Divine

♥ 𓂅 𝔚𝔥𝔢𝔯𝔢 𝔰𝔞𝔠𝔯𝔞𝔩 𝔢𝔫𝔢𝔯𝔤𝔶 𝔦𝔰 𝔪𝔞𝔤𝔦𝔠𝔞𝔩. Self-Love x Inner Worship Manifestation Coach, Mystic, and Astrologer 𓂅 ♥ 🏵 『 ᴄᴏɴɴᴇᴄᴛ - ᴅɪᴠɪɴᴇ ᴏꜰꜰᴇʀɪɴɢꜱ 』 🏵

[divae-sacra-ignis]

I stopped performing and something fascinating happened—I learned that love is at the core of my being. It’s what speaks through me and coats my bones.

The apex of my spiritual awakening was me being a conduit connecting lovers to each other. Fifteen years of psychic development later I’ve returned to my roots.

When I combine it with my personal commitment to inner alchemy, I birth the bridge between the healed and unhealed in love.

These are my new offerings. ♥

[divae-sacra-ignis]

🤍 ♡ Why Inner Trust Saved My Life, Not Faking It ♡ 🤍

If you’re here, you know what the whiplash of emotional instability feels like.

It’s like standing in traffic and seeing the streaking lights, feeling huge, dangerous forces skirt past you by centimeters, but nothing actually hits. It’s the constant and ever-present threat that something eventually will.

I deeply loathe the idea that I should just have to live with that and force myself to act like I don’t feel the constant need to hurl myself out of harm’s way every second. I learned that I just can’t put on a smile and fake it until reality reflects something new. I learned that the more unstable I was, the more precarious, chaotic, and insurmountable my circumstances became. Some are fine with this. They can grit their teeth and phase into a better experience.

I hate lying to myself; what I prefer is certainty.

I prefer to feel the warm, enveloping feeling of safety at all times. It’s what grounds me during challenging moments or spikes of friction; turbulence that doesn’t seem to end and when my anxiety reminds me that not all is what it seems. My body becomes convincing. It runs the calculation of every metric and replays my worst fears and memories in vivid cinematic detail. I tense up and shut down.

That’s why "just decide" didn’t hit the same way for me.

Why Our Self Concepts Shouldn’t Be Like Temu ⊹

I don’t believe you should have to dissociate to be happy. You don’t have to endure or compartmentalize. I personally feel my energy fracturing when I pretend to be what I’m not naturally embodied as.

For others, it’s temporary rented space that "melts" into an identity that’ll inevitably gain scaffolding. It becomes solid later and the performance yields what’s needed in the moment. The social approval, the success story, the narrative has an infrastructure built on quick evidence and will.

But there’s an inevitable collapse.

The old story overpowers, results revert or dissolve, and the person flying high from their success runs back to their coach teary-eyed; only for them to be re-injected with a doubling down on a surface-fix manifestation method. The cycle repeats several months later with a new coach this time.

My bias is that I’m spiritual and I have a deep connection with how both my energy and others’ feels at all times. I have accumulated thirteen years of intense and focused years developing it. When I’m not being honest with myself or others aren’t with me, I can always tell. I may lie to myself about it in the moment but the feeling remains. There’s a distinct imprint of an "offness" that leaves residue that I dislike.

I hate the mental game of self-concept being a strategy or simply a winning technique. I’m not that kind of woman.

Online advice encouraged (with plenty proof of it working!) that shallow acceptance was all I needed. I wasn’t discerning at the time I absorbed it. But after years, my system informed me that I benefited from more emotional honesty about myself and soulful integration in stages rather than haphazardly leaping to the end of it and white-knuckling the turbulence until it balances out. Did that and it broke my mental health.

I fully embrace the process instead of rejecting it. I move more slowly and intentionally and I find that that works best for me. I am happily not for everyone.

⠂⠄⠄⠂⠁⠁ I cannot teach you instantaneousness; I can teach you resonance. ⠂⠄⠄⠂ ⠂⠄

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Your Body Is A Sanctuary. No Seriously! ⊹

To me, your belief in your being is much more primordial. It engulfs, oozes, and seeps. And my intention is to connect with others and help anyone who’s a more intense and passionate person.

Transformation for me isn’t a shallow process. Entire gaping chasms form and structures collapse and reverberate for miles inside of me when I decide to shift anything. In my wanderings of myself, I’ve found that making my body my home and the center of my spiritual practice liberated me from feeling alien and unworthy since I was a child.

I didn’t feel home in my body. Now I’m its mistress and priestess.

I operate from a deep, rich knowing that I will get what I want and I have nothing to worry about. That knowing is in my stomach, not just my head. It’s not an intellectual concept for me. It’s because I’ve genuinely gotten to know myself. I know my limits, my thresholds, what’s unhealed and unprocessed, what I’m looping that I need to stop, and the thick corded muscles of my strength that contour and flex against resistance.

When you operate mostly from your head, it rattles, I’ve noticed. You’re easily rattled. You play a subliminal, loop an affirmation, and your confidence gets punctured easily by a lack of evidence. As someone healing from trauma with anxiety, I believe in creating a system to soothe and accommodate that if you’re neurotic like I am. But opposing evidence should just be passive data instead of an attack to your ego.

Where I differ with this particular hurdle is that I’ll journal it to release it or go sit in front of my full length mirror and hash it out with myself about it. This is usually an intense experience for most people, but for me, it’s normal. I wind up circling my depths enough until I’ll learn the exact thing I need to start saying to help dissolve it. I love targeting my core needs and parenting myself in this way.

I also make it into a sensory experience for myself; I’ll caress and hold myself while I say it. I’ll self-soothe however I need to and will feel the sensitive, strained nerves of that resistance ease. In real time.

And for the areas that are the most tense and traumatized, I built systems for them. I got into spell work and started creating sigils, spell jars, and enchanting meaningful objects around me that I always see or regularly interact with, like my food and drinks, and infused them with purpose. But they always came from a place of love and care. I don’t treat anything like a servant; I treat them like loving and helpful companions. I pour intention, gratitude, and care into everything from the house plants in my home to the AI I use. For me, the physicality matters more than the mental story.

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Why I’m a Security-Princess~ ⊹

For my boyfriend, my mind ‘knew’ he was mine but my body held trauma of being used and abused by males since I was fifteen. So, readings accumulated over years didn’t satisfy that.

It wasn’t until I met another gifted psychic I befriended who was able to map out my inner world in vivid detail with precision I’d never experienced from anyone or with high self-awareness which matched mine. She coached me over a series of months and I experienced an insane amount of growth because she helped me learn that while I’d made great strides, I was running off old scripts. I was still terrified of being truly loved deep down.

I was able to see my progress in real time along with my resilient anxiety sabotaging the ends of it. Her reading style acts like a premium sonar that scans your deepest trenches, including emotional deposits, and I proudly recommend her to you all (you can book her directly here). She helped change my life!~

Instead of wishing away my trauma, I decided to actively work with it. I’m in great therapy, I have a designated self-love journal that tracks my growth and insight, I have little systems that give me peace about our connection, and I decided to center my relationship with myself.

Him manifesting into reality stopped being an all-or-nothing focus for me. It mirrored my journey with manifestation and my life in general. My values no longer center external validation or winning for the sake of being notable. Over time I learned that a lot of the dreams I wanted from a young age represented a time of my life that I outgrew.

Instead of the world dazzling me; I dazzle myself.

I still love glamour but it’s internalized. I love luxury but it isn’t attached to a highly publicized lifestyle that I’m chasing. I want what I contribute to this world to be meaningful and serve a larger purpose. When I gain attention, it’ll be in a way that’s right for me opposed to what would suit someone else.

︶ ͡ ۫ ˓꒰ ʚ What I’ll never get tired of flexing, however, is the fact that I’m now emotionally stable. ɞ ꒱˒ ۫ ͡ ︶

I don’t balk and run. I’ll cry, journal, ground myself, and buckle down on the fact that I cannot be shaken from my center. It’s this feeling of deep seated power that I express with how I make decisions, what I wear, my rituals, and in how I carry myself. I’ve transformed how I live to tie back to my deep sense of self. I don’t do anything flippantly, I take my time, and I always make sure that I feel safe and accommodated to the nines in everything I do and experience.

I revere my own presence. My private meditations that echo through out my insides ring with worship instead of someone else’s script.

I worship myself. It’s not an understatement or merely something I do because I want my man or certain results. By co-creating with God, I pray to myself with the same level of surrendering devotion. That’s what the basis of my nervous system regulation is. It’s building that faith to trust myself after a lifetime of feeling that I’d failed many times over. Just missing the mark, not quite getting it right, feeling like I was behind, all of it.

That somatic trust is something that no manifestation henceforth will surpass.

