I forgot I was about to post a video of this zine, oops! There it is- im not a master of making reels (yet?) but I think you can nicely see how this fliporello works
Amatonormativity, Aromanticism, and What Defines a Relationship - Rilee Granger
Amatonormativity in the Law: An Introduction - Silver Flight
"Allonormativity and Compulsory Sexuality" (chapter 6 of Encyclopedia of Queer Studies in Education) - Stephanie Anne Shelton
'I Dont Want To be a Playa No More': An Exploration of the Denigrating effects of 'Player' as a Stereotype Against African American Polyamorous Men - Justin L. Clardy
On Relationship Anarchy
The short instructional manifesto for relationship anarchy - Andie Nordgren
The Relationship Anarchy website
Thinking Relationship Anarchy from a Queer Feminist Approach - Roma De las Heras Gómez
Beyond romantic love – an analysis of how the dilemma of closeness vs. autonomy is handled in relationship anarchy discourse - Ricardo Guillén
The Ethics of Relationship Anarchy - Ole Martin Moen
On community
Examining aromantic and asexual inclusion in queer-serving organizations - based on Lauren Lichty's work
Exploring Aromanticism Through an Online Qualitative Investigation With the Aromantic Community: “Freeing, Alienating, and Utterly Fantastic” - James Fowler et al.
Community Listening Sessions with Aromantic People: Summary and Recommendations Report
Aurea Aro Census
Sexuality, romantic orientation, and masculinity: Men as underrepresented in asexual and aromantic communities - Hannah Tessler
On QueerPlatonic Relationships
Queerplatonic Zucchinis: A Short Primer - Omnes and Nihil (unsure)
Queering the Nuclear Family - Katie Linder
Queer(ing) consensual nonmonogamies, queering therapy: queer intimacy, kinship, and experiences of CNM in LGBTQIA+ lives - Christian Klesse et al.
On intersectionality
Intimacy and Desire Through the Lens of an Aro-Ace Woman of Color
Being Aroflux & Black - Kimberley Butler
Transitioning into Aromanticism as a Trans Student - Amethyst
Existing and Defying Stereotypes as an A-spec Disabled Person - Sapphire Crimson Claw
A Reflection on the March Carnival of Aros (several testimonies by aros of color and non-cis/non-het aros are linked in this article)
Other aro-related interesting reads
New Dimensions, New Directions: Asexualities and Aromanticism in the 21st Century - Megan Carroll et al.
Enriching the Story: Asexuality and Aromanticism in Literature - Adrienne Whisman
The Importance of Representation for Lesser-Known Sexual Identities on the Example of Asexuality and Aromanticism - Jasmin Kiechle
Experiences of Italian Asexual and Aromantic Individuals in Healthcare Settings: from Explicitly Aggressive to Affirming Interactions
Other lists of aro-related ressources (not all sources listed in these are free though)
by Aurea
The Asexuality and Aromanticism Bibliography
If you know of any other free ressource about aromanticism please consider adding to this list
I wish it wasn’t a hot take that a story in which two characters of any gender prioritize their purely platonic relationship over any other romantic or sexual interests they might have is a textually queer story
A lot of people really don’t understand amatonormativity as another dimension of “there is a right way to love people” that we have to dismantle.
Amatonormativity 101: Amatonormativity, a term coined by Elizabeth Brake, is the very prevalent idea that there is one relationship type that is above all others. This relationship is an exclusive/monogamous, committed, romantic and sexual relationship.
According to amatonormativity, this specific kind of relationship:
Is something everyone wants (or should want)
Is the most fulfilling relationship it is possible to have
Takes precedence over all other relationships in your life
This goes hand in hand with heteronormativity, which says that this ideal relationship also has to be straight. But if you remove that part, all the normative forces of amatonormativity still exist. And they suck for just about everyone! Amatonormativity says aromantic and asexual people will never experience the “highest” form of love. It says single people are inherently less happy than people in a romantic relationship and should always be actively looking for one. It says sex without romance or romance without sex are both lacking a fundamental part of an ideal relationship. It says polyamorous people are failing to choose the one person they can be fully devoted to. It says that your monogamous, committed, romantic/sexual partner is the most important person in your life—more important than your family, your best friend you’ve known all your life, etc.
