair. He sits in the chair behind the desk and calls people into the room one at a time.

Harry insists that the Weasleys be the first to enter. And so George walks in, puffy-eyed but smiling, and asks Harry what the big secret is.

Harry then plops an ordinary pebble into George’s hand.

George is very confused until he hears his name being whispered from behind him. George turns and of course there’s Fred. And the two twins are able to properly say goodbye to one another.

Harry then allows the entire Weasley family to come in and they all huddle around Fred’s spirit and are able to say goodbye. And of course Mrs. Weasley drags Harry out from behind the desk and he joins the family hug.

Are you crying yet?

Because I am.

But let’s keep going.

Mrs. Weasley’s hand brushes against the stone and Fabian and Gideon appear to say goodbye to their sister.

After the Weasleys finally leave, Harry brings Dennis in so that he can say goodbye to Colin.

Harry then individually brings in the family member(s) of the unnamed one-hundred students who died during the Battle of Hogwarts.

Harry then brings in Luna so that she can say goodbye to her mother.

He brings in pretty much all of Hogwarts so that they can say goodbye to Cedric.

He brings in Aberforth so that he can say goodbye to Albus and Ariana.

He brings in those who want to say goodbye to Snape.

He brings in Kreacher so that he can say goodbye to Regulus.

He brings in the rest of the house-elves so that they can say goodbye to Dobby.

And when Harry is done letting everyone else say goodbye to their loved ones, he closes his hand around the stone.

The first one to appear is a beautiful white owl who flies over to Harry and allows herself to be affectionately petted.

Then of course the others appear, just as they did in the Forbidden Forest on that fateful night. Harry doesn’t talk to them for too long, he’s grown up a lot since the Mirror of Erised, but he is able to make peace with his loved ones’ sacrifices.

And even then, he still keeps the stone.

He doesn’t use it again. Not personally, anyway. In fact, he stores it in a dusty box on the mantel in his house. He doesn’t use it. But he doesn’t forget it, either. Because he needs it for one last task.

And when the boy with the turquoise hair is old enough to understand, Harry gently sits him down and places a stone in his hand.

And Teddy Lupin meets Remus and Nymphadora.

[dildirani]

This broke my heart into so many pieces I just can't.

[huffpost]

This Comedian Nails Why The Mental Illness + Creativity Connection is Ridiculous

[dildirani]

yes, yes, yes!!

[koffeewithkjo]

the Salman Aishwarya thing is still a mystery to me, all i knew was that he was obsessed with her and he had a fight with her new bf, but i also know that she lied about him beating her up and she gave a false voice record to a court of him threatening her which then appeared to be fake! How did Salman abuse her? I also know that she made vivek's life into hell lol after leaving him alone when she pushed him into making the press drama he even talked about it in an interview.

This is really not that complicated, and you apparently know enough that a basic Google search would fill in the blanks. Then again, it seems you’ve drawn only the conclusions you want to draw, which is…sad, given the situation. Sad and incredibly misogynistic and victim-blame-y.

She didn’t lie about him beating her up (???????). At one point while they were dating, the abuse rumors were strong and she denied being abused, which is INCREDIBLY common for people in abusive situations to do. After that, she was very clear about everything that happened and there are plenty of eye witness accounts and police reports to back it up.

She never gave a false voice record to a court. Like, what? The media got ahold of an alleged phone call between two people who were supposedly Aish and Salman where the latter threatened the former (and her family) with his underworld connections to get her to perform at a live show. Some people still think the tape is real, and if it is it should tell you a lot about that relationship, but it was handed over to police and “officially” deemed fake and neither one of them ever spoke about it publicly or used it against each other. The idea that she sat there and mad a fake tape for no real reason, when I’m sure she had plenty of real incriminating anecdotes to share if she were so inclined, is gross and insulting.

How Salman abused her, in her own words. There have also been plenty of firsthand accounts of Salman’s behavior. And a particularly telling article about their relationship: “[…] Anyone who protested on Aishwarya’s behalf was labelled a traitor and given the Khan-damn treatment. The brutality and violence reached a flash -point for Aishwarya when she told him she couldn’t take him—and them (the violence and brutality) –any longer. No to Salman?? Nahin chalega, boss! Thereafter he began to hound the lady like a man possessed (which he has confessed to being). He monitored every move she made, and parked his vehicle outside her building daring her to step out. For an awards function, Aishwarya had to drive out crouching in the backseat of her car so that her jealous admirer wouldn’t espy her as she broke the ‘house arrest’ treaty. Salman landed up at the awards function to humiliate the lady in every way possible. Not a single soul intervened at the function. They watched mutely or pretended not to see as Salman threatened, heckled and jeered the lady.”