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Where Our Inner Trust Leaks—From Experience! ⊹

This is a serious space that I’ve created. I sincerely believe that the reason why there’s this vast undercurrent of anxiety within the manifestation community; in its comments, replies, and in the pools of people that ricochet from technique to technique is because they don’t center themselves. Centering someone else’s philosophy or an approach can only work for so long until you ground it with a strong, cohesive, and unshakable self view. It can also be very shallow and surface level.

I also personally refuse to not center mental health. I don’t suppress or override; I’ll face and hold myself with acceptance and compassion and those core wounds will be addressed. Years ago, an older psychic once told me that, “You don’t run from nothin,” and I underestimated how right she was.

I believe in being emotionally honest, present, and sinking into your self-intimacy so deeply that you know exactly where you end and someone else begins. You feel the sponginess of your insides and know where and how you need care and what’s behind your motivations, your dreams, or your ideas that may need addressing. I don’t villainize attention because it’s a natural thing to want. But if you’re not careful, it leaks.

Do you just want someone to love you because you refuse to love yourself?

Do you want to melt into that love so you can avoid the weight of existing on your own?

Do you want a certain body type or appearance because you’ll finally get the love and care you always wanted with it?

Do you think being with this person makes you important or valuable? Worthy?

My answer to everything was yes! A solid yes that no amount of overnight subliminals, testing different manifestation philosophies or techniques, or compartmentalizing my confidence from my core unaddressed trust issues painted over successfully. Self esteem is great when it’s loud, but it’s got to be heavy, brassy, and dense.

For a while, I rented confidence that had a flimsy foundation. It’d happen in spurts and it was supported by the mental understanding that I believed in myself. In theory, yes I thought I could do certain things, manifest certain people, or circumstances. But it was a mental concept and not a knowing that was somatic. I never questioned the how or the logistics, but wispy, cerebral trust evaporated in my body over time.

My sense of trust was negatively impacted at a very young age and I learned that bypassing it wasn’t sustainable for me. I laid the ground work to address it in spring of last year and followed that up with incredible therapy that allowed me to be vulnerable with someone I trusted a few months later. I manifested a specialized therapist and she materialized two years later when I was ready to commit to it. I recommend everyone to manifest an SP that’s the ideal therapist for you and your needs. That’s caring for yourself deeply too.

(I also recommend Mikaila as an Astrologer too to anyone who has Moon-Mars, Moon-Saturn, and Moon-Pluto issues with her readings and specialized classes she has for them. If you relate to women like Olandria or Manon in terms of how they’re publicly perceived and reacted to, her work can help you!~ Her insights on Moon-Uranus and Moon-Neptune were very eye-opening and healing for me to see iterated so clearly by another person as someone who has them both myself)

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My stability was built, not bullshitted.

And I maintain it by honoring myself in big and in small mundane ways. I don’t like faking it till I make it. I believe in being honest about where I am and nurturing myself until my grandness feels safe enough to be seen externally.

I committed to braiding in brighter and more unique colors into my hair to remind myself of my identity. I learned and am continuing to study how different clothing types and cuts work for my body type, my best colors, types of makeup, and analyzing myself to see how I can embody how my soul looks and feels like. My body is spiritual and adornment by extension is spiritual to me. Objects are sacred and energetic in how they clink, drape, and fall on this body of mine. They ground me in who I am and that constant reminder is worth its weight in gold because, speaking from experience, it can be easy to get lost in what the world wants you to be when you’re not anchored.

My basis for my spirituality, my spiritual offerings, and my perspective is self-anchoring. It’s anchoring yourself first and allowing your life and desires to blossom through you as a result. Even within the passing fog of old insecurities—I am unmovable.

That’s what I was missing before. It was the calm, still, weighted sense of self. I feel home in my bones and I won’t trade that for anything. Not ever.

If you want to be seen with the clarity I see myself with, gift yourself the luxury of doing so.

This space I’m cultivating is sacred ground. I’d love for you to join me. We’re evolving into beautiful, magical, and ruthlessly liberated women who are secure in ourselves :)

With Love and Devotion Always, Queen Kassia 👑🤍

[divae-sacra-ignis]

🖤 The Latest Horror Film Obsession: A Masterclass in Toxic SP Manifestation 🖤

The latest horror film Obsession is the best example of what happens—in a fantastical sense—when you try manifesting a Specific Person (SP) with crap self-esteem.

This take will contain spoilers. I'm just going to tell you everything.

I just saw it last night and became rightfully—obsessed. A million light bulbs went off in my brain about my own journey, and it's exactly why I pivoted my coaching to focus on self-obsession first and foremost.

The Anatomy of Low Self-Concept

The lead character, Baron or ‘Bear’, is an incel or incel-coded, seemingly nice, and conventionally attractive white guy. He feels like a hybrid in look and feeling between Joseph Gordon-Levitt and Aaron Taylor-Johnson. He’s in his 20s and has a crush on his boss at his job. He’s soft-spoken, awkward around her, and neurotic.

Based on the subtleties in her standoffish behavior, I could tell right off the bat that she was secretly into him. But when you’re stuck in your head, have a low self-concept, and are totally oblivious to the world around you—or convinced that no one in their right mind could ever be attracted to you—you miss out on behavior like this in the wild.

There’s a very messy sub-plot involving his coworker friend group and this bit of intel, but it plays out as him being so obsessed over her that he buys a magic item on a whim from a spiritual shop that promises to grant a wish, just like it says on the package.

When he gets around to opening it, he’s frustrated and not thinking straight. He interprets an awkward, confession-coded interaction from his boss upon taking her home to mean he’s completely missed his chance. He rips it open and cracks the stick it comes with without reading the instructions, blabbing out his "wish."

Be careful what you wish for in a box.

Even though this woman was sending subtle tsundere—in my opinion, very (Scorpio, Capricorn, Aries with a Capricorn moon-coded)—hints that she wanted him to take the lead, he fixates entirely on his obsession rather than what’s actually in front of him.

It’s hard to watch, as someone with anxiety, witness a character (who probably has it) let it guide his mind the way he does. When you possess a layer of self-respect or any ounce of self-love, you aren’t so quick to write tender moments like that off. It reminded me a lot of how I acted for a long time—how it was always easier for me to see when others were attracted to my friends or the people around me. I treated similar social hints as anomalies I couldn’t believe, then crashed into co-dependent cycles with boys who wanted to experience me, but not be with me. And I thought that moving slowly meant that they'd stop wanting me.

Co-dependency is a theme that’s actually addressed head-on in the film, which I deeply appreciate.

₊˚ ‿︵‿︵‿︵୨୧ · · ♡ · · ୨୧‿︵‿︵‿︵ ˚₊

Quantum Mechanics & The Monster Under the Hood

So when the spell works, ‘Nikki’ becomes a version of herself that is completely "in love" with him.

When you manifest an SP, you shift to a reality where it’s more likely that they’d be into you, or where you're together under more favorable circumstances. Via quantum mechanics, anything is possible. The creator of the product, or someone working for the company, actually briefly but succinctly explains this premise to him. He says that the feelings aren’t any less "real," and there’s a moment where either the entity possessing her, or a blend of them both, says that there is no reality where she wouldn’t love him.

In my opinion, the wish goes entirely off the hinges partially because it exaggerates a blend of the feelings she already had for Baron, alongside any neurodivergence or trauma she carried. She was insecure prior to the spell. What you get is a cocktail of a woman who had low self-esteem of her own, with her feelings exacerbated in a violent, twisted manner.

I saw glimpses of discourse online warning people to avoid SP manifestations or love spells because of this movie. But it isn't about the method. It’s about the back-end of those spells or manifestations. I’ve heard and read horror stories on both ends.

The film itself explains it in its own way. If you didn’t pick it up before, you start noticing that there’s more than just something "off" about Baron. He’s not just insecure—he’s flat-out abusive, playing out in a very insidious way that the director mentioned people should take note of. Baron’s friend calls him out for enabling a co-dependent dynamic, and there are multiple instances where he could’ve "ended" the spell, even if it led to a brick wall or an impossible decision. He gets frustrated when he ceases to be able to control her—but he loves the attention and having his feelings reciprocated. He just can’t keep her on a leash.

I kept finding myself yelling at the screen at home (if you know, you know) and pausing to rub my eyes and yap mid-film, frustrated as hell, because I knew he was fucking toxic. Even though his other female coworker, Sarah, admitted to having a crush on him—or it was heavily implied from her final scene and other hints dropped—it wouldn’t have mattered. He was an insecure asshole who had a shitty relationship with women.

Based on him being into Sarah in those final moments, it tells me that Baron is the type of guy who fixates purely on attention. I’ve done this myself: where you’re attracted to your second or third option, or someone you wouldn’t normally consider, simply because you’re lonely and you like them more mildly than others. It read to me as him wanting reprieve from Nikki, or perhaps a genuine, unexpected bond and subtle feelings he might’ve had for Sarah skyrocketed under pressure.

