doof! @doofisconfused - Tumblr Blog

both trans men and trans women are punished for our proximity to both feminity and masculinity. people decide when we are men or women based on what is the WORST option at the moment. we both get treated like women only when someone needs to infantalize us or call us bossy, bitchy, stupid, vapid. we both get treated like men when someone wants to demonize and paint us as violent, predatory, abusive, perverted. NONE of us are benefiting from any gendered privilege, because we are always treated like the worst of either gender depending on the scenario. this is something all trans people experience, regardless of agab, both trans men and trans women. so why do we assume that the other side has the opposite experience as us?? why do you think that because your life as a trans man or a trans woman is painful, that a trans person of a different gender must have the opposite experience?? like i just dont get the preschool level understanding of gender like "well boys and girls are opposites so of course our experiences are opposites too" we are living the same transphobia and if you cant see it you need to listen to other people more

tieflingkisser

milk5

Good afternoon,

I'm just checking in to see if you're still planning on hurting me painfully. Please let me know if your feelings have changed regarding this matter. I would love to hear if there have been any updates since the last time we spoke. Feel free to respond at your convenience.

Thanks,

Your Fearful Target

cheeseanonioncrisps

Presumably, if adult humans are weird, then human kids must be weird as well. But of course, since aliens probably wouldn’t interact with human children too much, there might not be much about them in the human guide.

Imagine a human leaving her kid with an alien friend because her SO is sick and none of her human crewmates are able to act as babysitter and she’s got an important meeting. So she goes to the meeting and the alien takes her kid to one of the rooms in the ship that acts as a sort of play area.

Then, when the human comes out of the meeting, she picks her phone up and sees that she has some missed calls…

1st call: “Hey, Katie, it’s me, Grit. I know you’re probably in the meeting by now and can’t answer your phone, but I was just wondering… Jackie’s been chasing the other kids a lot, is she hunting them? Is that part of the whole predatory instincts thing? They all seem to be having fun— at least I think so, they’re all making that weird noise you guys make— but I just thought I’d let you know. And, um, listen… she’s not going to try and eat the ones she catches, is she?”

2nd call: “Hi, Katie, Grit again— look, I know that you guys are descended from tree climbing mammals and so your offspring need climbing equipment to satisfy those instincts— but there’s no way she’s supposed to be that high, right? None of the other parents are doing anything and I can’t go up and get her down because my hooves can’t get a grip on the frame. She’s right on top and— NO!<incomprehensible noises that sound like a cross between the moo of a cow and the bray of a donkey>— okay, so she’s swinging from the bars. One of the other humans just explained that that’s normal. He’s offered me some coffee, but I said no because I’m pretty sure that stuff’s toxic. I’ll try not to call again unless there is an emergency.”

3rd call: “I’m so sorry, Jackie’s been injured. She tripped over and seems to have lost a layer of skin from her knee. She’s making these noises and there’s liquid coming from her eye sockets and I don’t know what to do! Please pick up! There’s blood and the coffee offering human keeps saying she should suck the blood out or something. Is that a thing? Does your species’ saliva have healing properties? Shoud I call a medic?! Please pick up!”

4th call: “Sorry for that last message. Jackie seems to be doing fine now. I don’t know how— she should be laid out for weeks after an injury like that! Please, for my sanity, can you get a human babysitter next time?”

ladylynse

5th call: “Katie, I don’t know how to tell you this, but Jackie just handed me one of her mouth bones. Her eyes were not watering this time, but there was blood in her mouth, and the coffee-drinking human took her to get some water. I…. She will have a gap in her mouth unless you are able to get it fixed. The other humans tell me not to worry, but I know how your species need their mouth bones to begin breaking down your food. My insurance only covers at-fault interspecies accidents, and–<incoherent murmuring> What do you mean, it will grow back? Won’t it have to be reattached? <more incoherent murmuring, distinct laughter> I…. I didn’t realize this was normal for your species. It wasn’t in my handbook. I’ll try not to call again unless there’s a real emergency.

pervocracy

judgejudyofficial

thank god Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton came together to make a PSA about the dangers of fake news

caspercryptid

I feel like not enough people realize that people under enormous strain act really really fucking Weird

going2hell4everythingbutbeingbi

my greatest accomplishment in life is that I inadvertently made my friend break up with her shitty boyfriend by throwing her a really fucking awesome birthday party

going2hell4everythingbutbeingbi

okay so I fucking love event planning and decorating and hosting and baking, aka all the elements of a banger birthday party. I am so freaking happy to throw people parties because it means I get to throw a party, then go to a party! yippee!

so my friend's birthday rolled around and I knew she wanted a party because I'd done them for her before, but I wanted to make it extra special because she was turning the big 25. so I did all the regular stuff I am So Excited About: had her roommates let me into her apartment while she was out, put up balloons and homemade garlands and streamers and table decor, made her favorite cake and snack plates and cocktails, ordered catering from a restaurant she loves, got a bunch of our friends to come over to surprise her, wrote her a disgustingly heartfelt card, etc. and then because it was the big quarter century, I was like I gotta do something extra.

