Dvoth but hyx coining and reupload xym flags @dvoth-liomoqai - Tumblr Blog

[Image ID: A banner with eight sunset Aroace flags(orange, yellow, white, blue, dark blue) / End image ID.]

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Hello, I'm Dvoth (pronounciation: /dätʃ/ or /dät/), I use rhy/rhyple/rhyplez/rhyplezi/rhypleé, hyx/xym/xys (hyx sounds like hear or he's, xym sounds like zim, xys sounds like z's), any neos and they/them, it/its, he/him with neopronouns preference. Personal blog @dvothkietuh , personal Twitter account @tladld_ and ran @ProqueerPosting on Twitter

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Proof that transfemasc is not intersex exclusive: link

I'm an inclusionist(pro good faith labels, anti harmful IDs, pro-c for harmless, anti-c for p3do, zoo, harmful para and pro recovery, anti radqueers) and pro endogenic/non-traumagenic and xeno origin plurals person

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Tone tags: Ok but most of time I don’t need them

Slur usages: Ok, as long as you use it with no bad intention

Flirting: No (Ok if we are close)

Direct messages: Ok

Pings: Ok

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Do not follow if you are:

Proshippers

Anti-antishippers

Darkshippers

Comshippers

Posting about SH(self-harm)

Porn accounts

Radqueers

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I'll block you if you try to interact with this blog:

Bigots(Homophobes, transphobes, sexists, intersexists, exosexists, bioessentialists, "radical" feminists, TERFs/"TIRFs", SWERFs, BLERFs, PLERFs, MLERFs, TEHMs, racists, Lesbian Seperationists, etc)

Exclusionists

Sysmedicalists

Transmedicalists

Truscums

MAGAs

Anti choice/Pro life

Donald Trump supporters

Nazists

Zionists

Any person that is bigots and believe on any other harmful I hadn't list

Any person I hate

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[Image ID: A banner with eight sunset Aroace flags(orange, yellow, white, blue, dark blue) / End image ID.]

bogreader

"all men are basically aromantic" <- you're telling me that you conflate aromanticism with (men) being "heartless", non-committal, emotionally distant, selfish, uncaring, and so misogynistic they can't or don't see the value in creating deep emotional bonds with women. which is arophobic cause that's not what aromanticism is and most of those are already existing negative stereotypes of aromantic people

dhddmods

Being transgender is more than just "not identifying with your AGAB."

^This definition is very limiting, and has little room for intersex perspectives. In fact, it also doesn't align with many perisex non-binary/genderqueer experiences (Example: Perisex multigender people who fully identify with their assigned gender, while simultaneously aligning with other genders.)

And sure, some intersex people have a consistent assigned gender, depending on their variation, and how it affects their body. But many intersex people have a COMPLICATED experience with how they were assigned and viewed growing up.

Intersex people can be given a coercively assigned gender at birth (CAGAB), which may not align with their future puberty, or how they are viewed socially. [Example: A person born with ambiguous genitalia, who is given unneeded non-consensual surgery to make the genitalia more "binary", and assigns a gender based on that non-consensual procedure.]

Intersex people can be given an assigned gender at birth, but a reassigned gender after birth (RGAB.) [Example: An AMAB intersex person, born with a penis/penis-like genitalia, however later they are discovered to have more "feminine" physically traits, and are reassigned female and raised female because because its "easier" or "more fitting"]

Intersex people can be given a socially imposed gender (SIG) [Example: A person who is "female" in every way, but during puberty is discovered to have hyperandrogenism, and develops a more masculine-associated body because of it - oftentimes, that person will be mistaken as a male by society, or treated as AMAB by those around them.] Some people even experience multiple SIGs at the same time, depending on the scenario [Example: being expected to behave as 'male' by some people, and 'female' by others, depending on how they are dressed or what events they attend.]

Are you going to tell someone who was given a CAGAB the opinion of the doctor who mutilated them is more important than theirs? That a person who was CAMAB, but originally had a vulva, that they cannot identify as transmasculine?

Are you going to tell someone who was AFAB, but RMAB that they can't identify as a trans-woman because of their "original assignment", which is no longer relevant to how they were raised?

Or, on the flip side - are you going to tell someone who was AMAB, but treated as 'female' from their SIG, that they can't identify as transfem, because even though they are AMAB, they weren't "treated as AMAB"?

And what about intersex trans people who were AXAB (assigned X at birth?) What about people who were UAB (unassigned at birth?) Are you going to deny or affirm their transness based on your view of them?

Transgender and cisgender aren't mutually exclusive terms.

