[onlinewifey-deactivated20140318]

A coffee pot can be a coffee mug if you just don’t fucking care

[corvidprompts]

“Do you ever cry because life sucks and you want to die and everything is terrible but also things are going to be okay eventually but right now it’s bad and you don’t want to wait and-”

“Slow down. What happened?”

[beachdeath]

me sitting here two weeks before the midterm elections watching my twitter and tumblr feeds fill up w/ memes and discourse about how voting is useless and democrats aren’t gonna save us: uh guys? guys? hey guys? guys? you guys? guys? hey you guys? you guys? guys? uh guys? guys? guys? guys?

[faelapis]

one of the most common tactics of the right isn’t to change who you vote for. they know that’s unlikely to work. it’s to do everything in their power to make sure you decide to stay home. 

republican turnout wasn’t actually that high in the last election. democratic turnout was just fucking abysmal, because of attitudes like this. 

[100493503004422]

me: [facedown on the floor] listen everything is totally fine

[throwtime]

I’m about to have a fun afternoon.

So my trainer’s bf cheated on her. She broke up with him. He’s holding her stuff hostage until she agrees to talk with him. Which she refuses.

She trains; for free mind you; three college linebackers, a college wrestler, two martial artists, a body builder, and… wait for it…. a Navy seal. We’re gonna go get her shit for her.

This should make for an interesting story.

[throwtime]

So everyone who commented on this being like the avengers, you are absolutely right. That’s what all of us had in our heads as we were rolling over to dude’s house. But I’m very proud to say, this ended without violence.

Arrival:

So the super friends all jumped into one of the linebacker’s explorer and headed over to dude’s house. Ok the squad: you all know me, but the other martial artist is a little wirey hapkido guy, the linebackers are all giants (an estimated combined weight of I’d say 750-800lbs), the wrestler looks like an escaped gorilla, then the navy seal looks like your average guy but something about him is unsettling. Really unsettling. Unfortunately, the body builder had to work. Anyway, we send the Hapkido guy and the wrestler to the door first and dude answers, screams at them, and then slams the door in their face. Then the giant linebackers head over and they ring the door bell again. Lo and behold, he was much more polite, but still denied access. Finally, me and the seal join the fray. I casually make my way towards the front of the group, but the seal decides to CLIMB THE BANISTER. We all just turned and started at him completely shocked when dude answers the door. He looks at this weird mismatched group of relatively threatening individuals and one guy perched on his banister like batman. He was like “FINE. Go take what you’re looking for.”

Retrieval:

So we’re all walking through the house gathering what we think are her things and putting them into two boxes. Mind you. We are completely guessing. We didn’t even tell her we were coming, therefore we had no list of items.The only one really being productive was Hapkido, who was legitimately looking for stuff. The linebackers were just randomly picking up furniture, turning it over, and putting it back down. Just showing off how strong they were. In case the numbers game wasn’t enough, I guess they were letting him know they could break him if they wanted to. The seal was just shadowing dude in his own house. Walking behind him, not saying much, just being creepy. Then there’s me. Who was causing general mischief…. He said to take what I was looking for, that’s what I was looking for. Ahaha and the wrestler made a fricken sandwich. Because “you guys look like you have it under control, and I’m a sucker for egg salad.” We were in and out in 15 minutes.

Delivery:

So the autobots rolled out and headed towards homegirl’s spot. She was conveniently outside when we rolled up. We got out and she was like, how do you all even know each other. The truth is, we don’t. She sent us all an email once and didn’t blind copy us all. She vented to all of us about dude holding onto her stuff and we started emailing and that was that. We told her that we went to see her ex. “OMG what did you say to him?” Nothing. We’re not messenger boys. We’re delivery boys. And we gave her her boxes of stuff. She went through the first box and said that was most of her stuff. Then she got to my box and asked “Wtf is all that shit.” So I explained that I took all the batteries out of his remote controls, his deodorant, the light bulb out of his master closet, every pair of dress socks that I could find, the laces out of his running shoes, and all the toilet paper in the house. The guys just looked at me and kind of nodded like they were impressed. She then unexpectedly started CRYING and thanked us. So you have this group of meat heads all standing awkwardly with this weeping trainer. It was quiet for a second when the seal was like “So…. chipoltle?” And we all got burrito bowls.

What a great day.

[thedragonflywarrior]

This is literally the most beautiful and thrilling tale. Start to finish.

[fightsinlipstick]

I am almost in tears I am laughing so hard. This is beautiful. I can’t believe you took all the toilet paper. I’m dying. Help. It sounds like the start of a joke: two martial artists, a wrestler, two linebackers and a Navy Seal walk into a Chipotle.

[evolvingessence]

[howfloetic]

[spillybun-deactivated20190921]

Instead of making fun of people who do things at an older age that are normally done younger ( like getting their diploma or GED, learning to drive, even learning to read ) how about you:

don’t

[dumpster-king]

Things to do with my life:  Become a horror author.

[dumpster-king]

HAPPY OCTOBER Y’ALL

[iknewherwell-deactivated2020121]

[mindysoung]

my bongocat contribution

[zilliumgrist-deactivated2018123]

[dumpster-king]

This too will pass.  It might pass like a kidney stone, but it’ll pass.

[dumpster-king]

Chin up baby girl.  Do your make up and put on a smile to hide how dead you are inside.

[lytefoot]

So the Weasleys are the rare pureblood family that actually keeps some sort of track of their squibs, right?

Like, 11-year-old Ron knows he has a cousin who’s an accountant, even though he’s aware that it’s vaguely shameful.

So please consider: one of the businesses Fred and George ran out of their back room, in the early days after the Ministry fell, was creating fake family trees for Muggle-Borns.

Weasleys are already known to have enormous families, what’s one or two extra a generation or two back?

(Aunt Muriel is awful, but in the face of Muggleborn Registration, absolutely she’ll admit to having a couple of squib children she doesn’t mention in polite company, because who would, but she’s delighted to learn that magic resurfaced in their grandchildren, why are the men from the Ministry frowning when they deliver such wonderful news, and they can d**n well keep their boots off the carpet. A couple of Muggleborns the Twins kept out of trouble that way sent Aunt Muriel half-joking mothers’ day cards until the day she died.)

[dumpster-king]

Childhood is like the free tutorial for life that no one pays attention to cuz there’s nothing but shitty main story line quests.

[lynxspots]

Wanted to share my main way to cope in the worst times for mental health awareness week.

[princesstigerbelle]

Same here