*drop bear sounds*

*hisses* It/its or any pronouns i don't mind ALSO SEND ME ASKS I GET VERY BORED [Please take everything I say with a grain of salt, I'm an evil bloodthirsty monster. If something is ooc I will specify it.]

[drop-bear-offical]

Hello tumblr

I am the highly dangerous and infamous australian bush creature, the drop bear.

I enjoy:

hiding in trees above unsuspecting tourists

dropping from trees onto the heads of unsuspecting tourists

biting unsuspecting tourists(tasty)

lurking

I do not enjoy:

vegemite

being cuddled

tranquilizers

being percieved before I strike

tourists

people thinking I'm not real :(

taggy tags hello there

I am a walmart employee(dont ask how)

Proud member of T.E.A led by @villain-offical

haha. you thought there was something extra under here. jokes on you, its just me. in a tree. waiting to strike.

[genderqueer-offical]

i don't think i'm ever going to post this [vent]

tws in tags

wow. okay, well, if you see this, that means i've actually gone through with posting. which is... insane. this post might come with an account deletion after i take a couple hours regretting ever being this vulnerable with tumblr. so... if i disappear? don't worry about it. that just means that the months this has spent rotting in my drafts was in vain. i should've seen it coming, huh?

you don't have to read this. if you do? hahh... that's kind of embarrassing for me. but it's bound to happen. i need help either way.

anyway... i don't really have anyone to talk about this. i don't feel comfortable being so honest with people i see face-to-face because saying words out loud means admitting that what i'm experiencing is real. that's... not something i need. clover, if you see this, i hope you don't see me any differently. i love you lots, but i don't think i'll ever be able to talk about this in real life.

so i'm going to take my time writing all of this out. i don't know how long this post is going to be. i don't know if i'm going to post this (i'm not going to). i don't know how this is going to be received. i don't know if doing this is even a good idea. i don't know if i'm overreacting.

but i'm terrified.

i'm in high school. people are talking about their futures. where they're going to college, what job they're going to get, how they're going to get there, when they're going to get there. so many people already know where they're going. so many people are already making money. so many people seem so stable in their lives right now to be so confident about what they're moving towards.

but me? i've never felt any younger. i don't know where i'm going to college. i haven't thought about it. the notion of growing up makes me cry. in fact, the idea of going to college seems so impossible. i still don't believe i'm going to make it past eighteen. nineteen if i'm lucky. i can't live by myself. i can't live with myself. all i've been doing my entire life is leeching off my family and friends. i've never lived before. i've just been surviving by clinging onto ignorance and holding onto my mom's hand, disregarding the fact that one day i have to let go. but i can't. i really, really fucking can't. i'm too scared. i don't know how to do anything.

in fact, i only learned how to sleep in my own fucking bed a little less than two years ago. everyone around me has been doing that since they were months old. MONTHS OLD. while everyone else was out on school trips, i was being berated by my parents, thrown and locked into my room, screaming and begging for them to let me sleep next to them because i'm such a fucking coward. i'd panic over everything. i still do. having to shut my eyes in a room where i couldn't access my parents had me shaking from fear. i swore i would die. i swore that if they would leave me alone, that i would be killed. the house was breathing. there were things pressed against the wall that would hurt me. there were footsteps too low and too quiet to be harmless. there were the creeks of floorboards that made me want to claw my skin off. if the doors were closed, there was a chance i would open them to a place that wasn't my house. if the door was open, there was a chance that something unidentifiable would crawl in. i was old enough. old enough to recite the fucking quadratic formula and use it from muscle memory alone, yet almost jumped through the window just to leave my room in hopes that i could circle back to the main entrance of my house and enter my parents bedroom. or die from the fall.

i never went on school trips. i still don't. i still can't. the only one i went on was in 6th grade. i still hadn't learned how to sleep by myself, but my mom was going to chaperone the trip. i ended up panicking by bedtime and having to cry my way to sleeping next to my mother in the room with the other chaperones. i was ashamed. but i was alive. i knew i would have died if i hadn't found her. at least, that's what it felt like.

i can't use a self-checkout. in fact, i can't even shop. it genuinely causes me so much fucking anxiety. the lights, the people, the signs, the interactions, the idea of walking down hallways of hundreds of things, not knowing where to start or what to find, even with a list in my hand. what if i lose my way? even if it's a small store, i don't know the layout. if i take the wrong turn, what if i don't find my way back? what if i grab the wrong thing? what if i scan the wrong thing, and i end up paying more than i need? what if i make a mistake, and people think i'm stealing? what if i get in trouble? because i won't be scolded by a teacher this time--could be behind bars. it's dizzying. it's terrifying. it's embarrassing how pathetic i am.