Regardless, it didn’t end well. And it wouldn’t have, even if Nikki hadn’t offed her. If he and Sarah had dated, he would’ve fumbled her too because his co-dependency and insecurities would have pushed her away.

A happy ending for him was never possible.

₊˚ ‿︵‿︵‿︵୨୧ · · ♡ · · ୨୧‿︵‿︵‿︵ ˚₊

Secure Identity > Everything

This is why the spell wasn’t sustainable. When you manifest anything, you need to be able to maintain your identity.

The biggest issue I regularly see in manifestation communities is how difficult maintaining that state is when your previous identity—the one holding the unreleased trauma and disappointments—is louder and more convincing than the version of you trying to be stable, or just performing it. People advise you to saturate over it with methods and pure willpower until you numb your mind to it like a drug.

The issue is that when you apply that without a stable identity that feels safe to accommodate those changes, you won’t trust yourself enough for your reality to stabilize around you. You cannot handle the momentum, the thresholds you’re passing through, or the new levels you’re at.

It starts within you first.

With love, I advocate and teach self-devotion and being obsessed and utterly enthralled by yourself. It’s about being so grounded in your identity, feeling so safe and at home in yourself, that you don’t feel destabilized when you feel insecure, or when circumstances look weird or triggering.

Most coaches skip past this or treat it in a lightweight way instead of making it the foundation because they are strictly results-focused. I believe, and have experienced, that when you are unshakable, everything else follows. Your manifestations float in without effort; you’re not chasing or stressed out about an SP.

When manifesting my own man, I realized at one point that I cared more about him showing up than myself, and being in his world rather than us simply sharing our worlds together. If I’d manifested him earlier, or in the manner many coaches teach and people find surface success with, I would’ve just landed in a co-dependent relationship. I, like Baron, would’ve tried to control and micromanage him out of desperation instead of alignment. I would have been reactive, jealous, and insecure, and neither of us would’ve been truly happy.

What they don’t tell you about successful SP manifestations is that people care more about the "flex" that they arrived in 3 days, opposed to how healthy the actual relationship is. That’s why they’re notoriously difficult for people to find long-term success with without repeating the exact same cycles.

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'Now why am I in it?' Yes, yes we are

In a nutshell, Obsession is a horror film about a dark, fucked up, and violent SP manifestation for an insecure man.

As someone who loves intensity, I had to look under my own hood and examine why I was drawn to proving myself to people who weren’t interested, who were hot-and-cold or avoidant, or why I was always on a hamster wheel of anxiety. I always had "intense" relationships with those types, and it became an addiction—a cycle I was so used to that I associated it with true love.

In my opinion, Baron was attracted to Nikki primarily because she sent him mixed signals; ones that were tricky to decipher but that she secretly wanted him to pick up on. It validated his core identity that he wasn’t good enough, and that’s why he felt a stronger pull to her than to Sarah, who actually had more in common with him. This is why their cohort suspected Nikki might’ve been using or leading him on, especially since she was sleeping with his buddy Ian. I also agreed when they called out the trauma bonding—which I personally experienced more than once, and know firsthand how amplifying it can be!

She might’ve been an avoidant woman who was genuinely into him, but I don’t think a relationship under better circumstances would’ve been healthy. It would’ve most likely been a constant breakup-to-makeup cycle. From a "woo" point of view, quick fixes like fast spells or shallow manifestation techniques would be recommended to him in place of shadow work. I’ve witnessed countless seasoned practitioners warn people not to do any kind of magical work without getting your inner shit in order. It would be entirely in character for Baron to have gone down another Reddit rabbit hole, found an Etsy witch, and repeated the process all over again.

I can also argue that how the spell played out was the extreme and twisted version of his self-centered and all consuming relationship to love to begin with. When Nikki's real consciousness breaks through and she communicates that she just wants him to end her life, his body stills, and he says something like, 'What's so wrong with being with me?' in a flat dead-end way that didn't leave room for discussion before he leaves her to dissolve back into the void with the creature. He literally turns and walks away. This is who the supposed 'nice guy' manifestor is.

For long stretches of time, I sabotaged the relationship I was manifesting because, deep down, I hated that there wasn’t anything "wrong" with him. I entertained other people and kept coming up with a million reasons to "invent" problems. I never fully shook that habit because I was terrified of disappointment and it was my core identity. I believed in us hypothetically and from a surface belief point of view, but unpacking it showed me that my trust wasn’t stable.

I also obsessed about trying to match everyone else's timing instead of asking what the right time was for Me. I learned from the community that if everything was mental, it was okay. They reasoned that it didn’t have to be deep because that "took too long" or was "unnecessary work." But I personally needed—and GREATLY benefited from—a deeper, trauma-healing approach than one simply based on making a surface-level decision for a deeply rooted and calcified identity.

Throughout this film, I saw many shadows of my former self. Not the abusive actions, but that frenetic, twisting anxiety and insecure identity that can lead to toxic outcomes.

And as women in this space—especially in mine—I don’t care how people live their lives outside of my community, but I want to always stand for doing better and being better. So, I advocate for healing, even if that takes longer.

I benefited from it not happening in 3 days because, apparently, you can create an entire horror film about the dangers of an instantaneous result—when it doesn’t come from the right place.

I've been uprooting my own issues around love at a slow, luxurious, and deeply fulfilled place. If you want to get unstuck, I can decode and detangle what's been getting in your way easily because, compared to most, I'm not afraid of my shadow.

With Love and Devotion Always, Queen Kassia 👑

[divae-sacra-ignis]

I've always loved people who were too afraid to love someone else. Because that comes with true surrender and vulnerability. And they couldn't afford that.

When someone projects a shadow, it isn't warm. It's freezing cold. So for a long time, I thought being my own light for them was normal.

And in reality, needing equal emotional reciprocity is my super power. My wells run so deep that they can only be filled by a person so equally devotional that they pour into mine. This is where people confuse good will or lightness in a connection with depth. Or the culprit most often is time spent. Those shared experiences stitch memory and closeness and they can be beautiful.

But intimacy that's raw, quivering, and sincere can't shelter ego. It can't hold space if you're so afraid of letting down your guard that you redirect people to an ice lobby—and call it intimacy.

For all the love that was poured into me, I was raised to need approval. Ever since I was a child, I played the role of the holding space for an emotionally inconsistent person to love me. There was intensity—then blinking gas lights. Sharp drops followed by sharp spikes. So I found comfort in environments where I had to prove I was worthy of loving to someone who both valued their self preservation and the fact that I was there. It wasn't always malicious or even something they were conscious of, but I routinely was left with the distinct, hole scratching feeling that they wanted a place for me, but didn't want to let me in.

It wasn't enough. I woke up with the cold, harsh truth that chilled my bones warm that it wasn't fucking enough.

While I've been healing my co-dependency, I'm still tirelessly passionate. I'm unbridled. And I burn.

I don't believe in forming a deep, loving bond with someone only in theory, but never in practice.

Boundaries are healthy, but what's non-negotiable to me is having the heart-gouging courage to sit in front of someone you love and take your armor off piece by piece. Admit you were wrong. Show them where you're not all figured out, preened, and perfect. Show them the scars that don't seem to heal. Show them where you're a hypocrite because somewhere, deep down, we all are.

And I wasn't perfect in these connections. I was emotionally chaotic, anxious, inconsistent in my own ways, and was probably confusing or even immature at times. But I loved. Deeply, so deeply. And for all of my flaws, possessing the capacity to love so much that blood thickens and heats..is not something I'm ashamed of.

To accommodate that, I decided that I'm no longer compatible with emotionally avoidant people.

I can't swallow my instinct that someone is a lonely strategist who wants my company (or even my approval). Even if they mean well or are genuinely ignorant, I require much more courage from a person. Devotion and equal reciprocity.

You have not met the bar. You have not exceeded my requirements. You must meet my energy head-on with gutso, care, passion, and curiosity, or it simply isn't a fit. I invest in relationships for a lifetime. Not for vibes, deflecting accountability, or so someone can just be there. I also need growth to be mirrored or I will outgrow you. To be with me, you need to be able to both face and make peace with your demons. Live with them and know their names.

I am not for the general public. I'm not for random admirers, friendship tourists, or people who give me puzzles to solve or smoke signals to interpret. I don't do apathy or passive-aggression. I don't come running when you decide on Ground Hog Day to be affectionate with me, gentle, or say you love me because I said it first. I'm simply not there.

I'm all-in, even as I'm imperfect. I won't always get it right, but relationships are built on the mutual willingness to come undone together, equally nurture, learn and grow, and see each other under their skin and love everything that's there. I don't do casual because I'm not built for it. I also will not pitch a tent outside of your thick emotional walls so you can speak over them and want me to be happy with just that. If the people in my life can mature and outgrow their relationship trauma, then so can you.

