The signs as WTNV proverbs
Aries: āThereās a difference between your, youāre, and yarn. Yarn isnāt even pronounced the same way. Itās a completely different word.ā
Taurus: āKnock, knock. Whoās there? Orange. Orange who? Orange you glad I didnāt say your motherās in the hospital? Iām sorry. Iām so sorry. Is there anything I can do? Listen, Iāll drive you over there. Weāll leave right now. Grab a coat, itās a little cold out. Iām so sorry.ā
Cancer: āYou wonāt sleep when youāre dead, either.ā
Leo: āAt your smallest components, you are indistinguishable from a forest fire.ā
Virgo: āYou canāt get blood from a turnip. Listen you need some blood? I can totally get you some blood. Set that turnip down and follow me to the blood. Thereās a lot of blood.ā
Sagittarius: āIgnore all the haters telling you that everything isnāt a sandwich. Everything is a sandwich.ā
Aquarius: āFeeling lost? Like you have no goal in life? Like youāre covered in dirt and wet leaves? Like youāre an earthworm? Are you an earthworm? Kinda sounds like youāre an earthworm, actually.ā
Capricorn: āSoccer is also commonly known as football, Canadian baseball, American football, violent jogging, and World War II.ā
Gemini: āEverything that happens, happens for a reason. Except ostriches. What the hell, man?
Libra: Ā āPlease keep all arms and legs inside the car at all times. Also, you are under arrest. Why is your car full of limbs? Whose are these?ā
Pisces: Ā āListen, Iām not a hero. The real heroes are the people that point out to us when protesters have smart phones, thus invalidating all concerns.ā
Scorpio: āThank you for your interest in a life free of pain. We are not accepting applications at this time. Please try again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and againā¦ā