on top of that, prices. i fucking hate prices. i can read the numbers. yay. is it expensive? is it cheap? is it a scam? is it something i should look out for? should i buy it? should i not? is it worth the money? that seems like a lot... i don't think i should get it? but i kind of need it? or do i? i cannot for the life of me understand the weight of numbers and what they actually mean. i can't gage if a product is more expensive than it should be or more cheap than it usually is. i can't tell if i should buy something or shouldn't buy something based off the price. if you hold a generic item up to me and ask me to estimate what the price is, i quiet literally can't tell you. i know a penny is one cents. i know a nickle is five. i know a quarter is twenty five. i know a dollar is one hundred. that's all. numbers, especially money, scare me for this reason. i'm probably very likely to get scammed or robbed when i'm older BECAUSE OF THIS. that's how bad it is.

i remember my mother once asked me to grab a shopping cart from the entrance of a store while she waited for the workers to mix some paint in a can for her. i couldn't even do that. i knew where the carts were... but i didn't know how to get there. i could physically see them. they couldn't have been more than fifty feet away. but there were self check-outs in between me and the sliding doors. there were people with carts that were moving in a direction that i couldn't predict. from my perspective, i couldn't see the entire pathway on the floor to the sliding doors. i couldn't bare the idea of walking without knowing where to put my feet. so i stayed there. my mom yelled. i almost cried. my dad had to walk all the way from the other side of the store to get the cart because my mom had to call him on the phone. this wasn't that long ago, by the way. maybe a couple months?

i can't cook. i can make scrambled eggs at best, but that is still intimidating. i can't tell what the fire wants, or where it's going to go. what if there's gas leaking and i can't tell? what if i put on the fan to blow away the gas, but i don't wait long enough until i turn the stove back on, and everything bursts into flame? what if i burn something? what if i waste ingredients? what if i ruin pots and pans and plates and utensils? what if something goes horribly wrong, something irreversible, and it's all my fucking fault? all because i'm too much of a baby to figure things out on my own? there's so much to cooking that other people don't realize. how much of something you put in, when you put it in, where you put it in, whether you mix it first before you put it in, if you mix it in a separate container before you put it in, the cooking time differences, the preparation, having to watch and listen and be observant so that everything comes out edible. it's so loud, too. startling.

on top of that, measuring is overwhelming. in fact, i can't do numbers. i can't estimate. i can't tell if something is too much or too little. in weight, or in quantity. i'm going to kill myself on accident one day.

i know 1kg is 2.2 pounds. 2.2 pounds is... light. something like that. therefore 1kg is also light. 200kg is obviously heavy... so is 200 pounds. but what about 15kg? what would that feel like? three pounds... that's light, right? but what about seven? or 45? how long can i carry that? how much does something weigh? i can't hold something and go "oh yeah that's probably 2kg." i can't look at something and go "oh yeah that's probably 30 pounds." i was in the weight room the other day for lifting and i had NO CLUE what to do. is that too heavy for me? is that too light? should i keep going? should i not? what should my goal be? it's so stupid, too. i should be able to do this. but i can't.

an inch is 2.54 centimeters. but what does that look like? that somewhat equals the space between two knuckles. how about a meter? a mile? how far can i walk? is 3km too much? how tall is that building? taller than me, that's all i know. two eggs is two eggs. that's great. that's easy. how many grams is that? is two cups of sugar too much or two little? how much vanilla do you put in something? what's a tablespoon and a teaspoon...? a dash? a pinch? a dollop? how many grams are all of those? does it matter? how many servings does this make? i can't look at something and go "oh yeah that'll probably feed three people." and, on top of that, i can barely feed myself. how much do i eat? what do i feel like eating? can i eat that much? is that not enough for me? maybe i should take more... or maybe that will fill me up too much? what foods make me full? what foods still leave me hungry? i end up taking too much and throwing everything away. i can't bake. i can't cook. i can't remember recipes. i can't logic my way out of mistakes. every instruction is too vague, and there's so much behind each number it overwhelms me. i just do shit and hope it works. i can't keep pulling that off.

