This Is A Discourse Blog

Call me Lee. Bi/nb woman/white/24 She/her or they/them NO TERFS I'm not bulleting my list of disabilities for you.

[thatbutchbitch-moved-deactivate]

Bisexual girls who used to identify as lesbians are not proof that lesbians are secretly into men.

Lesbians who used to identity as bisexual are not proof that bisexuals will eventually pick a side.

Sexuality is complicated! Discovering more about your orientation is a wonderful thing and no one has any right to tell you that changing your orientation is bad or wrong.

[errorschacha]

People on tumblr will also do the weirdest shit to label misogyny as ANYTHING except misogyny. Somebody I just blocked said the pressure put on women to get married to men and pop out children was caused by aphobia.

[ororomunroedontpullout]

80-90% of the things people say are aphobic are actually just misygony but don’t tell them that. They are committed to the idea.

[lesleygorgasm]

dandymeowth deleting the aphobe list is millenial’s burning of the alexandria library

[possumkingdom-deactivated201809]

A post: hey hit that like button if ur a bi woman and love eating bread

The comments: “haha I’m ace does that count”

“Haha same but I’m straight”

“Some people are are allergic to gluten you ableist piece of shit”

“This post doesn’t even make sense lol what does being bi have to do with liking bread? This person has no logic lol”

“Haha I’m ace does that count”

[discoursejelly]

I leave the Internet for a week and there’s an aphobe blacklist and I’m not even on it? smdh

[whomst]

Imagine going to a gay bar/club and then the doorman pulls out the aphobe list with ur name on it and kicks u out

[lesbitchka]

That's the thing though, you don't get to tell me why I identify the way that I do. You don't know anything about me, yet you sit here refusing to say anything other than that I am bi and transphobic. Things can be interpreted differently by different people. I understand identities can get out of hand but I don't think pan is one of those, and trying to take that label away is wrong. You say you're not "forcing" anyone to do anything, but you call all people who use the label bi and transphobic

why are you sending this to me and not @tomcats-and-tophats

[tomcats-and-tophats]

Anon you are doing a lot of brutal misinterpretation of what I am saying

I am saying that MANY people have used “pan” in ways that are biphobic and transphobic. If you aren’t either of those things, great, but a huge percentage of the people who use the term are using it because they think it’s more “inclusive” than bisexuality, or because they think it means “I don’t care about gender” as opposed to bisexuals apparently being obsessed with gender, which is — guess what! — biphobic!

On top of that there is no material distinction between bisexuality and pansexuality. We are not parsed separately by homophobic society, and any difference there might (MIGHT) be is so subjective and nuanced that it’s inconsequential to how we are actually tangibly oppressed.

If you want to ID as pan, once again — fine! That’s up to you! Sometimes words just “feel” better, I get it! But if you believe that the labels are so wildly different that it’s offensive to see them as a whole, and that difference is not in transphobia or offensive assumptions about bisexuality, then I invite you to explain more.

[lesbitchka]

another reason for why “bi as in attracted to the opposite gender and nb people” is bullshit is because “nb people” is too wide a cathegory, and it includes both people who align with the ‘opposite’ gender as well as those who align with the same gender

by saying that you’re attracted to nb people, you’re saying that you’re attracted to people who are functionally men, women, agender AND anything in between

so either, by the virtue of attraction to “nb people”, you ARE attracted to the same gender, or you’re a dumbass straight who thinks they’re special and kweer

[tomcats-and-tophats]

I know it’s constantly being said and being said better but this Gay Bar Discourse is so infuriating for so many reasons

posing dry spaces for LGBT minors and recovering addicts as some daydreamy theoretical and not things that, like, actually exist already, that require promotion and support by those who allegedly want them

talking about rape culture in bar scenes as if it were just some ~quirky allo thing~, having your proposed solution to sexual harassment be “build a different bar that the degenerates can’t go to uwu” and not any actual productive way to improve venue safety (usually spouting this victim-blaming nonsense while also using survivors as argument props! wow!)

nearly 2018 and people still using creepy-ass dehumanizing language about “allos” and their “mating rituals” and the lizardbrain lust you can “see in their eyes”, as if likening LGBT people to predatory, instinct-driven animals is either 1) new or 2) progressive

less serious, but still intensely baffling: calm pubs, “fun”-oriented bars (eg. ones that host trivia, karaoke, comedy nights, local bands, etc), and restaurants that serve alcohol not only exist, but are actually pretty common, so like what the hell are we even going on about here

lack of LGBT-specific businesses is not the fault of gay bars existing and further stigmatizing gay bars will not make it easier for other LGBT businesses to succeed why am I even having to say this

it’s almost as if it’s not, and has never been, about communities fostering support for LGBT-run social spaces and discussions on improvement to safety in existing ones – if it were, we wouldn’t be constantly seeing such condescending language being used towards gay people in gay bars.

[owk]

bisexual culture is being very specific with the men you’re interested in but having absolutely no type when it comes to girls because they’re all so beautiful

[covid-69]

full offense but if you feel this way it’s unlikely that your attraction to men is real

[girls-ownthevoid]

I wish it wasn’t but the reality is there’s just a lot of bi girls who relate to this bc we have a preference for girls actually, which still makes u bi

[lesbiangender-deactivated201908]

yeah this thing can go either way. sometimes it means its actually fake. other times it means shes a bi girl who prefers girls. but you can hardly blame bi girls for preferring not to date men even if they’re attracted to them, honestly. from what I hear finding a decent one is like winning the lottery.

