@dislocating-shoulderblades - Tumblr Blog

With the training game, I admit I didn't especially find the process of training in and of itself erotic. Or like, it's hot to be good at it, in a kind of impressive and powerful way. It's hot to have done it, in a kind of erotic consequences and induced power way. But the process itself was only vaguely erotic, with two exceptions.

First, later in the game, throwing in embarrassing or violating goals. Having your subject take its clothes off, or cuddle up against you, or feel itself up, or kneel in front of you, or place its head in your hand.

Something just slightly uncomfortable, that it none the less will do because it's part of the flow. The tension between the anxiety of performing it versus the desire to be good and be rewarded. It's really hot.

And second, specific advanced techniques are just really hot. Using the limited hold to have the subject hold a pose, for one. Having your subject hold still in a position for a minute is just really, really hot. Not just because it's the type of thing that everyone else usually believes you can't do, but because of the expressions it makes.

During the game, for the animal, there's a kind of constant anxious tension. A desire to perform and the brain is fully at work trying to figure out how. Thinking about everything it can do, attempting to read the audience, trying to guess at why it was rewarded before.

Holding still is anathema to that. Doing nothing is the opposite of figuring out what you need to do. And yet, it works. The animal will inevitably perform as desired. Even as all the while it will not quite know what it's doing or what it's supposed to do. Which is really, really cute.

ijwt-art

All tuckered out

pawtheticpuppyboy

I think when a sub says "you can do whatever you want to me" what they're actually wanting is to not make decisions anymore, and they think by saying this they can foist the decision making off on the dom without having to do any of the work beforehand. But unfortunately to get to the Not Making Choices part of kink you do in fact have to make a Lot Of Choices beforehand and communicate those choices to your partner. This is an essential part of the process and skipping it is both unsafe and unfair for whoever you're playing with.

Not Making Choices is the reward for communicating clearly, not the default

homalothecium

To people who say this, as someone who has been there, reasons you might find yourself wanting to say "you can do whatever you want to me":

It feels flirty (situationally dependent. This is not the use OP is talking about but make sure you've *already negotiated* before, don't say it in response to genuine questions. If anything else on this list feels true to you, don't let being flirty be an excuse to say it anyway/not communicate/not address those other factors.)

Wanting to please/prioritize your partner (not a bad desire, but they likely want a clear understanding of your own wants and limits so that they can not only do what they want to do but have the Impact they want.)

Fear of seeming too needy, demanding, not submissive enough (maybe ask for them to share some of their desires and limits first so it doesn't feel like you're leading the conversation right out the gate, and understand that you having to trust that if you ask for something they don't care for they'll say no is the same trust they have to have in you.) (note- some Doms DO complain about subs being demanding, or asking for things right out the gate, treating them as kink dispensers. Subs Can be shitty like that and it's fair to complain, but also Doms can do this unreasonably, and in either case people overhearing these complaints can absorb that "don't be demanding, treat your Dom as a person" incorrectly as "don't ask for things")

Not knowing what you want (generally you can just state this outright, I recommend including a request for suggestions or brainstorming, or a discussion of a kink tasting, "Can we try a couple things and see what clicks?" If they're not up to work with you on figuring it out then you will have to just figure out what you want by yourself or with someone else.)

Decision fatigue/desire to set aside making choices (you can in fact also say this bluntly. Being offered a simple two options to pick between works for some people, so you can suggest that as a starting point. You may also need to get some down time to start with, prior to subbing. Subspace is not a replacement for self care and the human need for relaxation. It can help with decision fatigue to have time in subspace, so before doing more in depth scenes needing signifact negotiating you can do smaller ones to help that, but you do need to make Some decisions and do communication upfront for that even if you find ways to safely minimize the decisions to start with. You could ask for suggestions and make the only decisions be indicating your interest/lack, fill out kink interest worksheets so it's on paper instead of a conversation and can be broken up into more manageable chunks, or do a tasting type scene where all you say is yes and no. Seriously try to give yourself downtime and meet your needs without Just putting them on another person though.)

Shame about expressing desires (let yourself be embarrassed. Turn red, stammer, say "I need a minute", push yourself to voice at least one thing. You don't need to be suave in a negotiation, and most Doms will find it cute/hot. And probably do some reflecting on where that shame comes from, how it does and doesn't align with your values, and unpack that some with a professional or at least a trusted friend.)

