Prompts no 25, 27, 31 angst and non happy ending because I'm a little sad
Dialogue prompt 31- I want you to list every lie you ever told me.. then I'll forgive you | I hope whoever you are, you're doing better now. My apologies for bringing it out pretty late.
TW- ANGST | Harry loved him, only till fire burned.
Or perhaps it was love until the arson had lasted and the land got buried in the ashes. Maybe it was love, until the fire remained burning, and the air had stated vanishing and soon it died.
He always knew he thought love was a transaction, to get something back in return for what you deposit in, he never believed in it but was Draco swooned. He let himself take the fall hoping that maybe harry would save him. He knew what he was getting into but too fooled was he to believe that love changes people, he held onto the false hope. He assumed, he believed in himself that maybe, just maybe after everything Harry had been through, after everything he fought for, maybe he'd like to not face change anymore. That maybe after everything, he deserved to be loved and deserve to love. That maybe he too felt that there was none who understood him better than Draco like he did, only he should've known.
But once learnt the hard way, draco didn't know how many loses more could he take. Maybe he felt as though he owed it to harry, that perhaps harry was his last shot at love, no matter what happened. Even with the ever consuming lies building up in the relationship that had been going on for 3 years. But Draco would lie to himself if he said he was happy anymore. He used to be, but he hadn't felt the little comfort in the physical affection or more than a chaste kiss in the past few months and he was afraid. Afraid that his inner voice was right.
" I think he's cheating on me " Draco numbly spoke to pansy as he drank his cold coffee
" I knew it " Draco interjected.
Pansy gave him a pity look but oh she knew too. She knew he was cheating. The lies Harry had fed only worked a little.
" how do you know ?" Pansy asked, holding a little of Draco's hand in a comforting touch over the table.
" he told me he'd be at the office yesterday. I went to drop him something but he wasn't there. He had left hours ago " Draco replied blankly stating at pansy drawing circles on the upper side of his hand
" but you can't be sure " pansy sighed.
Draco hummed, deciding to not further talk about it.
Perhaps days went by, Draco had stopped counting, he has stopped looking at the calender when their anniversary passed as a forgotten date. Perhaps weeks since Harry tried to come home and cuddle with Draco. And maybe month too when they last went on a date.
Why was Draco doing this to himself? Fear.
He watched as the light, the spark, the fire diminish in Harry's eyes for Draco but a new one was born each day he left for work, like he had something to look forward to. He felt it in Harry's soft light chaste touches that they weren't a secret, private anymore, they were of Someone else too. He even smelled the perfume of another one on Harry's shirt. Yet he rested in fear, fear he'd never be loved again. Because even if everything, harry still was his boyfriend, by tag but he was.. it was all in the labels. But He didn't even come to Draco's work party.
" why don't you leave him ?" Blaise had asked. Draco only shrugged, yawning.
" do you even sleep anymore?" Blaise tried asking again. Draco shrugged once again. He had lost count of hours he slept too.
But alone in the night, sitting on a bed in loneliness even with the body next to him, he cried relentlessly in silent sobs. He would bite his palm to keep the muffles inside as he'd stare at the man he'd once loved, become Lost. He missed the harry who'd kiss him before sleeping or who'd whisper good night or the one's who dragged draco to shower with him or the harry who'd visit between works to take him out for lunch.. he missed the harry that was only his own and not shared as a public property.
He sat alone on the table of a family dinner as his father for first In a while looked at Draco in pity sitting next to an empty chair, reserved for his love who never showed up.
" we should start. He must be stuck with something " Draco Whispered.
Narcissa hesitantly nodded, helping serve the dinner and the family ate in low Whispers and soft chews.
And then perhaps as if an old friend has knocked his door, Draco was met with the young boy who loved Harry in his rivalry,who stood for what was right, for what wasn't just to him, one who believed that if love existed he'd never settle for less. Slamming the door shut, Draco instead of disapparating, stumbled back home with one bottle of whiskey he couldn't even drink because of the drowning heart that yearned sobriety.
" where were you ?" Harry has asked sitting on the sofa, watching TV at midnight when draco had stumbled back home.
But draco didn't respond, placed the bottle on the counter top, only little drunk, unknown tears smeared across his face.
" I asked you a question Draco, where were you ?" Harry sternly asked as he turned around to watch Draco
" are you fucking drunk ?' harry was perhaps disgusted but it only made Draco laugh. A mock.