now. I do not like clowns. my friend loves clowns. we've gone to the circus together and she's seen me literally close my eyes and hide when the clowns are out in the audience, meanwhile she's screaming and waving at them. so obviously I hired a clown for her birthday. (btw seeing him out of clown costume made me less freaked out because now I knew that the guy under there looks like someone's uncle.)

so she showed up after work totally expecting a party because I'm too paranoid to throw a real surprise party, and obviously loved it. and then I was like btw. there's a clown.

she lost her mind. she was sooo excited. she loved the party and she loved the clown. I was like haha yes I'm getting a good grade in birthday parties and didn't think much of it because frankly I do this a lot, and it's so much fun for me that I don't consider it work. like, I love doing all that for my friends. it's not any kind of sacrifice.

two days later, she texted me that she broke up with her boyfriend.

naturally I was like omg tell me everything I hated that guy let's get coffee. so we did and she told me that for her birthday, her boyfriend of nine months 1) forgot about it and didn't get her anything, 2) got mad at her for not texting him while she was at her party, 3) got mad at her for telling him about the party because it was "passive aggressive", and 4) called her immature and stupid for being excited about a clown at her birthday.

this was all very in character for him. but she'd just come from a lovely birthday party full of her friends who love her and want to put effort into making a nice day for her, where her friend who hates clowns hired a clown just to make her happy even though the party alone would've been plenty. and suddenly this wasn't a boyfriend being kinda forgetful and lazy, it was a glaring incongruity with everyone else in her life. so she finally dumped his ass. and I was soooo freaking happy. so clowns can be good.

impossiblepackage

that relationship was already over, she didn’t even bring her boyfriend to her birthday party at her own apartment

going2hell4everythingbutbeingbi

actually it's worse than that! she knew there would be a party, but not what day. I invited her boyfriend to the party. he said no.

boybeetles

What is going on in r/kitchencels

kiburebuc

some highlights from the comments

bongwater-jpeg

virtualgirladvance

never wanted to pray for someone before

klarityva

bug-swarm

jagi11

I randomly remembered a funny situation I had once

charlesoberonn

Idea: Time travel episodic adventure, but in a fantasy world.

Basically Chrono Trigger meets Doctor Who.

Protagonists:

History student from the “present day” steampunk era

Knight girl from the medieval era, aka typical fantasy setting

Legendary hunter from the ancient era, resembling ancient Greece/Egypt/Rome/Mesopotamia

The Chronomancer, the old wizard who sends them on missions throughout history.

They live in a weird sanctum outside of normal time. They help fight aberrations in history, rogue time travelers, and an evil organization trying to bring about the end of the world.

Episode ideas:

Bad guys mutate a Hydra so its heads never stop splitting and growing, creating an alternate timeline where the Hydra covers the entire world

In the dawn of time when gods, spirits, and mortals walked freely, something is killing all the gods ahead of schedule

Knight girl’s dad is implicated in the assassination of a king as a young man before he met her mother. The other two must clear his name and make sure their friend gets to be born.

In land inspired by Feudal Japan, somebody introduced future technology several centuries early and it’s upsetting a delicate political balance

The sanctum has been corrupted, trapping everyone in a time loop. The only way out is through cracks into random points in history. Hopefully there’s something helpful there.

kaes-art-blog

whoops my hand slipped

charlesoberonn

👀 ! ! ! !

queerpeers

yeah im “transitioning” *dissolves into tiny pieces as i click to the next slide*

queerpeers

xuxii-bunny

Is there a transfem version?!?

queerpeers

ask and ye shall receive

Nonbinary version?

enjoy 💛🤍💜🖤

like status: sick 😎

happy pride month I fucking love powerpoint slide transitions and gender transitions

soundoftheirwings

Gotta tell you guys something wild in the Chinese fan sphere

So some fanartist drew a “sexy” (read: booby) version of a (cartoon) character who is traditionally very non-sexualised. Fans of the character got mad about it because it’s kind of groundbreaking how that character is written and portrayed and this art totally ignores the entire point of the character. They demanded the art be deleted. In response to that other people said, well what the fanartist did may be distasteful but they have every right to draw what they’re into. The two sides fight for days and each starts a harassment campaign and even report their “opponents’” accounts.

So far so typical. But things eventually come to a head and they decide that this will be settled by votes - not through a poll. Through donations to a children’s education charity via each side’s portal. Whoever can get the highest amount of donation wins.

And that is how this charity received over 1 million in donations in three days lol. Oh btw the “freedom of expression” side won by a landslide (960k to 40k)

donutdrawsthings

I was thinking of a pride art challenge people could do with their OCs, because I thought it'd be cute! A queer/trans artist with their creations.

but then I realised that same challenge would be infinitely more funny with folks who have atypical or horror OCs

get-more-transfem

my ex came out as a trans girl a few months ago (she's not an adult yet, that's why i said trans girl and not trans woman) and i just thibk its neat because i saw it coming while we were together

congrats to her for finding herself ^__^!!! another lovely girl born to this world!!!