[sproutlett]

if you’re not paying attention to trees and how they sway in the wind then what are you even doing

[roycohn]

happy donna sheridan unprotected sex day (1/3), everybody!!!

[garbuge]

my family wasn't this strict, but in some sects of buddhism you're not allowed to eat the "five pungent vegetables", onions garlic shallots leeks and umm chives i think, really any of those kind of vegetables. probably some monk ages ago was tired of onion farts stinking up the temple. anyways, one time my brother made a soup using all five of them. he said, "one sip of this, and you'll be reincarnated as a flea."

[butchstrahd]

[retrogamingblog2]

[digital-magus]

I love you, vintage gay Pikachu. You’ll find the boy for you, I promise.

[gimmemore14]

Sometimes in Omegaverse situations when people say they smelled like ‘fresh baked bread’ my brain yells YEAST INFECTION

[gimmemore14]

‘Never before have I smelled someone so sweet and syrupy’ DIABETIC KETOACIDOSIS

[darkandstormyranger]

finally some relatable content on ig

[yujateaandpi]

Was driving with my grandmother and in broken English she says “no eyes… no nose… no face. Don’t trust.” To which I looked around wildly in search of this omen of ill portend.

Cybertruck. It was a cybertruck.

[imakeficrequestsandthendisappear]

if cis people are so great then why don’t they have a siberian orchestra 

[javert]

i could not eat a dozen fried eggs and would never want to do so. but i almost certainly could accidentally eat a dozen deviled eggs if i was at a party or perhaps a picnic and they were there. they are a highly dangerous food item in this way

[phaeton-flier]

The devil's greatest trick was convincing the world he doesn't exist. His second greatest trick was that egg thing hoo boy those are good

[jauntylittlefrillyboy]

I will always take the cat's side. "she's drooling on me" you're so lucky "he always wants to be petted" then pet him "he's mad I won't let him on my desk" make room on your desk for him. I am your cat's defense lawyer and the cat is always innocent on the grounds of them being A Little Kitty Cat.

[byjove]

watching massive franchises bomb at the box office while Backrooms has made $212 million on a $10 million initial budget has brought me hope for the future of cinema

[byjove]

audiences do NOT want Star Wars slop, audiences want a movie made by a guy who really wanted to make a movie

[goth-queen]

[cryptotheism]

Poppers? Like jalapeño poppers??

Yeah sure

[cheshireinthemiddle]

Oh, this definitely belongs on Tumblr.

[thesplendidsnout]

From the Nib, by Mattie Lubchansky

[bewbin]

you were born in 2006? what are you? a Honda Civic?

[2006-honda-civic]

can i fucking help you?

[nat-20s]

Favorite thing about renaissance faires is that they have fuck all to to with the renaissance. This thang is not about historical anything this is about dressing up like a fairy and watching a joust

[bettalbimarginata]

#a samurai with a flintlock pistol sitting next to a guy dressed as a caveman drinking a styrofoam cup of dr pepper#and it fucks severely

[headspace-hotel]

It's not THE renaissance, it's A renaissance. Of what? Up to you

[kleinergeist]

Oh, so when YOU grab a Danish for a quick snack, it's a guilt-free, tasty little treat. But when I, Grendel,