tannertan36
Fai_Ryy
Andulka
oozey mess
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Not today Justin
occasionally subtle
tumblr dot com
ojovivo
ellievsbear
$LAYYYTER
Cosmic Funnies
Claire Keane
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Origami Around
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Cosimo Galluzzi
★
Aqua Utopia｜海の底で記憶を紡ぐ
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@love-always-adelaide
[Image description: a banner I made in PicsArt that says “Welcome” in white letters. Behind that are 3 different circular photos containing books, book pages, and flowers in them. End description.]
Please read this post before you follow me! 💖
your strengths are harder to see than your weaknesses because the problems you're good at solving don't appear as problems, because you're so good at handling them before they become problems... unlike the relatively rare problem that becomes a crisis, which demands undue attention. it's sort of like a reverse survivorship bias. the problems that become noticed as problems, the moments where you notice your capacity has a gap, are only the ones that aren't cut off at the pass by your strength and capability, before they become problems. so if all you focus on is problems then all you'll see is your weaknesses. which isn't accurate
Black ppl deserve to feel safe and welcomed on the internet, on fandoms on whatever community or hobbies they want without having to deal with antiblack racist attacks, microaggressions or enablers of antiblackness . And if u genuinely consider urself to be left leaning or an ally or woke you should do and try to unlearn the colorism, texturism , eurocentrism and antiblackness
Imo the best type of system for children to grow up in would be one that assumes the birth parents/primary guardians won't do shit and takes care of every aspect of childcare that's essential for their wellbeing and development, collectively.
But I'm just a guy who only learned how to brush his teeth properly and got glasses as a child because we had both a dentist and a doctor come to school on a regular basis. The dentist would have us all stand in a circle with our little toothbrushes and show us how to brush and correct our technique. The doctors would give us general health assessments and then have the teachers contact our patents and essentially peer pressure them into getting us any health intervention we needed. My parents only reluctantly got me glasses because they knew the teachers would judge them if they kept seeing me sit in the very front row and still squint to see the chalkboard. So I'm biased.
The only times I ever remember seeing a dentist or doctor as a child was at school. I'm quite healthy physically and I'm very grateful for all the care I got from the various professionals who cared about my well-being and development more than my actual parents did.
We had free healthcare including dental, mind you, my parents just couldn't be bothered. When my brother, as a teenager, asked our mother if she could take him to his orthodontist appointments (which he'd already arranged for on his own) she basically told him she didn't feel like it and he had to take the bus.
If I could improve anything about that system, I'd take it even further and make it so kids could see a doctor and get meds, treatments, therapy, tests, disability aids etc. without having to rely on their parents as well. I shouldn't have had to put up with being bullied and guilt-tripped about the family finances and the time investment needed to take me to the optometrist every time I needed new glasses.
Some parents would not take care of their children even if they were given all the time and the resources. Mine are a great example of that — my mother stopped working and became a homemaker when I was in kindergarten, my father worked from the garage and was also always home. They had a car and our village even had a bus that would come once or twice an hour that would take you to the next two bigger cities.
Did that, plus the free healthcare, translate into them actually parenting and caring for us properly? It did not. They only ever did any of that reluctantly when not doing it would make them look bad, and most of the time they did a shitty job because they could never resist the urge to boost their egos by means of bullying literal children.
So I have to wonder: what did they actually contribute to our upbringing? Like they didn't teach us shit and mostly they just endangered our mental and physical health — but hey, at least they gave me cPTSD! That took some work too.
see also family abolition, and youth liberation .
A knee-jerk response to neglectful parenting I see a lot is “people should have to get licenses and take rigorous tests to PROVE that they should be ALLOWED to have kids” which is eugenics. That’s just the starting line for eugenics.
We are at a point in humanity where there is no meaningful reason why we shouldn’t be structuring our societies around wellbeing for all instead of wellbeing for the “deserving”.
Assume some parents will fail. Build social infrastructure that is designed to support failed kids rather than punish would-be parents.
Parents do not have to be neglectful to fail!
They can be busy, tired, stressed about finances, ignorant, etc. They can want to do the best for their kid and Fail Anyways.
The best thing is to support the children and give them the tools they need to succeed even if the parents are already giving them those tools. Because you can never learn something too much.
Also sometimes parents become disabled or die and family can't always be counted on, and sometimes there isn't other family
One thing I had to learn was that "better" and "healthy" aren't always the same thing.
After experiencing something really unhealthy, it can be easy to compare everything to your worst experience instead of comparing it to what you actually deserve.
Someone may respect your boundaries more than your last partner did, but still ignore them. Someone may yell less often, but still make you feel afraid. Someone may not manipulate you in the same ways, but still manipulate you.
It's hard, but try not to let "better than before" become the standard you settle for. You deserve relationships that aren't just less harmful. You deserve ones that are genuinely healthy.
It’s important that you know the literal bare minimum your parents and/or guardians should have been doing is feeding you, sheltering you and providing you things you need like clothes. You should never be guilted by them because they “feed you, give you a roof over your head and buy the clothes you wear”. That is literally their job and they shouldn’t have held it over your head. You deserved so much better than that and so much more.
Unironically I think the early to mid 20s age group in America has unbelievably bad consent boundaries on all levels and so much language to defend it but this makes me sound like elon musk if I say it however the commonality of someone who will be like “I had 47 panic attacks and it’s your fault” if you tell them no is insane
I rejected someone and got called “the scariest person I’ve ever met” with so much therapy speak interspersed like alright okay alright okay alright okay
“You just say whatever you’re thinking and I don’t know how to handle it” was verbatim part of this conversation. Also everyone hates to see an autistic bitch
When I was in this age bracket, there was a huge emphasis on improving consent culture via graceful rejection, and it's gone by the wayside. Which sucks.
