weep not for roads untraveled

[diosperdoname2]

supernaturaldisasterx​:

.

Isabelle shook her head softly “Don’t worry, this is something between you and me” assured the shadowhunter as a soft smile tugged the corners of her lips.

The raven-haired woman, let out a sigh as he apologised for her to have to see him like that. “Don’t worry” she said softly “I just got worried, I know you can take it, but… it’s hard to stop” she admitted, her eyes looking at the road as she remembered how hard was for her to stop having the urge to go to him. The need of feeling that high the vampire venom gave her. “Trust me when I say I’m not letting you get this habit”

.

Raphael smiled at Isabelle, “I know, I remember what you went through. I promise that it won’t become a habit. I’ll beat it.” He said softly, hugging her close. “It’s gonna be okay. I’ve got God on my side.”

[diosperdoname2]

supernaturaldisasterx​:

The raven-haired woman let out a chuckle. “To be honest it’s not the first time someone called him annoying, but it’s the first time that person said he enjoyed his company” said Isabelle, she had heard her brothers saying how annoying was Simon, but she would be worried if they ever say they enjoyed his company.

“Sure” she nodded as she walked faster, just to reach Raphael’s side. “You don’t need help standing or anything?” she asked worriedly.

.

“Yeah, don’t tell him, I get the feeling he’d let it go to his head and use it against me somehow.” He said a bit fondly, feeling a bit more human as he spoke to Isabelle, even if the urge to go back in for another bite was in the back of his mind. 

“I think I should be fine.” He said softly, “I’m sorry you have to see me like this, Isabelle.” He admitted, ducking his head to look at the ground while he walked. “I promise it won’t become a habit.” 

At least he would try his best to not let it become one. 

[diosperdoname2]

supernaturaldisasterx​:

.

Isabelle let out a sigh as she heard the man’s words, just deciding to forget his words just shook her head softly. “I don’t know” she admitted “I guess he’s fine” she admitted. “I haven’t talked to him in a while, I guess he’s doing fine at New York” she shrugged. “You helped him a lot” she nodded “But yeah if not having him around is a perk then good” she said softly. “Where were you heading? I’m not letting you alone in this state” said the Nephilim softly. Knowing how the vampire venom worked for sure she was not leaving Raphael alone.

.

“That’s good, I’m happy to know I could be of help to him. Even if he was slightly annoying, I suppose between you and I, I did secretly enjoy his company sometimes.” He laughed, shrugging as he looked back towards the club and its entrance.

“You can walk with me, I was just going home.” He lied, turning away from the club and gesturing down the road. 

[diosperdoname2]

supernaturaldisasterx​:

Isabelle’s eyes travelled quickly from the entrance to Raphael as he held her hand and pulled her towards him just to cup her face. “You can’t really say that,” she said looking at him, just remembering how she got addicted to the venom, at first she didn’t really think that thing Aldertree gave her was going to have the consequences it had. “This is not good for you Raphael” she repeated as she tilted her head to the side pressing her cheek against this hand softly. Isabelle knew it was something wrong letting the mundane do that, even if it was for a good cause. “You have to promise that to me” she said looking at him.

As she saw him shoving his hand into his pocket the raven-haired woman opened her eyes wide. “What’s wrong? What are you feeling?” she said worriedly.

.

As Isabelle had leaned into his touch it made his heart lurch, he still cared greatly for the shadowhunter, he was sure a part of him always would. She’d reminded him of his humanity in a time where he’d nearly given up on it entirely. Isabelle would always be important to him, just as important as Rosa had been. 

“I’m fine, Isabelle. Just tired.” He whispered, pulling away from her. “How’s Simon? I haven’t heard from him in quite a while, the perks of becoming human, Simon no longer has a reason to come to me for things.” He joked weakly. 

[diosperdoname2]

supernaturaldisasterx​:

.

Isabelle moved her hand quickly to the human’s arm as she saw him leaning back against the wall, not really knowing if he was going to be able to stay up. At his words, the shadowhunter opened her eyes wide. “You are helping them but… this is not good for you” she said worriedly, just feeling her heart racing inside her chest. “There’s a hospital they could have asked there for blood bags” she said nervously. “We’ve been but this is not funny Raphael” she said quickly just remembering how bad she felt while she was recovering “This has to stop, this is not good for you, I’ll talk to whoever told you to do this” she said looking at the strip club entrance.

.

As soon as Isabelle turned for the clubs entrance he reached forward and grabbed her hand, pulling her back towards him as he cupped her face. “Don’t, I don’t want you getting involved, Isabelle. I won’t let it get out of hand. He’s a newborn, we all thought it would be best for him to have the real thing first. There wasn’t time to get blood bags and Ambrosia felt wrong.”