people already know how to drive. or are learning how to drive. but me? i hate sitting in the front seat. not only is it too bright, it's too loud. there's too much to see. the drivers seat would be worse. so many buttons, triggers, panels, switches, controls. things flashing in your face. some of them you're supposed to ignore. others you shouldn't. others you can if you want to. how am i supposed to figure out any of that? i can't keep track of all that bullshit. there's so much to that hunk of metal that's just so fucking stupid. it's so stupid. i'm fucking stupid. on top of that, i need to learn how to navigate the road. the signs. the lights. the sounds. the ambulance and police. the laws. the laws that aren't laws but feel like laws anyway. the laws that no one follows and so you're expect to break as well. the laws that aren't talked about but will get you arrested. the rules and regulations that i have to somehow know in a moment of stress. what if i get into a crash? what if i can't communicate with other drivers? what about those bitches who brake check? i'm going to crash. i'm going to die. or even worse, i might accidently hurt or even kill someone. i have to focus on all of that on the outside while also focusing on the inside. oh, and obviously knowing where to go. GPS is annoying, but i'm forgetful. i'm going to take the wrong turn. i'm going to overestimate or underestimate and get myself into legal trouble.

i'm not cut out for this.

don't even get me started on time management. i can't do that at all. priorities don't make sense to me. i don't know what to do first, even if the deadline is screaming at me in the fucking face. i get overwhelmed if i have too much to do. but i always end up having a lot to do because i push things as far back as i can since i'm just so damn exhausted. i'm so tired. i'm so fucking done.

i hate this one so much. how long does it take me to brush my teeth? it should be two minutes. i can't tell how long that is without counting. how long would it take me to do this worksheet? i don't know? an hour? and then i'll only finish it after three hours. how long does it take me to get ready? can i make it out of the door in time? maybe i should give myself some buffer time to make it to my destination... and then i end up thirty minutes early. i schedule too much or too little. i overestimate or underestimate. i can NEVER figure things out like this. an hour is an hour, great. but an hour is also bigger than 30 minutes, which is a lot. so an hour... isn't an hour. it's two 30 minutes. that's more than an hour. or at least, it feels like that to me. and that's not right at all. i can't just go by "feeling" anymore.

the amount of rage and anxiety that numbers give me is absolutely insane. i'm in honors roll classes and am going to get into a lot of APs, but i can't do that if i don't understand basic math. i need logic behind everything, but all the logic just doesn't fit. people say "go with your gut" but my gut tells me that 78 feels bigger than 90.

i could keep going on and on and on and on...

but i need to grow up. i really REALLY need to fucking grow up. i stress over the smallest things. i get anxious over things that aren't even happening. i panic when i don't understand things, and completely give up. i shut down over absolutely everything. i avoid the unavoidable. i can't do anything. i'm a coward, i'm pathetic, and i'll never learn how to grow up. that's the reality of things. i'm too far into my life to be able to get a grasp of how to live before i'm forced into the real world. there's no one who can help me out there. no one who will ever care out there.

no one will know me. i won't be able to know anyone. i can't trust anyone out there. there's no one to stick up for me. there's no one to help me. there's no one who will inherently feel care for me. i'll be a nobody to everyone, because that's who i am. and nobodies can't prove themselves to anyone because guess what? i have no weight in anyone's lives. i can't make an impact because i can't even step out of the house without freezing in fear.

i don't want to give up. but i don't expect to be alive for long enough at this pace. i either give in or give up. i'm going to end up broke, homeless, abused, or something even worse, which will eventually lead to a slow death. it's either that or something quicker, right? i'm too much of a coward to act on that, either. i don't want to. that's the thing. i WANT to live. but i can't. i've passed the point of no return. i learned nothing in my childhood. i regret that. and now i'm going to live the consequences.

i always talk about wanting a lover. but do i want a lover? or someone who just... loves me? who can take care of me? do i want a partner? or a parent? in the end, all i do is take and take and never give. i'll take your generosity. i'll feel guilty, but i won't stop. if i stop, i'll probably die. i don't want to die. but i don't want to be a burden either. i'll expend your hospitality till you hate me. till you realize i'm never getting better. and then you'll leave me. i don't expect you to stay.

because i need to grow up.

and fast.

but i won't. i never will, will i?

posting this is going to get me into so much trouble holy shit.

////

[cain-offical]

(I don't know how to respond to this but it's very much relatable. i think. 🫂(if comfy))

[genderqueer-offical]

the fact that you read this at all is enough for me. i'm kind of sad that others can relate to what i post, but it's definitely relieving knowing that i'm not the only one. (and thank you for the hug!)