Twice in my youth (once in high school and once in college) I was in situations where I was asking someone out and I could tell they were calculating in their heads the risks of rejecting me, and both times I said, out loud, "you can say no, I wouldn't have asked if I wasn't prepared for either answer." And then they said no. This wasn't some spark of special wisdom I had - I knew to do it because feminist conversations among my age group brought it up regularly. This isn't happening nearly enough anymore.
More recently, I was really glad when we got to "rejection sensitive dysphoria" in my IOP program and it was one of those symptoms where the therapists really emphasized how it affects others. Because it does.
Being someone who cannot handle rejection makes you much more likely to violate boundaries, and yes, that includes sexual ones. Yes, you, reader who has never hurt a fly. If you don't want to stumble backwards into sexually assaulting someone, fix your RSD meltdowns. If you keep them up it's only a matter of time. Because if you're nice enough to interact with, but are known to have RSD meltdowns, guess what happens when your friends and acquaintances need to reject you?
people take "drug seeking is a nonsense framework" to mean that like, no one ever lies to get drugs in medical contexts which is just categorically untrue but the question they don't bother to ask themselves is "why do people feel the need to lie to get drugs?" which leads into the further question of "why would someone abuse stimulants/opioids/etc" which is like. i feel like kinda the major question one should ask no. why do people do drugs. what reasons might someone have to lie. why do we exist in a system in which people feel the only way to make decisions with their own body is to lie to medical professionals.
drug seeking is a nonsense framework not because people don't ever lie to get drugs for recreational use or whatever but because people shouldn't have to go through medical hoops to get drugs period. regardless of if for recreational use or otherwise.
People shouldn't have to lie to get drugs to put into their own bodies, they should just be free to choose what to put into their own bodies because that's what bodily autonomy is.
shout out to all the trans women on this site that are normal about trans men
shout out to all the trans men on this site that are normal about trans women
shout out to all the binary (+non GNC) trans folks on this site that are normal about nonbinary/genderfluid/multigender/GNC/etc trans people
shout out to all the perisex trans people on this site that are normal about intersex (and intertrans) people
our solidarity might get lost in the Piss Me Off Machine sometimes but I see and appreciate y'all
“Do it scared” but please realize that, if you Do It Scared too much and don’t let yourself rest + relax + have fun in between, you will fuck yourself up. If you “do it scared” all day every day, you will burn out badly and quickly. Sometimes this is temporarily necessary but please keep this in mind.
When you “do it scared” eventually you’re supposed to be less scared, eventually doing it scared is supposed to teach you the worst won’t happen, or it won’t be as bad as you think it is, or that the best outcomes are worth it, or you’re more capable than you thought you were. If you do it scared over and over and you’re still scared and you’re always scared, maybe it was never about pushing yourself, maybe something bigger is going on and what you really need is to be kind to yourself while you figure out what that is.
if you've ever noticed that indeed barely has any jobs on it lately, it's NOT just you. they started charging companies to post job listings on there and it seems to have significantly decreased the amount of posts (at least anecdotally).
other options besides linkedin and ziprecruiter:
remote rocketship (remote jobs around the world, updates daily)
hiringcafe
welcome to the jungle (fka otta)
swooped
somewhere (remote jobs)
glassdoor (also allows you to view and post on an anonymous "bowl" for your coworkers to discuss job conditions if you're at a big enough company)
you can also search company site listings with these:
site:boards.greenhouse.io "your position here"
site:*.myworkdayjobs.com "Job Title" "Location"
site:apply.workable.com "Job Title" "Location"
"Children should be able to have the same respect as adults" and "children shouldn't be expected to have the same emotional intelligence as adults" are two sentences that should coexist by the way.
Everything used to be 20 dollars and now that I finally have 20 dollars everything is now 200 dollars
also, google is free, but pick up a textbook every once in awhile. Find articles written by POC and keep up to date with how you can be a better ally. I took a black feminist theory class in college…taught by two white women.
You heard me right. Two. White. Women.
Which is fucking insane in itself, but on the first day of class one of the professors was reading an article, written by a black woman…and decided that it was completely acceptable and appropriate to drop the n-word (hard r) and every single person in class was fucking MORTIFIED. Even in the context of education, there was no reason for a white professor to so casually and subtly use that word. (They were called out for it immediately after and profusely apologized)
My point is that covert racism is still racism, and unfortunately it is alive and well.
I also have all of the articles and works saved from this class if anyone would like to do some heavy and necessary reading! I have hard copies, but I’m sure I can find the links for the articles as well.
Just after doing a little research on google, I found these articles to be incredibly helpful on breaking down covert racism, racism, white privilege, etc.
covert racism
systematic racism
racism and health
becoming trustworthy white allies
what is white privilege
books on systematic racism, racial justice, and anti-racism
race equity tools
Bottom line, white people have no excuse to not stand up for BIPOC. There is no excuse for racism. There is no tolerance, and we have to do better. I firmly believe that the first step in becoming a better ally is to educate yourself.
Our language is treated as a joke. Our inclusion is treated as a joke. Why are all alternatives to 'ladies and gentlemen' humorous? What if I wanted to feel included in a formal context? I am still nonbinary during serious conversations. Being nonbinary isn't less serious than being a binary man or woman.
this is exorsexism