[lllorona-deactivated20190720]

actually alot of lesbians dont know if our attraction to men is real or not and dont have healthy relationships with men so we make the choice not to date them anymore instead of figuring out if our attraction is genuine. compulsory heterosexuality sucks and the more important question to ask if you’re questioning being a lesbian is if you can have healthy relationships with men.

[brownsunbisexual-permarchive-de]

can we respect that bi women also have complicated relationships with men as a class given that, you know, they’re also women who, you know, live under patriarchy, or is the “don’t derail posts about specific experiences or add unsolicited/presumptuous advice” rule not applicable to bi women/bi people and their posts? lol 

[colorisbyshe]

Can we also use this as a useful moment to realize how much bisexual and lesbian experiences do overlap?

I’ve seen so much rhetoric framing bisexual women as “available to men” (which… even if it weren’t biphobic, it’d be incredibly misogynistic, even framing straight women that way is vile) or acting like we can’t prioritize women while holding disdain for/disinterest in men in ways the same as or at least similar to lesbians.

When reality is a lot more complicated than that.

There are lesbians and bi women whose experiences with and priority towards men are exactly the same. Many, many bi women struggle with something nearly identical to comphet, where we feel pressured to be with men we may not even be attracted to (or may be attracted to on a base level while still not wanting to be with them, despite that). Many women who feel negligible attraction to men and don’t want to act on it identify as lesbians because that’s their material reality, even if they may have internal feeling towards men sometimes. There are women who some of y’all would rush to call lesbians because they don’t want to be with men who are bisexual and proudly so. And there are women who are attracted to men on some level but never act on it or even speak of it who identify as lesbians and proudly so.

Female sexuality and identity is fucking complicated.

There’s literally no need to pretend like in some cases… the lived reality of lesbians and bisexual women are impossible to distinguish from each other unless you interrogate intimate details of their invisible, impossible to quantify feelings. And even then… a lot of women struggle to understand said feelings, making grey areas even greyer.

So let’s focus on dismantling things like homophobia and misogyny instead of deconstructing lesbian/bisexual solidarity. There’s a reason why we’re meant to function as a group but that won’t work if we start policing each other.

Which isn’t to say we should be completely willy nilly about this shit but like… It’s Complicated™.

[angelic-gf]

HAPPY HANUKKAH TO ALL WHO CELEBRETE IT! 🕎🕍✡️

[jockoppressor]

i’ve said it already but i’m not gonna ever shut the fuck up about this. oppression necessarily involves

increased vulnerability to capitalist exploitation

state-sanctioned violence

state-sanctioned denial of natural rights

increased vulnerability to interpersonal violence that the state will overlook or not take seriously

almost every traditionally-accepted oppressed group obviously experiences all four of these things, while others merely require that you scratch the surface to find out how they experience all of them. i have yet to be presented with an example of aro/ace people facing any of these simply for being aro/ace, much less to the same magnitude that lgbt people have historical and/or contemporary experience with all of them

like i want someone to tell me how aro/ace people are disproportionately victimized by capitalism solely for being aro/ace. how they’re targeted for state-sanctioned violence. how the state codifies and legislates the denial of aro/ace people’s rights. how simply being aro/ace makes the state less likely to take interpersonal violence against an aro/ace person seriously. like honestly, just explain how those things happen

[lovethatdiscourse]

this needs more notes

[discoursejelly]

Things we need more of in media:

1) Complex lesbian characters who don’t die or get “sent off on a bus”, who have fulfilling, lasting storylines and relationships that aren’t just like, soft core porn directed at men.

2) Complex bi women characters who explicitly say they’re bisexual, and are shown to be with men/women without “changing” their sexuality.

The thing is...this isn’t a competition. We can have both of these things at the same time. I don’t want to be pitted against lesbians just because we both have shit representation. It’s easily to be disappointed when a character could potentially share your sexuality and then they are shown to not, but this disappointment shouldn’t be directed at lesbians/bi women. It should be directed at people who create media and haven’t given us enough representation over all, or give us representation but it’s shitty/unrealistic.

Wlw solidarity is being happy for other wlw when they are represented well, advocating for more/better representation overall, and calling out bad representation.

[lesbitchka]

it’s true that some mlm are more aware of their privileges than cishet men, but some of yall are just like “if im a gay man how could i possibly benefit from (looks at smudged writing on hand) mahogany?”

[lesbitchka]

seriously the idea that bi women who discover that they’re lesbians and lesbians who discover that they’re bi are committing some kind of a betrayal of the respective group and reinforce existing stereotypes is a harmful stigma that helps no one and needs to go

[lesbitchka]

No I'm saying I'm not straight and I'm not gay because my gender is androgynous. Fuck off actually. Enby is a cute and important word.

“enby” is the soft boy of nonbinary

[discoursejelly]

I would rather literally be punched in the face than called an enby

[liberal-lesbophobia-deactivated]

my Straight Person pet peeve of the day is their arrogant belief that, especially in cases where it’s a family member or someone you’ve known for a long time, if you are coming out to them it must because you only. just. realized. you were gay and not like you selectively didn’t reveal this information about yourself and your relationships to this person because you didn’t trust them with it yet