The Driest of Ketchups @dryketchup - Tumblr Blog

evilknightoathbreaker

EVIL KNIGHT WRAPPED 2024

You were:

FORSAKEN 20 times!

COMPELLED BY DARK FORCES 8 times!

DIVORCED 1 time!

FELLED ONLY TO RISE ONCE MORE 112 times!

spiribia

I do think it’s ultimately the potion seller’s right to not sell the knight potions that would explode the knight and that it’s out of hubris that the knight keeps insisting on only the strongest potions but I also think it’s a situation born on clashing egos because the potion seller is clearly proud of how strong he can make his potions and here comes a common bloke insinuating that he can handle the best of what the potion seller is capable of offering, and instead of offering more suitable alternatives from his own stock the potion seller completely shutters down on this initial gaffe out of pride - note how he says “you’d better go to a seller that sells weaker potions” instead of recommending his own weaker potions, suggesting that he is still stuck on the knight’s request as an insult to his abilities as a seller above anything else, and reasserting himself as a high quality seller relative to other sellers. ultimately this unfortunate interaction happens because neither party is willing to cede an inch out of the initial affront to their self image

girlnephew

alascene

bolairesmask

Had the funniest experience earlier of my swiftie coworker putting the new white girl breakup songs™️ album on the speaker at work and the moment she left the room long enough for her phone to disconnect from Bluetooth our older coworker immediately put on 10 hours of relaxing tibetan flute music instead and we all collectively sighed in relief

orcposts

warding spell against Taylor swift

hearty-an0n

if i was orpheus i just wouldn't have turned around lol

hearty-an0n

just went and got eurydice. this is so easy

hearty-an0n

um. awfully quiet in this tunnel.

hearty-an0n

harboretum

Like clockwork

harboretum

For reference

crow821

Oh lord you weren’t exaggerating… 😬

dimetrodone

pitbull with no reference

maureen-corpse

all right everyone let's hear it for ACETAMINOPHEN let's give it up for STORE-BRAND TYLENOL let me hear you make some NOISE

roaldamundsen

also acquired today two anatomically correct heart rings that fit into one another

roaldamundsen

someone asked to see them kissing

theoneofwhomisblue

Wunk regains the land

ofishal-fish-posts

official fish post

prokopetz

The real reason your sapient dragon character needs a "rider":

Dragons on the wing are vulnerable to being mobbed by smaller, more agile flyers, particularly in your large rear blind spot, like a bird of prey being mobbed by crows. Having a human armed with a long spear perched on your back helps to dissuade anyone from getting any funny ideas.

Breath weapons are impressive enough on the ground, but in flight they're really only good for strafing stationary targets; trying to use your breath weapon in an aerial dogfight is a good way to get fire up your nose. A real fight calls for sterner measures – and, concomitantly, a crew to aim and reload the cannons.

In today's competitive world, it's not enough to devour a flock of sheep and call it a day if you want to keep your edge. You're accompanied at all times by a qualified personal alchemist tasked with carefully regulating your internal furnace to ensure peak performance, and sometimes you even listen to them.

No dragon of any quality would be caught dead without their valet. It's not as though you can announce your numerous long-winded titles yourself when introductions are called for, can you? You suppose next you'll be expected to pick up the spoils of your conquests yourself, like a common brigand. Perish the thought!