Decenter Men

Call me Andie, 30, bisexual feminist Fuck your eyeliner sharp enough to kill a man, respectfully Please read books and prioritize women's legal and economic empowerment

[dworkin-dork]

your adoption post is getting around. it's really interesting. do you have any more sources I could read?

Sure! (I did see your follow up message anon, lol, but I had this ready so here's even more info!)

I would recommend this one to start:

Relinquished: The Politics of Adoption and the Privilege of American Motherhood, by Gretchen Sisson (general background on coercion and adoption).

Shorter articles/organizations to watch:

I Have Studied Child Protective Services for Decades. It Needs to Be Abolished. (Book excerpt from Dorothy Roberts [Torn Apart] via Mother Jones)

The Policy Circle: The Failures and Future of the U.S. Foster Care System (Policy deep dive on the current state of foster care in the U.S., I typically find The Policy Circle as a decent source)

Family Policy Project is an organization collecting NYC parent experiences of the foster care system and surveillance state, their entire blog history is worth checking out

Start here for books on foster care explicitly:

Shattered Bonds: The Color Of Child Welfare, by Dorothy Roberts (one of the seminal books arguing for child welfare reform, originally published in 2002, but still very relevant).

Torn Apart: How the Child Welfare System Destroys Black Families--and How Abolition Can Build a Safer World, by Dorothy Roberts (same author as the previous book, this time explicitly arguing for abolition, with updated arguments, statistics, and case studies twenty years later).

To the End of June: The Intimate Life of American Foster Care, by Cris Beam (this one is more mixed/neutral on foster care than the others, but I believe it highlights the exceptions that prove the rule - the author became a foster parent via having a student/mentee that needed a caregiver, and she profiles the foster system more generally while learning how to be a caregiver for her own foster child)

Domestic violence, abuse, and the implications for the foster care system:

Children of Coercive Control, by Evan Stark (this is the book I referenced originally, where Evan Start expresses regret at how his metric for domestic violence has become weaponized against women who are victims of controlling male partners)

We Were Once A Family: A Story of Love, Death, and Child Removal in America, by Roxanna Asgarian (the Hart children's case, focuses on the Texas court system and interstate adoptions and the marginalization of birth families)

No Visible Bruises: What We Don’t Know About Domestic Violence Can Kill Us, by Rachel Snyder (devastating breakdown on the stats of domestic violence and the ways abusive men use the criminal justice system to further victimize their partners and children, and really useful info on family annihilations)

International adoption issues:

The Child Catchers: Rescue, Trafficking, and the New Gospel of Adoption, by Kathryn Joyce (international adoption, really great, digs into the Christian Evangelical influence on U.S. adoption)

Criminalization and incarceration:

Pushout: The Criminalization of Black Girls in Schools, by Monique W. Morris (there's significant overlap with foster youth and the criminal justice system, and this book covers some of the dynamics where victimized girls are re-victimized by the educational and legal systems)

Halfway Home: Race, Punishment, and the Afterlife of Mass Incarceration, by Reuben Jonathan Miller (many, many parents lose custody as a result of incarceration and/or parole violations - this book is great at showcasing how the system sets people up to fail)

If others have more recommendations, please feel free to add on!

[radfem-polls]

Is the whole FEBFEM (female-exclusive-bisexusl-female) thing misoginistic or biphobic?

I'm bi and it's misoginistic/biphobic

I'm bi, but it's not misoginistic/biphobic

I'm not bi, but it's misoginistic/biphobic

I'm not bi and it's misoginistic/biphobic

I'm bi and I'm not sure about it

I'm not bi, but I'm not sure about it

Is the concept of being febfem biphobic or misogynistic?

