idk where else to put this cause i hate talking about it to friends because i have run this situation into the ground., but its also been very hard to process and accept in myself and i just need it out somewhere.
anyway i dated a guy long distance September to mid November and the first red flag was he got really upset when id just have bi colors or flags or make jokes about being bi occasionally but i sort of dropped it cause he seemed understanding once i explained my point if view and granted this was early early in the relationship.
Anyway then it became him getting worried about me being friends with guys and him āaskingā me not to hang out with them and getting mad if i tried to reassure him so it got to the point i flat out had to be distant from any guy friends even gay guy friends cause āthey could secretly be into women.ā
then it became asking if my female friends were bi or gay and getting mad if they were and interrogating me anytime i did so much as play a valorant match with one. Then it became āwell all girls kind of swing that wayā and since im bi im not really allowed to hang out with anyone cause i āmight cheat.ā
Then heād get angry if i was hanging out with friends irl after work and my phone died cause i had been working all day and him accusing me of cheating anytime id hang out with friends despite never having had sex never, having had kissed anyone since the second grade.
Slowly but surely heād reassure me that i could have friends but it was much easier to just distance myself from everyone but him so i didnt risk the anger and the yelling and the accusations of things i never even thought of doing. There was also the threats of him raping me over and over and tying me up so that he didnt have to worry thinly veiled as just kinky but being brought up anytime he was angry with me for having friends. It was easier to stay hoke then argue about the fact that life360 or snapmaps had me at a weird place cause my phone service was bad and didnāt update right.
and idk it feels weird i think cause it was long distance to consider it abuse even emotional but then the people around me are so adamant it was and so worried that 1. he knows where i live and 2. if i would have were to ever see him in person he would probably harm me.
And idk why that if a friend told me the same thing i would also be adamant it was emotional abuse but when i think of it myself it feels like it wasnt or at the most i deserved it.
And it makes me nauseous to think that this all falls in like and is exactly where the statistics about bi peoplesā abuse comes from. We are considered untrustworthy because of our bisexuality and sometimes it just snowballs and how so many of my bi siblings have gone through and are going through much worse. And its hard to accept that it counts because of the distance
And ig its weird to be sick that i am now part of those statistics if i really sit to think about it and how at the same time people debate biphobia and violence about bi people on twitter.
And anyway idk i have felt like kind of a shell of myself and truthfully many of my friendships havenāt recovered from the distance i created and i cant blame them but its just shshshssh
i hope my future relationship endeavors treat me better and i hope for the safety and healthy relationships of all my bi siblings.
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