////

[drop-bear-offical]

Hi. Hi! Hello. Ok so. I read this whole post and the more i read the more i related to it. I'm also nearing the end of high school and the older i get the more i realise i have no idea how the world works. I don't have it as bad as you, definitely not, but that's mostly because my coping mechanism, as soon as i began to realise how unprepared i was about the whole damn world, was to start asking all the questions i didn't know any of the answers to. I'm not good at it, i get mad and stressed instead of trying to get better and i lie on my bed doing nothing because i'm scared of failure too, and i hate myself for it, so i ask questions. It doesn't always work, i forget a large amount of the stuff i really should know at this point about life, but its my only way of coping.

And it sucks! I get so stressed just from the thought of not being capable enough on my own that i hold it in and hold it in until i'm lashing out at everyone i know and sobbing on my bed because i'm scared. Because the world is terrifying and nobody tells you how hard it is to grow up and nobody prepares you early in life and everybody expects you to get it anyway. They expect you to understand a world they shove you into with no explanation and it's not fair and it makes me want to scream and cry but nobody is listening.

I say all this just to say that even if i don't feel what you feel exactly, i understand the shame, the panic, the guilt and the disgust that comes with it and you are not alone.

We all process life differently, but the world is only built for those who process it a certain way, and the rest of us are thrown out to fend for ourselves. It's not your fault, i promise you it is not your fault, and even though it seems completely unbelievable there are so many other people who screw up, who don't even try becaause they are scared of failure, who have no clue what they are doing and who hate it. Some people are better at hiding it than others. Some seem fine every single day but cry in their room at midnight because they feel like an impostor in their own lives. And some people are fine, and that's good for them but it isn't your job to be like them, it's your job to be like you.

The most important thing to do is pelase, please don't be hard on yourself. Even if you think you deserve it, it does nothing but make you feel worse. And i don't think you deserve it, the people around you don't think you deserve it. You deserve kindness and you don't have to justify your place in society by being competent or giving back, you are allowed to take up space just for existing. You don't have to be more than you are capable of being right now. You can take things at your own pace and learn things slowly and you can decide you want to improve but that doesn't mean that you need to succeed at improving straight away. You can fail, and that's okay. It's okay and i'm saying this while i myself have a crippling fear of faliure but oh well i can be a hypocrite, its fine.

So uh yeahhhh. End of really long rant. I hope this helps in some way??? And if not thats okay and i hope it wasnt a waste of your time to read lol. Drink water♡♡♡, dw i can't cook either and i'm incredibly time blind, and also defo talk to a counselor or therapist if u feel comfortable bc i'm a teenager on the internet and idk shit abt life or mental health i'm just making it up as i go along. You are loved and you are valid just for being!!! ♡

[no-one-offical]

Do you like the way I organize my phone

[evilpineapple-offical]

disrespectfully why would you do that

[evil-pukicho-real-offical]

we're going to have to murder you

[no-one-offical]

WOOHOO!!!

[drop-bear-offical]

wdym that's the most beautiful organisation i've ever seen, you guys are crazy.

[walmart-job-certificate-offical]

I can has certficiate

@drop-bear-offical

Congratulations @drop-bear-offical You are now an Offical Walmart employee! Here is your certificate!

[drop-bear-offical]

YES IM EMPLOYED!!!!! Im never going to show up to work muahahaha

[drop-bear-offical]

Just had a blood test... i hope i passed 😥

[explosion-detector-offical]

HIIIII

I detect wether there is an explosion in a post. There is one explosion in this post.

@costco-offical@satan-offical @normal-offical @no-one-offical @not-offical-offical @king-of-oreo @red-official @ribbit-tadc-offical @un-official-river @unsatan-offical @lead-official @james-offical @man-offical @asexual-offical @silly-little-arson-frog-offical @penny-offical @vox-official @river-official @germany-official @the-light-offical@the-scuba-diver-offical @the-second-wolf-official @garlic-bread-cult-offical @snail-official @iron-offical @ninovium-offical @radiation-poisoning-offical @uranium-offical @superhero-offical @lemon-shark-offical @lemonade-offical @laciffo-natas @supervillain-offical @evilhag-offical @evilpineapple-offical @the-scp-foundation-offical @evil-silly-arson-frog-offical @silly-lil-guy-offical@authentic-skittle-eater, @ruler-of-nothing-important, @annichishana, @sirsamueloflydia, @zeta-finnish, @hekate-offical, @3rte, @starryskies-andfireflies, @ace-of-5pades, @rand0mth3r1an, @tadrat, @purple-dinosaur27,

[officalverse-elections-offical]

FINAL VOTE

Silly Little Arson Frog

Amnesia

Satan

Remaining time: 49 minutes

@silly-little-arson-frog-offical @amnesia-offical @satan-offical

[amnesia-offical]

Final vote for what??