Vivek called the press conference in 2003. They didn’t break up until 2005. If she used him and made his life hell, she carried on with it for TWO YEARS after the press conference. Stop rewriting history just to fit your narrative of the calculating woman making the men she dates miserable! It’s ridiculous!

I feel like every few weeks I get one of these questions and I don’t know if it’s trolling, I don’t know why I bother to put energy into answering it, but do you not see how messed up this is? It’s not funny, it’s not an amusing point to ponder when violence against women (physical, verbal, mental, sexual, etc) is so rampant in our society and not even the most celebrated women in the world are immune to it. If this is your idea of playing Devil’s Advocate, it’s not a good look. If you can’t bother to educate yourself about the details, don’t continue to speak about it. Just accept that it was a messed up, unhealthy relationship and move on because this is exhausting and disheartening.

[dildirani]

This response is everything.

If people in our society are okay blaming one of the most successful and beautiful women in Indian cinema I can't imagine what kind of bullshit a victim of violence who is the average Indian woman is forced to deal with.

[dildirani]

Why do you want to be a doctor? And before you give me the typical pre-med reply. Let me tell you something. Medicine is a sacrifice. If you think things will be easier after you graduate from medical school, they won’t be. You’ll have more responsibilities and it just gets harder and harder. Someday you’ll want to have a family. I cannot explain to you how much it hurts when I come home and my kids are asleep and I haven’t seen them all day. Or how much my heart breaks when my son asks me why mommy has to work Saturdays and Sunday’s. That man had a son less than a week ago and he’s back in the clinic rather than at home. And I know it doesn’t matter to you now because you’re young and nothing matters but put yourself into the future because medicine is a commitment. It is a sacrifice, so make sure you know what you’re sacrificing and why you’re doing it. If you’re doing it for the money or prestige, no amount of money or prestige will make up for what you will be losing. So, I’ll ask you again. Why do you want to be a doctor. You don’t have answer now, but promise me you’ll think about it.

Something a senior resident said to me today that made me think.

[dildirani-deact]

He looked over at her, she was staring at the road. But her mind seemed to be somewhere else, she was thinking. She twisted her mouth, like when she’s trying to understand something. “Wow,” he thought to himself “she’s beautiful” Even with the stress lines and sleeplessness starting to show on her face, she was beautiful. In her simplicity and her poise, it was just who she was. He smiled to himself. They came to a stop light. “What?” she said, shifting awkwardly under his gaze. “You’re beautiful.” he said without thinking “This is hardly the time! My best friend is…” She said “I know, I know, I just couldn’t help myself”

ts (via dildirani)

[dildirani-deact]

“Shit” he silently breathed against my neck.

“What” I laughed as I rolled over to look at him lying beside me. His hair ruffled, eyes droopy from trying to fight the sleep. It was 2 am, way past my bed time, but in his arms 2 am felt right. Both our eyes refused to even blink, fearing that if we closed them even for a moment we’d wake up and this would all be over.

“How did this happen?” he said as he lifted his finger to shove a strand of hair from my face. “How? I promised myself I’d never do this to myself again” he was stroking my cheek, and avoiding eye contact but I could see it. I could see how lost and how vulnerable he looked. How…scared he was. His voice faltered, and he gave me a smug smile. “How on Earth did you get me to fall in love with you?”

“Because I’m awesome” I laughed as I ran my finger over his cheek bone, and down his jaw.

“Shit” he said again before he buried his face back into my neck. “I fucking love you” I sighed, let it sink in for a moment. I have longed day and night to hear those three words. I have had to break down so many walls, and bandage so many wounds. I knew how hard it was for him to be this exposed. I pulled his gaze back up to my own. He wasn’t lying. I could see it clear as day. But more than the love, I saw the fear. The worry. The anxiousness. That what happened with the last on, would happen again.

“I love you too” I said as I kissed him. Then I pulled back and locked his gaze again “And I promise, I will never ever hurt you”

-ts