ah shit man..

I don't want any more followers I'll start blocking

[itsmeishmi]

The Tyrant! >:]c Colored sketch fanart

[thetursithan]

It also takes art to restore old paintings that look like scabs...

[barillapasta]

[clitorises]

I need to see BDSM haters go on rants about the evils of capsaicin

[clitorises]

It’s ridiculous to believe that anyone truly enjoys eating spicy food, capsaicin literally evolved as a deterrent to keep mammals from eating it… oh you “like” eating spicy food?? You “like” crying and your nose running at the table while you’re trying to just enjoy dinner? Just admit you have brain rot from watching too many episodes of Hot Ones and go…

[clitorises]

I would never let someone eat spicy food in front of me… like that’s literally a chemical irritant that burns your tissue, anyone who would willingly let their partner—let alone ASSIST THEIR PARTNER!!!—in this act of obvious self-harm is an abuser. If I was on a date with someone and they ordered Sichuan hot pot I would simply get up and leave.

[teaboot]

Conversational skill check: Work acquaintance mentions in an offhand tone with no discernible expression that they have recently lost over 20 pounds. They fail to elaborate. A response is expected.

Me, rolling a 6: …On purpose?

[teaboot]

I have learned that there is a very narrow window of human experiences that can ONLY be answered with “Congratulations” or “I’m so sorry” and those are

Dramatic weight loss

A Pregnancy

A breakup

A divorce

A major medical diagnosis

And because I can never seem to guess which way, and to be wrong in either direction would be catastrophic, I have taken to simply asking back: “is this a good thing”

This has had a 98% success rate. Studies are however ongoing

[teaboot]

I love that I share my house with one of the most efficient apex predators millions of years of evolution could produce. I love that two of nature’s most prolific machines met and were like “hmmm. We should lay around and do nothing together”. Now we’re both fat and happy and full of meat. The hedonism of it all

[teaboot]

Humans keeping cats and dogs as family members is like three prodigy assassins being introduced in the back of a shady nightclub and 45 minutes later they’re 6 crunchwrap supremes deep passing a blunt in the back of a shag carpeted Volkswagen microbus rating Oreo varietals by fuckability

[miseria-fortes-viros]

tumblr users have the unique ability to string together sentences never before seen in all of human history and yet they conjure up such specific visceral imagery that you can’t help but be a little in awe. and i think that’s beautiful

[teaboot]

Love and peace on planet earth

[c3rvida3]

Walking around my neighborhood wearing my sick as fuck custom T-shirt that says "I STEAL EVERY FRIENDLY CAT I MEET WITH NO REMORSE I DO IT ALL THE TIME DON'T CALL IT A COMEBACK I BEEN HERE FOR YEARS KEEP THAT BEAST ENCLOSED LEST YE FACE MY LIGHTNING CAT GRASP" and smiling politely while my neighbors' indoor-outdoor cats gently trot down the sidewalk towards me as the neighbors themselves read my shirt with a growing sense of panic.

[c3rvida3]

Unfollow me for cat theft all you want. You'll never catch me and you'll never stop me. Those things are this season's must-have lipgloss in an understaffed Sephora, and baby? I'm a middle-class teenage girl who's not getting enough attention at home...

[c3rvida3]

People in the notes keep saying, "This is just another reason you should keep your cats inside," and I know they just mean the fact that someone in general could steal them, but I like to think they all mean that you gotta watch out for me specifically. Because you do. I'm everywhere. And I'm fast.

[c3rvida3]

It's bonkers how uncool all of you sound being like, "Go ahead and try it, dweeb!! My outdoor cat loves me and he would claw his way home to me!!" That's awesome, man. He's not gonna claw his way out of the grill of a freshly christened combination student texter/student driver's 2005 Dodge Neon, though. Keep your fucking animals inside. You look uneducated, you look weird, you look like you can't cum unless you violate the Migratory Bird Act but the game warden said this is your final warning and so letting Mittens unleash his detached bloodlust is the next best thing.

[relelvance]

[only-cat-memes]

[charl0ttan]

[superchat]

[dogin8]

[ID: Two screenshots from Queering the Map, taken in Kottayam, Kerala. In the first screenshot there is a map pin that says “Surely, I can’t be the only one!”. In the second screenshot, a second map pin, very close to the first one, says, “No you are not.” The screenshots are from the Tiktok account @/ahecksis. End ID]

[mlarayoukai-archive]

I love texting someone on discord and seeing the gray activity notice turn green. Look at your phone boy

[strwbbxshrtckex]

guys, wear smaller shorts please. hoochie daddy summer. hot boy summer. show leg and thigh and calf pls. do this one thing. for me. ill be so normal about it. thanks.

[demogorgon]

sinners: how real stories of irish and choctaw oppression inform the film

[ambermere-deactivated20260408]

Needs to be said more!

[macklesufficient]

i think a loving thing u can do for yourself before a solo trip is to have a line item in ur budget, as critical and untouchable as Plane Tickets and Lodging, called Stupid. this money cannot be used for anything other than bailing u out of stupid situations

[macklesufficient]

sometimes the Stupid moments are obvious like “my designated in-bag phone charger™️ is missing and my phone’s dying” or “i can’t find the goddamn bus stop it’s getting really late”, but sometimes they’re small like “huh the food at this bar i wanted to go to is pretty expensive”. the temptation to do the risky but cheap thing (walking around with a dead phone, getting lost, drinking on an empty stomach) over the expensive but safe thing (buy another charger at the closest shop, call a cab, pay too much for some mid-ass chicken gyozas bc though you do want to try the signature local beer it’s been a minute since you ate anything) is mitigated. it’s fine, u can assure yourself. take it out of the Stupid Budget

[tokidokifish]

well, y'shtola,

[teratocrat]

i bet souls are yummy all the hottest girls are always trying to eat them. or drink or whatever. all that fuss has gotta be over SOMEthing

[spiribia]

we do need to revisit the wording of "you can't have your cake and eat it too" because i don't think it clearly enough conveys that it's more that you can't simultaneously retain a cake and also get to consume it (which would render you cakeless). for years i was like But why not....it's my cake....?

[ferrettoy]

this fucking problem is how they caught the unabomber

[m0thmancore]

hey you should uh. elaborate. for my own personal satisfaction

[ferrettoy]

the unabomber was pedantic about idiomatic phrases like "have your cake and eat it too" and rephrased it to "eat your cake and have it too" (which to be very fair makes sense). fast forward to when he starts writing manifestos. he uses the phrase word for word in his pedantic style and his brother (who has been keeping his eyes on the unabomber shit for obvious reasons) notices the phrase and is like "oh fuck that's my fucking brother no one else fucking says that" and calls in an FBI tip

[tetrafelino]

Well you can't deliberately speak in a way nobody else does and also stay anonymous you know. Can't eat your cake and have it too.

[yorickalas]