I'm bi and it's misogynistic/biphobic

I'm bi, but it's not misogynistic/biphobic

I'm not bi, but it's misogynistic/biphobic

I'm not bi and it's not misogynistic/biphobic

I'm bi and I'm not sure about it

I'm not bi, but I'm not sure about it

Not a radfem/lean / results

Voting ended onSep 12, 2025

-🐌

[unsentimentaltranslator]

Why the fuck would bi women be obligated to date their oppressors

[dworkin-dork]

Attraction is innate, action is chosen, and dating is an action. It makes complete sense to me to want a phrase regarding separating one from the other.

[assignedferalatbirth]

[geosmin-smell]

“In part, it’s because the language of gender identity has always been a bit bewildering to me—I’ve felt hungry, happy, gassy, and anxious, but never male or female. Even so, it has been tempting to interpret my experience in ways that separated it from that of other women. This is especially true because cis-gendered women have a distinct tendency to define themselves in ways that don’t include me. I hear women throw out things like, “As women, we all know how important it is to feel pretty,” or “We, as women, are naturally more tender and nurturing,” statements that never seem to include women like me. Not only do I dislike feeling pretty and prefer arguing to nurturing, I don’t even particularly like eating chocolate. Popular culture, and women themselves, often imply that I lack many of the most essential qualities of womanhood. So in the past I’ve been quite tempted by the idea that perhaps I’m not a woman after all. I mean, I’m masculine in all sorts of ways—I am ambitious, logical, aggressive, strong, and highly competitive. And I’m certainly not silly, frivolous, dainty, weak, or overly emotional … Oh dear. That’s where I run into a major problem, isn’t it? When I start listing traits of mine that I’d call masculine, they’re always positive. They’re points of pride. Whereas when I list traits I lack that I’d call feminine, they’re negatives. It seems I can’t consider my own masculinity or lack of femininity without relying on some of the worst and most pernicious sex-based stereotypes. This suggests to me that the enterprise itself is suspect.” Lea Delaria

[parttimepup]

What a diplomatic and eloquent way of putting it. She’s so smart I love this quote.

[yourbornagainlesbian-deactivate]

READ THIS PLEASE.

[radredrecluse]

🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥

[auntiewanda]

She slayed gender in one paragraph.

[veritablevent]

can't complain about a guy "mansplaining" to you because what if he is autistic and excited to share his special interest. can't call a guy getting into your laundry a pervert because what if he has gender dysphoria. can't say "all men" because this other guy is actually into painting his nails and also not afraid to cry so clearly not all men. hey guys when you say something is for the girls and the gays can you include me in that as well. can you. can you?

[radfemart]

meanwhile all opinionated women are bitchy Karens, all lesbians with boundaries are fascist TERFs, and all GNC women are trans eggs. but sure, modern feminism is the most progressive it's ever been!

[fem-scum]

I wish some women would just admit they don’t want to be feminists or practice feminist theory instead of trying to label every action as feminist. Like no, being a stay at home mom is not feminist and it never will be. Being a ‘submissive’ is not empowering, marriage and taking a man’s last name is not an act of feminism.

Many women want the title of feminist without any of the practices. You can’t be a vegan who occasionally eats meat. Feminism isn’t a club to validate you for every action you take that aligns with the function of the patriarchy.

[a-broader--sensibility]

“Women who don’t perform femininity and cater to male fantasies are secretly men pretending to be women by inhabiting female bodies since birth.”

[rudefemyukakoyamagishi]

God I want to kill this man with my bare hands

[illalwaysbehere]

This sums up A LOT of the trans mentality, though.

Don’t conform to rigid, unnatural, man-made gender stereotypes that were created to oppress and are not based in reality? You must be born in the wrong body, because women love being feminine, dehumanized, and treated as inferior!

Hate the shitty way women are treated by society? Transition out of it! There! It’s no longer your problem anymore and it definitely doesn’t need to be addressed in any way! Just let it go and let those evil cis bitches continue to suffer because women are the devil and, unlike you, they deserve it!

Homosexual? Impossible! You can only be heterosexual! You were also born in the wrong body, and you need to be corrected immediately!

Sounds conservative?

It is.