I hope we can all agree that is something queer people, and also people in general, would benefit from dismantling!
Now let me talk about an example of what I was referring to in the original post.
If you’re not familiar, Elementary is a TV series based on the Sherlock Holmes stories. It’s a modern day adaptation featuring Sherlock Holmes, consulting detective for the NYPD, and Joan (rather than John) Watson, his sober companion and eventually detective partner.
Sherlock has many casual sexual relationships with women throughout the series, while Joan has a string of romantic relationships with men. Neither of them is textually queer (although Sherlock feels very aromantic-coded, if unintentionally, and I personally think an aro reading of both characters has merit).
However, the two of them share a relationship that defies amatonormativity. Sherlock and Joan share almost every part of their lives together—first because Joan is monitoring Sherlock to help maintain his sobriety, but soon because they have actively chosen to remain in each other’s lives. They eventually become partners as detectives but are also functionally life partners, living together, sharing their resources, taking care of each other emotionally and physically. At multiple turning points in the story, they express their love for each other. Throughout this progression, their relationship never becomes romantic or sexual. While Sherlock continues to have casual sex and Joan continues to go on dates, it’s clear that Sherlock and Joan remain each other’s most important person.
This relationship defies amatonormativity, and in my opinion that makes it queer. Queer as in breaking boundaries, defying norms, challenging the idea that there is any right or wrong way to love someone.
Now it’s time for my real hot take. There is a reason I used Elementary as an example, instead of the many other pieces of fiction that have a very similar dynamic between two characters of the same gender.
Those stories—stories that center a platonic relationship between two characters of the same gender, a relationship that remains platonic but is deep, devoted, and prioritized over other relationships in the character’s lives—are textually queer. They are not textually gay (although yes, many of them are subtextually gay). But that does not stop them from being queer stories.
If you want to read into whatever subtext might be there and interpret that relationship as a gay romantic/sexual relationship, that's great. But I wish more people shared my opinion that this is not making a previously normative story into a queer one. Usually, it’s trading heteronormativity for amatonormativity, creating a relationship that defies different norms.
I’m not saying that one or the other interpretation is more valuable (in general—which one is most meaningful to you is a personal preference). I think they’re both queer interpretations of the story. However, given how often stories like the ones I’m describing get accused of “queerbaiting” or simply “not being canonically queer,” I’m pretty sure my opinion on this is not widely shared.
In conclusion: Queerness is a much broader set of concepts than just gay romance. We should consider amatonormativity another dimension of oppression that queerness is in opposition to. Ship or don’t ship whatever is more fun or meaningful to you but please don’t assign moral righteousness to one kind of queerness while erasing another. Also, please be nice to aro and ace people, we already have enough to deal with. I wish none of this was a hot take. Thank you for coming to my TED talk.
11. what do you consider to be romance?
UH OH!! [klaxon blares] you've hit the ontologically queer aroace hazard zone! I literally don't fuckin know and I don't think *anyone* does. I think it's a feeling of magnetism that can't be accurately described. I think it's a set of rituals, behaviors, and stereotypes. I think it's as twisty and contingent as gender. I think it's made up and we should all marry into platonic commitments in groups of 3+ for the tax benefits. I find it cute and enjoy a certain amount of sap. I hate and resent it. I know it's powerful? I know I don't feel it. I also know I am capable of falling in love in a different equally powerful way and I do like some aspects of romantic performance. I consider some of my relationships quasi-romantic, but closer to the poetic sense of romanticism than the attraction sense. If I could date someone it would be the sea. I think everyone should get weirder. get weirder now! invent yourself a shortcake! spin new definitions!
23. say 3 things about someone you hate
vile fuckhead coward...