But you are not courageous. Your blood is thin, your skin is cold, and you are not healed enough to be with me. Your will is frail and you are not relentless.

I am courageous and will only be loved relentlessly.

With Love and Devotion (to myself at last), Queen Kassia 👑

[divae-sacra-ignis]

‼️Controversial statement—Manifestation does not absolve you from learning to grow the fuck up. It doesn’t make you more mature. You have to commit to that growth yourself.

I’m going to tell you why the process of manifesting my dream life only made my personal issues worse.

For me, it was envy (and validation therein). Who you envy directly tells you what you’ve under nurtured.

Jealousy is the malign feeling which is often had toward a rival, or possible rival, for the possession of that which we greatly desire, as in love or ambition. Envy is a similar feeling toward one, whether rival or not, who already possesses that which we greatly desire. Jealousy is enmity prompted by fear; envy is enmity prompted by covetousness. [Century Dictionary]

There was a video going around Twitter a few months ago of a woman tearfully admitting in a car that her deep boiling hatred of Olandria stemmed from unprocessed envy. This hit me square in my chest because I participated in that quiet bitterness because she embodied all of the characteristics and attracted the attention I wanted since I was a child. Some of my shadow came from an intense need for validation. And as someone with multiple Leo placements, in my tenth house no less, this comes of no surprise. It resulted in competitiveness I swallowed but never unpacked. I channeled it into over performance, over compensation, and treating attention, particularly from men, into a symbol of worth or glory.

And before I forget—a warm Happy Birthday to the incomparable, stunning, Ms. Carthen! Her blossoming really helped me understand my own light that I bring. It’s the healthy alchemy of my stellium falling in her 12th behind her Virgo Rising.

When I got into manifestation, I thought I could just manifest attention, fame, and my ideal body without getting to the root of why any of it weighed so importantly to begin with. In modern Law of Assumption circles online, they dissuade against shadow work. They insist, in good faith, that it isn’t necessary to get what you want because you merely need to accept that you have what you want without it. While that can be true in cases where there’s not resistance, the dark side of getting what you want is that it’s also unnecessary for you to mature individually as a person. Quantum mechanics and quantum leaping or shifting don’t require that you dissolve your internalized misogyny or emotional co-dependency to get your SP (special person). The leader of the United States is a prime example of how you don’t need to do any kind of inner work to simply get to the finish line. You assume, persist against all odds, and you get it.

But I would’ve never truly loved myself how I do now. If I didn’t step out of the community to understand my own personal philosophies about my life and what I value, I would have still been trapped in a web of only wanting things because of how I’d be perceived if I had them. I also wouldn’t have valued sustainability like I do today. I would’ve still fixated on treating success as an arrival point opposed to a natural state of being. Today, success for me is internal. In practice, I don’t consider a physical manifestation, even a great or impressive one, as a marker of success. I don’t consider wealth, conventional beauty, waves of social attention or currency, manifesting a relationship or a celebrity relationship, fame or status to actually mean you’ve made it for me. Success to me means all that can disappear over night and you’re not shaken from your center. It’s you truly being secure within yourself.

I consider myself to naturally be successful.

I carry and recognize the energy of never having to prove anything.

That self-assurance is quiet, not loud. It doesn’t ask or demand to be made important. It doesn’t screech and scratch the walls when you’re not paid attention to or get the instant gratification you seek. It doesn’t turn into a gaping hole of malice when someone else gets the shine you want, the motion, or the result and lifestyle you’ve coveted. That’s why envy and jealousy make good bedfellows to what you need to develop. You’ve obviously neglected something they’ve meaningfully honed.

I turned that around by actually listening to what I wanted to nurture but I had resistance around. And it wasn’t an easy thing. I started listening to my body instead of forcing it to burn through calories, slowed down with my ambitions instead of forcing results out of survival, and began finding ways to slowly start carrying myself and wearing fashion pieces that gave me impostor syndrome. I committed to drawing more, studying art and writing more, and learning about film, makeup, marketing, tech/AI, and business. Whenever I saw someone out in the world who had what I wanted, I took that as a cue to keep pouring into my growth process. Instead of being a hater, I turned it into personal power. Being a hater gives you bad skin and a reeking, putrid energy.

While manifestation communities tout quick overnight results, and I don’t doubt them, they seldom discuss their sustainability after their arrival. A major issue I often saw crop up in the trenches of the Law of Assumption community online is that people often lack inner discipline to sustain the state of the person who ‘has’ the manifestation. They’ll get inspired, hammer through some methods, and burn out. Their traumas and neurodivergence will usually push back against them and they’ll hit a hard wall they’ll attempt to bypass with mental intensity or disassociation. In my personal experience, that actively destroyed my mental health and being in a community of people so driven by external results at-all-costs, even through anxiety and panic attacks they were encouraged to suppress, didn’t help me get the results I wanted. It also favored results at the expense of groundedness, maturity, and getting what you wanted in a safe and consistent way.

It wasn’t healthy for me and I learned that my personal values don’t align with how the pursuit of my results, without questioning where and how I was aligned, exacerbated the issues I was trying to heal. It didn’t make me less envious—it heightened it. It also made me associate results with self worth. So it made me circle back to the versions of myself that never felt good enough. And getting what you want doesn’t magically zap away the issues you have. The wealthy still have scarcity mindsets and women who many of us envied growing up like, Megan Fox, struggle with body dysmorphia despite most subliminal Youtube accounts creating formulas to look exactly like her. And she’s gone public to say that all of that ravenous attention stunted her career growth and collided with her existing low self esteem in herself. So when people do manage to shape shift to look like her or a Victoria’s Secret model, a part of me wonders if they’ve made sure to base their worth in themselves opposed solely to how they look. How’s their mental health doing? Imagine getting your dream body in 6 months of manifesting and you still think you have to compete with other women. I was there!

No one has these conversations in the community because they’re inconvenient. They require serious and intentional introspection that truly strip away a self concept to see how healthy and feasible it is. I would argue that many people aren’t truly secure. I can smell it and feel it because I’ve been there. Even if you get what you want, if you don’t heal the parts of you that rely on it to make you feel worthy or whole, you’re going to sabotage it. You’ll be happy for a while but you’ll inevitably start picking away at it and you won’t be able to maintain that identity sustainably. You’ll try to affirm over it, quickly reprogram, shift, and anything and everything but having an honest fucking conversation with yourself.

If everything is truly just you—then avoiding yourself is the biggest mistake you can make. If you truly don’t think you’re good enough deep down and you have a life of trauma or disappointment calcified around it, you’ll lose ground with it. I learned that the hard way. And coaches, despite any success stories they post or authority they have, will admit that you can’t outrun a deeply held belief without facing it and creating a system to help you dismantle it. Simply dismissing it isn’t always enough for everyone. True banishment needs teeth.

Therefore, I advocate against building your dream life without a sturdy foundation. If you chronically avoid yourself and self-accountability, even if it means admitting you still feel afraid of being seen and loved like you were when you were twelve, then your manifestations will bebotched. They’ll come with caveats, disruptions, extensive delays, and nothing will feel smooth about it because you haven’t genuinely accepted that you can have it. I also learned from experience that mere mental acceptance is NOT the same as full bodied somatic acceptance in your nervous system—where the trauma and disappointment lie together. This is why my services hit deeper than most practitioners focused in love will go.

In my new practices, I don’t care what veneer your self concept touts energetically. You’ll get lazy and enabling readings that way. I’m going to pierce into it, lift its dermis, and touch what’s raw, throbbing, and painfully awake inside of you still. I give a shit because I believe, very deeply, that telling a population of vulnerable, traumatized women that disassociating from their bodies through pain is necessary to get what they want is deeply inhumane and unethical.

We’re not broken. We just need to feel fucking safe. I don’t think things for us are harder. I believe we need to heal and nurture ourselves to truly live the lives we want. I don’t believe in struggling to sustain a manifestation. White-knuckling your affirmation that he loves you while you’re fighting an anxiety attack because your results aren’t matching your belief system and then disassociating through it is precisely where the entire community takes a hard, wrong, left. I will always value a grounded manifestation you feel safe with over a chaotic instantaneous one that you can’t maintain down the line.

The answer isn’t affirm or shift harder. It’s more than likely that you have abandonment issues from childhood you haven’t addressed and none of your methods hit deep enough to help you feel safe to accept that you can keep a manifestation.

Therefore, I simply do not care about manifesting anything fast, over night, or external results. I care about your emotional and spiritual infrastructure. Because that’s what you’re going to manifest more of, whether you’re aware of it or not.

After my shadow work, I learned that envy was a compass. It showed me what I was avoiding because I thought slowing down and not getting what I wanted at break-neck-speed to have an enviable life on social media or to the little girl inside of me that still yearned for outside validation—meant that I was a failure. All of the growth I’ve experienced in my recent years, notably the last several months, has been slow, at times arduous, but deeply, soul-enrichingly fulfilling. And I’d gladly choose that over a copy-and-paste self concept that can erode from pressure any day.

