caged

did your ceiling always look like that? . . . . . . . . . . tw trauma/ed/etc | it/rot/puff | 21 | diagnosed bpd, bip1, sgad, and cptsd

[pariaaaaah]

i dont really talk about my feelings and problems anymore bc i feel like people just think im being hyperbolic so they just pat u on the head and say 'itll be ok' and then pat themself on the back bc they did good and 'saved' the mentally ill person

[1anonyymous1]

a thousand apologies to my heart and a thousand again to my soul

[traumatizeddfox]

[feelingsoftheday]

God please heal the part of me that i can’t discuss.

[stuckinapril]

i think i'm having this realization about myself that i've internalized a very ideal & unrealistic version of belonging that does not actually exist. like i could really belong in a group of people, and still somehow i'd convince myself that i'm an outlier. maybe it's years of introversion, but anyone who's gone through the introvert to extrovert/introvert to a little less introverted pipeline knows it's a weird fucking feeling to mesh w people but have your mind trick you into thinking you don't

[distxncing]

shower head.

[hauntedbythenarrative]

Things haunt, Joshua Jennifer Espinoza

[toopsy]

uh oh! you misunderstood a social cue and said something mildly awkward. you will think about this and cringe everyday for the next 20 years

[watermotif]

once i get taken out back and shot i'll be fine

[catchymemes]

[traumasurvivors]

There is literally no magic level an event and/or experience has to hit to be allowed to cause trauma. There is no scale or hierarchy of what things are allowed to cause trauma.

If you’re traumatized, you’re valid, regardless of the cause.

[bizarrelovesquare]

unironically love the phrase “but I’m being so brave about it” because truly, like, what other choice do we have in this wretched existence? what a beautiful way to remind yourself to keep going, even if only out of spite

[maggieithink-06]

it was actually incredibly therapeutic to me to watch ellie fucking murders a bunch of religious leaders and father-like abusers

[everybody-wants-me-dead]

[kaijuno]

[furiousgoldfish]

If you’re loved from the start, it gets stored in your cells, your brain recognizes it as the correct way for you to exist, and you don’t even get to doubt it; you seek it out as your birthright. When you don’t have it, your brain recognizes neglect and abuse as the ‘correct way for you to exist’ and you try and reprogram it, tell yourself thousand times it’s not supposed to be like that, you’re supposed to be loved, you’re supposed to be cared for, but you have no way to seek it out and have it, so it’s just struggling with your thoughts, all on your own. Feeling like you’re deluding yourself because surely if it was right and correct for you to be loved, you would be loved, at least for some part of your life, at least by someone. You’d at least have memories of how it felt, how correct it was, and you’d know what kind of situation you want to put yourself in, so you’d have that again.

But without it, you’re just blind without a map, telling yourself something you never experienced should and does exist, you only have no idea where to get it, or how to find it. And, if you do get closer to it, you’ll get uncomfortable and triggered and feel desire to leave. And you have to get out of it, because it’s part of your stability to get away from highly distressing situations, you can’t afford to be in distress that high.

Finding ways to feel like you have the right to be loved, is something complex and hard, that doesn’t come easily to those abused and unloved. It’s the one thing we have to teach ourselves over and over, and it still only works when other people agree, and put effort into being there for us, being willing to undo some of the damage done. You’re not to blame if you cant’ figure it out, or do it alone. If you struggle with relationships and friendships and feeling worthy, it’s absolutely not your fault. You were put in a situation where this would be hard. If you can only handle little bits and pieces, that’s okay. This is something other people are responsible for as well.

[softhe4rted]