Someone earlier got pissy about my open hatred for trans people. I’m not apologizing for despising the people who want to uphold patriarchal gender roles, erase women as a class, and transition gay people out of existence. Fuck you.

I do not owe these SOCIOPATHS any goddamn love, acceptance, or tolerance.

Oh, but, they’re not all like this, you say?

Where’s your proof?

[ophelias-revenge]

This idea that so many people are “eggs” who need to be “cracked” aka convinced and coerced into being trans is really something denied and ignored by too many trans groups or individuals. That Never Happens, they say. Well trans forums and social media are full of this belief that people are trans and in denial for being gender non conforming. Or that women speaking about the harms of gender and the reality of sexism and growing up as girls need to stfu because they are actually “straight trans men in denial” and thus privileged men mansplaining who need to listen to trans women/transfemmes

[wholeheartedsuggestions]

hey so QUITTING SOMETHING THATS HORRIBLE FOR YOU DOESNT MAKE YOU A QUITTER. IT MEANS YOURE SMART ENOUGH TO KNOW WHEN SOMETHING ISNT WORTH IT ANYMORE.

[delicatetrashdelusion]

[touhoufem-deactivated20260212]

men are responsible for capitalism

[femsolid]

"For the last few years I’ve been trying an experiment. I speak at a lot of feminist events, and often these involve an all-female panel. Often, a man pops up in the Q&A, or buttonholes me afterwards to ask why feminism has to make men feel so unwelcome. Aren’t men’s contributions valuable? Absolutely, I cry with all the fake enthusiasm I can muster – and there is one, huge contribution that men can make to feminism: the washing up. Or the laundry, I’m easy. Or going part-time while the kids are small.

At this point, the light in their eyes tends to die. It turns out that when they said they wanted men to be involved in feminism, what they actually meant was “have someone listen to their ideas about what feminists are currently doing wrong”. Not do a load of boring unpaid work in return for absolutely zero praise."

-Yes, there is one great contribution men can make to feminism: pick up a mop, by Helen Lewis

[logophilestudies]

this hate crime is ~sanctioned by billionaire investor & board members of a PUBLIC company. it’s beyond a redditor-incel’s PC, this public company is profiting off of this heinous crime

[feminine-wrath]

Watch this be deemed not a hate crime bc they are "just bots" that so happen to be based off of real people

It seems violence against women (like this and the a.i video of Taylor from last year(???) Are never "hate crimes" bc they're "famous white women"

It's like I'm the only one who remembers how women were treated just 50 years ago but okay!!!

[bintro]

[bintro]

[hadesoftheladies]

consider this, dear women: you are rich if you own yourself

[hadesoftheladies]

you go on pinterest or instagram and there’s all these aesthetics and female influencers posing with all these symbols of extravagance (jewelry, foodstuffs, label clothes, label makeup, perfectly ironed hair or whatever, in scenic locations, with expensive memorabilia like limited edition books) and they’re skinny as hell and then you realize how actually wealthy and powerful men dress like they just woke up, go anywhere looking anyhow and with their natural faces . . . and it just hits you in the face how beauty is seen as aspirational instead of actual power. actually powerful people don’t need to perform. the proof of their class status is in their vitality and comfort. they walk like they own everything. like they can’t be refused anything. pretty women are constantly posturing themselves as beggars. isn’t that ironic? rich women begging. like what are we doing? true privilege is looking like yourself and being above criticism. not being palatable to everyone and that not mattering. true power is being yourself without fear of repercussion. confidence is self-acceptance, not the high you get for being complimented. for a man expressing his desire to fuck you.

the prettiest women you see are some of the most pitiable creatures on this earth. starved, caught in never-ending performance, because they still have to be palatable. they still have to beg and appeal to someone. real power is not having to be palatable to get access or be heard. it’s having any personality you want. looking like yourself, and seeing the world as something that caters to you instead of the other way around.

beauty is a distraction from real power. you get so caught up in trying to prove your value in a market where you shouldn’t even be up for sale. “please buy me, please buy me! please invest in me and get my stock price up!” real power is not being a product. plain and simple.