He tucked a strand of hair behind her ear before pulling away, “I won’t become addicted, once he can be weaned onto blood bags or another source, I will stop.” 

But even as he spoke Raphael’s hand had begun to shake badly, causing him to clench his fingers together and shove his hand into his pocket.

[diosperdoname2]

supernaturaldisasterx​:

.

“Yeah, well I guess it was something good deciding to walk tonight” she chuckled softly as her dark eyes landed back on him, something was not good. “For sure” she nodded as she saw Raphael laughing, definitely there was something wrong with him.

The shadowhunter noticed how she shoved down his sleeves and she couldn’t help but frown “Raphel, something’s wrong, you should cut the shit” she said looking at him, just to notice why he had been walking and acting that way, he was just high. 

“Raphael, what have you done?” she asked shaking her head “What did they give you?” she asked worriedly taking her hand to his shoulder. 

.

When Isabelle told him to cut the shit he sighed, closing his eyes as he leaned back against the wall again. “I’m okay, really. It’s.. It isn’t a big deal, I can handle it. I was just helping a friend.. they needed to feed. I helped them.” He said slowly before opening his eyes again. “It’s alright, Isabelle. We’ve been through this before, just different roles.” He said with a weak laugh. 

[diosperdoname2]

ofchiiaroscuro​:

-

Clary had seen numerous massacres through the years, far too many for someone her age. Hell, for anyone at all. The aftermath of the attacks in the carnival, as sad and devastating as they were, was not shocking for the nephilim. It didn’t mean she was apathetic, because she did care about every single victim, mundane or downworlder. It simply meant she was used to it, and the auburn haired woman hated it.

Probably for the best, she joked with herself. It’d be pretty embarrassing to start crying while on mission.

As the bodies were collected by the United Worlds Associations and the town’s Sheriff’s Department, Clary and three others checked the buildings for anyone else that could have needed help. There were still a lot of people uncounted for, so before the Agents could focus on discovering what happened and how it happened, they needed to make sure everyone was safe. Or…at least found.

The nephilim exited the Hall of Mirrors, about to meet up with her partner at the entrance of the Tunnel of Love, when she heard her name being called. The auburn haired woman turned quickly, eyes growing wide when she realized who had spoken. “Raphael!” She hurried to him, dropping the blade she’d been holding and speaking into her walkie-talkie. “We need a medic at the Hall of Mirrors. Quickly.”

Clary caught Raphael as he approached, holding him tightly so he wouldn’t fall. “–It’s gonna be okay,” she assured him. “I’ve got you.”

.

As Raphael sank against Clary he kept thinking back to the previous night, clinging to her almost desperately as he squeezed his eyes shut, his entire body trembling as he heaved a sob, tears clinging to his lashes now. “Dios perdóname, no quería hacerlo.” He whispered as he wrapped fingers tightly against the cross around his neck. “I didn’t want to die, I didn’t want to die.” He said repeatedly, looking at Clary finally, he shook his head as he took another shuddered breath. 

His eyes closed again as he leaned against her, “I tried to run, I tried, Clary.” 

His shoulder ached something awful, he couldn’t remember the last time he’d been in pain like this, a pain constant and throbbing. Maybe the last time had been when he’d been tortured with UV lights by Aldertree. 

Maybe this is what it meant to be human, to feel things like this, pain and fear. It was utterly human. A reminder of what the heavenly fire had taken from him. He had things to lose, now more than ever before. The fight had reminded him of his own mortality. 

[diosperdoname2]

artofrunningaway​:

(closed starter for @diosperdoname )

One thing that Stiles still had to get used to was the fact that he had to feed. It was a thought that still repulsed him and was one he knew he’d have to come to terms with. From what he knew, there was something called Ambrosia that he could use to feed but he had been told that in the beginning it would be better if he fed from someone else. 

He was grateful that Raphael had offered to come back to let him feed again, though Stiles would be lying if he said he wasn’t nervous to be feeding without Roman around this time. 

When Raphael entered the room, Stiles looked up at him, already feeling the hunger gripping him. “Thanks for coming,” he started as he, without thinking about it, stepped further away from him. “Are you sure about this though? I’m sure we could find another solution.”

.

As Raphael walked into the room he could feel his hands shaking, swallowing hard as he looked at Stiles. He’d already fed Stiles’ a couple of times now and now he could feel the effects of withdrawal as he walked closer. “It’s okay, Stiles. I know you need it.” He said gently, trying to make it seem less obvious that he needed this too. 

