Neil Gaiman Allegations final thoughts: trigger warning for this entire thing/SA but there are no graphic descriptions here.
Thank you to those of you who found my writeup of the podcast to be fair and unbiased. I hope these final thoughts will live up to that. This will be my final engagement with the situation
Neil Gaiman is not innocent. This is not a smear campaign. However the circumstances are so much more complex and nuanced than they appeared in the article. The headlines and article were misleading. At best, he is an irresponsible BDSM partner who did not create a safe environment for these women, exploited his position of power/fame over them, and has at least two specific credible allegations of SA. At worse? Well, it's not good.
Did this rise to a criminal/prosecutable level? No. The police refused to take up the victims complaint due to lack of evidence and text messages of consent she sent. We can never know if it was true or false consent (and that obviously doesn't cover every circumstance), but there were messages of consent.
The fact of the matter is, yes he's a creep. He messed up. He made bad choices. Is he a monster? No. Is he a good person? Also no. He's just a man that we don't know, who made some terrible decisions and hurt people in his personal life. Beware of posts that will tell you he is either a irredeemable monster or completely innocent.
There is no such thing as a perfect victim and this is crucial in this case. These are two women who now feel traumatized by their relationship with Neil, and make no mistake, they are victims here. There is one undisputable instance of SA with K, and Scarlett's first encounter with Neil (assuming Scarlett's version is truth) was also SA. There is no getting around this fact. While age gaps are not inherently bad, these two, coupled with Neil's fame, created an environment that was harmful to them.
However, it is not true that they had no agency in this. They did make decisions, however understandable, that create a case that is complex and unclear. There are multiple times where they knowingly lied about consent during acts they did not actually want, and both verbalized it in writing and in their own words on the podcast. This does not negate their trauma about these events, and this not mean the consent in those moments was freely or unproblematically given, nor does it imply blanket consent. But in the end, consent was given at the time for some acts they now regret, and no concerns were voiced to Neil directly until after their relationships ended. (This is a separate point from the two specific SA allegations)
We do not need to blame them, condemn them, or dismiss them. But we also don't need to purify them and ignore the responsibility they had in how some of the situations played out. (Some not all)
Beware of people calling their allegations false because of revenge, as a political plot against Neil, or fame. And beware of people refusing to look critically at this at all. These are complex, hurt, scared women. I feel so deeply for them and understand their regret and pain on a personal level. But in my case, my hands weren't completely clean either, and it's not victim/self blaming to discuss this aspect.
It is important to discuss that this was reported on by a conservative publication with ties to TERF activists. This is an undisputable fact and does play into how this entire situation has been shaped.
Their political bias absolutely impacted the way this story was told, presented, and investigated. This is not a fully credible source. There are multiple times they refuse to ask follow up questions and leave things intentionally vague. They are not open about sources, haven't provided proof of any of their claims outside of the podcast, and consult extremely politically biased experts. I do not believe this story would have been run by another publication.
As I said in my write up post, the fact that they view BDSM as impossible to be consensual (and in their words criminal in the UK) has an impact when talking about a relationship that included BDSM. They view this aspect as inherently abusive no matter the context and it's part of their main allegation.
However you cannot use these facts to dismiss these allegations all together. Most of this was told by the victims themselves in their own words speaking on the podcast. The issues with the publication does not negate these allegations. It is another piece of the puzzle. Be critical of their presentation, as I absolutely believe they exploited and sensationalized this story, but that doesn't mean there is no truth at all to be found here. Be critical of ALL MEDIA
Finally I'm asking that we all divorce ourselves from Neil the person. If or when he returns to tumblr, do not engage. Do not follow. Do not message him. Messages of support or fury will do nothing to help solve the problem, and we will be the ones hurt by it. I do not believe any of this negates his body of work, or the many other people that have a hand in his stories. We are not responsible for things that happen in his personal life. I would also advise against comparing this to JKR. They are completely different situations and the net of harm that JKR casts is vast. These are not comparable.
Please please stop viewing this case in extremes and remember there is so much we don't know. I'm sure there is so much more context that is both damning and redeeming that we will never know. We don't know these people and it is not our job to figure this out.
I love you all, my heart goes out to all the fellow survivors that have had to watch this unfold. Please take care of yourself during this moment. I did not expect my write up to go so far outside of my circle and I think I felt a bit of an unhealthy need to finish what I unintentionally started for myself. I'm begging everyone to remember that no situation is black and white. Everyone is flawed, everyone makes mistakes, everyone gets hurt, and everyone has hurt someone else. That is human.
I will no longer be answering any messages about this situation
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