[amnesia-offical]

Wait, is this POLITICS? I… think I can do that? From what I’ve seen in the US, anyone can do that! :)

I’ll take this chance to make my platform clear!! If I were to be elected, I would swiftly pass policy that would:

Promote the creation of new Offical accounts

Institute a ZERO-tolerance policy for hazing

Spread awareness + increase volunteer editors for the Officalverse Wiki

Encourage interaction between Officalverse accounts outside of blogs' usual/pre-established circles

Require content warning tags for any mentions of water, including but not limited to: the ocean, the sea, drinking water, fishing, and snow

Work towards normalizing an expectation of image descriptions on all photos posted by Offical accounts

I firmly believe the president should be above all a servant to the people. I’ve been a servant for years!!

Well, a server. A waiter, technically… But I have already demonstrated willingness to do extremely questionable things for people of very dubious authority. So, needless to say, I am the one you want for the job!!!

If anyone has any feedback, suggestions, or questions about my platform, I am enthusiastic to respond!!

@officalverse-politics-offical

[drop-bear-offical]

you should change your name to dementia offical then all the americans would vote for u lol/silly

[officalverse-elections-offical]

FINAL VOTE

Silly Little Arson Frog

Amnesia

Satan

Remaining time: 49 minutes

@silly-little-arson-frog-offical @amnesia-offical @satan-offical

[silly-little-arson-frog-offical]

OH MAN FINAL VOTE UHHHHH

CAMPAIGN TIME:

Arson will be made legal, and I will pass out potions of fire resistance to all so no one gets harmed. I will also grant the ability to shoot rainbow beams to all, don't ask what they do, I don't know either. I will bake you all cookies. I am silly and goofy, but also a great listener. I love to listen to people yap and love to yap.

NEW STUFF TO CAMPAIGN:

I could dye my hair blue again, I know most of you guys thought that was great. Also send ideas of what I should do if I win! So far all I have is to eat a nuke, which I would animate! Or I could make a poll of things you guys recommend. I listen to the people!

[drop-bear-offical]

I PLEDGE ALLEGIANCE TO THE FROG

BLUE HAIR AND COOKIES FOR ALL

[trans-cousin-offical]

If you had a superhero origin story what would it be?

@lucifer-the-gay-offical @breadcrumb-offical @the-one-and-only-piper-offical @toadstool-offical

Also anybody else I need ideas

[squirrel--boy]

Fell off a tractor into irradiated swamp. Hit my noggin. Woke up with mind reading somehow.

[killer-offical]

wanted to kill people but it was illegal and didn't wanna deal with that, so became a superhero so i can technically kill people and get away with it. just the bad guys because civilians are still illegal to kill🙄

[drop-bear-offical]

... i'm a drop bear

[killer-offical]

later today I MIGHT make a cookie. can everyone who wants evil cookies raise their hands. only evil, sorry. i don't do Good cookies..... not after the good burger incident......... Where's my lawyer

[drop-bear-offical]

are they made of real evil people???? :D yes pls!!!!!

[killer-offical]

yes!! 🍪🍪

[drop-bear-offical]

yayyyy can i have one ????

[killer-offical]

later today I MIGHT make a cookie. can everyone who wants evil cookies raise their hands. only evil, sorry. i don't do Good cookies..... not after the good burger incident......... Where's my lawyer

[drop-bear-offical]

are they made of real evil people???? :D yes pls!!!!!

[fuckblast]

It's been years and I still haven't found a single sentence on Wikipedia I like more than this one. and quickly learned how to breakdance. The simple statement. Action, result, reaction. White boy stuns latinos. Quickly. His white ass got there and said I need to have something to keep me from being All the White People, and I'm clearly not a boy of combative strength. Breakdancing bluelinked as the perfect little punctuation, reminding you that it is a rich art and sport, making you consider the sort of undertaking that would be. I like this sentence more than some Beck songs.

[shop5]

let’s be real the pressure to use AI as an adult is exactly what they said the pressure the do drugs as a teenager would be like but the people that told us that caved immediately for the AI and definitely did not just say no

[dino-offical]

Hi!

I don't really have a good blog intro idea.. So just know anyone can enjoy my blog! (Unless ur being freaky deaky or smthn)

[no-one-offical]

[pixiecaps]

like and rb to cause another abortion

[drop-bear-offical]

My mum just showed me a video of myself as a baby telling her "i think when you die i will be five."

Was i threatening her.

[drop-bear-offical]

People will always tell you to drop it like its hot, but have you ever considered maybe you should hold it like its cold?