He could remember each time Isabelle had come to him for a bite, just a little, just enough to make it better. That’s what she had said to him each time. 

And each time he had given in, until they’d both been addicted. Looks like cycles like that had a habit of repeating themselves. 

“I’m sure, don’t worry about it, Stiles. It’s just for now, just until you’re strong enough.” He said, his voice tense as he looked up at him. He could feel sweat on his brow as he stared at the young vampire. 

“You don’t have to worry about me, I can handle it.” He whispered, guiding Stiles’ mouth to his arm. “I’ve got you, okay? I’ll let you know when its too much.” 

[diosperdoname2]

supernaturaldisasterx​:

High [Isabelle & Raphael]

Isabelle was walking home, her five inches heels tapping on the ground and echoing in the night, she loved that sound, it just made her feel more powerful than she already was. 

As her steady steps kept taking her to her loft, the tapping of the heels were muffled by the loud music of the strip club, the Shadowhunter even if she got there a couple of months ago she didn’t found herself inside that night establishment, but even if she didn’t know how was inside that night, a well-known face caught her eye. Raphael. Isabelle smiled as she somehow walked a little faster towards human, but as she got closer she knew something was wrong. “Hey” she said loud enough so the human could hear her “Raphael, are you okay?” she asked as her eyebrows furrowed “Are you feeling all right?” insisted the Nephilim. @diosperdoname​​

.

Raphael had stepped outside after feeding Stiles’ to get some fresh air, it was almost euphoric in a way, what he was feeling. It was intense and almost reminded him of how he’d felt when he’d been addicted to shadowhunter blood.  As he leaned against the brick wall and kept his face turned towards the sky, letting the cool night air wash over him. At the sound of a familiar voice he turned, his eyes fluttering open. Spotting Isabelle he knew that he should get himself together before she realized something was up, obviously he was already doing a terrible job.  “Isabelle, I wasn’t expecting you here.” He laughed a little breathlessly as he swallowed a bit dryly, shoving hands into his pocket. “Always a pleasure.” He whispered, his voice a little distant and shaky as he laughed again, his lips quirking up in a slight grin.

He tried to keep her focus off of his face but remembered that he should be more worried about her seeing his arms. Shoving his sleeves down he tilted his head, hoping his eyes weren’t too blood shot or anything. 

[diosperdoname2]

artofrunningaway​:

–

His mind had only gotten a little clarity since he had risen. Enough to understand what was going on. Hunger burned through his body and he felt the urge to run and find food. Glaring at the restraints, he tugged at them, hoping to loosen them enough so that  he could escape.

The moment the door opened, Stiles automatically hissed but calmed slightly once he noticed it was Roman. His maker. Someone was behind him and Stiles immediately started hissing again, his teeth fully showing. He couldn’t quite see who it was but some sense of familiarity washed over him. Not liking the fact that he was tied up, he started pulling at the restraints again.

(( @diosperdoname​ ))

.

Raphael didn’t flinch as he saw the hissing and gnashing of teeth, he was used to seeing many newborns throughout the years. Though he had never fed one the way he was about to before.  “Hi Stiles, my names Raphael. You’re gonna feel better after you have something to drink.” He said gently as he approached the feral vampire.  Pushing up one of his sleeves he reached into his pocket and removed a pocket knife he’d purchased for self defense and cut his own arm to entice the vampire so he’d know where to target, he didn’t need some reckless vamp clamping down on a major artery or vein by accident.  Stepping up to Stiles now he grabbed the back of his head despite the restraints, wanting to remain in complete control. “Drink up.” He whispered, pressing his arm to the vampires mouth. 

@roseofroman​

[diosperdoname2]

roseofroman​:

.

Roman skipped ahead, stopping to check Raphael was catching up every few yards or so.

“I’m thinking that too. It’s barely nice for us oldies,” Roman gagged at the memory of the stuff. The few tastes he got through the straw overflow was unpleasant enough, he couldn’t imagine how people who simply drank it full swill in the mouth did it. “Not to be a total arse, but I was hoping you could help out with that too.”

He cringed, giving Raphael a sheepish look. 

They stopped outside White Fang. “This isn’t a joke, in case you’re wondering, I work here and there’s a place pretty secure inside that I’ve got him. Feral little mite, he is.”

.

Raphael had never intended to be a blood bag, not in this life or his previous one. But he also knew what he had subjected Heidi too, how he’d tortured her. If he could make up for that by doing this, then so be it.  “I didn’t think you were joking, take me to him. He’s probably starving.” After all he’d remembered what it had been like for him, how he’d first killed his own maker and then slaughtered each and every one of his friends, desperate for blood.  He remembers how Magnus had found him, lost and alone, covered in his own friends blood.  “Do you know his name at all?”

