Your hand is comfortable.
You know the struggles this tiny being before you has faced. Everything is dangerous to them, but most dangerous are people when they don't know what their intentions are. If they trusted the wrong person, you shudder to think of how easily they could hurt them in so many ways. This is why it astonishes you that they’ve chosen you as the one they trust the most.
Not that you’d hurt them, of course. That you might accidentally do something like that has given you nightmares, but they don’t seem to think that would ever be the case. As you sit and watch them, you stretch out your arm toward them and offer them your hand, an invitation to them. You keep it still as they approach, your heart fluttering as they immediately climb on, like it wasn’t even a decision they had to make to do so.
You feel their cold little hands making contact with yours, your fingers twitching as they do. It’s a reaction you tried to fight back once, worried that they would think you were about to grab them before they told you that it didn’t bother them. They said it was nice to see a reaction like that, to know that they affected you in the various ways that they did. So, you let your hand react as you feel their weight crawl towards and settle in your palm.
You know at this point you would be safe to pick them up, but you don’t. Instead, you simply hold them as they are, a grin on your face as you watch them so fondly. This minuscule being puts their life into your hands, quite literally, on a regular basis, but you still sometimes have to stop yourself from going through the motions. You need to make sure you take none of this for granted, that you recognize how important it is that they trust you so much.
You also don’t want to just skip over small moments like this, giving yourself the opportunity to just enjoy how they feel sitting in your hand. You love that they enjoy this as much as you do, it makes it easier to feel less guilty when you want attention from them. You don’t even need to pick them up to just hold them like this, they’re already being held, and you see them begin to take advantage of the fact that you haven’t lifted them just yet.
You feel warmth in your chest as they begin to lay down, watching them curl themselves up right in the middle of your hand. Their head rests just below your fingers, taking advantage of that soft, plush section of your hand to cushion it. They relax completely, and you know the warmth you offer them is something they cherish, and that they can be warmed in such a special way in the first place.
You know how much vulnerability this kind of situation puts them in, even more so in this particular position, and you marvel at the amount of trust and confidence they have in you to keep them safe. They cozy themselves right up against you, and you know your world is all the richer for having them in your life. Despite how small they are, they matter so much to you, and it’s so important to you that they can seek comfort and safety from you like this.
You curl your fingers inward in a bid to make them feel less exposed, to protect them from every threat possible, even though you know none exist at this very moment. You have such an ample opportunity to hold them, and you’re going to enjoy every moment of it. They smile as they nuzzle their face against the soft surface they’re snuggled on, and you watch them close their eyes. There’s no greater trust that they can place in you than that, making themselves entirely dependent on you for safety, knowing without a doubt that you won’t do anything to betray that trust.
They look so happy, so content and relaxed, and you can’t help but want to interact with them a little. Sure, you have them laying in the palm of your hand, but you know they’ll appreciate this gesture. You bring your other hand over, curling your index finger inward and gently brush it across the side of their body. You feel their sharp inhale as you make contact, waiting for the release of that breath that you know is coming. And there it is, a slow exhale as they simultaneously melt under your touch.
Your heart warms as they make themselves so comfortable in your hand. They’re very clearly enjoying this, and you are too. You chuckle quietly, hoping not to disturb them too much as you speak softly to them.
As warm and happy as your tone is, you’re unable to hide a hint of bewilderment in your voice, still quite frankly, astonished that you two have made it this far from where you started. If you told yourself the first day you two met that you would end up like this, past-you would have laughed in your face. Nonetheless, here you are, and you’re not complaining at all.
As happy as you are to hold them like this, however, you feel the strain in your arm from holding it in the same position for so long. You pull your other hand away, wincing as you watch them deflate just slightly in disappointment, but you know you’ll be back at it before long.
For a moment longer, you think of the best place to sit to keep holding them like this for as long as they want you to. You then slowly lift your hand, smiling as you see that they don’t move at all, there’s no reaction to being picked up. They’re already cozy, and you know that they trust that you won’t drop them.
You make your way towards a lounge chair, making sure you keep your hand as still as possible to keep your tiny friend feeling safe to stay as they are. Approaching the chair, you slowly lower yourself down into it, bringing your hand close to you to watch them. They haven’t moved at all, and now you can ensure your arm is in as comfortable of a position as it can be for the duration of their stay in your hand, however long that may be.
Knowing now that not only are you holding them, but you now have them closer to you, relaxes you immensely. You don’t have to worry about anything as long as you’ve got them, you just need to make sure they’re comfortable and happy. Your breathing is even as you settle in, and you reach your other hand back over toward them to continue stroking them as you had been before.
You know that you’re a comforting presence for them as well, and that holding them like this gives them a feeling of security, of safety and reassurance. You will always be here if they need you for anything. Whether it’s to seek you out after a nightmare, or to simply be held and stroked exactly like this, you have no problem being that source of comfort for them.
You lean back and close your eyes, focusing on their minuscule weight in your palm, and their soft breaths on your skin indicating that they’ve dozed off. Every now and then they shift, and you feel like you can see their smile growing wider as they do.
They’re so small, but that doesn’t matter. They mean so much to you, and right now, as they doze and occasionally shift ever so slightly, you feel like you have your entire world in your hands, and you couldn’t be happier.