[hadesoftheladies]

i want to combat the androcentric analysis of wealth by saying that power for women even economically is tied to their bodily freedom. the more free we are in an economy bent on making us products--where our humanity is not determined by the body markets centred on male sexuality--the wealthier we are in that it is both evidence of our wealth and a contributor to personal wealth. a woman who owns her own house and makes her own money is wealthier than a woman who lives under her husband's roof without any claim to it. our bodily freedom is economically significant.

do not aspire to beauty (so you'll get accepted). aspire to power (so it won't matter either way).

[hadesoftheladies]

i think that's the difference between feminists and women who aren't. there's this pressure to get a man so you get value and your entire life is supposed to center around this one guy who's going to change the game for you. but the power isn't real if it's by proxy of someone else. being on your own is a symbol of power patriarchy hates. independent women are what actual powerful women look like. that's the truth. women who aren't chained down by the nuclear structure. the ones who don't live with men, who don't fold themselves or edit themselves for male pleasure. the ones who oppose the entire market. who say "we're not products." who have their own money and resources. who are economically autonomous.

real power, even institutionally, is female groups being able to exist and mobilize without male interference or moderation. actual independence from male authority and surveillance.

once you can articulate what power looks like for women, a lot of these games genuinely seem ridiculous to you.

[tussockmoss-prev]

I'M A FREE PERSON. I CAN WEAR WHATEVER I WANT AND STILL BE A FUCKING WOMAN

[lilacbreastedroller]

wild how like PCOS, endometriosis, vaginismus & hell, even frequent yeast infections are “mysterious” with no well known cause and little to no decent treatment, but we have tons of supposedly well researched body fat removal methods, about 20 different kinds of breast implants, laser hair removal, and 100 different dermatologist recommended anti aging creams. we sure had the money and brainpower to cure those “diseases”

[pusheen-the-radical]

also interesting that you mentioned body fat removal methods. as it turns out, we know NOTHING about the actual realities of removing (especially female) fat, which as it turns out is profoundly, structurally different from male fat. fat is actually now considered to be an organ in its own right, and as it turns out violently removing it from a given area (like the hips and thighs) permanently damages its functionality, and causes it to randomly pop up in other places (like the underarms) and causes literally unknown complications when breastfeeding for example, as the fat structure on the hips and ass especially is the way it is to ensure newborns receive the necessary amount of specific fat peptides to correctly develop their brains and eyes.

so in reality, i think its more that we actually dont know shit about anything when it comes to female healthcare, but there are certain areas (read the cosmetic shite that fuels patriarchal capitalism) that we simply lie about in order to get women to do it (like ‘this is perfectly safe and fine’!).

[deadfish-inabarrel]

Reminder that there was a legitimate study on “the attractiveness of women with retrovaginal endometriosis”

[barbievspredator]

Half of the plastic surgeries are complete slaughter jobs done by doctors without any knowledge of long time effects. Breast implants tended to burst and leak liquid until the early 2000s, until the majority of the world banned use of liquid filled implants. They still rotate and disfigure women. There’s literally no research on how breast implants cause early menopause.

Until this day we don’t know how long lip filler actually lasts and why it migrates.

Doctors just started paying attention to constant infections and blindness which are a common long term side effect of facial fillers. They still don’t know why it happens.

Clients of plastic surgeons are their test subjects.

Women are paying to be test subjects for a bunch of (mostly male) surgeons who, at best, have no idea what they are doing and what consequences their sadistic experiments will have.

[august--and-everything-after]

[becomingvecna]

abortion is basic human rights. abortion is always morally correct.

I ❤️ abortion

[g1rluninterruptedd]

i support women who support female solidarity. i don’t support women who put male feelings over fellow women. “but women are socialized to xyz” women are not stupid beings that can’t control themselves, think for yourself. if you are willing to backstab the women i love instead of standing with them, why the fuck would i call you my “sister” ?? fuck you??