" do you ask your other boy that too ?"
" what- what other boy ?" But harry was a bad liar.
Draco sniffed in as he walked forwards, collapsed on the couch next to Harry's and stared blankly out of the window, tears immediately blurring his vision.
" it was my parents anniversary today? Do you remember ? I told you a day before yesterday to be there, even sent a memo ? Did you receive ?" Draco asked, his legs shaking.
" oh- see I kept thinking I was forgetting something. I'm so sorry babe-"
" don't-call-me-that" Draco sneered
" what is the matter with you ?" Harry asked thoroughly offended
But Draco only exhaled a shaky breath, his hands contributing to the shakiness and he finally landed his eyes upon the man he had lost.
" was I not enough ?" His voice broke as he asked, staring into Harry's lost face
" what are you even on about-"
" your affair harry. Your bloody affair " Draco raised his voice so as to be stern, confident that be wasn't lying.
" what ? I don't have any affair. I'm offended that you even think that Draco. After everything we've been through-"
"bullshit " Draco snapped
" you think I can't see it Harry ? I can sense it across an entire room if you're there or not, don't you think I wouldn't know that the man I loved is not just Mine anymore ?"
" you're being ridiculous " harry rolled his eyes.
Draco gave Harry a weak smile before he went on " do you remember the last time you told me you loved me ?"
Harry frowned as he thought upon until the realisation hit " i- I didn't realize -"
" I don't blame you " Draco shook his head " I can't even if I Want to. Perhaps I am infact not enough.. perhaps I've failed to be who you wanted me to be. I don't blame you harry, I don't-"
" Draco, there's nothing going-"
" what's his name ?" Draco interjected
" does he make you happy ?" Draco asked weakly
" does he kiss better than I do ?" Draco asked, his voice breaking.
Harry sighed " I'm not cheating Draco "
" then when did you fall out of love with me ?" Draco asked
Harry stared at Draco long enough to see the pain turning to mocking numbness " I never did "
" liar " Draco sneered as he looked away, not even bringing his hands up to wipe his tears.
" liar " Draco suddenly raised his voice " you're a pathetic liar " he sobbed
" all this time I tried to forgive you in my head but I only need to ask one thing, what did I do to deserve this ?" Draco sobbed
Harry's face filled with pity as he closed distance between them to wipe Draco's tears away but he jerked his hands away.
" I didn't mean for it to happen " harry finally said as he looked down at his feets, as though he was disgusted in himself.
Draco looked at harry attentively " how long ?"
" how long harry ?" Draco asked sniffing
" 5 months " harry replied. It should not have been a blow, not have hurt this bad, because Draco already knew but he did. Tears rapidly burning his face as pathetic sobs left his lips and he looked away as if he couldn't bear to look at harry.
" it meant nothing to me Draco-"
" it doesn't matter " Draco interjected, heaving for a long breath
" no I mean it Draco, it didn't mean anything "
" if it didn't mean anything then why were you with him tonight instead of me ?"
But in hopes of trying to fix things, harry couldn't formulate an answer without hurting Draco.
" I really loved you harry, I still do and I hate myself for it but I will let you go "
" I have loved you enough but in hopes of trying to keep you close, I have made you runaway from me and that's no one's but my own fault. Perhaps I loved you too much or too little but neither of it was enough to make you stay " Draco cried in silent tears.
" don't say that Draco. Please. I still love you. I never stopped. I'll leave him for you. I only love you. It was a mistake Draco. I promise it won't happen again. I'm sorry Draco, please, please forgive me " harry begged
Draco offered Harry a little smile before he took Harry's hands in how own, locking their finger's together and kissing his knuckles.
" I Want you to list every lie you ever told. Then maybe I'll forgive you "
And in that sweetness Draco left Harry more broken than he had ever felt. Filled with regret he had never felt. Pain he had long forgotten. Misery and sorrow he had said good-bye too. But it was in his sweetness harry had loved him and it was in his sweetness he had lost him. That night when Draco went away, with no response, he never came back again and harry was left alone.
It could have been love, or perhaps it was, only until the night was young and the sun had not risen.
Till the mortal fire had burnt.
It's basically midnight thoughts.
300 followers appreciation dialogue prompt requests open.
( ps. I reached 400 tho )
