Drunk Harry Potter Theories

recently revealed by J.K. Rowling

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JK Rowling has recently revealed that Harry's scar was in fact a normal cut. Dumbledore just thought it looked cool so he made it permanent.

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JK Rowling has recently revealed that there were in fact two Harry Potters.

Harry and his twin brother Harvey (pronounced Steward) often switched places to ensure that not only one of them would have to deal with all the bullshit that went down at Hogwarts. Whenever Harvey was playing the role of his brother, Harry was in Romania pretending to be a dragon whisperer.

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JK Rowling has recently revealed that James Potter regenerated into the giant squid after his death. We know it's weird. Don't question it.

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JK Rowling has recently revealed that Madam Sprout grew various plants as sexual partners. In fact, she had three children fathered by grown up Mandrakes.

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JK Rowling has recently revealed that Gormlaith Gaunt (Isolt's aunt) wasn't a crazy pureblood fanatic after all. In fact she wanted to end Slytherins bloodline, which is why she killed Isolt's parents. She had planned to kill Isolt as well but couldn't bring it over herself to kill a child so she took her in to monitor her closely.

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JK Rowling has recently revealed that Igor Karkaroff used Durmstrang's ship to trick unsuspecting tourists into Caribbean cruises. In fact it was a very lucrative side business.

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JK Rowling has recently revealed that Albus Dumbledore ran several successful 5 Seconds of Summer fanclubs.

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JK Rowling has recently revealed that Olivander had a very lucrative side business selling magical dildos.

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JK Rowling has recently revealed that Gryffindor tower was actually in another dimension. In fact the fat lady was a portal to a parallel universe.

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JK Rowling has recently revealed that she wrote Harry Potter as King Lear fanfiction, but was urged to rename her characters after Shakespeare's ghost threatened to sue.

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JK Rowling has recently revealed that all cats in the HP universe can talk. They just choose not to because humans are stupid.

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JK Rowling has recently revealed that the four Ilvermorny houses aren't just based on the family's favourite magical beasts. In fact, Isolt once ate some questionable mushrooms that made her experience strange visions, in which she saw her family slowly transforming into the animals. When she later looked at her reflection in a nearby pond she thought she had turned into a horned serpent (upon which she tried to do some things with her 'horn' that we do not want to describe further).

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JK Rowling has recently revealed that Ilvermorny stands for

'Is Lord Voldemort Even Riding My Ostrich Right Now? Yes.'

Because that's his favourite hobby. Riding Ostriches.

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JK Rowling has recently revealed that Professor Flitwick is in fact over 500 years old. To keep his youth he frequently injects himself with the blood of his students by using a dark spell that he invented. He guards his secret carefully and whenever someone suspects something he quickly obliviates them.

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What do you know about ilvermorny? If I spelled that right

Hello! We know all that is on Pottermore, as well as the facts that JK Rowling has recently revealed. We will post these facts shortly.

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JK Rowling has recently revealed that Luna, much like her mother, is quite an experimental witch. In fact, she is currently working on a spell that allows cats to meow in tune to the latest Weird Sisters album.