38. fave song at the moment?
i need I NEED. to make a whole list of favorites at one point. how can I pick only one. how can I pick only one KIND of favorite... anyway. let's say Gimme All Your Love by Alabama Shakes.
not romantic not platonic but a secret third thing [what would happen between earth and the moon if the earth stopped spinning as illustrated by xkcd randall munroe]
a poem(?), a collection of ideas, things i have been thinking about, about relationships and the platonic/romantic binary
some citations:
arospec wiki sources, amatonormativity, instructional manifesto for relationship anarchy, my favorite poem by alok vaid-menon, aromantic manifesto, amatopunk
full text below the cut:
screenshotted text from various sources over a galaxy background, spread across two images:
arospec, is an umbrella term
People on the aromantic spectrum may feel little to no romantic attraction, or feel romantic attraction differently, more rarely or
Loveless Aro describes someone who is some way disconnected from the concept of love, rejects the idea that they need to experience love
Quoiromantic (also called WTFromantic
experiences may include:
Finding the concept of romance to be inaccessible, inapplicable, or nonsensical.
the questioning itself
becomes the identity
Disidentifying with the concept of romantic attraction - either as a social construct or as something potentially applicable to oneself.
a disidentification with the romantic/nonromantic binary,
They may consider themselves relationship anarchists.
Amatonormativity
to describe the widespread assumption that everyone is better off in an exclusive, romantic, long-term coupled relationship, and that everyone is seeking such a relationship.
[elizabeth brake]
Due to the ambiguous nature of romantic attraction,
sometimes defined by the actions that one takes during a relationship, such as holding hands, kissing, or cuddling. However, none of these activities alone necessarily indicate romantic attraction.
The prefix nebula- comes from the Latin word nebulous, meaning "clouded" or "unclear".
Queerplatonic relationships (QPR) and queerplatonic partnerships (QPP) are committed intimate relationshisp which are not romantic
This way of thinking is also one that places certain relationships above others, such as Romantic relationships being viewed as 'above' or 'superior' to Platonic relationships. If two people are dating they are 'more than friends'. If they aren't dating then they're 'just friends'.
Amatonormativity prompts the sacrifice of other relationships to romantic love and marriage and relegates friendship and solitudinousness to cultural invisibility.
Amatopunk!
challenges amatonormativity, and how society views aspec people, polyamorous people, and others who do not fit into the "right" mold.
Relationship Anarchy (abbreviated RA) is the belief that relationships should not be bound by set rules, aside from the rules the individuals involved mutually agree upon.
sensualarians have relationships that are often "in between" typical relationships categories, whereas relationship anarchy completely breaks down all relationship categories
Relationship anarchy questions the idea that love is a limited resource
i want a world where friendship is appreciated as a form of romance. i want a world where when people ask if we are seeing anyone we can list the names of all of our best friends
[alok vaid-menon, friendship is romance]
queer liberation must abolish romance as its long term goal
aromantics aspire to:
view queer intimacies as web-like counter-publics that reinforce rather than compete with and enervate each other.
transform queer intimacy into political solidarity and action.
[aromantic manifesto]
Relationship anarchy (sometimes abbreviated RA) is the application of anarchist principles to intimate relationships. Its values include autonomy, anti-hierarchical practices, anti-normativity, and community interdependence. RA is explicitly anti-amatonormative and anti-mononormative and is commonly, but not always, non-monogamous.
With one's relationships starting as a blank slate, the act of distributing physical intimacy, sexual intimacy, emotional intimacy, etc. is according to one's desires rather than preexisting "rules"
Queerness is a longing that propels us onward, beyond romances of the negative and toiling in the present. Queerness is that thing that lets us feel that this world is not enough, that indeed something is missing.
was playing "fetch" with the ocean today by tossing stones into it and watching them wash back up with the tide a few meters away, and it got me thinking about grief and the things we carry with us even after we lose them
I'm sorry for being serious all of the sudden, but to anyone who is still here because they want to be there for someone, wether that be a family member, a friend, a pet, etc, thank you so much for being alive
I understand that type of feeling, not really wanting to keep going for my own sake, but going on anyway because I don't want the people I love to feel sad if I were gone one day
If it hasn't happened already, I hope someday soon you can be alive for your own sake as well, you deserve to feel that kind of self love
areudirty
origamiaround
tangentwithtanner
ellievsbear
prguitarman
2087
gamechangershow