Personally, we think transgender should be defined as "people who identify against [eurocentric] historically-imposed expectations of gender."

heartless-aro

So much of the arophobia directed towards aromantic heterosexual men seems to be rooted in willful ignorance about what aromanticism actually is and how allosexual aromanticism differs from sexual objectification. Aromanticism is experiencing little to no romantic attraction towards others. That’s it. It isn’t the same as sending unsolicited dick picks to strangers or reducing women to their bodies. When a misogynistic man disregards a woman’s personhood in favor of treating her as a sexual object, it isn’t because he doesn’t experience romantic attraction to women. It’s because he chooses not to value women as people.

That has nothing to do with whether or not the man in question experiences romantic attraction. You can respect someone’s personhood without being romantically attracted to them. In fact, if you can’t respect a woman’s personhood without being attracted to her, then that is misogynistic. However, there is nothing inherently misogynistic about finding a woman sexy (even if you aren’t romantically interested in her!), nor is there anything inherently misogynistic about having casual sex with a woman who has enthusiastically consented to having casual sex. (Because, yes. Women CAN consent to having casual sex without being tricked into it via false promises of romance. Women are fully capable of deciding for themselves what they want to do with their bodies. Just because a woman does something with her body that makes you uncomfortable—like casual sex—doesn’t mean she’s a helpless victim who needs you to rescue her from her own autonomy.)

It also just seems so bizarre to me to claim that aromantic heterosexual men don’t face any stigma related to their aromanticism. Do you really think a man who has never had a crush on a woman won’t face any stigma for that? If a heterosexual man says that he has never gone on a date or has never had his first kiss, how do people react to that? Social norms for how men engage with romance are different from how women are expected to engage with romance; that doesn’t change the fact that men are still expected to engage with romance in certain normative ways.

Of course, aromanticism is not the same as just not going on dates or not kissing people. That is just one of many ways that aromanticism can look. But aromantic experiences are diverse, so it’s difficult to give a one-size-fits-all example of how aromantic heterosexual people are affected by arophobia. What I’m trying to express here is that aromantic people often don’t engage with romance in the way that society expects us to (if we engage with romance at all) and that, furthermore, men are often perceived differently when they do not conform to those expectations.

heartless-aro

As an aro ace woman, there’s something fascinating to me about seeing people, including acephobes and arophobes, in recent days talk passionately about the 4B movement and discussing the backlash against it. It’s interesting how, now that a substantial number of the people doing it are straight alloromantic allosexual women, choosing not to have sex and choosing to be nonpartnering are being spoken of as radical acts that society punishes women for. How come it isn’t radical or subversive when I do it?

Aphobia and misogyny intersect in so many ways, but when they do intersect, so many people only want to acknowledge the misogyny aspect of things (which is important, but still not the entire picture). I’m aware that aromantic and asexual women are not the only women affected by politicians declaring “childless cat ladies” to be worthless or sexist men resorting to rape threats at the slightest hint that some women may choose not to date or have sex with them. But I do wish that people were more willing to acknowledge how aromantic and asexual women are disproportionately harmed by the violent reactions misogynists have towards women who say no.

i-suggest-aro

by the way, if you're weird about aromantic heterosexual cisgender men, i kill you. if that man wants a purely sexual relationship with a woman and communicates that with her, and she agrees, hell yes. good for them. you have no right to be a bitch about that. that's frankly none of your god damn business. he's not "emotionally abusive" for wanting a specific type of relationship. you're being stupid and weird. and weirdly misogynistic, by assuming that women are inherently these helpless victims that have no agency or autonomy.

you're literally being the "the myth of consensual sex" meme when you talk shit about cishet aro men in purely sexual relationships with women.

thequeenscoffin

I wanna add about a similar issue i see,

if somebody has openly communicated with you they want a purely sexual relationship, then thats what they said. those are the BOUNDARIES in place. aroallo people are not your romcom where you guys inevitable fall in love, and you trying to coerce somebody into a romantic relationship when they already set the boundary that they don't want that, you are ignoring their consent. point blank period. you are ignoring a partners boundaries and trying to force them into what they already said they don't want.

a lot of people will enter into these relationships and completely ignore the discussed boundaries because they think they are owed a relationship, you're not. you're not owed any type of relationship from anyone. aspec or not. if you discussed that's not what they want and you go into it with those intentions anyway, you are an unsafe person for people to be around.

consensual no strings attached, not even friendship or whatever, sex is okay. its beautiful. it's people being people. and some of you need to learn how to give basic respect and decency to folk who engage in this.

heartless-aro

Women’s sexualities, especially those of trans women and other marginalized groups of women, are so heavily demonized under the patriarchy. Women are expected to be sexually subservient to men (and are therefore pressured to have no sexual autonomy of their own, acting only as a vessel for men’s sexual desires), and transmisogynists try to assert that transfemininity is inherently an act of sexual violence or a fetish expressed at the expense of cis women. Women are sexually objectified yet expected to be chaste and “wait until marriage” to avoid being “diminished” in their value to men. Women who do sex work are treated as though they aren’t people, simply because they exercise their sexual autonomy in ways that others don’t approve of. And so on, and so forth.