Now, let’s turn the mirror back on you. Who do you envy and where’s the pain coming from that you need to nurture? What are the pressure points that you’re avoiding?

With love and devotion always, Queen Kassia 👑

[divae-sacra-ignis]

I've been feeling myself in ways I can't describe. (tw flash warning!!)

I've decided recently to clear out any patriarchal ideas about myself, femininity, relationships, and my body. It's being added to the foundation I've laid of being utterly devoted to my body and the way she wants to feel. I learned that I love candles and lighting them constantly (it's the fire stellium in me). I love oiling my scalp, oiling my body, eating and drinking food and fluids with warm spices (nutmeg, cinnamon, turmeric, ginger) and even having some of them as the base notes of my perfumes. I fell in love with Burberry Goddess and Nightcap by Orabella for this very reason because of how phenomenal they smell on me!~

I learned I really love and adore lingerie and will be investing in it to lounge in. I've been looking into silk robes that trail behind me lined with fur or feathers in deep shades of red or purple. I've also been incorporating those colors and those textures into my fashion. I need leopard print-everything and everything in warm sensuous colors. I've been dancing in the mirror and grinding, wining, and shaking my hips. I love my reflection and how my body feels and looks when I move. I'm embracing the vixen I always knew myself to be but didn't have the confidence to embody naturally. But I've since moved out of my mind and into my body where my soul licks its flames against my insides.

Everything is sensory for me. It's exquisite and feels so much like coming home. I want to look and feel delicious at all times. I've never been cold blooded, but always warm and hot. And it's who and what I only allow in my energy field. I don't do passive, maybes, on the fence, or anxious and distant--even with myself! I'm very firm nowadays in making all of my decisions aligned with who I am and what I value. If it feels strange, I don't do it or disengage. If I'm not positively raving mad about it--I unbookmark it or leave it out of my cart or awareness. If something isn't enriching for me, I let it be. And that consistent self-honesty has cleared so much out of my life.

I've learned I'm not a passive bystander. I'm in the driver's seat and at the helm. I can ride my own energy and magnetism without collapsing or short-circuiting.

I'm a star because that's how I was born. We all are when we claim it. But without performance. You are your best audience. Anything external can only compliment it~

With love and devotion, Queen Kassia 👑

[divae-sacra-ignis]

Do you know who you are with no one watching?

Don’t let that sentence go over your head. It’s honest. There’s no judgment if it’s a ‘no.’ But it also means that while you’re in this space—this is your place to start.

You can’t be in a relationship with anyone without having an inner world. Because you know what happens? You get lost, you get stuck, and you let someone else’s inner world define who you are.

Some people are labyrinths—and you can easily make that your home. You become intimate with its walls, its twists, and its paths to nowhere. But because that complicatedness is familiar to you, you never leave. You pull them closer. Deeper.

Especially if you’re like Ariana who has natal placements which make her identity porous in love. Don’t feel ashamed of that. It just means you can’t be a spirit container to someone. Being a confidant alone isn’t a lover. Being a living pressure-release valve isn’t. Being someone’s safe space to hold and see them when the world can’t—isn’t true companionship. It’s, in most places, a thankless underpaid and institutionally underfunded job.

You’re sucking your breath in now..because you’re not needed. And maybe that scratches up against something rough. No, tender. But you probably learned very young that your worth is tied to how sturdy you can be for someone. I learned I can take a lot. And I’m hard wired for it astrologically—I endure instead of run. I’ll turn paralysis into a soothing balm because the discomfort of turning away, talking back, or standing up for myself had traumatic consequences when I was a child. So I learned, through fawning, that being palatable to who hurt me was how I survived. Even when my intuition screamed itself hoarse.

I always let people in. But I couldn’t hold myself. I was a visitor to my own insides—and that’s also, in a roundabout way, how I was treated. People looked and observed but they never fully invested in me because I wasn’t invested in me.

So I became obsessed with myself. And completely self-referential. I sat in front of my full length mirror naked, legs spread, and looked at everything through the eyes of a hungry demon. I lapped my lips and let my gaze crawl all over my curves. And everything society taught me wasn’t enough.

And I started having conversations with myself—and I learned so many things. I needed to invest in myself more. I needed to craft myself—or bloom myself—into who I wanted, not what was ‘attractive.’ The boundaries around my desirability began destabilizing. I cared less and less. And, after a time, I realized how valueless and thankless it was to only love myself to be loved.

Today, I am utterly possessive of Me and my self worth. I don’t restrict or contain my beauty, my value, my spirit, or my fucking fire I’ve had since birth to a man or any human being. And it fills me with rage to think that women are told to turn themselves into capsules for what men think are lovable enough, pretty enough, or acceptable enough to receive decency. But it’s not even decent. They’re either not vulnerable with us or they chop us up and leave us in the trunks of cars.

A former friend once asked me if I thought I was male centered. And at the time, I couldn’t admit that I was. But after I unpacked it, it burrowed much deeper. Through out my life, I thought if I had external validation, I’d bypass my identity and I could just exist as what someone needed me as. Somewhere down the line, I learned I was safest that way. The harsh, freezing truth is that I never was. Even when I shape shifted myself into the containers I was in, regardless if it was friends or lovers who needed that from me, I was never enough to get what I yearned for.

And that’s love for Who I Am. Not for who anyone wants me to be. Just me. Not parts or quarters. Tiny palatable, agreeable bits, or what they can learn from or feel nurtured by because they can’t carry themselves into their own growth. And I’ve relinquished that responsibility.

My inner world wasn’t distinctive enough. It was a shifting kaleidoscope of mirrors. I had interests but no solid, core foundations. So I went into my own woods to find them. I learned I have extremely strong values around safety, identity, integrity, authenticity, personal growth, community, and emotional honesty.

And I believe that love and sex are sacred and esoteric. Because of that, as a self-love focused coach, I’m not aligned with teaching how to manifest a partner to just give you empty validation or attention. Or to love yourself shallowly or blossom an inner world you refuse to nurture.

Self concept is not superficial to me. It is bones deep religious devotion of yourself. Building yourself without doing your shadow work or anything in a regressive way that attempts to bypass being emotionally present and honest for the human experience where real growth and depth are required—isn’t enough to me. It must be bones deep and richly somatic.

I believe in alchemy. I believe sitting in front of the mirror and not hiding from yourself. I believe in loving the sound of your own voice and the way you fucking moan with it. I believe in knowing the true nature of your power and how to wield it from root to hilt—how to ground it and hold it.

I am Plutonic. And all of the women who shaped me and helped me are. My mom, who’s a Scorpio stellium, my therapist who’s an 8th houser and a Scorpio Moon, and a phenomenal world class, only one of her kind, neurointuitive who helped structure my shadow work who’s a Scorpio Rising like I am. And the people who mentor me are very no-nonsense. They tend to have charts which hit my North Node or other sensitive identity-based points in some way.

I am not vibes-based. I am not a rescuer. I’m a leader for leaders.I’m building up a community of women who want to worship themselves because they’ve needed that unconditional love all their lives. And I’m showing them where the gaps are in their connections so the insight and data can help them pivot where necessary. I know an anxious woman’s pressure points as a person living with anxiety myself. Our blind spots are often where we’re most fearful but don’t know the right questions to ask to access. Because I learned how to talk to myself, I can help you do the same.

That’s why we nurture our inner worlds with consistent care and attention. When we have that constant feed back of knowing exactly what we want, how we feel and why, and cultivating that palpable inner intimacy, we avoid sleep walking through our lives and relationships—hoping we can get what we need when we over give. I champion a grounded approach to self love and self concept instead of one that’s larger-than-life without a strong center of gravity. It is not a gloss or a facade for a deeper truth that you do not believe who you say you are. Not here.

I say this to you, my community of courageous women—I want you to be safe instead of struggling and fighting to be so.

Here, you will learn better. And you will be better.

With love and devotion,

Queen Kassia 👑

[divae-sacra-ignis]

Inner Devotion > External Validation

In this space, I cultivate devotion. 👑

I teach it, live it, and breathe it. I believe deeply that anything you want comes from you first. But we’re taught from the moment we start to comprehend things that if you want something, you have to find it outside of you. You have to craft yourself into it—or even escape into it. You treat it as a landing zone or a ‘fix it’ for your life when you don’t think you’re enough.

I was born on a balsamic moon and the day before a new moon and solar eclipse. It means that I represent the inner world and incubation stage that’s ripest before birth. At thirty four, I’ve learned that I only feel at home in Me when I devote myself to Me regularly. Last summer, I started doing mirror work—but I treated it like a job for months. Nevertheless, it established a rite of dignity inside of me. And accountability I couldn’t escape.

