Year One:
‘Tell me about yourself,’ he says. And at first, I want to say 'Well, my favorite book is the thesaurus. I read it every day (the electronic version - at least - since it can be updated every minute). There’s a word of the day and I make it my mission to write something new every day. I can find definitions and antonyms and synonyms all in one place. It’s my favorite thing.’ But instead, I say 'I like to read and write, how about you?’
Year Two:
'Where do you want to go?’ He asks. And at first, I want to say 'Please, take me somewhere different this time. I never need to spend money with you. I’ll bring something from home for us to sit and eat in the back of your car with the sunroof up watching the stars. I want to tell you that September is my favorite month because it is my birthday and I know I’m biased, but I think that’s the month when everything around us aligns. I want to close my eyes and talk to your soul in the darkness with nothing but the faint light of a thousand stars illuminating us.’ But instead, I say 'I don’t know. Anything.’
Year Three:
'Stop acting like this.’ He demands. And at first, I want to say 'Can’t you see that I just want you to try harder? That I need you to love me the way you used to because I haven’t changed a single thing, yet you’ve demolished it all. I miss our fire, our heat, our passion, our comfort, our peace, our everything.’ But instead, I say 'Don’t call me, again.’
Year Four:
'I miss you,’ He admits. And at first, I want to say 'I miss you, too. My heart weeps at the sound of your name and I’d rearrange all of my organs to find enough space for another shot of disaster in me. I miss how touching your skin was all it took for me to create symphonies in your name and poems in your memory. I miss the taste of you. I know there won’t ever be a quick fix for me, for us, or for this.’ But instead, I say 'I know.’
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