[diosperdoname2]

roseofroman​:

The elder nodded wildly, beckoning Raphael out of the building. 

“Yes, yes, come on. Please,” Roman hopped around, restless and eager to get back to Stiles. He could sense the fledgling, it was a different sensation that he’d gotten from his own sire, but perhaps that was because his intentions towards Stiles couldn’t be more platonic. 

“They’re safe at the White Fang,” Chained up in one of the kink rooms, Roman didn’t add. “safe as in him and others. With the massacre the club’s locked its doors no one’s getting in. I have ambrosia, but that stuff’s shit. Um…”

Roman licked his lips, thinking about who Stiles had been.

“He’s… he’s part of the McCall pack and a copper. He was the Human one.” Roman stopped, suddenly very still. Serious and voice low. “A wendigo made ribbons of him. It was turn him or let him die.”

.

“Alright, take me to him. I’ll do what I can, you don’t have to explain it to me.” He murmured, he’s not sure what he believes of the vampires words. But he seemed sincere and that was enough for Raphael.  “Ambrosia might not be enough for him, I’ve never had it but I can’t imagine it’s pleasant to a newborn.” 

[diosperdoname2]

roseofroman​:

.

How to word this, tactfully and carefully?

“I need your help with a fledgling. I’ve fucked up and I don’t know what to do. I heard you do.” Roman blurted, eyes wide. 

For the first time in decades Roman’s motivations were solely based around another person, with very little gain for himself, and he wasn’t used to it. He was glad White Fang’s network of information was right about where this man lived, but Roman would be humiliated if Raphael wasn’t the former vampire, and he’d gotten mixed up.

“My memories of my own time as a fledgling are fuzzy as fuck, I don’t remember a thing except for crawling up from the ground…. Please, help him.”

.

It had been a while since he had last dealt with a fledgling and he remembered exactly how he’d treated her, “And you want my help? The former vampire?” He asked with a raised brow before sighing. “Where are they? Do you know anything about them, who they used to be?” 

“Do you already have ambrosia? Blood?” 

[diosperdoname2]

roseofroman​:

@diosperdoname calling in a favour. 

His first thought had been to turn to Joshua for help, but a part of Roman that overrode that logical side felt frightened of the thought that Joshua might be ashamed of Roman’s actions. Stiles was alive, certainly, but vampires were supposed to take more consideration into who they took into their clan, while Roman had sired his first progeny spontaneously. 

The vision of Joshua’s disapproval and Olivia’s scorn had Roman running not to their homes, but instead to a place he knew someone truly unique lived.

A former vampire. Human once more.

Very little escaped the knowledge of White Fang’s whispers in the town. What one employee knew, the rest would eventually know through chatter in the break room or gossiping at sleepovers. Raphael Santiago, a returned, used to be a vampire now he’s a weak ass Human again!

As much as Roman had laughed at the concept only a week ago, it now served as a saving grace.

He knocked on the stranger’s door, bouncing on the spot. Roman hated to leave Stiles alone in his feral, just risen state, but needs must.

“Raphael Santiago?” Roman checked when a man opened the door to him.

.

Raphael hadn’t been expecting guests, he’d been planning on going straight to bed and sleeping off the depressive funk he’d fallen into after killing a vampire at the carnival.  But the knock at his door has him up and opening it, surprised to see someone he didn’t recognize but apparently who knew his name. He studied the other warily, backing further into his home. “Can I help you?” He asked, raising a brow at him.

[diosperdoname2]

unfxrtunatesoul​:

She raised her eyebrows, seeing the other one baring his teeth at her. “Well with those teeth and since it’s daytime, you’re clearly not a vampire. So what are you then, if you’re calling me human and not yourself?” She rolled her eyes, sipping her coffee. “No need to be so defensive.”

.

Raphael dropped his gaze to his coffee, he didn’t really feel like he had to tell the girl anything. After all it was none of her business if he used to be anything but human. 

“I used to be a vampire.” 

It felt good to say, no matter how many times he said it. It even made him smile, despite the underlying fear, the pain in his shoulder from both the previous dislocation earlier and the bite from the vampire he’d killed.  Thinking about the vampire however made him furrow his brow, gripping his mug harder.  “I was previously on edge before speaking with you, don’t be so flattered as if you’re the reason I’ve got something under my skin.” 

[diosperdoname2]

unfxrtunatesoul​:

.