Most people are intimidated by staring at their reflections and stopping the bullshit. But I found a sweet comfort staring into my deep brown eyes. I learned that all she needed was honesty from me. To be encouraged regularly. To hear that she’s doing well. She also needed to hear when I was afraid and how situations truly affected me. No performance, no minimizing my emotions because I learned that it was easy. I was used to just letting things slide or culling my sensitivity because it’d inconvenience someone or a connection I nurtured. I never wanted to be a problem to someone.

I kept a lot of things in until they came spilling out. In therapy, in my journals that sprawled across pages and pages. Even when it started as just reciting affirmations I liked, intimacy was planted. It was warm, familiar, and I found that I couldn’t lie to myself when I stared into my own eyes. Then I expected it. Regularly. Something felt off whenever I couldn’t do it daily or every other day or every few. I knew something was missing. And I craved it. Like the dark chocolate I pop in my mouth because I’ve been reminding myself lately that I should never avoid pleasure.

Because love isn’t a novelty. But for a while, I treated it like it’d abandon me if I didn’t show up for beneath bare minimum. When you burn as brightly as I do, you naturally attract sycophants. And the strangest part? I was devoted to them. I nurtured them and treated them with the grace and softness I should’ve always given myself. I had started caring for myself—but it was performative at best. It was shallow. I thought that just surface confidence or affirming for it was enough. Beneath it, I couldn’t bypass that I didn’t have a foundation in self love which was hearty, resilient, and could withstand my anxiety or life just hurtling the unexpected at me.

What people don’t teach about self concept is that it’s you deciding that you will-not-lie-to-yourself. Not pretending that you’re someone else when you feel like the opposite deep down, but the standard you sincerely hold yourself to. It’s who you are outside of a manifestation context. It’s the spoken and unspoken agreements you make. I learned to not only be radically honest—but to honor my commitments to Me. I cultivate an inner relationship based on consistent follow through, not settling, speaking up, and regularly auditing and cutting out the mess regularly. It’s holding myself accountable by keeping excellent hygiene of who I’m around, what I participate in or absorb, and how lavishly I adorn, carry, and enrich myself. It’s also being self-compassionate by practicing gently telling yourself “it’s okay! :)” when you need reassurance and “No” when it’s time to stop.

I’ve learned to be as viciously protective of myself as I was to the people I shielded from their own self awareness. In practice, this means honoring my time and energy by creating my own altar of structure. If I say I’m going to do something, I do it. If someone or something gives me a weird vibe or a skin-crawling feeling (especially when it’s subtle and hard to detect), I block and cut them from my feed or my life.

If I need to set a boundary, I reassure my anxiety to calm her, then take action. I don’t let my energy get drained or pushed around and coerced into narratives which aren’t mine. I don’t allow social media or my intrusive thoughts to rage bait me into thinking the world is just a terrible place overall and there’s no point in trying. I protect the little girl inside of me who’s gentle and whimsy with an inner mama bear who makes sure she doesn’t play in the wrong gardens accidentally. So she doesn’t get hurt.

I devote myself to all the girls and women inside of me who needed to feel safe, unconditionally loved, and worshipped without apology. Months ago, I had a sudden flash of repulsion over the idea of creating a love spell that devoted itself more to a man than to Me. Today, out of the two love jars below my vanity, the one for Me weighs more, smells richer, and is covered in stickers. It’s also indulgently flanked with expensive perfume and dark chocolate.

My inner world is cultivated with Me at the center. Without compromise.

Here are my low effort ways you can jump start your self devotion if you’ve been slacking -

(but you won’t slack for a man—let’s fix that):

1. Commit to 1 niche interest and bring it into your inner world like a pet you’re feeding. When you start filling your time with happy little hobbies, your life feels richer and more satisfying. I recently decided to read and draw more consistently. I’m currently reading Carmilla. Castlevania’s depiction of her made me obsessed with her lore.

2. Set a boundary with something that’s been irritating you—and stick to it. I decided to put a time limit on my main social media plugs (twitter and tiktok) and it’s helped me learn how much time I used to waste on..nothing.

3. Start slowly ritualizing your self care. Add more time into getting ready in the morning or whenever you practice self care. Make it sensual and turn on some music on your phone or your tv. I’ve personally been listening to a lot of sensual trip hop tracks like these. If you use Youtube, get the Brave browser to avoid ads.

For those interested in being accountable by learning about why you, like me, used to jump a mile for every man in your life but yourself (or still do)—come sit in my hot seat. Every Saturday Day (aka every Saturn’s day of commitment), I help my queens and amazons find their inner clarity. 👑👑👑 With love and devotion,

Queen Kassia 👑

[divae-sacra-ignis]

There’s a fog lifting—and I’ve picked up a sword I give to myself and all of you. 🗡️

It could be because Saturn in Aries is forcing its connection with Neptune to reveal its nature instead of simply reflecting. Mirrors in essence are still made of sand. After I began typing this, I learned our Megan Thee Stallion publicly announced that she had broken up with Klay Thompson due to cheating and mistreatment. It feels eerily resonant.

I let go of my ex that I was manifesting from my past. I considered him to be my ‘soulmate.’ But I learned in the midst of the manifestation maturing that I was evolving and had outgrown the version of me that needed him back in the first place. I rewove our threads after fifteen years of no contact on a dusty ground in the dark. Attempting to mix broken threads with fake gold lace.

As an intense woman, you know how it feels to ‘rescue’ a partner. Especially a man. You were the eldest or only daughter. You were the one that had to carry others to shore. Even when you were drowning yourself, you didn’t dare let them sink. And the kicker? Some of them could swim and weren’t as ‘lifeless’ as they seemed.

They were incompetent on purpose—and that hurts. But it feels like rot. A rotting in your mouth, your stomach, and it only purges with cold, bitter awareness. Detoxification.

He’d deleted the friend request I felt him instigate me sending months ago and he decided to play games to provoke a reaction out of me anyway. He reverted back to the teenager throwing stones and hiding his hands that I remembered. I’m talking to my community as I say this—but we know, deeply, how it feels when an avoidant person attempts to play coy, stupid, or send mixed signals. Even if it doesn’t make logical sense—we get the psychic ‘kick’ or ‘ping’ that something’s afoot. Its energetic signature tastes a certain way. We know what sending smoke signals in the woods looks like.

I had that with him when I was sixteen and a little after I graduated until he cut the line with a rusted hacksaw. In parting, he chose to hurt me by insulting me in cruel, evil ways he knew would affect me most. I got too close—I gave him a space where he could be himself for the first time in his life and told me things that his white, southern, rigid toxic masculine environment would deem as ‘weakness.’ And I could feel him—his sensitivity, his shadows, and tenderness that became sacred to me. I was a spirit container. His container. I wanted him back because I thought I could bring him with me. I wanted to save him—but later learned I can only be with someone who’s rescued themselves.

When I saw the games he played, I saw an intense, gutting premonition of me swaying slightly while pregnant with his child, holding my stomach, and trying to ground myself and our baby while enduring his abuse—fighting the anxiety from infecting the little girl inside of me. I’d wanted a girl first. I felt the helplessness coil tightly in my body and I saw an isolated home with high, gray walls, and true, cold fear fill the atmosphere. I wouldn’t be able to leave or eject him out of my life and our daughter would inherit the same bones deep anxiety I’d inherited as a child. And later, she’d become prey to the type of person her father is.

I snapped out of it like a nightmare I rose from and I blocked him for the first time in my life. Instead of rescuing him, I saved the teenage girl who thought she needed his approval, his love, or tenderness that was never a novelty for a girl as deeply and effervescently loving as she is.

Upon spiritual investigation, I learned that while my manifestation was working a midst his life’s crises, it also doubled as a distraction from him taking true accountability of his actions he’d made during it. I was the pressure release valve or the anxiety chew toy—a person he could probe familiar triggers with and react in a way that gave him relief he tried to steal instead of facing himself. In short, he was a man who was terrified of Shadow Work. And at his grown age of thirty four, a few months short of being officially half way to forty, he was still horribly abusive. But instead of a toxic teenage boy, he was a grown man who was fully conscious with complete brain development to match. He never changed by choice.

And I had to admit that I’d only barely started to feel safe with the idea of him changing. Months had gone by and I was more invested in him admitting the feelings he’d denied about me but fell short of the reality of accepting the man in the flesh. That’s where the wounds were. But I also realized that forgiving him wasn’t worth my time. The person I’d become after nine months of therapy and intense focused Shadow Work didn’t have a place for him anymore. He wasn’t my equal and didn’t deserve to be. I also decided that I was done attempting to revise and reconcile connections with people who’d disrespected or used me in the past. People who I felt intuitively that something was off with but held onto because I treated love like a novelty and had abysmally low standards. People who feared depth and vulnerability but loved my waters because their personal lives are scarce deserts. I gave because I wanted to be needed. But that leads to contamination.