I bring this up here, on my aro sideblog instead of elsewhere, because this form of misogyny goes hand-in-hand with the arophobia experienced by aroallo women.

There is nothing shameful about being a woman who feels sexual attraction, who has sex, or who wants sex. This is a pretty basic feminist concept. There is also nothing shameful about feeling sexual attraction without romantic attraction or having/wanting sex without romance. This is a pretty basic concept in aromantic spaces. However, these two facts should be spoken of not only separately but in tandem: there is nothing shameful about being a woman who feels sexual attraction with or without romantic attraction, or wants/has sex with or without romance.

This pride month, let’s stand together with every aroallo woman who has ever been slutshamed for being aroallo or been made to feel like she has to redeem her sexual feelings with romantic attraction or romantic exclusivity. Let’s stand with every aroallo trans woman who has ever felt guilty for the so-called crime of having sexual feelings while being a trans woman, or who has ever felt that she has to tone down her aroalloness in order to be “one of the good ones”. Stand with aromantic lesbians and aromantic mspec women who are made to feel like their attraction to women isn’t “pure and wholesome enough” to be talked about alongside women who feel romantic love for other women. Have solidarity with every aroallo woman of color who has dealt with being hypersexualized yet treated as a passive participant in her own sexuality, rather than someone who exists not just as an object of desire but as someone with sexual feelings and desires of her own. Stand in solidarity with aroallo women who are sex workers, and who are simultaneously treated as helpless victims incapable of making their own decisions and demonized for not treating sex as “sacred enough”.

May every aroallo woman someday feel free to have as much sex or as little sex as she wants, and may every aroallo woman be able to take pride in her aroallo identity. May every woman’s sexual autonomy be respected, and may aromantic women’s sexualities be celebrated rather than disparaged.

queerum

Free (mostly academic) aro theory resources

On Amatonormativity

Amatonormativity, Aromanticism, and What Defines a Relationship - Rilee Granger

Amatonormativity in the Law: An Introduction - Silver Flight

"Allonormativity and Compulsory Sexuality" (chapter 6 of Encyclopedia of Queer Studies in Education) - Stephanie Anne Shelton

'I Dont Want To be a Playa No More': An Exploration of the Denigrating effects of 'Player' as a Stereotype Against African American Polyamorous Men - Justin L. Clardy

On Relationship Anarchy

The short instructional manifesto for relationship anarchy - Andie Nordgren

The Relationship Anarchy website

Thinking Relationship Anarchy from a Queer Feminist Approach - Roma De las Heras Gómez

Beyond romantic love – an analysis of how the dilemma of closeness vs. autonomy is handled in relationship anarchy discourse - Ricardo Guillén

The Ethics of Relationship Anarchy - Ole Martin Moen

On community

Examining aromantic and asexual inclusion in queer-serving organizations - based on Lauren Lichty's work

Exploring Aromanticism Through an Online Qualitative Investigation With the Aromantic Community: “Freeing, Alienating, and Utterly Fantastic” - James Fowler et al.

Community Listening Sessions with Aromantic People: Summary and Recommendations Report

Aurea Aro Census

Sexuality, romantic orientation, and masculinity: Men as underrepresented in asexual and aromantic communities - Hannah Tessler

On QueerPlatonic Relationships

Queerplatonic Zucchinis: A Short Primer - Omnes and Nihil (unsure)

Queering the Nuclear Family - Katie Linder

Queer(ing) consensual nonmonogamies, queering therapy: queer intimacy, kinship, and experiences of CNM in LGBTQIA+ lives - Christian Klesse et al.

On intersectionality

Intimacy and Desire Through the Lens of an Aro-Ace Woman of Color

Being Aroflux & Black - Kimberley Butler

Transitioning into Aromanticism as a Trans Student - Amethyst

Existing and Defying Stereotypes as an A-spec Disabled Person - Sapphire Crimson Claw

A Reflection on the March Carnival of Aros (several testimonies by aros of color and non-cis/non-het aros are linked in this article)

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Dvoth but hyx coining and reupload xym flags