Fear of setting boundaries/voicing limits (this is a serious one. If you can't do this in the negotiation do you think you can safeword in the moment? You simply Have to find a way to set those boundaries to be able to play. That's not to say you can't Work on this while in a kink relationship, but you need to start working on it Now, and make sure that your Dom understands that that's where you're at and is okay with being in those troubled waters with you. Do Not Be Shitty if they are not up for it. Let them leave without guilting them.)

Lack of concern about your own wellbeing (first of all goddamn do I get it. Depression is hard, ideation warps perception of everything, trauma can destroy your sense of self preservation, I used to think trusting someone meant not minding if they did hurt you rather than having faith that they won't. If you can't find it in you to care about not being hurt for your own sake, care about it for theirs. They almost certainly don't want to trigger you, hurt you in a way you dislike, abuse you, or kill you. If they do want to do those things then you saying what you don't want won't stop them, so in that case it doesn't matter. But they probably don't, that's why they're negotiating with you. Your lack of concern doesn't outweigh their concern for your wellbeing, so let them know the relevant info.)

Thinking about what fits here can get you to a place to address issues, accomodate your needs, and communicate effectively.

midlineincision

I look unstoppable

leatherfag

i have to piss someone off so badly that they snap and do something to me that is so bad that they scare themselves. please

transmasc-heartache

thinking about a sort of tentacle pet situation. it's almost starfish like. it's small and inconspicuous enough that it fits inside your clothes without being noticeable, a pair tentacles wrapped around your thighs to hold itself. the mouth is lined up perfectly with your cock, and it stays suctioned on unless the pet is removed; this one was trained to edge instead of milk, so it only stimulates you enough to keep you desperately horny but unable to get off since you can't touch your cock. it has another set of tentacles that are distinctly shorter than the rest. they line up exactly with your cunt, but instead of fucking it or filling it, they barely penetrate it. they stay an inch or two inside the rim and just hold it spread open. if your hole relaxes at all, it stretches it wider so your cunt is constantly aching.

cusdaddysaidso

Pspspspsps girls who love to be used like filthy whores and then cuddled for hours.

kiddo-kitten

Being a good sub does mean constantly breaking the scene actually. It means breaking the scene adjusting until you're comfy. It's breaking the scene with a big smile and a "You're being so hot rn". It's breaking the scene with a questioning look as you decide yes maybe the bed would be better for this. It's breaking the scene and saying "hey this position isn't comfy but it's ok for now". It's breaking the scene saying "goddamn it my jaw is giving up".

You have to let reality in or you'll be trapped in yet another trauma

em--pulsive

love the idea of soothing someone into submission. you've had a long day, sweetheart, why don't you let me do the thinking for a bit? i know you like to be in control, but it can be exhausting. surely you've earned a little relaxation after all your hard work. don't you want to rest a bit? unclench your jaw, relax your muscles, let your legs fall open. i want the only thought in that lovely head to be how good you feel.

barbedwirestray

Top that transfemme. Top her NOW. It's easy! Shove her around until she's blushing and then just take what you want. It's okay, she's loud because she's surprised. Don't stop, she's just warming up to you! Yes, just like that. Nice and easy. She was saying something a second ago but now she can't seem to find the words. She'll infodump again after you're done. Right now you need to find her prostate. That's the reset button. You're doing her a favor actually. Her brain needs to be shut off and powered on again every so often. No, deeper. Yes, still deeper. Hear that whine? That's how you tell which spot is right. Don't be shy now! Grab those hips! Press your nails into her skin. Such wonderful music, no? Grab her neck so she doesn't run away. Good.

Now then.

Get. Her. Pregnant.

hornybingo

puppyboy who is intentionally getting as high as humanly possible so that he can get all soft and stupid and desperate in his owner’s lap. all glassy-eyed and loose, pupils huge, skin hot, whining over nothing, twitching from every little touch. getting clingy and bratty at the same time, nosing under his owner's jaw, grinding down in slow needy little motions, making it painfully obvious what he wants without having to say it. getting so wet he can feel it, thighs shaking, body practically begging to be pinned down and dealt with.

his ftm owner looking at him and instantly getting it. seeing how wrecked he already is, how fucked-out he looks before anything’s even happened, and deciding to make it worse. holding him down, spreading him open, fucking him until he goes even dumber. until the whining turns into helpless crying, until he’s too high and too full to do anything but take it, until every thrust makes him jolt and gush and squirm. fucking the squirt out of him, exactly like he wanted, until he’s trembling and soaked and boneless afterwards, all dazed and happy because getting ruined was the whole point.