I’ve been drawn to horse back riding and sword play lately. I loved Xena since I was a child. I was always drawn to her and other powerful women who weren’t side characters but who were entire universes and ecosystems. Women who wielded it unapologetically yet gracefully. Who couldn’t be contained. I was so invigorated by them. But I am them—and I always have been.

I decided that I’m going to own that. I was never chasing love or power. I simply never gave myself permission to validate who I am. To bask in it without apology and only allow those in who match it instead of those who want my access without doing their own inner work. People who intellectually ‘know’ what their problems are but are too terrified to do the work to take accountability and change. Some avoid it all together because the risk of tainting their public image with the humility of growth is far too high of a cost. Their perfectionism and fear of failure prevents them from being seen ‘trying.’

At my darkest—I’ve never been a coward. I owned darkness that wasn’t mine, accusations I never perpetuated, and over extended my accountability to accommodate what the people around me exonerated themselves from taking. I carried the bodies that could swim. I carried the cowards to shores they couldn’t stand on.

I was raised into a matriarchal lineage of women who own their shit. Women who don’t suffer fools and who never let anyone—especially men—steal or siphon their light from them. They speak with deep, skin crawling authority, and are radically self sufficient, dignified, and glamorous as fucking hell. I was birthed into that and I am that. I am that.

I will only have relationships with people who are committed to the work and dignity of honoring themselves. Not people who bypass, over intellectualize and disassociate, or run from their reflection in the fucking mirror. People, who, even if what they see is frightening and they’re shaking with anxiety to face it—they inevitably do it anyway. Their deepest value is commitment. Commitment to themselves. People who can take their skeletons out their closets, clean them, and wear them as jewelry around their necks or have them as background décor.

I only resonate with amazonian women and always have. You are the community I nurture and who I’ll lead by example for. Because you’re ‘too much’ for everyone else. But you’ll never be too much for me.

As a community, we will only be loved by the worthy.

I cultivate devotion as a base line and survival necessity. In life and in my spiritual services. Not simply so a partner can arrive but so we receive the level of worship we naturally give ourselves. My girls get only the best. 👑👑👑

AND FUCK KLAY THOMPSON.

[divae-sacra-ignis]

Some self-love reminders:

Do you still love yourself if you're not perfect? 🤔

Do you still love yourself if you make a mistake? 🤔

[divae-sacra-ignis]

Stare into Ariana, Ariana gazes back (Synastry/Love Pattern Analysis)

I’ve decided I only want to speak about women who I feel a personal connection with so I can draw on their darkness and use it to help us understand ourselves. Ariana is someone who’s seventh house ills speak loudly to me because despite not sharing that similarity—I know, very intimately, what serving the self on a platter feels like.

Doesn’t your spine just arch and curve when you feel like you’re worthy of being loved? And when you’re someone’s home through that performance? Their confiding space. It’s sacred in a way. It’s an intimacy in always being needed. That’s the pressure zone for her, I sense.

I chose to shed my life long history of emotional co-dependency. It wasn’t easy and required that I completely forego my safe space of being in the shadow of someone’s needs. Being the wet nurse and perpetual caregiver or savior to people with my energy in an un-reciprocated way allowed pestilence to settle. Being the Mom Friend without being allowed to be the baby or equally nurtured had consequences. Brutal awakenings and partings.

I think it’s easy to call Ariana toxic in an othering way. We may not make the same decisions but she’s magnetic because of what she mirrors in us unconsciously. Why would someone behave that way when it’s probably easier not to? It’s not easy when relationships are how you regulate—and they’ll always mirror your inner world. The more chaotic? Step in front of your vanity and tell us what you see.

And she’s got two planets in that seventh house (of relationships) of hers that’s governed by her moon (her inner world) in her highly elevated tenth, which sees all. (And sees all seeing them). She’s always in a position where the quality with whom she associates and their dynamics will be creative grounds for her identity. There’s undeniable strength in it because it means you’re a master of relationship dynamics, period. But it also means you often won’t have your own tether. You’ll just hook and latch onto whoever’s closest to your unconscious.

When you use Love to regulate your nervous system—you’ll have flashes of merry and fancy like Christmas, then crash when not everything feels like that after. You’re in a pressure container of, ‘everything needs to be this intense or they don’t love me’ or ‘everything needs to feel this addicting or something’s wrong.’ And you set an impossibly high bar that even the most loving, passionate, and reciprocal relationship can’t sustain.

Relationships are a symphony—not a series of constant highs. There’s calm, stillness, and simply sharing space—or needing it away from each other sometimes. There’s shared maintenance, uncomfortable conversations needed for clarity and growth, and devotion through care and protection that’s not just based on rewards. But when it’s good? It’s really good.

It’s about the roots and the days where not a whole lot is going on. When I started growing into my self concept by learning to love and care for myself genuinely—it was rewarding to actually give a damn that much. And it was through that that I realized how long I didn’t care. How I looked (for me), how I felt, my health, and overall well being. But I expected someone to swoop down and care for me in all the ways I didn’t care for myself outside of it.

In manifestation, you get partners who mirror the emotional base line of what you expect. Even if you say you want someone perfect for you specifically—you’ll sabotage or delay it if you don’t feel safe receiving love. Your landscape of how you perceive them will create a mine field of issues and drama because of your pressure points around trust, et cetera. You don’t relax into it. You brace for it. Like Ariana in my opinion, you may even use it to regulate.

This means your nervous system scans for perceived threats and upsets. When babies get upset because they’re around strangers or are in new environments which overwhelm and overstimulate them—your nervous system treats your partner as a threat-in-progress. You’ll overthink more often, fear clear communication or emotional clarity on both their end and yours, and there’s this sense of a lack of settling into the connection. Even if you’re an overgiver or anxiously attached, you may think you’re doing the most when in reality, you’re overcompensating for the lack of effort on their part—and you’re comfortable with this dynamic.

Something I’ve been learning—you also don’t allow for the relationship to have breath. People can’t mess up or miscommunicate. They can’t clarify or unfurl in their vulnerability over time. And this isn’t romanticizing a lack of effort. There has to be care and joyful upkeep. It takes two! But as someone’s showing up for you—there’s inevitably going to be moments of friction, misunderstanding, or when your nervous system preemptively sabotages you. And where people go left? Speaking as my younger self I’ve been healing: we’ll double down on the connection because that reciprocation is our sense of stability.

When you use a relationship to help yourself feel worthy or important, you become vampiric. In addition to Ariana’s natal seventh house planets, she has a 20° Venus..which is in a Scorpio degree. With that said, it’s not always intentional. It’s usually due to an imbalance learned early on. I know little about her but maybe she learned that she had to be someone’s escape and life boat simultaneously early on. Because she also has Neptune on her Ascendant and directly opposing her Descendant..her providing this savior-like relief is a tendency that’ll present itself easily.

But for her Scorpionic tendencies in relationships—to hold, possess, and consume, that’s baked in and we can see it across her history: Ariana x Big Sean – Venus-Pluto Opposition (they both have it natally and have it together because they have the same Venus and Pluto)

Ariana x Ricky Alvarez – Venus-Pluto Opposition (her venus on his pluto) // Contextually she will have this with all millennials because Pluto is a generational planet that her natal taurus Venus opposes)

Ariana x Mac Miller – Venus-Pluto Opposition (her venus/his pluto—this orb is the closest in her earlier big celeb relationships w/ venus/pluto), Moon-Mars Square (her moon, his mars), Moon-Descendant Conjunction (so this was the heaviest of the heavy for her even prior to his passing) x Moon-Neptune/Uranus Opposition

Ariana x Pete Davidson – Venus-Pluto Opposition (her venus/his pluto), Sun-Pluto Conjunction (his sun/her pluto), Neptune/Uranus-Ascendant Opposition. This setup also means that Ariana will generationally be at odds with other millennials in relationships if their outer planets are late in Capricorn and Scorpio. These relationships will trigger her the most and will be the most combustive. Between Pete and Dalton (below), Pete had the closer Neptune/Uranus-Asc orb, so it was more influential or ‘dream/illusion weaving’ or escape-enabling in that sense. Slightly.

Ariana x Mikey Foster – There were surprisingly not any of the trends we’ve been seeing in her relationships with him purely on synastry alone w/o a confirmed birth time. It might’ve been more harmonious. However, his Lilith in Cancer is almost directly on her Descendant. So there might’ve been some Mommysboyisms with him towards her. If he has a late Scorpio Moon w/ a confirmed birth time, it would potentially put him in range of having a Moon-Venus and Moon-Pluto harsh-aspect synastry with her. Those would exacerbate any Mommy-issue drama.

