Now before I get into this lemme say I'm largely going to be talking about straightness as I've seen it in women.
And as an aside we have seen how 'straight' straight men are...so I don't even need to go there.
But straightness in women is...weird because it comes along with some very odd behaviors that make no sense and seem to appear in relationship with the degree to which a person participates in a patriarchal colonial culture.
I saw a vid the other day of a woman doing that 'what I wore vs what he wore to the event' vids. This type of video features a woman properly dressed up for a 'going out' event like a party or dinner date, and then shows their partner dressed like an overgrown 11 year old boy about to run around in the neighborhood streets.
Stretched out tee, random sneakers, stupid jorts, maybe a baseball cap. Mentally absent look on his face.
The 'joke' is that the woman looks great and put effort into her appearance and the man didn't....Because 'men' never do?
But here's the thing: I'm bi. The men I'm attracted to have never, EVER fucking done this.
I only date bi ppl, so I only date bi men.
Straight women will share about how their husbands are gross, can't clean, don't know where anything is...
.....AND consistently tolerate this bullshit, childish behavior from their 'life partner'.
They will date men who are boring, uninteresting, borderline mean, and then be 'surprised' when they find out he didn't really like them...but it was kind of obvious and what's more, how did they even like him?
DID they like him? Or is straightness 80% comp het?
Because when you exist within a narrative that mandates genders appear a certain way and behave a certain way despite what thousands of years of human behaviour show, then you're really just accepting the NARRATIVE and not an embodied experience of attraction.
I think about the commonly repeated discrepancy between male and female orgasm-- women orgasm with women, men orgasm with men (not like that matters much, statistically), men orgasm with women, but women hardly orgasm at all in straight relationships....
But I am very curious if that holds true in BISEXUAL relationships because again....I have never ever experienced this personally. Not to say that my exception breaks the rule, but ...I'm not straight. And I think that matters.
I saw a white woman get online as maybe some (dubious) sex educator to talk about the vagina and how most of the nerve endings are in the clitoris and labia (true! great!) and so few are in the vaginal canal (ok..!) that penetration 'barely feels like anything'.
Because coming back to straightness, that'sn some shit white people literally invented, and now skinny white women get to sit up here on podcasts selling their 'happy O' courses talking about how penetration 'isn't enjoyable'....
I think about the straps and dicks I've ridden, and I'm truly confused.
I also think about the layers of sexual repression that women are forced into, levels that are even more maintained depending on how white and straight you continue to be, and how vaginisimus and orgasmic dulling coincide with said repression.
I think about the long history of Black women singing writing and rapping about sex and how much they enjoy it, and having to fight back at people -- largely white!!! -- who have shamed us for doing just that, now saying penetration isn't enjoyable anyway.
Would we be rapping about it this way if that was true? Would y'all be so mad at Meghan if that was true?
The same women who make excuses for being with men that don't like to talk to them, the same women that have to be coached into expressing their desires in the bedroom, the same women whose lives revolve around shitty men, the same women who just accept that your 'husband' will dress himself like a fucking 8 year old who doesn't wanna leave the house....these are not the women, I don't think, who are in any position to tell me jack fucking shit about sexuality.
Straightness in general, but for the sake of this discussion, in women, seems to heavily be a performance of not only tolerating unattractiveness from men but actively pursuing and celebrating it. The woman who comes online to 'joke' about how her husband packed her dog food for lunch, who shows of how poorly he dresses for an event they are both attending as adults, who ignores her desire for a partner with charm, attentiveness and the ability to self express and gladly parades her lack of acquisition of a partner in lieu of having an oversized, boring, smelly child at her side.
I'm sorry, that's not natural.
I think of the woman who went on a vacation to Italy with her husband and showed how, after day 3, he went from dressing like an 'american man' (again the childish/lazy/everywhere-is-walmart-and-also-a-gym look USAmericans are known for) to an 'italian man' i.e. an adult in a crisp linen button down, well-fitting slacks and leather sandals.
And I think, that's the thing; do your husbands look like lazy shit bc they are men?
Or because they are USAmerican-breed 'straight' men? I.e. unfashionable and ungroomed....and you've been trained to like that?
Because it's not at all universal.
idk but as a sidenote I'd like to see more bi women (over 25 pls) talking about their experiences w men bc a lot of the 'this is how things go between men and women' seems to divert from the narrative based on how 'unstraight' the woman (and her attraction model) is.
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