“You sound a little down on your own species there. Unless you’re not human? Werewolf maybe?” She wrinkled her nose, pretending to be a clueless human. She knew the person in front of her was a human, but there was something off about him as well. An air around him that she couldn’t quite put her finger on. Her curiosity only grew as he spoke intimately about vampires, about the Accords. As far as she was aware, this town didn’t exactly subscribe to them.

“What do you know about Accords?” She asked, fakely confused. “I’ve never heard of those before. Perhaps you could enlighten me?”

.

At the mention of being a werewolf Raphael instinctually bared his teeth, the thought of werewolves still put him on edge. “That’s offensive.” He said before taking another long drink of his coffee.  “The Accords are none of your concern, you’re human after all, aren’t you?” He asked with a raised brow, “Humans have no need for knowing about the Accords.” 

[diosperdoname2]

Closed Starter for Clary

~FLASHBACK~

It had all happened too fast. He’d been having a good time, or at least as good of a time as he could have. He hadn’t seen anyone he recognized, he saw a single shadowhunter who had seemed a little too off for his liking so he’d found his way to another part of the carnival. 

Then suddenly he’d heard people screaming, had seen them fleeing for the exits. He’d heard shouts that they were locked, that they were trapped, and then he’d seen the attacks start. 

Raphael had been torn, everything in him wanted to stay and fight, to help as many people as he could. At first that had been exactly what he’d tried to do, as one of the attackers darted past him towards a human he’d reached out and grabbed it by the back of its clothing and pulled it back harshly, throwing it behind him.  As a human his strength hardly compared but he was a trained fighter and had 80 years of practice. Lifting his leg he kicked it backwards and over one of the metal railings put up to keep people in line for the rides.  He watched it for a moment, focusing on his breathing. When it slowly began to stand he realized that it wasn’t just any creature, it was a vampire, and now it was focused on him.  Raphael’s heart had been racing, reminding him of the day the heavenly fire had burned through him, had changed him.  He’d felt overwhelmed, scared. Now here he was, facing a vampire, and his mind suddenly turns to the last time he’d faced a vampire.  As he turned to run he saw the vampire come after him, faster, stronger. Teeth sank into his shoulder, causing his entire body to freeze. 

He wouldn’t die, not again. He couldn’t die again. Not after all he’d done to find himself again, not after he’d tasted freedom. Not now that he was truly alive.

With a sudden burst of adrenaline he grabbed the cross around his neck and pressed it against the side of the vampires face where fangs were buried in his shoulder. He heard the scream the vampire let out which gave him time to wrench backwards, while it was distracted by the pain he tried to grab it around it’s neck and jaw, snap its neck, render it immobile. 

The vampire must have known that was what he was going for however because it grabbed his arm and tried to twist it around, as if trying to break it. Pull him closer. He didn’t know.  Using that he leverages himself, twisting with the vampire as it grips his arm, his body works on muscle memory, he’d done this before, he could do it again. Pressing back against the vampires chest Raphael lifts himself up, using his lower body to run up the wall and tried to twist around out of the vampires grasp. 

His goal had been to flip over the vampire, maybe try and take him out on the way down. But for a moment, for a single moment fueled by adrenaline, he’d forgotten he was only human.  Raphael realizes his mistake when he feels the pain of his shoulder wrenching out of its socket, effectively dislocating as he twisted away. Panting harshly, the pain more like a dull throbbing at this time, he knew later he’d feel it full force, but for now he could still fight.  As the vampire lunged he dodged to the side, a bit slower but keeping on his feet. To his right he spots a broken carnival stand, a piece of broken wood protruding. Grabbing it with both of his hands he gripped it hard and closed his eyes, his heart beating rapidly in his ears. 

"Through the holy mysteries of our redemption, may almighty God release you from all punishments in this life and in the life to come. May He open to you the gates of paradise and welcome you to everlasting joy."

Forcing his eyes open he lifted the stake just as the vampire lunged at him, driving it forward and through its chest with a sharp cry. He watched the vampire burst into nothing but ash, causing him to stumble back, dropping the makeshift stake. 

Picking up his cross he pressed it to his lips as he began to sob.

After finding a place to hide Raphael had stayed curled up, clinging to his cross as he prayed, trying to drown out the noises around him. 

~Present Day~

Raphael had stayed in his hiding spot until he saw sunlight peeking through the door of where he hid, pushing it open he made his way outside, looking all around him. 

Nearby he spotted a familiar figure, his heart lurching as he made his way towards her. They had never been friends before she’d lost her memory, but now she was someone he’d consider a close confidant. A close friend. 

“Clary...” He said softly, his voice cracking with emotion. With guilt.