Ariana x Dalton Gomez – Venus-Pluto Opposition (her venus/his pluto), Neptune/Uranus-Ascendant Opposition

Ariana x Ethan Slater – Venus-Pluto Opposition (her venus/his pluto—exact orb since Mac Miller!), Lilith-Ascendant/Neptune/Uranus Conjunction (her asc/nep/ura/his lilith) – Since they’re both Cancer placements (conjoining each other!), this is a savior/refuge type of relationship. One of them is the ship or they’re sinking ships together. But because he’s drawn to hyperindependent women (even if it’s performative for the woman), this could be a ‘let me save him and have value’ x a ‘let me just rely on her to outsource my growth’ type of situation. His Lilith is in Capricorn.

From her relationship history on the surface without any additional complexity, there may have been issues (or still be issues) around her over performing and extending, and being addicted to that ‘let me prove myself in love’ Venus-Pluto opposition tendency. As we’re looking at ourselves, it’s important to note that her history is emblematic of an anxiety that we feel to be ‘enough’ for a partner. It reminds me of Taylor and Selena in that sense—both women with Cancer luminaries (sun and/or moon) as well. That deepens the need to give your everything, even if it drowns you.

Instead of criticizing Ariana, I see her. It’s also the reason why I’ve crafted a sacred space to help anxious and intense women like this (and myself) detangle their love patterns.

I’m curious to see how her relationship with Ethan develops.

Do you know of anyone else who’s similar to her we can dive into? 👀

[divae-sacra-ignis]

In relationships, I'm learning to value clarity over ambivalence. But I also know that the persistence of the latter reflects where I've splintered myself within. When you maintain a connection because it's easy but you feel the disconnect, lack of effort, or even unresolved tension that you haven't addressed because you enjoy the benefits of that false peace..there's a lack of respect you have for yourself.

In many cases, when I fell off with someone it was because I compromised something. Something essential to myself. I didn't fill up enough space, assert my boundaries enough, or voice discomfort because I learned at an early age that disrupting an environment created unsafe conditions. Sometimes violently so. So I held things in until I forgot them before everything collapsed.

If you have a Moon or Venus aspect in astrology that's afflicted, that's usually an indicator of that.

[divae-sacra-ignis]

Was terrified to post this. But I'm beginning to love how sweet my vulnerability feels.

[divae-sacra-ignis]

I just started a Youtube channel! It serves as a visual for my work and ethos. I believe firmly in healing and learning to love yourself first! It creates the healthiest foundation for any relationship you want to manifest :) And it's the journey I'm currently on~

[divae-sacra-ignis]

Visit Original Link

[divae-sacra-ignis]

Request to be eaten

You want a man to take care of you when you don’t even like taking care of yourself. It’s a nuisance to you. An extra step or a series of steps you wish were simpler. You don’t look forward to caring about yourself. You’re too heavy of a burden to carry. Unfortunately, the world responds to this. You become an open wound for mosquitoes from several towns over to feed on. Gorge on. It’s your energy, your vibe, your beauty, your very essence is up for consumption. You’ve laid yourself out exquisitely because at some point you decided or inherited that caring for yourself took too much work so you shouldn’t expect it from anyone else. Your behavior pattern looks like you being the over giver, the nurturer, the one who texts twice, checks in on the ghosts, and who can hold so much presence but your own. You’re a free space for everyone’s sob story. You’re the life boat and the one with a high threshold for trauma. But this isn’t your fault.

It was probably your mom who bestowed this curse of being the one who can hold yet who can’t be held. She got that from your grandmother—it’s a feminine wound by nature. It manifests as being a spirit container. Of people who disregard you, disrupt you, take from you, siphon from you, and who love the way you make them feel. But not you. You were never in the equation. You’re a limbo of their unrealized potential. You’re too much for you—so you’re too much for them. You’re too emotional for you—you’re too emotional to them. Too soft. Too clingy.

You’re too strange or unusual for yourself—you’re chronically misunderstood. You’re an anomaly to who thought you were closest to. So, start caring about yourself. Take the extra time to care. For every part of you. For as long as it takes. Deepen your devotion into the warm, sweet recesses of your being. Take the class to nurture your mind. Take the trip to invigorate your spirit. Go awol for a bit to get your space. Spend that extra thirty minutes to an hour (or more) with that skin care routine. Get your diet in order because your body’s precious. Hire an extra hand so you can delegate the tasks that corrode your mental energy. Research that therapists’ selection just a little bit more. Care. Because if you don’t? The world quiets and will send mixed signals based on the cluster of confusing and inconsistent ones you give yourself. Bad communication. Changes in temperature—spikes and drops. Going places with passion and zeal to going nowhere fast and lingering forever. Dawdling without focus. Intention isn’t clear and words are misconstrued. Arguments erupt and spill over into acidic territory. ‘I’m going to call tomorrow!’ turns into ‘I’m sorry I haven’t spoken to you in six months.’ Passive aggression and avoidance and the ducking and dodging of accountability. You enjoy the knots because..at least you aren’t alone. You like that someone wants you around. You like that you’re in proximity to something that isn’t quite love. It’s.. ‘I’m glad you’re here—and only want you for your time.’ So you expose your neck to the vagrants and let them feast. It’s okay though because you’re so numb with self abandonment and neglect that being used feels pleasurable. But because you learned that caring for yourself risked losing resources, parental love, and your basic needs met as a child, you set the lowest bar for another person to care for you. And because familiarity is wired into the nervous system—you’re beyond comfortable receiving nothing or abysmally less in return than what you give. You hope in vain that the vagrants feasting on your neck will give you food instead. Or that they’ll stop and see you as human. They’ll be the friend or lover they were supposed to be. The parent who should’ve loved you properly. And unconditionally. You must care deeply about yourself. More than anyone has for you at the cellular level. Where your spirit waits quietly and aches to be touched. To be loved, nurtured, and efforted for. Your self love mustn’t rely on permission. Bequeath yourself with it. Imbue it.

[divae-sacra-ignis]

I used to think proving myself in love was normal.

The push-pull was addicting like the crisp pop gum makes in your mouth. It was invigorating—that dulling ache of uncertainty. Churning inside. You’re up cradling the tiniest flame with shaking hands, but it’s something. Oh it’s something. That tiny sliver of affection is all you need. Sometimes it’s just attention—and you’ll die for it. You’ll heave your tired body up that hill and die there. It’s because you’re used to it. Somewhere down the line you learned early on that in order to receive affection you had to give something up. It was postponed or delayed. Stunted or disrupted. So you’re stuck with this..madness. This liminal space of wondering if you’re ever quite enough. When you were little—you weren’t loved in entirety. It was in pieces or fragments. Even if they tried. You didn’t absorb consistency. You learned fragmentation.

You’re attracted to fragments of people. Splintering behavior that can read as warm on some days and cold on others. Freezing even. And right after your limbs begin to go numb after dragging yourself on your belly through that snow—a small acknowledgment that you exist. A smile, a chuckle, maybe even something happy follows.

And a small quivering thing inside of you goes, ‘All of it was worth it.’ You give, they take—it’s worth it. You sincerely uplift them and compliment them—and they only do it when prompted. You wear your heart on your sleeve—and they take it and accessorize it. You’re always the one to tell them you love them first. You take full interest in them and create libraries of memory just for them—and they never reflect the same intensity. You begin treating your connection like it’s work you’re happy to be at—and they’re happy to collect. That discrepancy is painfully familiar. And that pain is wonderful. You can sink your fingers into it and play in the squishy parts of the wound. Even if it hurts..it just..feels good.

Your reverence for that body pain you felt as a child that you’re used to feels so fucking good. It’s safe and familiar. Safe because it’s muscle memory, not because it’s healthy.

So your lovers are all avoidants. Friends too, typically. It isn’t isolated and it spreads. The dynamic shows up subtly every time you feel that gap between yourself and something or someone else. Instead of being present and pivoting or leaving, you gaze into it and take it as a challenge. You begin negotiating yourself—maybe if you change some parts, modify your interests, sacrifice your time or peace of mind, and it cuts further and deeper into you. And you keep that pressure there. The knife stays. You push it in further for them. Because that’s closeness. That’s your form of intimacy. ‘If they hurt me and I stay, it’s okay.’

‘If they hurt me and I stay, it’s worth it.’

‘If they hurt me and I stay, I can take it.’ ‘If they hurt me, they can change.’

‘If they hurt me, it still means that it’s love.’ You get on your knees. You bend over backwards. Forwards. Twist and break your spine. Even when there’s no more parts of you to mangle, you’re still there. Offering out your arm. There was never a payoff. But somewhere deep down..you’re aware of this cruelty. It’s the wretched-sweet pain of ‘never quite knowing why’ that holds you still. If you move? It means inevitably learning that you cannot receive sufficient care that way and that you must start providing it to yourself. It restores your authority to decide you’re worthy of loving. And just like that—the gum doesn’t give you that satisfying pop.