Big Oof™

The only straight I am is a straight up bitch Banner by @pillow-boi 😊

[nextstopparis]

bbc merlin except camelot had a newspaper and every once in a while there’d be some headline along the lines of “king arthur and his manservant disappearing for long intervals together in the woods Which Could Mean Nothing”

[sunriseprongs]

It’s kinda hilarious to me how down with murder Merlin is. Like I feel like most shows, especially family shows, have the character at least be morally conflicted about killing. If not out right refusing to kill.

Merlin does not give two shits. He murks someone in the first episode, zero conflict. His body count must be at least in the thousands by the end of the show (considering he took out a whole army). But let’s not forget all the up close and personal murders he commits.

I recently rewatched the changeling, and in that episode in quick succession he kills Grunhilda, the Sidhe and then gives Gaius a look like “do I need to do everything myself?” And gives Elena the potion. ZERO fucks given, he is so unfazed. Merlin is always down for murder. It’s so funny.

And I support him lol.

[limbel]

01. beard @merlinktober

[ramblings-of-a-chaotic-neutral]

Here's a quick au idea that just came to me today:

In a modern au where Merlin is still waiting on Arthur, historians recently discovered a whole batch of legal documents from Arthur's reign. These documents detail many changes he made to the laws of Camelot, including the repeal of the magic ban (which the historians assumed was just a halt on witch hunts).

However, one thing that the historians note as strange were the large number of laws that only applied to the king's personal manservant, who was never mentioned by name in the documents. These laws range from oddly specific, such as 'the king's manservant shall not accompany knights to the tavern', to downright bizarre decrees that make no sense, like 'the king's manservant is hereby forbidden from pointing out stew in the king's hair.'

The historians' first guess was that perhaps King Arthur was going a bit mad in his later years, but they didn't find any other ludicrous laws besides the ones pertaining to his manservant, which then led the historians to question the identity of this manservant and his relationship to the king.

All of this culminates in a historical exhibit showcasing the documents and postulating on this mysterious manservant of king Arthur. Many scholars flock to the exhibit, eager to examine the documents and debate their meaning and impact within a historical context.

Which then leads to a very tired Dr. Merlin Emrys, a medieval history professor, being dragged by his colleagues to see the exhibit and having to stifle is laughter as these world-renowned scholars tear their hair out trying to understand what was essentially a prank war between him and Arthur.

[count-pudding]

After Camlaan Arthur is back to Camelot, but not quite...

Or, Arthur from the future is trying to make everything right this time with some help (probably from the Triple Goddess and later from Merlin) and pretending to be oblivious to Merlin's magic and protecting him

(to be continued...)

(it was funnier in sketch i swear)

[egotisticalreadergay]

uther pendragon sucks ass obviously but he’s such a hysterical fucking character. he hates magic so obviously his daughter is a seer and his son’s weird little guy he’s obsessed with is the literal walking manifastation of magic itself. he gets tricked into marrying and fucking a literal troll. his son and aforementioned weird little guy keep trying to sacrifice themselves for each other and being so fucking gay right in front of him no matter how much he tries to stop them and at some point he’s just like yeah fine what fucking ever just dont fucking die i guess. his daughter hates his guts and keeps telling him to die and she’s somehow still his favorite. he fucked a troll. his son gets enchanted into falling in love with a new girl every other week and it never works because he’s so damn gay. his daughter is definitely in love with the daughter of a guy he killed but whatever. a weird little thing posesses his doctor and he makes him bald. he dies and comes back as a ghost to haunt his son and he only finally sends him back after he tries to attack the same fucking weird little guy who really is the bane of his existence. he fucked a troll.

[limbel]

09. horn of cathbhadh @merlinktober

[sirnoblesquid]

I think that If merlin ever got the chance to freely explore his magical abilities, it wouldn’t take long before he started hurling random spells at people just to see what happens

Arthur would just have to follow him everywhere and trying to minimise the damage

[nextstopparis]

“i asked chatgpt—”

ok well i asked the cryptic fucking dragon that was imprisoned underground 20 years ago and he told me that no one can choose or escape their destiny so. he may have also told me i have a soulmate in the guy whose guts i hate but i dont really have time to think about that right now

[allineedisonedream]

They give me the sillys, I’m gonna combust.

I think this is the last post of them for a while. I finally got them out of my system, though I still have some ideas I want to finish someday.^^

[khmelisuneliart]

all that remains

[limbel]

he was found sobbing hysterically on a poäng chair

[dragon-in-a-fez]

rock paper scissors but with women, me, and fish

[dragon-in-a-fez]

[dragon-in-a-fez]

does anyone have a hat, an embroidery machine, and too much time on your hands

[dogpuppy]

[loveridden1999]

doing things at the right age is literally a made up concept. you can start/pursue anything at any age. btw.

[loveridden1999]

remember remember

[cityelf]

Left is MY FIC, right is the ACTUAL BOOK QUOTE IT WAS INSPIRED BY

(Mask context: masquerade ball / cinderella au)

It has been doing numbers EVERYWHERE and I only found out from this lovely person who commented on Ao3:

So yeah I guess if anyone wants to read an 8 year old Song of Achilles fanfic written in a fever dream after watching Into The Woods, be my guest

[dilf-din]

I shit you not, one of my friends got engaged and used this for their caption yesterday 😭😭😭

Should I tell her 🤭

[cityelf]

NOOOOOO OH MY GOD LMAO

[chosenofthegods]

That is a new level of containment breach

[todaysbird]

fun fact about me: When I was 6 years old I sent so much hate mail to the president (the second Bush) that the mail carrier had to tell my mom I needed to stop before we got FBI’d

[todaysbird]

I was COMPLETELY unaware of the US political scene or why the adults in my life hated Bush, but I knew I hated him because he let people shoot wolves from helicopters and that’s mean and shitty

[todaysbird]

I also had a poor grasp on how stamps worked, so given that I wasn’t allowed to continually throw money away by putting stamps on my presidential hate mail, a lot of the times I just drew squares with little pictures inside on the corner.

[fantasticait]

Love, love, love reading more proof that everyone should encourage the children in their lives to write to elected officials--it teaches them about citizenship and can also be very funny.

When I taught second grade, one of the options for students who had finished their work was to write a letter to the president. I would send all of the letters in a big envelope at the end of every month.

Watching my students get more and more frustrated with him (and concerned about his wellbeing) was not the result I'd hoped for when I came up with the idea, but it was kind of hilarious.

See, Obama had a standard packet with information and activities about his dog he'd send in response to letters from very young citizens...and of course his office sent one back to our class every single time we sent mail.

So eventually all of the letters looked something like this:

Dear President Obama, I am writing about the environment. I am sad that the Great Barrier Reef is hurt. Also the Amazon Rainforest. Can you help? PLEASE DON'T WRITE BACK TO TELL ME ABOUT YOUR DOG AGAIN. WE ALREADY KNOW ALL ABOUT BO. WE COMPLETED THE MAZE AND COLORED HIM IN. It is good that you love your pet a lot. But try to remember the environment. It is also important.

[ishipallthings]