Hi, I’m a neurodivergent person who’s an NPD ally. This question is asked in good faith by someone who wants a better understanding
To begin, I understand fully that not everyone with NPD is an abusive or dangerous person and that they are more likely to abuse. However, I see a lot of people talking about the neurotypical people who abuse
Why do neurotypical people commit abuse, particularly violent abuse? How is it possible for a neurotypical or not mentally ill person to have little-to-no empathy or shame, and commit acts of immense violence against others?
Forgive me if this question is offensive. It is asked completely in good faith and I want to get a better understanding of not just NPD but other mental health conditions
I usually don't take questions asked in good faith as offensive. I'm not really the best person to answer this since I'm not neurotypical, but part of it can come down to genetic predisposition to certain personality traits, insecurity, how someone was raised, and having traits but not necessarily the disorder. This is a really complicated answer but I'll try my best.
People have a habit of dehumanizing those that they view as inferior in some way and that unlocks a capacity for unimaginable cruelty.
One of the more extreme examples I can think of are Nazis, they were usually just average joe down the street. They weren't monsters born without empathy or care. They weren't all severely mentally ill. But they still committed atrocities and that's almost scarier, that average individuals were capable of extreme violence. The dehumanization of anyone that didn't fit their perfect eugenics box wasn't human and so it was okay to torture, abuse, and murder. The normalization of such horrific violence and genocide, the fact that it was all orchestrated by a higher person and they could rationalize by saying "I'm just following orders" (not a valid excuse ever btw). Humans are pack animals, we're more prone to following what the leader says. We can desensitize ourselves towards violence and distance from it.
Lacking empathy, being power hungry, hurting others, those aren't inherently a disorder. Disorders are classified when they create disruption in one's personal life, relationships, and negatively affects your quality of life. It's a clinically significant disturbance in an individual’s cognition, emotional regulation, or behaviour. It's usually associated with distress or impairment in important areas of functioning. Being abusive does necessarily cause distress or impairment in important areas of functioning. Plus disorders are usually a cluster of symptoms not just one or two things.
If mental illness was the cause of abuse, then the abusive person usually would physically or emotionally abuse everyone around them. While an abusive person does not commonly show their “ugly side” to anyone else but their target usually. Can the two overlap? Absolutely, they're not mutually exclusive. I'm going to make it clear though, mental illness isn't an excuse for abuse.
Also, I want to make the distinction between being mentally healthy and being neurotypical. Abusers usually aren't very mentally healthy, but they can still be neurotypical and not have a disorder. The opposite is true as well, you can be mentally healthy and be neurodivergent. If that makes sense. Also, not mentally healthy does not mean mentally ill either, they're distinct from each other.
Mental illness = disorder
Not mentally healthy = emotional, psychological, and social state that causes problems in daily life
So why do neurotypicals still abuse people? Cause it's not inherently a disorder. Someone may have traits of a pd, like lack of empathy, cruelty towards others, but if not paired with other things and isn't causing internal suffering as well, it's not a disorder. You can lack empathy literally just because of genetics, you can abuse people because you're insecure and want that control. There are plenty of reasons that don't come down to being neurodivergent or mentally ill.
Of course none of this is a black and white answer, usually there's a lot of factors and not all of it is fully understood yet. It changes from person to person as well so it's kinda hard to pinpoint one thing. But that's the gist of it. I hope I made sense cause my brain is kinda soup rn.
I'm the person who asked, thank u so much for understanding and giving a good answer, I have a better understanding now, thank u so much
